#culturejournals

Hello! This is Bellatrix Lestrange. I just want to remind everyone that even when things are scary and rough, they can get so much worse.

And they will.

Death Eaters

If you do not know by now that the vigilantes carry portkeys to allow their escape, you're an idiot. I have no problem spending a day forcing you all to practice summoning spells if that is what it takes. Except I will have you summoning things on fire.

Also which of you think you are particularly good with glamours? I made Dedalus Diggle show me the spell the vigilantes use to reveal our marks and want some of you to work on finding a way around it.

The B Team

Since you are all unemployed now and have nothing better to do with your time, we are going to double our usual training regimen.

So who should I kill next? I'm taking suggestions.

(Added later)
Cleary some of you need guidance so let's make this multiple choice. I'm down to five names in my murder list top ten.
1) Dorcas Meadowes
2) Emmeline Vance
3) Sirius Black
4) Gawain Robards
5) Amelia Bones

Rodolphus

It is distinctly possible that my mentee intends to kill me.

Or try, anyway.

Jonah

You need to deal with Finley.

"The music drowned all other sound, echoing off the walls as if the stones themselves were playing. Robb gave Edwyn an angry look and moved to block his way... and staggered suddenly as a quarrel sprouted from his side, just beneath the shoulder. If he screamed then, the sound was swallowed by the pipes and horns and fiddles. Catelyn saw a second bolt pierce his leg, saw him fall. Up in the gallery, half the musicians had crossbows in their hands instead of drums or lutes. She ran toward her son, until something punched in the small of the back and the hard stone floor came up to slap her."

George Martin does have wonderfully creative ideas for an American.

Death Eaters (eventually minus Finn)

The McKinnons are dead.

What have you done for the Dark Lord this week?

So if murdering a couple of mudbloods and signing our names doesn't get your attention, just what is it going to take? A body a day? Because that can certainly be arranged.

It's almost as if this interim DMLE is more interested in claiming power for themselves than protecting the people who are going to die as a result of their actions. Or inaction, in this case. Oh wait, no that's exactly what it's like. But I suppose I should be thanking you. It's not as fun this way, but at least Rodolphus and I can keep our dinner reservation tonight.

I don't understand why anyone still lives in Tinworth anyway.

If you were boarding your pets over the holidays at Greengrass Animal Healers, the WFC has taken the liberty of rounding up most of the stray animals around what used to be Tinworth. Your pets may be claimed from the WFC offices in Diagon Alley. So long as you are deemed a suitable owner.

The B Team

You heard our Lord. What are you going to do to make up for losing His Ministry?

Evan

You belong in His Inner Circle. Are you ready to earn your place?

Marlene

So which of your little friends was stupid enough to attempt to impersonate me to my own husband?

Tell me or your father dies.

Robards, I'm surprised at you. I would have thought you'd spend the night at your poor husband's bedside, not scurrying into the Ministry. Can't handle the strain of seeing him all ugly and half-dead? Disgusted by his abysmal fighting skills? (I wouldn't entirely blame you for that one.) Or did you just hope he wouldn't notice? Secrets aren't good for your relationship, you know.

Also you really ought to teach him to keep hold of his wand.

Antonin + Rodolphus

Dear Antonin, please send drugs.

The pain killing kind.

The B Team

No training tonight. Or tomorrow. Train yourselves.

The WFC wishes a Happy Christmas to those who deserve it and for everyone else to go die in a fire already.

Death Eaters

And Happy Christmas to all of you, even if this year's is not half as fun as the last.

Rodolphus

I stole Harold and am giving him a knife lesson outside. Just because the Shafiqs disapprove of everything fun does not mean he should let his training go.

What if we make a replica cup?

ROBBERY IS STILL A CRIME YOU THIEVING VIGILANTE MISCREANTS!!!

DMLE + Rodolphus

SOMEONE HAD BETTER DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS OR I WILL SET YOUR OFFICE ON FIRE

There is nothing I love more than a cold winter's night spent before a roaring fire.

Death Eaters

Did we know Charity Burbage was a vigilante? We do now.

And the secret vigilante clinic has been destroyed. Go team. Who else was there?

