#culturejournals

( Public post, cut for spoilers )

This is a mundane and pointless comment on the state of the world to pretend that everything is perfectly normal right now.

Dolohovs

I'll be gone by the end of the month. Cora Jones will not be dissuaded and their case against me is flimsy at best but I can't disprove the murder charge and I'm pretty sure this is some kind of set up. Anyway I have a few loose ends to tie up but it'll just take a week or two. I'm thinking Venezuela. Dad, you and Venus really should go to the house in Russia.

Zee

You didn't wish me a happy birthday.

It seems the DMLE is now issuing arrest warrants for no greater crime than simply performing the responsibilities of our office under an administration they dislike. And yet we were supposedly the tyrannical ones.

[Everyone on the Person of Interest/Arrest lists, minus Jude and Demetrius, hand-waving for any OOC changes that are still happening]

For those of you who have been summoned to the Ministry for questioning as a "person of interest", please note that you are under no legal obligation to cooperate with their summons. If they had the evidence to arrest you, they would have issued a warrant and there is no reason for any of you to provide them with the evidence they are seeking.

That said, if you are confident that you have done absolutely nothing that the DMLE can even twist into a crime, it is likely in your best interest to comply, but I strongly advise you to take a solicitor with you. For obvious reasons, I will not be setting foot in the DMLE any time soon and am unable to assist directly, but I am happy to recommend solicitors who have no qualms with taking on the Ministry and provide any of you with legal consulting services.

If you are arrested, do not, under any circumstances, speak to any representative of the DMLE without a solicitor present. Even if they lock you in Interrogation Room E for fourteen hours, you have both a right to silence and a right to counsel. I strongly recommend Locusta Tripe or any of the partners in the criminal division of Gibbon & Gibbon for your counsel.

[Jonah, Evan, Finn]

For as intent as the DMLE seems to be on arresting me, I am starting to think I should have gone ahead and joined the Death Eaters after all. How do I end up on an arrest list when Araminta Meliflua is merely wanted for questioning?

Former DMLE (aka Nico's ward + Finn)

I would hope it goes without saying, but none of you are under any legal obligation to cooperate with Barbary's request.

And I wouldn't expect fair treatment from them. If you do decide to go in for questioning, I strongly advise you to take counsel with you even if you do not feel you have done anything wrong. I am happy to provide recommendations if you need them.

Dolohovs

Dad, I'm going to be staying at the house for a while longer. But I expect the DMLE will be showing up soon. For both of us.

Let it never be said the Ministry does not learn from its mistakes.

DMLE

Tristan Roper was executed at 9:07 this morning.

Tristan Roper was arrested this evening after assaulting a civilian in Knockturn Alley. She has been charged with assault causing grievous bodily harm with intent, reckless criminal damage with intent to endanger life, vigilantism, conspiracy to commit sedition and failure to pay taxes. A trial will commence at the earliest possible convenience of the Wizengamot.

Finn

Hi.

Dad

I'll be home soon, I promise. I just have a few more things to finish here.

Finn

I need to tell you something.

I also need you to remember that I'm your best friend and I'd never do anything I thought was going to hurt you.

Johna

The next time I have a brilliant plan that doesn't involve lawyering, just smack me instead.

Rita

I am in desperate need of wine and shopping.

I am going to sue every last vigilante until you don't even have a box to live in

[Dad]
[Finn]
[Jonah]
[Dad]
[Rita]
[Finn]
[DE DMLE + Dolohovs]

I have a problem.

To put it mildly.

[Marlene]

Take it down. Now.

[Rabastan]

Thank you for the heads up.

( OOC cut for image )

Leave the legal opinions to the actual lawyers, children.

DMLE Heads + Dolores, Rodolphus and Araminta

Arrest warrants have been signed for all known muggleborns who failed to register by Saturday's deadline with copies delivered to Jonah and Evan and a master list delivered to each of you.

Obviously the ones for the most obvious muggleborns are public knowledge now, but my suggestion would be to not announce the rest of them on the off chance some of them may be stupid enough to not realize that they're fugitives now.

Also if you're keeping a list of "most likely to become vigilantes," Noah Goldstein quit my office today.

Johna and Theodosia

I propose a night of wine and dessert and absolutely no discussions of muggleborns or vigilantes.

Just not tonight. Tonight I am sleeping.

You did the right thing, Louise. The Ministry appreciates your compliance.

