Dexy's Demented Diversions

Title:I'm Having A Vision
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG
Word Count: 150
Characters: Sirius/Remus, Peter (James was off trying to impress Lily)
Summary: Sirius finds his inner eye.
Prompt: Vision of a Kiss by B52s
Beta: plynn78
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.




( I'm Having A Vision )

Title: I Hate My Life
Original Lyrics: Hate My Life by Theory of a Deadman. read or listen/watch
Prompt: Filk written for the I'd Never Forget Your Birthday challenge at immeritus.org
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: R
Form: Filk (song parody)
Characters: Sirius
Warnings: language, sexual content in 'outtakes'
Summary Sirius is stuck at 12 Grimmauld Place and bitter. Who can blame him?
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else. Don't own Theory of a Deadman or Hate My Life either.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


( I Hate My Life )

PIMP:This is my entry for the: I Would NEVER Forget Your Birthday! Fanfic and Poetry Challenge
at Immeritus in celebration of Immy's birthday. If you've never been to the site, it is THE Sirius Black Fan Club. It's chock full of Art,FanFic, Poetry, discussion, and fantastic people. /pimp

Title: He's at Hogwarts
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating:PG
Form:poetry
Characters:Sirius
Notes: This poem is inspired by PoA Chapter 19--The Servant of Lord Voldemort:

Harry remembered what Mr. Weasley had told Mrs. Weasley. "The guards say he's been talking in his sleep…always the same words…'He's at Hogwarts.'"

"It was as if someone had lit a fire in my head, and the dementors couldn't destroy it….It wasn't a happy feeling.. it was an obsession…but it gave me strength, it cleared my mind."

Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


( He's at Hogwarts… )

Title: Cheaters Sometimes Prosper
Author: dead_sexydexy
Recipient: aragolas aka moonanddogstar for a drabble meme
Rating: hard R
Word Count: 138
Characters: Snape/Black
Warnings: dub con, mild BDSM, oral sex
Notes:OotP Era. Sirius Cheats at poker. Inspired by this Nickelback song.
Beta: plynn78
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


( Cheaters Sometimes Prosper )

Title: Stargazing
Author: dead_sexydexy
Recipient: duck_or_rabbit (For a silly drabble meme.)
Rating: PG-13 or supersoft R
Word Count: 300
Characters: Sirius/OFC (Heather McKenzie), Dumbledore
Summary:Sirius comes up with a new use for graph parchment
Prompt: Sirius, graph parchment
Beta: plynn78
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.
( Stargazing )

Title: Sirius Black and the Mother's Day Essay
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG, Gen!
Form: drabble
Word Count: 100
Characters: Sirius, McGonagall
Notes:Inspired by this Guns N' Roses song.
Summary: Even when he does his homework, Sirius can't stay out of trouble.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


( Sirius Black and the Mother's Day Essay )

Title: Why Alice shagged Sirius
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG-13
Word Count:100
Characters: Alice, Lily (previous Alice/Sirius )
Warnings: No actual smut
Notes: I'm working random lines from songs and movies I like into various HP drabbles.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.
Thanks: to plynn78 for the uberquick beta.



Why Alice Shagged Sirius

"Alice!" whispered Lily in a scandalized tone.

Alice nibbled a piece of bacon, "What can I say Lily, I need a shag to clear my mind before exams."

Lily nodded, "I know, but Sirius Black?" She shuddered, making a face before continuing. "What about Frank Longbottom?" she asked. "I thought you fancied him."

"I do, Lily," Alice agreed. "But he's the type a girl dates, not shags for fun."

"Why Sirius?" Lily asked pointedly. "He's arrogant, self-absorbed, conceited, and doesn't have a sincere bone in his body."

Alice grinned, "You're wrong on one count, Lil. His lust is so sincere."

Title:Welcome to Eternity
Prompt:Sirius/Severus --what happens when the two meet in the afterlife?
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~2300
Characters: Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Warnings: frottage, semen ingestion
Notes:Written for aragolas as part of the Holiday Exchange on Immeritus.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


( Welcome to Eternity )

Title: Rose Tint My World
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,300~
Characters: Sirius Black, Lily Potter
Warnings: impending/ implied infidelity
Notes: HP/ Rocky Horror Picture Show combination. Not a true crossover as it's HP characters dressing as RHPS characters. Opening uses wording directly from RHPS.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse and the Rockyverse are not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.
Thanks plynn78 for the fantastic beta. Twice even!


( Let the Floorshow Begin!  )

Title: Family Secrets
Prompt: Sirius/ Albus Severus
Author: dead_sexydexy Dexy
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 2,100~
Pairings: past James/Sirius, imagined Albus/Sirius, hints of future real Albus/Sirius
Warnings: handjobs, blowjobs, masturbation, butt plugs, boy!sex, and chronic overuse of the words fuck and fucker by one James Potter.
Notes: This fails at direct Sirius/Albus, but the prompt promptly fed me a bunny of novella to novel length proportions that I just didn't have time to write. *pokes real life* I'm a huge Marauder Era hor and the contents of James' diary and Al's reaction to them were something I really wanted to write down.
Further Notes: A very Gen, G rated bit of back story is here: Marauders: The Next Generation.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.
Dubious thanks: to my lazy ass beta. AKA Mr. Dexy. I blame him completely for any technical errors left in this.:p

( Family Secrets )

... Almost!

