Svetlana Sergievskaya causes lyrical chess wars (thegirlisme) wrote in wariscoming, @ 2012-02-16 13:54:00 |
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Entry tags: | anatoly sergievsky, svetlana sergievsky |
Who: Anatoly and Svetlana Sergievsky
What: The fall out from the run in with Molokov. So a lot of panicking and finding out loopholes...and more panicking and doing nothing in a normal order because why would they?
Where: Sergievsky apartment
When: Afternoon of the 16th, immediately after this.
Rating: Fairly low
Status: Continuation of this. Complete.
She really was trying to focus on Anatoly’s voice. It was all she really had to go on. She was torn on what to do. She wanted to keep pacing but her legs felt weak by now, the adrenaline from the confrontation wearing off and leaving her so very cold. But she couldn’t calm down, even with his assurances that they’d be fine. Because they wouldn’t be. They would never be fine so long as that man lived. Even with the resources here, the upper hand.
“We have back up plans and he has his contingency plans within his contingency plans!”
And it would seem as though the brief moment of relative calm was broken, her voice having gone on the verge of hysterical. She couldn’t sit still anymore. She was too upset, too agitated. She couldn’t breathe and the room was spinning and closing in on her all over again. She needed to move.
Jumping up, Svetlana began pacing again, still at the manic pace she’d been pacing in when Anatoly first came across her. She was losing her control. She never lost her control, not like this! And it wasn’t like Anatoly’s assurances did any good as Svetlana just scoffed.
“Oh yes, we can stand against him here. We can stand against the bastard who controls our lives all because we aren’t in the Soviet Union. Do you honestly believe he will try anything while he has no back up? No insurance?! Anatoly, you know him! He won’t strike until he’s ready! It doesn’t matter if we supposedly have the help of the others! He’s not the common villain that they can just.... He just isn’t!”
So much for vague references. Anatoly knew so it was pointless to keep at it when her mind was once again racing. Thus pacing and her voice trembling and taking on a hysterical pitch.
Well all right, there went the moment of calm. Though it was more like everything went out the window as Svetlana was losing her control. Which obviously called for different tactics and modes of calming her down. So without responding, Anatoly simply stood up, went over to Svetlana and pulled her into his arms, holding her tight so she would stop pacing, and then he promptly kissed her to get her to stop ranting. It was something he’d done in the past to get her to stop. Hopefully it would work this time as well. Or at the very least stop her from ranting so much.
Yes he knew Molokov, and knew the man wouldn’t come at them until he was ready. But the fact of the matter was that they did know him, know his tricks, and they currently knew this world better than he did. Anatoly was all ready trying to anticipate which crowd Molokov would fall in with to get his help. Organized crime seemed the best bet as the authorities in America weren’t KGB and weren’t what Molokov needed. The common criminals weren’t his type either, so no doubt he might go for the higher class of criminals. Anatoly certainly hoped that was the move he made and the kind of people he got to back him. Anyone else in this place seemed far too risky for the man to take. He didn’t take risks when he didn’t have anyone he trusted at his back. Petty criminals also weren’t Molokov’s style, but who knew how he’d fall into the tapestry this place had. The man could be a chameleon when he wanted to be.
Svetlana really should have seen that coming. Then again, the last time she’d been so upset that she was ranting and pacing and had to be stopped in such a way was after Erik had tried to sabotage their engagement and Svetlana had been prepared to disown her brother. Because that had been the last straw for her. Because she had been happy and Erik had been so determined to ruin the relationship because he was convinced it would end up with her broken hearted and bitter... Funny how that nearly had happened.
Forced to stop as she was suddenly being held by her husband, Svetlana was about to protest when he was kissing her again. Okay, that worked. It certainly didn’t help with the fact that Molokov was there and a real threat now but it did at least get her to stop pacing and ranting. And as they had made the progress forward two days ago, it wasn’t met with resistance. It was strange. Even with the body memories and mental memories, the pain and self hatred and feeling of filth and disgust, she didn’t panic at this. Because it was Anatoly. Because she would always know him.