Rodolphus

I believe I'm responsible for the leaked warrants and bill. Indirectly, but nevertheless responsible.

DMLE Heads

I need to report an apparent break-in to my office and theft.

Finn

I assume you're the reason I woke up in bed this morning so thank you for that. Although I think I would have been better off staying in bed.

Heracles (added later)

Rodolphus says I should talk to you about warding my office.

Lo and Finn (added later)

How would you like a warding job? It pays well.

FOR THE ATTENTION OF: Broderick Bode, Amelia Bones, Dirk Cresswell, Cynthia Dearborn, Abel Meadowes, Robin Proudfoot, Gawain Robards, Tristan Roper, Andrew Savage, Imelda Scamander, and Louise Wilkes.

This constitutes your third and final notice of three outstanding penalty notices for disorder issued in your name on 7 September 2016. You'll have to pardon the unorthodox form of notice, but your refusal to receive owls does not exempt you from your legal obligations to the Ministry. As you have thus far failed to pay the prescribed fines, each of you now have an outstanding debt in the sum of:

3 counts of unauthorized fly-posting: 360ʛ.
2 counts of littering: 400ʛ.
1 count of attempting to incite violence: 2000ʛ.

You have seven days from the date of this notice to either pay your fines in full or contact the Wizengamot Administration Services to arrange a payment plan. Failure to do so will result in (additional) warrants being issued for your arrest. The original notices are reprinted below for your convenience.

[Original notices that I'm not actually reprinting]

(OOC: For those still receiving mail, the second notices never went out. Thanks, Noah! Do with that what you will.)

DMLE Heads

As it's safe to assume they won't actually pay, you'll have the signed arrest warrants on your desk and ready for execution first thing next Tuesday morning. Even if it's just one more thing to add to their files at this point, I figure it's always good to remind the public that they've decided the law does not apply to them in any form.

Also I've added assault on a member of law enforcement in execution of their duty and resisting arrest to the charges against Proudfoot.

Dolores, Rodolphus, Leslie and Araminta

I'm working on getting as much done as possible for the MRC cases before the registration deadline so we're not scrambling next week. Will the Wizengamot declare failure to register its own crime or do you need me to come up with an alternate legal justification for the arrest warrants?

Noah (added later)

Noah, please find your way to my office when you have a moment this afternoon.

Finn

How are you doing today?

Dad

I think I may need your help on something. Two things, actually, neither one of which is urgent, but possibly awkward.

Rabastan

So what is your deal with Johna?

Jonah

Out of curiosity, have you noticed Finn being [...] odd, recently?

I would like to thank the Death Eaters for liberating me from the Ministry holding cell where I spent the last ten days wrongfully imprisoned for a crime I didn't commit.

I am not a Death Eater, I have never murdered anyone, anyone who knows me will tell you I can barely tolerate the sight of blood. And the Ministry imprisoned me anyway. So if you think following the law was enough to keep you safe under Minister Bagnold, think again. I could have had my soul sucked out without a trial because Gawain Robards doesn't like me. Because he finds it objectionable that I believe everyone is entitled to a legal defense, including Death Eaters. If last night's attack means that legal order is returned to Britain, I call that a win.

And when all of you start turning in your vigilante friends and relatives, I'll listen to how I should turn on my own family.

I've spent a day staring at a blank page in my journal, considering all of the points I could make to demonstrate that we are living under a Ministry that is out of control, to explain the consequences that will come from the utter destruction of our judicial system, from secret tribunals, arbitrary sentences, and law enforcement that holds people without admissible evidence. But this Ministry isn't worth my time.

This Ministry is a joke.

Jonah

It is, apparently, possible to fail the trials.

Finn

You can stop worrying now.

Rita

I have an overwhelming desire to drink until I have to be dragged home by a house elf with absolutely no discussion of politics. You in?

Death Eaters Nat knows are DEs*

I met with Reginald this evening as his counsel. He says his confession was the result of an imperius curse cast on him in his office (really, this isn't just what we're using as a defense), but he doesn't know by whom. He assumes it was only successful because he was caught off guard in the middle of the day and he's confident he's thrown it off now. Whoever cast the curse also attempted to obliviate him, but botched the job so the DMLE was able to retrieve a partial memory of him being put under the curse.

The DMLE is aware the confession was coerced and do not intend to release him at this time.

Also my father's tribunal is set for Monday. We intended to mount an imperius defense, claiming he has been under the imperius curse since shortly after Halloween, but it was dependent on Reginald so that's complicated.