Fair warning I wrote this last year and it's been posted a few places on LJ before, but never on IJ.

Title: It's May
Prompt: none
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG
Word Count:434
Characters: MWPP, Sirius, Dumbledore
Warnings: cross dressing and excessive silliness
Notes: I hope this is funny or at least slightly amusing no matter what, but for the unfamiliar, the song Sirius sings is from the musical Camelot . Listen and watch: "The Lusty Month of May"!
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.



It’s May!


Spring had been nothing short of wretched at Hogwarts this year. Anxieties over Lord Voldemort’s growing power cast a glum shadow over everyone and everything. Sirius was tired of it and had no intentions of letting the Dark Lord steal his sunshine. He blotted his cotton candy lips, checked out his arse in the floor length mirror and left his dorm room in full flounce as he headed down to breakfast.


“Tra la! It’s May!
The lusty month of May!”

Sirius sang at the top of his voice as he burst into the Great Hall, tossing posies from a basket people as he skipped along. He wasn’t the least bit bothered by the odd glances. He looked damned good in his gauzy white dress; a daisy crown on his head was the perfect finishing touch.

“It’s time to do a wretched thing or two!”

Sirius plopped a daisy crown on Wormtail, who looked like he might wet himself he was laughing so hard. He pinched Moony’s tight arse, watching the boy’s cheeks turn that adorable shade of pink only Sirius could evoke. Finally, he pressed his lips against Prongs’ cheek as he flounced past his best mate.

“Slobbery cur,” James muttered good naturedly as he wiped his cheek. Grinning, he leaned over to Remus, “No wonder he was so late coming down. It must’ve taken forever to get his feet in those heels.”

“Hey, who wants to be me a galleon Padfoot breaks his ankle!” Peter piped up. Remus rolled his eyes and James thumped his head.

“It’s May! It’s May!
The month of ‘Yes you may!’ ”

Sirius belted out just before sweeping Lily Evens into his arms and planting a deep kiss on her surprised lips; waggling his eyebrows at Prongs for good measure and slipping Remus a reassuring wink. Lily was so stunned she forgot to sneer, hex, or even slap Sirius. She just sat there, mouth gaped, open until Prunella Peabody shook her, asking breathlessly, “What was it like, Lily? Was it heaven on earth?”

At the main table, Minerva McGonagall was beside herself. “Albus!”, she exclaimed turning to Dumbledore, “What on earth do you intend to do about this?”

Dumbledore’s blue eyes twinkled as he stood up and said, “Join him.”

With a snap of his fingers, Dumbledore’s robes transformed into a lovely flowered frock and a clap of his hands produced a rain of fragrant flowers floating through the air. He skipped over to join Sirius in singing,

“It’s time to do a wretched thing or two.
And try to make each precious day
One you’ll always rue!”

Finally finished posting all the limericks I wrote using prompts from phoenix_flies latest drabble-a-thon. If anyone is interested in reading in prompt order, just start here. I haven't checked all the links yet, so feel free to let me know if I've messed something up.

I'm posting this master list according to era, though MWPP era is divided into general, snape oriented, and 7th year sections. Most of these have Sirius featured prominantly. On the ones that are more all MWPP, he was always the standout in my brain when wrote. :D

MWPP Era-- No Snape

Passes for Glasses? MWPP, PG.

Bludger! MWPP, PG

Rainstorm in the Great Hall MWPP, PG-13

Bloody Sunlight MWPP, PG-13

Honeyduke's Finest MWPP, PG-13

Appeasing Moony MWPP, Sirius/Remus, PG

Forgetfulness MWPP, Sirius/Remus, PG

Runes MWPP, Sirius/Remus, PG

What's the Point? MWPP, Sirius/James, PG-13

Divination MWPP, Sirius, PG-13

Wormtail's Troubles MWPP, Peter PG-13 (AU)