Shaking as she pulled away to breathe, Svetlana just wrapped her arms around Anatoly’s torso and hid against him, trying to calm down. Trying to find comfort in his presence. It was sort of working but not much. But with everything that had happened because of Molokov, it would take a lot more than a kiss and a hug to calm her down completely. And she’d have to be strong for the girls and couldn’t let herself crack and this was a nightmare.
“....what are we going to do?”
Thankfully that had worked and Svetlana stopped pacing and ranting. There had been a little worry that she’d smack him or resist and pace even more frantically than she had been. He knew it was a risk that could’ve backfired given the fact that Molokov was here and what the alternate version of him had put Svetlana through.
When Svetlana wrapped her arms around him, Anatoly just held her close, gently rubbing her back and stroking her hair. He knew it would take more than this to fully calm her down, but he could do this. He could help her calm down to the point where the girls wouldn’t have questions ready the moment they walked in the door. Though really, how could Svetlana ever completely calm down given what she’d been through? Perhaps in confronting the man here, she could work through some of it, and Anatoly would be there to support her every step of the way.
“First, we’re going to calm you down. After that, we’re going to ensure our daughters are safe. We’re going to take it one step at a time, but as long as we’re together, we can get through this.” Anatoly really believed that. Together they were stronger than they were apart. And they had to stand united against Molokov no matter what. The bastard couldn’t use chess any longer to divide them, and even if he tried that, Anatoly would say no. He’d all ready made a choice to not play chess competitively again. And he would stick to that. He wanted his family, not fame, in this place. Besides, keeping a low profile here was far better for all of them.
She wanted to calm down, she hated being this upset, this tense and afraid. But of everyone from their past, Molokov was the one she feared. He would always be the one she feared because of what he could do to them. She felt so sick, so dizzy. Which was why she just pressed her face against Anatoly’s chest, struggling to control her breathing as that was being near impossible to do and she needed to focus. Oh how she needed to focus so she could protect her family because that was what she had been doing on her own for five years and still felt the need to do on her own because it was all she knew despite their time here and Anatoly being around and helpful and not just focusing on his game. He was there and helpful and she really could have benefited from him being here in September when she first returned because maybe then she would have processed everything better.
“We can’t monitor them all the time, Toly... and we can’t just pull them out of school. He doesn’t know they’re here, I evaded telling him as much as I could but I still.... he’ll kill us. Could be killing us as we speak and ruining their lives and I just....And the future versions and everything is...”
Shaking violently, she tightened her grip around Anatoly a bit more as her breathing hitched as her mind started going to dark places all over again. It was official. She hated the seal.
Hearing the way she was breathing, Anatoly took a deep breath, continuing to rub her back gently. He slid one hand up to the back of her neck and started rubbing it soothingly, hoping that would help at least a little. His hope was that it would help enough to help regulate her breathing because managing that would go a long way in getting her to calm down.
But Svetlana was right, they couldn’t watch the girls every second of every day. They couldn’t take them out of school. It would undoubtedly only be a matter of time before Molokov discovered the girls were here with them, but he’d like to keep that fact a secret as long as possible. Because the instant Molokov found out about the girls, he knew they’d be in a lot of trouble.
“I know we can’t, but we can still take precautions, make sure we’re all as careful as can be.” He continued focusing the rubbing on the back of her neck. “But for right now, right in this moment, focus on the beat of my heart to help steady your breathing.” Because calming down was the most important thing right now. Once Svetlana was calmer and her mind wasn’t going to darker places, then they could talk about what to do. But right now? All the ifs and buts and worries would only add to her stress and keeping her from calming down.
Anatoly was a filthy cheater. Not in the sleeping around factor as he seemed to have stopped with that since being here, but in the fact that he was using everything he knew in calming her down against her. Okay, in a way to be helpful, yes, but still. Cheating. Either way, it was working. So she just felt herself melt slightly against him as she began to calm down from the neck massage, listening to his advice on focusing on his heart beat to help focus her breathe as if she had something to use as a guide, it would be easier to do so.