If you have questions, I'll do my best to answer them, but I'm kind of tipsy right now and plan on drinking a lot more tonight. Also I'll have the opportunity to meet with Reginald and my dad again if you want me to pass anything on to them.

*Basically all the Inner Circle, Evan, Jonah, Rabastan, Thor, but also feel free to include yourself, I leave this one entirely up to you guys.

Finn

Jonah and I are getting drunk in the flat. Don't let me do anything stupid.

Also I hate Noah.

Thank you to everyone who came on Sunday to celebrate the life of my brother after his brutal murder at the hands of Benjy Fenwick.

Tamar and Leslie

Sing the first line of the 2DOLZ Timber Remix and tap your wand to the tombstone with the last two beats.

Daffy

How hard is it to restore deleted hexts?

Rodolphus

I want to join the cause.

Services for Marcus Aurelius Dolohov will be Sunday, 26 June at 2pm at the Royal Wizarding Opera House in London. Attendance is open to the public, but RSVPs are required, along with your clothing size as all guests will be wearing Marcus by Marcus funeral wear at the request of the deceased. Following services, there will be a Celebration of Life. Mourners are invited to prepare their own skits, songs and other dramatic pieces to share in Marcus's memory.

Friends of Marcus*

Marcus has requested that his memoirs be read at the funeral, in addition to a selection of his best quotes and I was hoping several of you might be willing to do readings.

*IDK who Marcus's friends are but Nat would have a list that's probably pretty broad so feel free to include yourself.

For the hundredth time, our justice system is based on the principle of innocent until proven guilty. It is for the Wizengamot to determine whether someone is a Death Eater or a murderer, not the court of public opinion.

Rodolphus

Rabastan was interrogated last night, I missed the beginning of it, but the part I was there for went about how I expected. He was antagonistic, which we're going to be having a talk about once he's out, but he provided an alibi. The problem is he claimed he was with a friend eating the asparagus risotto at Nimue and apparently the Aurors have discovered there was a well-documented "asparagus catastrophe" at Nimue that night.

So now he's on record providing a false alibi, which will be used to discredit his testimony. And the DMLE is also charging him with murder connected to the attack at Charming Confectionaries in February and the assault of Barty Crouch Jr. last month. I won't lie, this is going to be a difficult defense. I think at this point the best strategy is to argue that he was the victim of a very elaborate framing job. A Death Eater used polyjuice to appear as him at the Tonks home and planted the false memory in his head so that he'd give an easily disproved alibi. I can run with this defense, but the only way it could work is if we find someone else to pin the crime on and who will confess to the entire scheme and be definitively tied to one of the three crime scenes.

I'm happy to arrange for a scapegoat, but [...] when I spoke to him privately today, he told me he was arrested on purpose and doesn't expect me to keep him out of Azkaban. I suspect this may have something to do with the Azkaban plot that I'm probably not supposed to know about, so my question for you is how hard do you want me to fight these charges? Obviously I will give the appearance of my best effort regardless, but if the goal is for him to be convicted, I'll keep my defense legal. And we'll lose.

Also he asked me to tell you that he's okay.

Finn

Rita is coming over tonight to drink wine and forget about all of our troubles. I might have promised her some of your steak.

Also you should arrest Imelda. She threw away a pair of Jimmy Floos.

As we enter the wedding season, a reminder that despite what popular culture will tell you, prenuptial agreements are essentially useless in the UK. However, for those of you with considerable assets to protect, Dolohov and Associates can help you find other ways to protect your estate. We also have solicitors who are knowledgeable of both wizarding and muggle divorce laws for those impulsive marriages you end up regretting by the end of summer.

Jonah

Finn is in St. Mungo's. With no skin on his arm. This is not going to help us, at least not once he's no longer so high he keeps trying to show me his exposed muscles. Ugh.

And yet this is still preferable to spending my day settling Finn's mum's estate.

Noah

Finn is in St. Mungo's. He asked me to let you know he's still pretty.

Johna

Were you caught up in whatever happened last night too?

Sybill

Your horoscopes. You just make up cryptic nonsense that could apply to anyone, right?

I don't know why everyone is so convinced the muggles aren't responsible for what happened to Rajan and Alana. I'm as horrified as the rest of you by what happened this week, but I also know how Alana could be. The thought of her inadvertently provoking the muggles by making some political stand is hardly outside the realm of possibility and I know first hand just how dangerous muggles can be.