Bliss MWPP, Sirius/unnamed canon female, PG

MWPP-- Snape

Alohomora Sirius, Snape PG

Nightmare Sirius/Remus, Snape PG

Which Hex? Sirius, Peter, Lily/James, Snape; PG-13

Slimy Slytherin MWPP, Snape PG

Nose in a Book MWPP (Sirius PoV), Snape PG

What is he? MWPP (Sirius PoV), Snape PG

Did you see what I did? MWPP (Sirius PoV), Snape PG-13

The Prank Sirius, Snape; PG-13

Let's Remember Sirius/Snape; PG-13

MWPP Mostly 7th Year


Our Castle Sirius/Remus, PG-13

Fountain James, Sirius PG

A Gift for Mrs. Black MWPP, Sirius PG-13

Let's Tell Sirius/Remus, PG-13

Rain and Tears Sirius, PG

Eternal Glory MWPP, PG

One Last Walk MWPP, PG

MWPP post-Hogwarts/ First War

Mischievous Fire Sirius, Lily PG-13

It was Just a Couple of Bars Sirius, Lily PG-13

Friends with Benefits Sirius/James, PG-13

It's Your Life Sirius, Regulus; PG-13

First Flight? Sirius, James, baby!Harry, Lily; G

Fairy Rings Sirius/Remus, Lily, baby!Harry; G

Harry's Smile Sirius, baby!Harry; PG

Birthday Fun Padfoot, Harry; AU, G

PoA Era

A Drop in the Ocean Sirius, Harry; PG

Guilt and Grief Sirius, Peter; PG-13

Burn! Padfoot, Wormtail; PG-13

Your Face Sirius/Remus; PG

GoF Era

Margaritaville Sirius, Jimmy Buffet; PG-13

Love and Devotion Sirius, Harry; PG

He's Back Sirius, Harry; PG-13

OotP Era

Misuse of Power Sirius/Remus, Dumbledore; PG-13

Let Him Roam Molly/Arthur, Sirius, Dumbledore; PG

Jeers and Sneers Sirius, Snape, Dumbledore; PG-13

A Romantic Stroll Sirius/Snape (not really); PG

Remembering Andi Sirius, Andromeda, Tonks; G

Why? Sirius, Harry, Severus; AU PG

oops! Forgot to post this one with the rest...

Title: Mischievous Fire
Prompt:phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: # 33 Fire
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating:PG-13
Form: Limerick
Characters:Sirius/Lily (not really)
Notes: Lily and James just got engaged. Sirius is a bit tipsy and very silly. :D
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


Mischievous Fire

Grey eyes blaze with mischievous fire-
"Come on Evans, you're a terrible liar.
So you're wearing Prongs' ring;
Don't mean a thing.
You know it's me you desire!"

Last one, and it's still April '08. Next post will be a masterlist. :D



Title: He's Back
Prompt: phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: #47 Rebirth
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG-13
Form: Limerick
Characters: Sirius, Harry, Voldemort
Notes: GoF Era. Sirius' private thoughts as Harry finishes his awful re-telling.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


He's Back

He's back… in a body…Reborn.
Once again my soul is torn.
It should have been ME
Not my godson, Harry.
To face the evil I scorn.

Title: Did you see what I did?
Prompt:phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: #46 Did you see what I did?
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG
Form: limerick
Characters:Sirius POV MWPP
Notes: (Confessions really) I totally made up the word skrill to get a rhyme. After that I did google it though. Hee!
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.




Did you see what I did?

Guys! Did you see what I did?
McGonagall nearly blew her lid
When Snivelly's quill
Turned into a skrill,
Then scurried up his nose and hid!

Title: What is he?
Prompt:phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: #45 Inferius
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG
Form: Limerick
Characters: MWPP, Snape
Notes: Sirius contemplates on Snape.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.



What is he?

Sniv's pasty even when furious.
This, dear mates, has me curious.
Could the pale prat
Not be part bat--
But instead some sort of Inferius?

Title: Margaritaville
Prompt: phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: #44 Margarita
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG-13
Form: Limerick
Characters: Sirius and Jimmy Buffet
Notes:Letter to Harry from Sirius summer between PoA and GoF.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else. Also don't own Jimmy Buffet or the rights to any of his songs. Margaritaville lyrics
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


Margaritaville

Just layin' low in Margaritaville.
Met a bloke-Jimmy-lives up the hill.
We spend our days
Soakin' up rays;
And Padfoot charms tourists for free re-fills.

Title: One Last Walk
Prompt: phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: #43-d Shore
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG
Form: Limerick
Characters: MWPP
Warnings: I cried when I wrote this, knowing how everything turns out.
Notes: MWPP 7th year
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


One Last Walk

One last walk on the shore;
Arm in arm, Marauders four.
As war draws near
We fight past our fear.
Loyal friends forevermore.

Title: Runes
Prompt: phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: #43-c Purple Poodles and the Rising Moon
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG
Form: Limerick
Characters: MWPP
Notes: Sirius is tired of Remus studying and tampers with some runes Remus is trying to translate.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


Runes

Guys, I need help with this rune.
O.W.L.S. are coming soon.
Strangest I've seen--
What couldthis mean?
"Purple poodles and the rising moon."

Title: Honeyduke's finest
Prompt: phoenix_flies drabble_a_thon: # 43-b Honeyduke's finest
Author: dead_sexydexy in dexy_demented
Rating: PG
Form: Limerick
Characters:MWPP
Warnings: Improper use of suffixes.
Notes: It's Moony's birthday and the rest of the Marauders want to get him a present.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


Honeyduke's Finest

As mates go, Moony's the divine-est.
He even tries to refine us.
To celebrate his day
In a most special way
Will require loads of Honeyduke's Finest.