He was right, of course. The first thing that had to be done was calm down. Because once she was calm, she could focus on figuring out how to take precautions against Molokov. It wasn’t as if Svetlana hadn’t spent five years in the Soviet Union undermining the man and finding any and every loophole she could to at least survive. She just had never been this frantic and overwhelmed. Because she hadn’t been dealing with PTSD or men trying to break up her marriage and impose themselves in her life in a way she didn’t want. She just had to worry about the general worries of the Soviet Union.
Closing her eyes, Svetlana focused on her breathing before she nodded weakly.
“Right. Breathing.....”
She didn’t know how long they stood there like that. But they were going to have to figure out what to do. So once she finally felt that she could focus without having a complete melt down, she reluctantly pulled away though kept a hold on Anatoly’s hand as a means to stay grounded. Anatoly may have been the dreamer of them, but he was the one who grounded her. They completed one another, complimented the other and knew how to help the other no matter what. So with Anatoly’s hand in her own, Svetlana went back to the couch and sat down, staring at her lap.
“So. Precautions.”
Yes he was a cheater, but Svetlana needed to calm down. It was true that Anatoly could use the dirty tricks to make her calm down, but some situations, such as this one, required that to happen. And they both needed to be calm enough to think things through thoroughly when it came to Molokov. They both knew Molokov would be on top of his game when he came at them, so they had to be on top of theirs to deflect it and withstand it. They needed to be on top of their game in order to keep Molokov from getting the upperhand on them.
Anatoly relaxed as he felt Svetlana relaxing, being able to breathe. This was definitely a good sign as it meant they would be able to talk soon enough. Keeping his hand in hers, he sat down on the couch beside her. At her statement of precaution, Anatoly thought for a few moments.
“We need to make sure the girls can get to and from school safely. Whether it’s with one of us or one of those in the complex with powers. Though I’d prefer if it were one of us. And with the older versions of our daughters here, I don’t know how to make sure they’re safe, but they seem to know how to protect themselves and avoid Molokov.” He was also assuming that the older versions of their daughters knew who Molokov was, whether it was from their experience from now or if they had been told about him in the future. “But we need to be careful in everything we do. We have to do everything was can to cover every base, to keep ourselves and our children safe. We also should alert the others here to his presence, warn them against him. The last thing we need is any of them helping him without knowing what he is capable of.” Which made sense, really. And while Anatoly wouldn’t admit it, he knew Freddie and Florence would support that stance, even do what they could to undermine Molokov. He could at least count on Freddie’s hatred of the KGB bastard, though the fact that Anatoly was even thinking of having an alliance with Freddie was dumbfounding to him.
Even as they sat, Svetlana kept a hold of Anatoly’s hand, because she knew if she lost that contact, that grounding, she would undoubtedly begin to panic all over again and they would be back to square one in regards to Svetlana being calm. So keeping a hold of Anatoly’s hand and focusing on his physical presence and reminding herself that they were in this together now. Okay. They would be fine. They had overcome so much. They could overcome Molokov. Right? She wanted to believe they could. They were overcoming the past, slowly as they were. The fact that they had made this much progress in eight months despite what they had gone through was testament to the strength of their underlying feelings for one another. The strength of their relationship as a whole despite what everyone felt from seeing that ridiculous musical.
As Anatoly listed the things they could do, Svetlana nodded some, taking in the suggestions that he made. They really were the only things they could do.
“Right. I’ve been doing that for five years already... The threats were never so overt... but I did spend five years under his thumb and finding ways to undermine him... protect the girls so that they didn’t know the dangers of our world....”
She didn’t mean to bring it up, but it was the truth. She had spent so much time shielding the girls while Anatoly was away, but it was also a means to remind herself that she had done so while Molokov had all the resources he could need at his fingertips.
