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Anatoly Sergievsky is a doctor not a chess player (haventwonatall) wrote in wariscoming,

No, they couldn't back out of this now. That would just destroy everything they'd been trying so hard to repair. It still might have ended up like this had this not been forced on them right now. But at least if they'd done this on their own terms, Svetlana wouldn't have been so raw and emotional as she was now. That was really what worried Anatoly the most about all this. It was definitely difficult to have this talk at any time, but right now when he knew that one word could mean the difference between destroying Svetlana completely and keeping their hope alive for somehow making it through this. This was all in his hands, and while he hated that power, it also made him even more careful with how he approached the subject.

What frightened Anatoly the most about looking at himself under the microscope was seeing the very man he'd been for five years and seeing all the damage he himself had done to his family. It hurt, but he well knew that the truth hurt. He had to face each and every flaw if he wished to get through this and stand strong against Molokov. And right now he had to face his biggest one, the one that hurt the most. It was the root of everything, of why the last five years had passed the way they had. Why he'd changed from a simple and gentle man into one who cared only for the notoriety that fame brought him. All emotion had been abandoned, and he truly hated seeing himself in that light. But this was what personal growth was all about, seeing all your faults, fixing them as best as possible and moving on. If this moment here and now was rock bottom for both him and Svetlana, it at least meant that they could only go up from here on out. And that was something they both sorely needed. They needed something to get better, some reprieve to heal themselves without this world or any of the unpredictable aspects of it getting in the way again. He honestly didn't know how much more they could take before it would be deemed useless to even try when things kept pushing them backwards. At least they both were still willing to fight, still willing to work through this. They couldn't let Molokov win, and they deserved the chance to be happy again, to find peace between them.

At least after Svetlana got the answer, they both would be better able to move on. Knowing the answer to all the questions of why these things had happened would give them the best opportunity to keep Molokov from pushing them apart. Of course, it would be another matter entirely if they could keep each other from pushing the other away, but that was exactly why they were having this conversation. To ensure that no matter what, they would still stand beside the other and not let them fall and shatter completely.