Rodolphus

Three things:
1) I am going to murder Emmeline Vance. Which I realize is hardly news, but I don't think I've said it for at least the last hour and IT BEARS CONSTANT REPEATING.
2) Speaking of bears. The stupid muggles are killing the polar bears with their carbon (whatever that is) so I am going to murder them. The muggles, not the polar bears, obviously.
3) I know what we should give the Dark Lord for Christmas.
D) Lists demand anarchy.
5) If you are late for the party I am going to make you do your trust fall with Fenrir.

Your parents say hello, Emmeline.

I'm afraid they're not home at the moment, but they'll be back shortly. They had a few errands they felt compelled to run.

Team Siobhan (Pip, Elsie, and Seraphine)

Sadly we do not have Bagnold's corpse. Somehow Siobhan ended up with that and my sword, which is all the more reason we are going to make her life miserable. But it also rules out the ribcage candelabra/chapeau, as much as I loved the suggestion.

Pip, were you volunteering to set yourself on fire?

The otters are far more ready for Christmas as I am.

( Not an IC cut )

Death Eaters

The last few months have not been without their challenges and some of you have been working very hard to establish our Lord's Ministry. In the spirit of the holidays, the Inner Circle has decided that we will be holding a Christmas party to celebrate our accomplishments of the last year and engage in a bit of merriment and forced bonding. All of you will be at the castle next Friday, at 7pm, ready to eat, drink and be sociable. Yes, even you, Severus. No, this does not include your significant others. You'll have plenty of Christmas parties to attend with them, I'm sure.

To facilitate increased camaraderie in the ranks, the Inner Circle has planned several exciting activities. Do not whine about the exciting activities.

First, we are holding a competition. All of you have been divided onto teams and assigned a muggleborn or a particularly annoying halfblood to target over the next week. Your task is to find a way to torment them. Make their pathetic lives a little more miserable. The team that comes up with the most creative idea (and implements it) will win a prize. It's a good prize.

Donald Abercrombie - Rodolphus Lestrange, Imogen Crabbe, Gavin Goyle, Lucius Malfoy, and Leland Mulciber
Siobhan Bagnold - Bellatrix Lestrange, Pip Avery, Elsie Flint, and Seraphine Mulciber
Devi Choudry - Magda Gibbon, Heracles Crabbe, Rabastan Lestrange, and Walden Macnair
Elizabeth Higgs - Reginald Avery, Marcus Flint, Fenrir Greyback, and Jonah Yaxley
Apolline Johnson - Diana Selwyn, Alecto Carrow, Garland Mulciber, Augustus Rookwood, and Severus Snape
Cora and Afon Jones - Antonin Dolohov, Diomedes Bulstrode, Jonquil Meliflua, and Finley Williamson
Emma Squiggle - Araminta Meliflua, Leslie Jugson, Maryam Nott, and Evan Rosier

Second, we are having a "secret santa" gift exchange. Each of you will buy a (good) gift for one of your fellow Knights. Tap your wand to the parchment below and your assignment will be revealed.

Assignments here
(OOC: Assignments went out to dropboxes last night - if you didn't get yours, let me know.)

Other activities are planned as well. You will have fun.

Inner Circle + Evan

We are going to need prizes.

The Wizarding Family Council is pleased to announce that the beneficiary of this year's holiday drive will be Liberty House. For those unfamiliar with this outstanding organization, Liberty House is a nonprofit that provides summer programming to wizarding children who are struggling in their magical education or have other needs that cannot be met by their families.

Be on the watch for donation buckets in Diagon Alley and the Ministry Atrium, as well as our annual holiday mailer and this year a choir of house elves will be going door to door to carol and collect donations.

Inner Circle + Evan

The children are bickering again so I've decided that we're overdue for a bit of group bonding. Evan and I brainstormed ideas:

• A "secret santa" gift exchange
  
• We make them jump off the roof of the castle and catch each other
  
• Muggleborn tormenting in teams assigned by us
  
• A Very Death Eater Christmas Party
  
• Working together to put bodies back together
  
• Learning to fight with each other's wands
  
• We take their wands and lock them in an old property to find their way back
  
• A group scavenger hunt

Thoughts?

Antonin

THE DARK LORD IS DYING IN MY FOYER.

COME QUICKLY.

Death Eaters

What the hell just happened?

Check in. Everyone.