“The future versions of the girls seem able to handle themselves, yes. I just worry that Fayina will attack him as it seems she still is fond of fighting people....”
They could overcome Molokov. If the five years they’d spent apart hadn’t broken their feelings for each other, then whatever Molokov had up his sleeve this time wouldn’t break them apart either. Together they could do this, they could defend themselves successfully from Molokov. Perhaps they would lose a battle or two along the way, but they would win the war. Molokov didn’t have a hold on Anatoly any longer. What remained to be seen was how Molokov would try and get them both now when there was no chess tournament, no political reasons for him. The game would undoubtedly be different, but in the current day and age, Anatoly knew he and Svetlana could win this war.
While he knew Svetlana was only stating that as a fact and not bringing it up for any other reasons, Anatoly was still hit by a pang of guilt for having put them through that. He gently squeezed her hand and looked at her. “And we need to remind ourselves that we are in America in 2012, he won’t be used to the political atmosphere or anything here for a little bit. And we are stronger together and we can beat him.” Because they could.
The comment about Fayina only made him chuckle softly. “Fayina will always be a fighter no matter what age she is. She takes after you.” Which was a compliment, and he knew Fayina would be able to take care of herself and no doubt keep an eye on her sisters. “I would hope, though, that she has enough sense to not go after Molokov directly.”
They would do this. They had to, there was no other option. They would not let that bastard hurt their daughters, normal or future children. For while Fayina was as feisty as ever, Jelena was the dreamer and Svetlana didn’t know what Nadiya was like. But they could do this. They had always been stronger together and that was why Molokov had kept them apart. Because she was the one who could get through to Anatoly all the time. Or she had been until Molokov entered their lives and changed everything. But now that Anatoly was around her on a regular basis....
“I know. It’s just... we both know him and just because he doesn’t have his resources here doesn’t mean he won’t get them eventually.” And that was the problem. Because Molokov would make good on his threats. And that was just here, that said nothing about what would happen when they all returned to Moscow. If they would remember. If they remembered and were sent to a gulag, at least they could hold onto their love and memories of working things out. But if Svetlana were in a gulag and convinced Anatoly didn’t love her?
No. She wasn’t letting herself consider that. They were here. In America in the year 2012. They were safe. For the most part. Hopefully.
“But right. Stronger together, we always have been....”
After all, she hadn’t meant to upset Anatoly as he had enough guilt to deal with and throw away comments didn’t help. But it was fact. Not to mention Svetlana wasn’t the type to say something just to make someone feel guilty. She was too reserved for that, too in control.
“She does seem to take after me, just in more...physical manners of being a fighter.”
It was a different game here, and Anatoly well knew that Molokov would get resources here sooner or later. But they at least had a window of time right now where they could prepare themselves while Molokov acclimated himself to this day and age. After all, they needed to keep their defenses high and keep them strong. They could use this time to make sure that happened. Wasn’t there some sort of saying that the best offense was a good defense? So as long as they could keep their defense strong, and keep each other strong, they could beat Molokov.
“I know he will get them eventually, but we have a window of time here where he has to adjust to everything and find those resources. We can use this to build our defense and find a way to ensure the girls are kept out of his reach.” If they could get the jump on him in this respect, it would be to their advantage. He knew it could be tricky getting them to that point, but they needed every possible advantage that they could get.
“This is true. She is a really good kicker. But I would hope we taught her to be smart when it comes to Molokov. And who knows, maybe her travels with the Doctor helped curb those fighting tendencies.” Or at least that’s what he hoped because he really didn’t want his daughter running head-first into trouble with Molokov.
“Yes. It’s a common strategy in everything, not just chess. If your defense if good, it will be harder for the opponent to be able to breach you...” Just not impossible and that was the part that Svetlana worried about. Because if Molokov breached any of their defenses... he could destroy them. He may not have the political atmosphere working for him, he may not be able to throw them into a prison but if he got power, he could destroy them with one well placed move.
