Parker Greyson: A Review
Body: 0/10
Face: 0/10
Personality: 1/10
Fuckability: 0/10
Drinkability: 6/10
Average 1.4
Let's dig a little deeper into those scores. Body and Face both being a zero out of ten should then lead to no surprise that fuckability is also zero. There's just too much of him. Too tall, to much width, too much muscle. Nothing soft and squishy to cuddle with. Too
blonde and like, I bet he's loud in bed and someone who
looks that much like a man should at least act like it. I suggest doing something to spice that up a little bit. Like the loss of a limb, a facial scar, or living the rest of his life as a mute because the sound of his voice is really one of the worst things about him.
He gets a 1 for personality because that doesn't completely suck. He at least pretends to want to have a confrontation with you. He'll call you out and pick up the bar tab under the pretense of wanting to have a good old fashioned debate and who knows, maybe he meant it and that's something I can get behind. Would I absolutely pin him down to the ground and make a bloody mess out of him? I mean, at least once. Mostly because I think he'd cry and am also about 80% sure it would be a lasting traumatic experience for him that might give him a little bit more depth than he has now.
Believe me you, his butterface, gross body, and complete lack of charisma aside, there are a few other issues you should be aware of. Being something of a bully myself, it's pretty easy for me to sniff out my own kind and Parker Greyson is a bully. Oh sure, he'll tell you he wants to find common ground and compromise but he doesn't really, he's the same petty name-calling, undermining, nasty antagonizer as all the rest of them but has managed to convince himself that it's alright because as Super Gay you can be as mean as you want as long as you're being mean to someone who disagrees with you. You know. Because the rest of us villains are only mean to the people who think just like us ;)
I tried to get to know him. I tried to have a serious conversation about why someone
his age is still whining on the internet about how big bad and scary their daddy is. I tried to give him advice, that running from your problems isn't going to make them go away and waiting to confront them is only going to make them bigger in your stupid head but he didn't want to hear it. Because Parker Greyson really wasn't out to meet someone and have a real conversation about anyone. He was only there to browbeat you into seeing things his way because we all know name calling and ridicule is the best way to change some else's mind. He isn't interested in getting to know you because he already has you figured out and compartmentalized into a little box of stereotypes since his entire being is one incredibly shallow stereotype and if you do anything to confront it his entire strategy shifts to running away as quickly as possible with his tail tucked between his legs.
In summation if I had to boil Parker Greyson down into three words they would be: Boring, vapid, Barbie.
But you don't have to take my word for it.