(OOC: Assume spoilers in the comments)

There are few things I despise more than lies from those I few people I have graced with my trust. It's on the list somewhere between bad waiters and mudbloods. Possibly on par with denim and Hooter. Definitely below whistlers.

Regardless. As seemingly everyone in the wizarding world is aware, recently my husband and cousin violated the trust I have placed in them. However, I am not, as some would believe, an unreasonable woman. I am not going to murder those I love. Fortunately, wizarding tradition provides us with a way to efficiently resolve disputes exactly like this.

Which is why I am challenging Rodolphus Lestrange and Evan Rosier to duels to settle this matter once and for all so we can return to the business of making wizarding Britain great again.

Death Eaters

For the record, if any of you not related to me had tried to pull what Evan and Rodolphus did, you would be screaming in my dungeons right now.

Rodolphus

Now that the dead rodent is off of your face and you are back to your handsome self, it is time for us to move onto phase 3 of our plan to ruin Emmeline Vance's life.

Rabastan

Where the hell are you? Your brother is an arse so I've moved into your house and I'm drinking all of your alcohol.

(Later)
Or were you a part of this idiotic plot too? Are you hiding from me? You had better not be taking his side. I need someone I can still trust. Even the Dark Lord

(Even Later)
Okay, it's long past time for whoever you slept with last night to kick you out.

I've moved the otters into your bathroom.

I'm reading your old diaries.

I can't believe you keep a diary.

Seriously, where are you? I need to tell you all the ways I'm going to kill your brother.

Jonah, Herc, Barty, and Finn

Until further notice, we will be meeting at Rabastan's for training.


I don't suppose any of you have seen him recently?

Garland (added later)

Please inform your mentor that his brother seems to be missing.

(OOC: As always, feel free to ward on this post if it's easier)

Evan

Explain yourself.

NOW

I told Lupin that no one in our ranks would be stupid enough to hide Sirius from me because all of you KNOW that I would TURN YOUR INSIDES INTO PUZZLE PIECES AND RAISE YOU AS AN INFERIUS TO PUT THEM BACK TOGETHER IF YOU DID.

I HAVE NOT RULED THAT OPTION OUT.

Screw the DMLE. I'll give 25,000G to anyone who finds Sirius Black and delivers him to me but I want him alive.


And while we're at it, I challenge the following people to a duel:

Emmeline Vance, to the Death, for attempting to murder me.
Gawain Robards, to the Death, for attempting to murder my husband.
Amelia Bones, to the Death, for failing to die when she was supposed to.
Nico Barbary, to Incapacitation, for insulting my husband's honor and an inappropriate relationship with my cousin.
Siobhan Bagnold, to Incapacitation, for stealing my sword.
Dedalus Diggle, to the Death, for tampering with my elves.
Dorcas Meadowes, to the Death, because it's long overdue.
Ludo Bagman, to Incapacitation, for slander against my family.
Hestia Jones, to Incapacitation, for running away before the duel was finished last time.
Alastor Moody, to Incapacitation, because it will be fun.


(OOC: Everyone on this list who can still be reached by owl also received a fancy invitation tonight along with a leather glove charmed to slap the recipient across the face once. Also if your character would be at all inclined to take Bellatrix up on her challenge, Kati and I have ideas that won't end with anyone being captured, killed or maimed!)

Antonin + Rodolphus

Antonin, I have a problem.

Leslie

Inform my husband that I sincerely hope he enjoys the guest rooms because he will be living in them for the indefinite future. He should consider himself lucky that I've only warded him out of our bedroom and not the entire castle. Yet.

Also do tell him I found Emmeline Vance's parents. Again. I was going to ask if he wanted to come with me to implement phase one of our plan but CLEARLY HE HAS MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN AVENGE HIS WIFE'S NEAR-MURDER

Family minus Rodolphus

One of you has to be free for lunch today. I need to get out of this castle before I burn the entire thing to the ground.

Poor little mudbloods. Your life is so hard.

We won, you lost. Get over it. Better yet, go back to the muggle world where you belong.

The Wizarding Family Council is delighted to congratulate Carlotta Pinkstone on her appointment as the Director of the Muggleborn Defense League. We look forward to a close partnership between our organizations and hope that her tenure finds a less violent end than all of her predecessors.