“Okay. We know he’ll find different pawns. Those should hopefully be easier to combat than his main goal....” She hoped, oh how she hoped. Because if they failed at this. If one of the girls got injured because of him, Svetlana would never forgive herself. Because this would be the second time she had failed to protect them and that was inexcusable.
“Hopefully...”
Somehow, though, Svetlana doubted that anything would curb Fayina’s fighting nature. She had hoped it was a phase, but ten years later and still showing signs of it? Definitely not a phase.
“It is. And we also know how his mind works, more or less. We can anticipate the moves he will make.” Of course they were relating this to a game of chess, because really, that was how Molokov played. Everyone was a chess piece to him, and he played them as though life were a chess board. Knowing that, they could at least take the proper precautions on the matter.
“They should be. I have a feeling he may try to dip into organized crime. The common criminal isn’t smart enough for him, and the authorities here aren’t the kind he can use like he did the KGB. To me, that seems like the most logical move he’d make. He needs smart people, but also ones that are easy to control.” Which really did make the most sense, but who knew for sure until Molokov made a move? Unless Svetlana had another suggestion on the matter.
“She told me that she at least picks her fights wisely? Whatever that means.” Because with Fayina, who knew? She was feisty and had no qualms kicking people when they’d wronged her or her family. Even when it was Anatoly himself that had done so.
To Molokov, life would always be a game of chess and she and Anatoly were his pawns. He could move them in whatever way he saw fit and he would destroy them if he had to. But the idea of him getting into organized crime? They were already dealing with Moriarty and that threat, would the displaced really think much of a KGB member who wasn’t a well known villain? Would anyone not affected by him even care?
“There is that... but just as we know his mind, he has a basic understanding of ours.”
Basic in that Svetlana always maintained her ice persona around Molokov, the only time she ever faltered being when her daughters were mentioned. But even that gave him the leverage he would need against her. And he had spent four years with Anatoly. Then again, he only knew the machine and hadn’t anticipated the defection. But Molokov was the man who had turned Anatoly from the caring person Svetlana had fallen in love with to a sham. He knew how to turn him once, what was to stop that from happening again? After all, they had been so happy and in love and complete with one another and here they were broken, struggling to find their balance again and here he came to ruin it all.
“That makes sense... I don’t know if there are any branches of intelligence gathering agencies here for him to work his way into, so the easiest choice would be organized crime....”
For woe to anyone who was stupid who tangled with Molokov. They would be destroyed, he would find a way, even here. It was distressing. And then there was the terrifying idea of him teaming up with Moriarty. Would either of them do that? She didn’t see it but it was still a troublesome thought. Of course the comment about Fayina telling him things snapped Svetlana from those musings.
“Was that during the conversation you had last night which you came back from upset? And don’t try to tell me you weren’t, I know you.... and if we’re going to be dealing with Molokov... we need to be able to focus and not dwell on other things...”
Okay, that would be hard for Svetlana with where her mind was, but at the moment, she was grounded and focused and that was a good thing. She may wake up later completely panicky again, but for now, she was at least breathing and following a conversation.
“That is true.” And it scared Anatoly because Molokov had turned him into a machine once. He had to find a way to keep that from happening again. He needed to keep himself focused on his family to keep Molokov from getting a hold of him. Anatoly was fully aware that he was the weak link in this equation, that it was easiest for Molokov to get to him, to break him. But he had to hold onto the fact that he was different now. He wasn’t the machine he used to be, but he also wasn’t the same man Molokov had first met five years ago. Could it be possible that he was different enough to keep Molokov at bay? He couldn’t know for sure until Molokov started making his moves.
“Exactly, which worries me, but better that than him getting into intelligence agencies here.” Because while there weren’t gulags or KGB here, the last thing Anatoly wanted was for Molokov to get in a position with that kind of power. Not that organized crime was much better but they at least didn’t hold political sway over large areas. Well, all right they did, but it was usually through bribes and intimidation.
