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Svetlana Sergievskaya causes lyrical chess wars (thegirlisme) wrote in wariscoming,

Was Anatoly right that the only way for this conversation to end was for Svetlana to pass out? Most likely. As much as she hated this conversation, as much as she tried to avoid, once it happened.... she would keep at it because she had to prove herself. Had to prove she was strong and could handle it even when she couldn't. But he didn't understand her question. Which... wasn't new but it was rare. Still, it did stop the pacing as she looked at him.

"Well that's all well and good that you don't care about that, but what about another co-dependent relationship? You swore you would never do that, that I meant something and then you run off and end up in the same kind of relationship you swore you despised, that you would never be in for what it did to your family. The kind of relationship we had to prove to your parents wasn't me when they judged me based off of Katya."

Oh, she was beyond hurt by that. She had suffered so much humiliation and questioning by Anatoly's parents, promises to keep him happy but not codependent, to let a relationship ruin his family and what had he done? Gone and entered that kind of relationship for nothing. What was even the reasoning if she couldn't....

The room was spinning around her as she started pacing again, even quicker than before. The floor was on the side, swaying all around her and trying to trip her up but she couldn't let it. She couldn't let her body win the battle of breaking down even as her breathing became more erratic.

As Anatoly reinforced that she had always loved him whole-heartedly and unconditionally, Svetlana choked back a sob because it was true and it still hadn't been enough. Reaching the wall, the blond placed her hand against it as her body swayed from the strain, turning and pressing her back against it as she slid down and pressed her forehead into her knees as her entire body shook with silent sobs.

"The world never saw or knew you and I did and it still didn't matter.... You say it was nothing I did, but that's where I failed. I did nothing to stop you... and now..."

Clenching her hair in her hands, Svetlana started coughing from trying to suppress the sobs, shaking and shivering.