B Team (Jonah, Barty, Finn, Heracles)

As Barty and Finley have both pointed out, we know that the vigilantes are attempting to use the Taboo against us. Now that we know, if any of you are stupid enough to get yourself caught in one of their traps, I will personally raise you from the dead as an inferius just so I can kill you again.

So let's discuss how to respond to the Taboo with the knowledge that we won't know if we are responding to a summons from our Lord or a nest of vigilantes until we have arrived. Finley and Jonah, you know how the rats think, tell us what their traps might look like. Barty, use that clever little brain of yours to help devise a counter-trap. Heracles, [...] try to come up with something to contribute.

Also I want updates on any current projects you have. If you don't have a project, I have plenty to go around.

Johna

Hello, Johna.

Antonin

I want to work at the hospital.

Finn, Leslie and Elsie

Tell me everything about the creation of the Taboo. Whose idea was the beacon? Was that your little assistant's idea? Who was your assistant and where can I find them so I can murder them painfully?

Death Eaters

I need a very large quantity of snakes. Ireland pre-Saint Patrick numbers of snakes. Immediately.

Rabastan

[...]

I need you to look at my chest. With minimal commentary and without telling your brother.


Get your mind out of the gutter.

Vigilante Savage, I'm told the appropriate response is "Challenge Accepted"

( Not an IC cut )

Your test was stupidly easy, by the way.

DMLE

I'm back.

No, not as an Auror. My talents are entirely too great for the Auror office, although I did manage to draft two new chapters of my book while sitting around and doing nothing. Instead I've decided to grace the Hitwizards - also known as the department that actually does things - with my invaluable presence.

All previous rules still apply.

In addition, note that:

• Your life will be easier if you just accept that I'm going to do what I want to do.
  
• I'm going to take a much more active role in these "cases" you have.
  
• I am fully authorized to use unforgivables against anyone I please.
  
• I refuse to be confined to a single desk. All property is my property.
  
• I went to the trouble of having Auror robes designed in a superior fabric so I'm going to keep wearing them.
  
• No, you can't read my novel.

Now who wants to tell me where to find Emmeline Vance?

Death Eaters

Well. Our victory has certainly brought the dissenters out of the woodwork. I think it is time for a new list, one I like to call "Idiots with Death Wishes."

Below are the names of those who have publicly spoken out against our Lord and his glorious new regime in the last week alone. They have no fear of reprisals, they believe they can challenge His will with impunity without even the shelter of anonymity. It is to us to teach them the grave error of their ways. It does not matter who is a Phoenix, who is Order v2, who is merely an idiot who thinks to challenge us, if they are opposed to our Lord's great cause, they are our enemy and they must be silenced. One way or another. Choose an enemy from the list - choose several if you would rather - and teach them the virtues of silence however you see fit. There is more than one way to skin a cat, as they say (if any of you literally skin a cat, I will skin you) but if they have such death wishes, I certainly wouldn't want to deprive them of the pain.

( Cut for a long-ass list )

In addition to "Project Kill the Haters," we need information. There are undoubtedly others who warrant inclusion on this list, but I could only read through a week of journal entries before I had to go set a small house on fire. Who do we know stands in opposition to our cause regardless of the vigilante banner of the week? Where are they hiding? Who is foolish enough to think they can live freely among us?

Also, if you have not yet finished your Wizengamot assignment, do entertain me with whatever excuse you can come up with for yourself.

DMLE

Hello. I am pleased to announce that I will be officially joining the Auror office as of tomorrow and you should all be very grateful to have me on the "team" as I happen to be an expert in Dark Wizards. That said, if we are going to have a productive and relatively non-violent working relationship, there are a few ground rules we should cover.

1) Do not attempt to speak to me before 10am.
2) I do not fetch coffee, tea, lunch, or [...] let's just say I do not fetch food or beverages in any form.
3) I do not do paperwork.
4) Interrogation Room B is mine. I like that one the best.
5) No, I will not cover your shift for you. My time is more important than yours.
6) If I don't respond when you've said my name, assume I heard you but I'm ignoring you. This will be a frequent occurrence.
7) Do not touch my things.
8) Do not attempt to contact me regarding work when I am not in the office.
9) I'm not wearing those awful cheap Auror robes.
10) I reserve the right to add to this list of rules at will and without notice.