Dad, Reginald, Ulysses, Rodolphus, Araminta, William, Diana, Marcus, Rabastan, Evan, Thorfinn, Jonah**

I wanted to tell you personally, before the news hits the Prophet, that I will be testifying against Magda in next week's trial. This isn't a decision I came to lightly, but after discussing it with dad, I think it's for the best. I know the evidence the DMLE has against her and there's no chance of her getting off even without my testimony. If there were, I wouldn't be doing this. But I believe Magda would want some good to come of this whole affair, and by testifying against her I hope to earn some measure of goodwill from the DMLE, which will allow me to be a better legal representative for all of you if the need should arise. Please do not take my testimony as a sign that I am any less supportive of your work or the purist cause.

**This is meant to be a ward of people Nat knows/assumes to be DEs - if you don't think you should be on it, let me know. Or if you want to be and you're not listed, feel free to jump in.

WARDED TO NATALYA

Hi Natalya. I don't need legal advice exactly but I just— I just need to know, how do you do this? How do you pretend that you had no idea? Or that you suddenly don't care about them any more? I can't pretend I hate him.

Dolohov and Associates will be hosting a free legal clinic this Sunday from one to four pm in our Diagon Alley offices. Lawyers will be on hand to answer any legal questions you may have and offer consultations on more complex matters. Appointments are not necessary although if you are bringing in a complicated case, forewarning will allow us to match you with the lawyer most suited to your issue.

Please limit your questions to legal inquiries only. We will tell you if you have grounds to sue your landlord. We will not tell you how to get a date with a "hot lawyer chick."

Friends*

After which I am sure I will require copious amounts of wine. The bar council insists this will be good PR, although I'm pretty sure it will just be a headache. I don't know why we need a charitable service requirement for certification in the first place.

*I finally made a list although it's still a work in progress and I probably forgot people so if you want to be on it, say something! I don't bite!

Dad

I have a possibly terrible idea to talk to you about.

Amelia and Noah (added later)

I have a proposition for you.

Some werewolves may be perfectly lovely during the days they are in human form, but they are classified as XXXXX creatures for a reason.

From our Ministry's own regulations:
XXXXX: Known wizard killer / impossible to train or domesticate.

It is not unreasonable to have questions and concerns about the presence of werewolves in our community. Of course a policy that drives all werewolves underground isn't in anyone's best interest either. Personally, I would just like to see a DCRMC who isn't quite so dismissive of legitimate public concerns.

Jonah and Dad

Finn is still stuck on the imperius curse.

We spent a couple hours practicing tonight and I might have done something a bit impulsive.

Dear wizarding world, consider this your not so friendly reminder that your solicitor is neither your personal assistant nor your house elf. I do not care how busy your morning is, I do not make breakfast or fetch suits from the cleaners and if you are late for court because you failed to plan properly, that is not my problem. At the rate you are paying me, you can afford an alarm clock. Or ten.

Finn

How fares the Welsh sheep population?

Jonah

So Finn and I had a productive conversation the other night.

Dad

When's the last time you got a full night's sleep?

Rita

Nice piece today. I'd kill for your sources, you know.

In other news, I passed on your message to someone associated with a certain band of masked vigilantes and they assured me that so long as you cooperate when asked, you're safe from them.

Johna

I'm suer you're swamped right now, but any interest in coffee next week?

Finn

Rough day at the office?

Jonah

My dad said we should talk. About Finn.

I'm relieved that Magda Gibbon has been arrested and is no longer living as a fugitive from the law. As far as I'm concerned, the sooner we can put this whole saga behind us, the better. Although while an eventual conviction may be probable, the lawyer in me feels compelled to mention that we still rely on a principle of innocent until proven guilty in this country and until the Wizengamot convicts her, she is an "alleged Death Eater" or "suspected Death Eater." Everyone is entitled to a full and fair trial, even those who lied to their girlfriends for five years and were unmasked in a fight.

Friends, loosely defined*

I intend to spend every night this week at some level of intoxicated. Who wants to join me?

*Feel free to throw yourself in, I've lost track of everyone I've said she's friendly with but this is definitely a broad friends ward

Dad

I need a possibly awkward favor in the category of things we don't usually discuss.

It's about Rita.

Noah and Finn

Noah, Finn tells me you share my concerns about this proposed bill on violent rhetoric and may be willing to co-author an op-ed with me. I hear they are all the rage this month. Let's discuss.