When Svetlana asked about his conversation with Fayina, he lowered his head, his grip on her hand tightening for a moment as he took a breath. “That particular bit of information came before it. Our conversation at the park consisted of her yelling at me for being gone. Which I deserved. What really made me upset was that she told me that during the year I was gone, she told herself I was dead so that it was easier for her to deal.” And again the feelings of inadequacy and failing as a father came up. Because really, what kind of father did that to his child? He looked back at Svetlana. “I know you said I’m not a failure, but when our daughter tells me that, what am I supposed to think? Yes, I’m here now and I’m trying to fix things, but it won’t ever make-up for those five years. Not completely.” How could someone even make all of that right? It might be easier with Jelena because she was younger, but Fayina had the memories and comprehension to know he wasn’t there when he should’ve been. It was hard for him to figure out how to even try to heal that wound when he knew he couldn’t. Which really only left him to deal with it within himself and move on.
Svetlana would always worry about any and every trick Molokov would pull, it was ingrained in her thanks to his control over her while Anatoly was his puppet to do with as he pleased. To create his connections around the world. As such she just nodded before the conversation turned to what had happened the night before with Anatoly and Fayina. Feeling him squeeze her hand, the petite blond looked to her husband worriedly.
Hearing what Fayina actually said though broke Svetlana’s heart as well. She had tried to keep her children from knowing the truth, wanted them to believe he was just doing something for chess and that he’d be there if he could but apparently that hadn’t worked if Fayina had told herself that he was dead because it was easier to deal with.
“Oh, Toly....”
Truthfully, Svetlana didn’t know how to respond to that. How was any parent supposed to respond to finding out their child would sooner believe their parent dead than deal with the pain of feeling unloved. And she knew that Anatoly was having a hard enough time coming to terms with not feeling like a failure. But Fayina was Fayina, she never held anything back.
“It’s not easy to hear, I understand that... but she was six when you didn’t come home... I tried to tell them that it was a retreat that kept you away so they wouldn’t feel the need to justify...I guess I wasn’t as convincing as I had hoped... And yes, that is something you’ll need to make up for, but I’m sure that despite having yelled at you for it, she has moved on and sees the man you’re becoming again. If she held it against you, I doubt she would have held such a long conversation with you.”
And there was the logic. Which was good because it meant that Svetlana could at least focus on that and things would be a semblance of better. For the moment perhaps, but it was still something.
“You can’t change the past, Toly.. none of us can. But you can’t let it hold you back, the feelings of guilt and being a failure. You have to learn from it and incorporate it. Especially now. If Molokov picks up on it.... Toly. I can’t lose you again...”
It was now past the point of him even trying to deny what he felt, and Svetlana was right. He had to learn from it and incorporate it otherwise Molokov would use it against him. That was how he’d become so prideful before. Molokov had seen that in him and used it against him. At least this time around he knew the signs to look for. He knew pride was his downfall and he was working hard to keep that under control. He had no idea what card Molokov would play with him, but he had to assume that the man would try for the pride again. No matter what, he couldn’t let Molokov get any scent of his inner emotions, the feelings of inadequacy. The only way to do that was to talk about them, to let them out and then accept them.
Of course it may not have been the best timing considering how badly Svetlana was taking to Molokov actually being here, but Svetlana and Anatoly had never done anything normally. They usually did have a better sense of timing, but they both knew what was at stake now, and they both knew if he didn’t talk about it now, it would only fester inside of him until Svetlana forced it out of him sooner or later. And really? He’d rather talk about it now because things tended to get ugly when Svetlana forced things out of him.
“It’s not your fault, Svetochka. Fayina is strong-willed, I have a feeling no matter what she would’ve thought something like that.” Even as a six year old, Fayina had always been forceful and was hard to convince once she had her mind set on something. He knew it wasn’t anything Svetlana had done, that it was simply how their daughter had sought to deal with his absence. He took a breath and nodded a bit. “Yes, and knowing Fayina, if she did hold it against me, I’d probably have a matching bruise on the other side of my face.” Or worse, but he’d just leave that there.