This will be great fun. Now let's pretend to hunt some Death Eaters.

Lestranges-Malfoys-Rosiers

You may all call me Auror Lestrange.

Congratulations Sirius, you have finally managed to lose the top spot on my murder list.

Death Eaters

Vance is mine. You kill her, I kill you.

Lestranges-Rosiers-Malfoys

I'm fine.

Evan, there is a forest in Wales currently missing its [...] forest.

It's been one month since my uncle, a man I considered to be like a father, was brutally murdered by Rufus Scrimgeour. A murder that was avenged by the Dark Lord Himself, just as the deaths of all of His fallen will be avenged. TAKE NOTE.

Death Eaters

Apparently murdering the Minister in the middle of her gala isn't a strong enough signal for some people to understand that the Ministry is ours now. Some members of the Wizengamot have expressed reluctance to support our Lord's agenda, which clearly will not do. Of course killing them is the easiest solution, but some people seem to think a bit more delicacy is in order.

So your task is to persuade those members of the Wizengamot who can be convinced to support our efforts until we have a reliable majority of the vote. Let's go with 2/3 just to have a bit of a cushion. Don't bother with the screaming mudbloods, we're going to focus on the ones who can believably be swayed. Blackmail, imperius, intimidation, the more methods we use, the harder it will be to crack our newfound allies.

Terrance Gladstone is mine.

Also as there seems to be some confusion on another matter, let me be perfectly clear. Finley Williamson is a marked Death Eater who has proven himself to me and more importantly, he has proven himself to our Lord. To question his place in our ranks is to question the Dark Lord himself. And I'm sure none of you mean to do that.

Prudence

How go your efforts in tracking down the mudblood champion?

Emmeline

I'm impressed, Emmeline. I didn't think you had it in you to cross the line into murder.

Jonah, Barty, Heracles, Finley

All of you, welcome Finley into our little club. Finley, meet your fellow mentees.

I will now be running weekday morning training sessions in addition to our regularly scheduled evenings together for those of you who prefer to bleed before breakfast. Also I expect all of you to make me look good with this Wizengamot plan. If you need help, ask.

Siobhan Bagnold you have something that does not belong to you. Return my sword or I will file a complaint for theft with the DMLE.

Death Eaters

Now that everyone has had the chance to recover, I would like to congratulate all of you on a job well done. Jonah, Evan, Thor, Prudence and Leslie are to be particularly commended for all of the work they did planning the attack and ensuring everything went smoothly. It was, in every way, an unqualified success. And now the Ministry is ours. Well done.

Inner Circle

Rodolphus and I would like to have you all to the castle for dinner this evening. We thought a toast to our success and a tribute to our fallen comrades is in order.

Finn + Jonah

Do you attend church, Finley?

Marlene + Rodolphus (added later)

So. Are you joining those resigning in a fit of righteous indignation, Marlene?

Let's do a poll. If Rodolphus and I tell the DMLE exactly where we'll be today, do we think the DMLE would finally be able to catch us?

The Order of the Phoenix had their turn last week and let me tell you that failed miserably. Maybe if they'd thought to bring a few Aurors along, their adorable little 'trap" (if it could even be called that) would have been successful.

Nah, probably not.

Death Eaters

Happy takeover day!

Do try not to die tonight. I'm reasonably fond of most of you and look forward to celebrating our Lord's greatest victory together by night's end.

Just to make things more interesting, there will be a prize for the Outer Circle member with the most impressive kill.

Rita

Interesting piece last night. Are you attending this gala everyone will not shut up about?

Cissy

You'll be safe tonight?

Leslie + Rodolphus (added later)

A word, Leslie?

Death Eaters

By this time next week, the Ministry of Magic will be ours. We have told you to trust in His plans despite all the challenges of this last year and soon you will see how He rewards His most faithful. But first we must fight for what is rightfully ours. We must claim the Ministry by force and each of you will be asked to give everything you have to this task.

The Ministry's annual correspondent's gala is next Monday night, within the atrium of the Ministry itself, providing us with the perfect opportunity for our siege. We will let them have their party. We will lull them into a false sense of security, believing that they are safe to revel in their misplaced ideas of superiority, and then we will attack. Those of you able to attend the event as yourself will do so. Those of you in hiding will congregate in Pip Avery's flat along with the members of the Dark Army who will be assisting us in our task. There will be a dramatic display of our strength, you will feel the burn of your mark, and we will attack.