Dolohovs (added later)

This may be a strange question, but by any chance did the Death Eaters decide to attack the Ministry with cheering charms this morning?

My mother was a beautiful, kind and loving woman. She never hurt another living soul and she was murdered by a muggle two weeks before my sixteenth birthday because the man wanted her money.

When I was eight she told me all she wanted for Mothering Sunday was flowers and she loved gardenias so I got the brilliant idea to bring her some from the greenhouse. I think she would have appreciated it more if I'd just cut off the flowers rather than pulling entire plants out of the dirt and bringing them inside. But she didn't yell that I'd destroyed the plants she'd spent months cultivating. She laughed and gave them to Dumbo to replant and made breakfast for the twins and me. She was a wonderful woman and the muggles took her away from us.

( Not an IC cut )

Clients*

New number. For emergencies only. [phone number here.]

*Feel free to include yourself if you need an evil lawyer.

Finn

So I went and got myself a new phone because your colleagues decided to subpoena the records from my old one in their ongoing exercise in futility and I don't trust them not to keep nosing around. [phone number here.]

Rita

[phone number here.] New number. The DMLE is the worst.

Magda

Happy Valentine's Day, darling.

But I'm breaking up with you. I love you, but this cloak and dagger secret relationship isn't for me.

Zee

Hey.

Rita

I feel the need for a very large quantity of wine this evening.

Dad

How are you feeling? I'm running errands this afternoon if you need anything.

I'm sorry I wasn't more help Friday night.

I'm honored to be this month's Daily Prophet Witch of the Week although I'm still uncertain why the name isn't changed and incredibly grateful to Ms Skeeter for taking the time to speak with me and helping me share my story.

And I am pleased to announce that Dolohov and Associates is officially open to new clients.

Rita

Thanks again for the interview, and the help. I'm thrilled with how it turned out.

Magda

I'm sorry. I had to say something to minimize suspicion.

Also I was pulled into the DMLE for an interrogation session this afternoon. I didn't give them anything but the same story as the Prophet, but be wary of any owls heading in your direction. I'll let you know if I'm actually sending one.

Dolohovs

The DMLE questioned me today. It's fine, they just wanted to know what I know about Magda and I played dumb and angry, as usual. But there's a chance they may want to speak to you as well since Christmas came up and I mentioned we all spent the morning together. Please, please if Imelda Scamander comes calling give her the full Dolohov holiday treatment.

Dolohovs

Magda was unmasked. Which you probably know, but in case you didn't there you go. I already had an Auror (Scamander) come to the house looking for her last night. The official story is that she told me she had some urgent family business to take care of and left suddenly yesterday afternoon. She asked to search the house but I refused without a warrant. I fully expect she'll be back, although there isn't much to hide. Just some paperwork that I was thinking I could bring home.

I was thinking maybe I'd stay for a while too.

At some point I'm going to need to publicly say something about all of this but I'm oddly at a loss for words. I'm not sure whether I should denounce her, deny everything or both. Or well, I know the answer, I just don't like it.

You're all okay?

Natalya and Magda's clients*

If any of you anticipate needing legal services in the next few weeks, please let me know as soon as you're able. In light of the [...] news, I'll be handling Magda's clients for the time being.

*If you're a purist, feel free to include yourself

Finn (added later)

Hey. How are you doing?

Philip and Reginald Avery, Jonquil Meliflua, Louise and Prudence Wilkes, Tamar Zabini, Thorfinn Rowle, Rodolphus Lestrange, Frank Longbottom, Evan Rosier

All of you have been either named by the anonymous hooter, @findingdeath as Death Eaters or accused of failing to perform your job responsibilities as a result of Death Eater sympathies. After speaking to some of you directly, I have done some research into the feasibility of pursuing a legal action against an anonymous hooter account and I believe there is a workable angle to this case. Although in the interest of full disclosure, it does draw on muggle law as we don't have any existing precedent for winternet defamation suits.

Under current muggle law in the UK, a website host (such as the muggle equivalent to Hooter) can be liable for defamatory statements posted on their site by anonymous users if they receive a takedown notice and fail to remove the content. Under both muggle and magical law, statements are defamatory if they have caused or are likely to cause serious harm to your reputation. Certain statements are considered actionable per se, in which no proof of actual damages is required, including those alleging a crime punishable with imprisonment (such as being a Death Eater) or that you are not fit to carry on your trade or profession.