Of course he knew he couldn’t change the past, but it didn’t lessen the fact that he wished he could. But he had to learn from this and make peace with it and move ahead because he couldn’t let it be used against him. He couldn’t let Molokov take him away again. He refused to walk down that road again. He looked at Svetlana and gave her hand a little squeeze again.
“I don’t want to lose myself, but most of all, I don’t want to lose you or the girls. This is where I belong, and this is where I want to be.” And he was bound and determined to stay there.
Perhaps the timing was off, but the timing had been off a lot lately. Really ever since they had shown up. True, they never did things as a normal couple but this was off, even for them. Should she focus more on how she was responding in regards to the physical confrontation with Molokov? Perhaps. But the fact was, in focusing on what had happened between her husband and daughter, it kept her distracted from that, meaning she was found it far easier to breathe. So no, this wasn’t orthodox either, but that never had stopped the two before.
“You’re right, you definitely would have a matching bruise...” Because Fayina was like that. She had kicked Logan upon first meeting him and hadn’t flinched when he revealed his claws. Sometimes she wondered if her eldest daughter even knew what the meaning of the word fear was, because it certainly didn’t seem that way. Oh, she knew that Anatoly was right, Fayina was strong willed, even at the age of six. There was no way that Svetlana would have convinced her otherwise if that was what she told herself. But as she had convinced herself Anatoly would come home again and held onto that belief until she went to Bangkok herself, it wasn’t that hard to believe.
Feeling as her husband squeezed her hand once more, Svetlana looked at him and nodded ever so slightly.
“Good.” Because she didn’t know how she would handle losing him again. Especially now. If she lost Anatoly with Molokov running around... the thought was too painful to think about. She already had lost him temporarily when she had needed him the most in this place, she couldn’t go through that pain again.
Gaze going distant, Svetlana stared at their joined hands which were resting on her lap. How was it that they always had fit so well together? She didn’t know, but she wouldn’t change it. Ever.
Fayina was definitely a lot like Svetlana in many respects, though she was far more physical. Anatoly was just glad he hadn’t received any kicks this time. He had been careful to not provoke Fayina during their talk. Besides, he also knew she needed to get it off her chest, so he had let her. And really, he’d hear out all three of his daughters if they had anything to say about that. It was the only way that any of them would be able to move on from what had happened.
He looked down at their hands, taking a deep breath. “I just want to be the husband and father that you and the girls deserve. I want to be a man that all of you can be proud of, that you feel safe with. I want to leave what I was and what I did behind me.” He lifted his gaze to Svetlana again. “Perhaps I can’t make up for everything, but I am not that same man anymore.” And over the past few weeks, that had become increasingly clear. He was becoming more human, letting his emotions be free and letting himself just be himself. It was a hard journey of rediscovering himself again, but it was working. And he knew Svetlana and their daughters would always be what would undo anything Molokov ever did to them. After all, there was a reason Molokov had kept them separated during those five years save for intermittent stays at home. But this time, he knew better than to say yes to whatever Molokov offered him. And if Molokov used his family against him? There were other options at hand to protect them. Magic was one, and hopefully at least some of the other displaced people would want to keep Molokov at bay.
But it was hard to tell yet at this stage of things. They had to see what type of attack Molokov unleashed on them first before they could properly discern that.
“Toly... I’ve always felt safe with you, even when I felt I could never trust you again.... that never changed and I hated myself because of it.”
It was true, Svetlana had hated how she had felt safe around Anatoly when they had first shown up here. Had hated that he still had such power over her despite all the pain and heartbreak. Made her feel weak and codependent when she tried so hard to be independent because it was all she could do to keep from falling apart. She just had accepted this as fact now, knowing it would always be that way. That she’d be able to survive without Anatoly but that it wouldn’t be living.