Know that this is not a time for unmitigated chaos. There will be several in attendance who are fighting alongside us despite their misplaced allegiances, and many of our friends and allies in attendance. Choose your targets wisely and attack only those who stand in opposition to us.

A tap of your wand below will reveal your assignment for the night. Evan will be leading those of you assigned to the DMLE. Leslie will be overseeing those tasked with keeping the DMLE busy in the atrium. If you receive instructions from either of them, Jonah, Prudence, or Thor, trust that it is a part of our master plan and do as you are told.

[Your placement is revealed here]

If you have questions, ask them now.

Finley + Jonah

Good morning, Finley. I hear you have business you would like to discuss with me.

Sirius + Rodolphus

Clever disappearing act you pulled. You still failed though.

Purists

A great pillar of our society was struck down today. William Rosier was murdered by a yet unidentified member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement while doing the noble work of our great and powerful Lord. We will find who was responsible for his death and we will make them pay for what they have done. But first, we grieve.

We ask that you please leave our family alone in this trying time. Channel your sympathies into anger towards the mudbloods and their supporters who have brought us to this point.

Jonah/Pip/Barty + Inner Circle

I don't know where Evan is, but I assume he will be in touch when he wants to be found.

Pip, Jonah, be certain to clear your flats of anything remotely incriminating and please see to Evan's belongings as well. if you need a place to store anything, the church is secure and completely off the DMLE's radar.

Jonah, you will need to keep us updated on any information you can obtain from the DMLE. We will not allow this to interfere with our plans.

Evan

I love you. When you're ready, I'm here for you, whatever you need.

Still a Death Eater. Still free. In fact, I'm planning a trip into London this very evening.

Team Takeover (Rodolphus, Leslie, Jonah, Evan, Thor, Prudence)

At Leslie's suggestion, we will be attacking the Ministry's Correspondent's Gala on 25 July with the intention of seizing control of the Ministry for our Lord.

Things we need: (see, Rodolphus? I'm occasionally capable of making more than lists of people to kill.)

• Ministry plans/map thing
  
• Gala security plans
  
• How to get into the Minister's office?
  
• Are there important secret things in the Minister's office?
  
• What exactly does a Minister of Magic do anyway?
  
• How to get the Dark Army and those of us who aren't exactly free to come and go as we please into the Ministry
  
• How do we rescue Antonin and Reginald?
  
• Is there any kind of special DMLE security or can we just walk in and declare it ours?
  
• Who do we need to kill besides Bagnold?

Jonah, Evan and Rodolphus

Wiztagram is for alibis and self-aggrandizement, not engagement announcements.

We're having you both over for celebratory dinner sometime next week.

Evan, you don't get to wait that long before I see you.

I would like to thank the Order of the Phoenix for giving Rodolphus and me more time to work on a few long-standing projects.

( OOC cut for length )

Oh look. Still not arrested.

Death Eaters

Rodolphus and I have vacated the castle for the time being and are currently residing in a pathetically small cottage in Wales. We are once again free to come and go as we please if you need anything. Mentees, regular training will resume this weekend.

Evan, Jonah, Leslie, Thor, Prudence, Rodolphus (Team Takeover)

The Dark Lord has tasked Rodolphus and me with delivering the Ministry to him within a month. We have chosen you to assist. This is an ambitious task and will require your full devotion. If you are not up to the task, say so now. Otherwise, let's hear your ideas. Even the dumb ones.

Cissy

How are you enjoying your trip?

It seems that some of the Aurors may have missed the memo that the killing curse is only to be used against Death Eaters, not innocent children. Tell me, Aurors Robards and Proudfoot, did you even consider that our son might have been with us before you started casting poorly aimed unforgivables?

Also the DMLE will be receiving a bill for 10000ʛ for the replacement of one Tibetan iron gate just as soon as we are able to send owls again.

Isabella Avery

Rodolphus was hit with an acid-conjuring curse. How do I fix it? He objects to my poking the wound.

Evan

How are you?