With this in mind, my intention is to send a takedown notice to Hooter regarding the defamatory hoots posted by @findingdeath. At present, my request is limited to only the hoots posted regarding those of you who have already contacted me. However, I wish to extend the offer to all of you, that if you would like to be included in the request, I will do so for the fee of one galleon, which retains my services as your legal representation in this matter and grants you the right of legal professional privilege.

Enid Macmillan was a dear friend with a kind heart and a generous spirit. She was funny and incredibly talented and I will miss her a great deal. I will miss our weekend museum trips and the evenings spent sharing a bottle of wine and discussing whether Circe or Medea is the better role. I wish I could say I was surprised by her death but the truth is, there is a feeling of sad inevitability to it all. You can say all you want that she should not have been killed for speaking out about her beliefs, but that is not the world we live in. Our world is a dangerous one and those of us who recognize that tried to dissuade Enid from speaking out as she did. We tried to save her. But the rest of you, the ones who urged her on and told her how proud you were of her every time she went on one of her rants, well I hope you're happy now.

Antonin and Magda

You should know there's a new hooter account called @findingdeath that's doing the same thing I do for the order but for Death Eaters. And nowhere near as well. They sent out their first hoot last night and accused Pip Avery of being a Death Eater. But they don't seem to have any evidence except asking where he was during the masquerade. And since he was there I'm not sure what they think they're getting at.

Mine really is much better.

Purists

I'm really quite happy to assist all of you with any legal issues that you may have but my time is limited and my fees are high so in the interest of not wasting my time or your money, allow me to offer some tips for getting the most out of your relationship with your legal representation, whoever he or she may be.

1) If you are involved in a legal dispute with another witch or wizard, do not speak to them. That is why you have legal counsel. If you feel compelled to speak to them, stop, remind yourself that nothing can be gained by this, put down your quill and go do literally anything else.

2) If the other party contacts you directly, do not respond. Forward the correspondence to your solicitor immediately and again, go do something else.

3) If you have some prior relationship with the other party - sexual or otherwise - disclose this to your solicitor in your first conversation. It is actually important for us to know.

4) If you are arrested or otherwise summoned to the DMLE, do not speak to Aurors or hitwizards without legal representation present. You will say something stupid otherwise and there is a decent chance it will be incriminating, making my job harder.

4a) There is no such thing as a "friendly" conversation with Aurors unless you are actually friends.

5) "I was drunk" is not a valid legal defense for anything unless it is a part of an alibi.

6) Accept that your solicitor/barrister knows more about the law than you do. No matter how much research you've done on the winternet.

I think nearly everything that could be said about Monday's tragedy has been written so I will simply add that my sympathies are with those witches and wizards injured in the attacks and I wish you a quick and relatively painless recovery.

Purist Friends (feel free to include yourself, Natalya needs friends!)

I have no love for werewolves, vampires, or hags, and certainly wouldn't want to see that sort of carnage myself, but Merlin there is an awful lot of hand wringing over some dead muggle strangers. All of purism is to blame? Really? The Prophet's making quite a few leaps of logic there.

Rita

Excellent piece yesterday, although I have to ask. Is there really a Eglantine Price of Tinworth? And what exactly is a magicoanalyst? I may have to use him as an expert witness one of these days.

Dolohovs

I have no interest in details, but if you anticipate needing legal representation or an alibi for the full moon, a heads up would be appreciated.

And I hope you are all unharmed.

Dear people of the wizarding world. Although I am not usually inclined to dispense free legal advice, after the cavalcade of foolishness I have dealt with in the last few months, I feel a few common sense reminders may be necessary for the preservation of my sanity. If you are arrested for any reason, do not submit to interrogation without some form of legal representation present. I don't care if you are innocent, I don't care if the arresting hitwizard was "really hot," they are not your friend. Do not talk to them until your barrister or solicitor has arrived even if it means spending the night in the Ministry. This goes doubly if you believe that "bitch set me up" or any of its variations is a sufficient legal defense. Just stop talking.

Furthermore, if you frequently engage in activities of dubious legality it is in your best interest to have legal representation on retainer so that when you are arrested in the middle of the night, we will come when you call. If we arrive only to find that you have decided in your infinite stupidity to confess your crimes, we can and will dismiss you as a client. Yes, we can do that. Yes, we know who your father is. He probably thinks you could do with a few nights in a cell as well.