Still, the comment was spoken softly and the blond let her husband continue his train of thought, gently squeezing his hand as he said he might never make up completely for what had happened. It was hard to say if he could. There was still so much they had to discuss and figure out. Had to work through. They were making odd progress given everything that had happened in the span of a week since Logan had first kissed Svetlana and she had told him that she was married and the downward spiral that had created for the mutant which allowed her and Anatoly to admit their feelings for one another once again.
“Perhaps not completely, but I know you aren’t that man anymore, and so do the girls.... and Molokov doesn’t and that will startle him. I managed to throw him a couple of times but they were momentary... so any time we can knock his game even slightly...”
It was something. But she just had to pray that Molokov wouldn’t find a way to turn Anatoly again and she had to pray that people would keep him away from her children. So maybe this wasn’t the time for this conversation but it had happened as nothing flowed at a way that made sense to most people. They had discussed the course of action to take in regards to Molokov and now they were talking on things that would help them reform their marriage. True, part of it was avoidance on Svetlana’s part, but it was still something they needed to discuss anyway.
Their flow of conversation was never a normal one. Well okay, there were a couple times when they could manage a normal flow, but for the most part? They had their own rhythm and had no qualms marching to the beat of their own drums even when the were out of beat with the rest of the band. They always did things in an odd order, but it was all right because they always managed to get out what they needed to get out, even if they took round-about ways of getting there. And Anatoly was aware Svetlana was avoiding part of the topic, but he was now going to let this conversation flow where it wanted because they needed to talk about these things. Eventually they would get back to what Svetlana was avoiding, so he’d just go along with the flow.
“You did?” Because really, he hadn’t completely realized that, not when they’d first shown up. Of course, he had realized that once he was coming out of the machine phase and actually being able to see with his own eyes and emotions, when he found he could still read Svetlana after what Molokov had turned him into. “That only speaks further to the fact we compliment one another.” No matter how much people around them may try to come between them, the bottom line was Svetlana and Anatoly were connected on a level no one else could fully comprehend, except perhaps their daughters, but even then that understanding only went so far. They had a connection that not even Molokov could break in five years of trying. And yes, they could throw Molokov off with this, with being confident in their bond and being able to work through things.
“It is definitely something we can use to our advantage. He wouldn’t expect this. No doubt he probably still expects me to be the way I was when I was around him, or at least still mostly that way. But I agree, every time we are able to knock him off his game is a plus in our favor. It will make him rethink his moves, and the more we can make him question, the more time we have to prepare ourselves and make our own move.” Because really, they needed to have moves of their own ready to go once Molokov made his. It was the only way they could get through this, to keep Molokov at bay. It was the only way they could stand together through all of this.
At his question, Svetlana could only give a small nod. She had voiced it, after all. Telling Anatoly she had still felt safe with him despite it all. She had been hurt and broken hearted and stunned that he had come for her and would seem worried about her, but she had always felt safe while he was around. Had spent countless nights arguing with herself that she shouldn’t feel that way but it never stopped being true.
And while Anatoly was hoping that they could use their connection to one another to throw Molokov off his game, Svetlana knew the man knew that they were connected. He had told her as such, told her that when she challenged his reasoning for using her against Anatoly, that he had chosen her because he knew that on some level, Anatoly would always listen to her, no matter what he did.
“Those moments will work to our advantage, but he knows you.... why do you think he had me go to Bangkok? He knew that part of you will always listen to me. Yes, he used Florence as a back up measure, but he told me himself that he knew that no matter what he did to turn you from me, there would always be a part of you that will listen to me...”
And that upset her, made her bitter because she hated Molokov knowing that and her not believing it and she hated that Anatoly hadn’t listened and now they were stuck in this mess. Still, it wasn’t an accusation, it was just her being upset.
“So we’ll need to plan our strikes and moves to throw him off balance carefully. I already told him of the fall of the Berlin Wall... so he will know of that...”
Strategies were good. They kept her focused and kept her from panicking. And distracted her, but they would get to that eventually. Right now, dealing with the rat bastard.