( Spoilers! Wards for William Rosier, Reginald Avery, Bellatrix & Rodophus Lestrange, and Jonah Yaxley )

Nah

Evan and Barty

Would one of you please inform my husband that I am in need of my wand and would like it returned to me.

(OOC: Feel free to ward him on this post if you want.)

Rabastan

Where are you?

Reginald

Rodolphus and I are in need of your services.

I find it appalling that the DMLE is celebrating the murder of a man, Death Eater or not. Regardless of what the DMLE "claims" he did last night, Liam Bradley was not a bad man. He was a devoted father who supported our society through his work as a hitwizard, who believed in calling things as he saw them, and who never hesitated to give what little money he could to community organizations like the WFC. Whatever else he was, he deserved a trial.

Finley

I have a chapter for you to review.

Death Eaters

Rodolphus and I have a project and I'm sure at least a few of you need something to do. If you do a good job without annoying us there may even be murder fun at the end of it all.

Who volunteers?

Rodolphus

What are your thoughts on Monaco?

More evidence of mudblood inferiority. Apparently they can't even regrow a simple finger.

x get rid of all the mudbloods obviously
x reinstate dueling for dispute resolution
x duels to the death at least for the big things
x ban denim
x and whistling
x open an otter habitat
x no marrying muggles
x purebloods only marry pures or almost pures
x blood traitors go to reeducation camp
x make reeducation camp
x no arrests for PEACEFULLY PROTESTING MURDEROUS BLOOD TRAITOR SIBLINGS
x no arresting me at all
x poor people have to stay out of sight
x ban all poisons
x mudblood hunger games???
x all dragons are property of the lestranges
x vigilantism is punishable by death
x ban cheap wine
x fire dumbledore
x burn down WizVis
x everyone takes the jobs I give them
x and they will like it
x sirius's pet werewolf will eat him. as a werewolf. and then we will have to put him down like the vicious beast he is. plus no more sirius
x while we're at it he can eat the rest of the hovel too. except marlene. but including the baby
x destroy hooter
x acquire cannons
x thumbscrews for bad waiters
x legalize muggle hunting

Imogen

So, how was Leslie?

Sirius

It seems you have decided to embrace your murderous side after all.

Marlene

Hello, Marlene. We should talk.

Warded against comments from Britta

I am told that my formerly dear now banished to the depths of hell that is muggle-lovers ex-sister could not possibly have been responsible for my attempted murder because she would never do such a thing, etc etc.

And so, dear Andromeda, and various other readers of the wizarding journals (note the wizard part Auror Savage) answer me this. If Andromeda Tonks was not the one responsible for my poisoning, or at the very least knowledgeable about it, why did she show up at my brother-in-law's home, three days before I was attacked, so desperate to know whether or not I was pregnant that she made out with her purist ex-fiancé?

Sirius

If you're that desperate to kill me, be a man and do it to my face.

Rodolphus

I just realized. I don't think I've seen you with a ledger all month.

Adam Goldstein, Louise Wilkes, Jonah Yaxley, Evan Rosier, (NPC) Uncle William, and Rodolphus

Last fall, my husband and I were pulled into the DMLE for questioning based on nothing more than an off color "joke" on hooter that wasn't even our doing. I do hope the same standard is being applied in my case and Finn Williamson, Carlotta Pinkstone, Cliolinda Pinkstone or whatever her name is, and Hestia Jones will all be questioned regarding their potential involvement in what is now two attempts on my life via poison.

It will take far more than a coward's poison to strike me down.

Death Eaters

I'm fine.

I want to destroy the order of the phoenix. I want every last member and sympathizer dead. This is our lord's LORDS no back never mind command.

Give me names. Confirmed. Assumed. Suspected. Tell me about the people you've faced in battle. Were they good? Did they favor certain spells? Was there anything to identify who was behind the glamour? I don't care if we've been over it before. We need to remember who our true enemies are.

Preferably before ra doll fuss makes me sleep again. [...] Ha! Look. That's just embarrassing, dear.

Inner Circle

My husband filled me in. I'm not ruling out the possibility it was one of ours.

Antonin. See? It's just your name it doesn't like. Antonin. Diana. Bell a tricks. [...] Never mind. Where was I? Antonin you know I'm not staying in bed for a week. I'll start murdering the help. And we have the double no w.f.c. open house on Saturday. I'm fine. As good as new. It hasn't taken me an hour to dictate this. [...] Really? Well. I'm still fine. Just tired.

Cissy

I missed your birthday.

Oh for the love of Salazar, I AM NOT PREGNANT. It was an April Fool's joke, so you can all stop sending me baby literature. I do not want it. Any of it. And keep your hands off of my cheese.

In more important news, I am pleased to announce that at long last, the Wizarding Family Council has finished our rebuilding effort after the devastating arson earlier this year. Our new and grandly improved Diagon Alley offices will be reopening later this month and to commemorate the occasion, we will be hosting an open house. On Saturday, April 16th, at 2pm, the Wizarding Family Council will open our doors to the public for three hours of refreshments, tours, and informational sessions. We invite any interested member of the public to attend and learn about the many services provided by the WFC to wizarding families.

Andromeda

If you wanted to know, you could have asked me.

Jonah

Have you outed yourself as a Death Eater yet?

Nico Barbary

Considering that the WFC has been the target of terrorism before, I am formally requesting a hitwizard detail for our event. The paperwork will be owled to you this afternoon and we would appreciate an appropriate detail being assigned.

April Fool's Day is a ridiculous "holiday" that is only celebrated by people with far too much time on their hands. If I had any say, no one would be held responsible for any retaliation as a result of pranks played on them. You all get what you deserve.

Walden, Evan and Ulysses

Where are you with your plans to retaliate against the Ministry for Alecto's imprisonment?

I am touched by the lovely gesture of my exceedingly thoughtful husband, who filled Hogsmeade with red calla lilies as a reminder of our first date. It was truly a sight. And an excellent start to my birthday week.

Purists, minus Rowles and Louise

We have strong reason to believe that Britta Rowle leaked sensitive information from a purist ward last month. Unless we find evidence to the contrary, she should not be trusted with anything that you wish to keep in confidence. Or anything that would reflect poorly upon our family.

We do not break the confidences of our family.

Death Eaters

Rodolphus and I look forward to seeing most of you in the Seychelles this Friday. Note that there will be a large DMLE presence at the event, along with confirmed Order of the Phoenix member Marlene McKinnon.

I encourage excessive smiling at them. I hear it really weirds them out.

Severus, Prudence and Rodolphus

Talk to me about Sirius's band of Gryffindor friends. We know Marlene is Order and Mari Macdonald is not. What do you think about the rest of them?

Dolohovs

Did you want this parrot back?

The Wizarding Family Council is pleased to endorse the Wizarding Protection Act of 2016. We firmly agree that freedom of speech should not be absolute and people should be held accountable for the consequences of their words. As purists are often the targets of hateful rhetoric and violent threats, we are grateful that the Ministry is looking to provide a legal recourse against this sort of harassment and an added layer of protection when we are unfortunately the victims of violent crimes.

Recipients of Halfblood Grant Money + WFC

A reminder that your grant reports are due by the end of this month. The reports do not need to be long, merely provide an accounting of how the money has been spent, how any remaining funds will be spent, and most importantly, a personal account of how the money has benefitted your life for use in our upcoming newsletter.

Evan and Jonah

The Inner Circle would like you to compile a list of every purist who has been questioned by the DMLE since Halloween.

Narcissa, Tamar, Ellis and Jonquil

We have reason to believe that Britta Rowle is the one who betrayed the confidence of the purist ward to Louise last month. Rather than another ward to all of purist society, I assume the four of you can deal with it.

Evan and Pip (added later)

Asher Greengrass would like me to put in a good word for the three of you with the Dark Lord.

Yes, yes, vigilantes are bad, Death Eaters are bad, lying Aurors are bad, journalists are bad, we're all terrible people, no one has the moral high ground. I say embrace it and move on to more interesting things.

Namely, what is this?

( Not an IC cut )

Bali is wonderful, by the way. I would suggest that everyone should go but most of you would probably ruin it.

Rodolphus

I've found us an island. Unless I'm supposed to be letting you plan this party, in which case I'll leave the pictures of them all on your desk and glare at you if you don't pick the right one.

Evan

How was Paris? You can leave out the sex. I assume you had it.

Walden

I have a small project for you.