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[Jan. 19th, 2009|11:08 pm] |
Dunno who's been to the party so far. But anyone wantin' to hit the ceremony tomorrow, drop a line here, I'll add your name to the guest list, an' hope to see you after all the pomp 'n' circumstance.
((OOC: I know this is probably the worst time for this, but all things remaining equal, President-Elect Jesus would be getting inaugerated tomorrow. So. Here that is. XD)) |
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[Jan. 17th, 2009|03:26 pm] |
Anyone want to babysit a six month old for an afternoon/evening?
( Owen ) |
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[Jan. 7th, 2009|02:17 am] |
HEY.
HEY YOU GUYS.
HEY YOU GUYS HEY.
This lady on the street gave me a card that told me it was Cervical Cancer Awareness Month. I didn't know that, so they're not doing a good job. They should ALSO make January Cervical Cancer Awareness Month Awareness Month, so people can be more aware about being aware.
ANYWAY.
GUYS. DO NOT GET CANCER ON YOUR CERVICK. JUST... KEEP THE CANCER OUT OF THERE YOU GUYS. |
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[Dec. 24th, 2008|06:19 pm] |
To everyone else celebrating Christmas alone this year, I'm raising my glass to you.
EDIT: People on the internet sometimes surprise me with their awesome. I've got an idea for people who think they have nowhere to go and no one to hang out with tonight.
[New York address] I'm opening the home I'm currently staying at to people who feel like they're in the aforementioned situation. While I know this is disappointing for some, please do not bring booze. There won't be any here. Also nothing that could get me arrested, I don't particularly like holding cells. |
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[Dec. 24th, 2008|08:01 pm] |
I'm so glad that Hanukkah overlaps a little with Christmas this year! It makes it a lot easier to make holiday parties overlap. Speaking of which, Lucifer and I made way too much candy and far too many pies if someone wants something after they're with their family. |
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[Dec. 18th, 2008|09:43 pm] |
I had forgotten just how tiring it is to be groomed to lead a people.
Is it Friday yet? It has to be, somewhere.
Also, PSA just because I'm sure some good meanin' folk're gonna start again:
Real birthday, May 14th. An' Hannukah's where it's at. Don't be shovin' jolly white men at me. S'enough of 'em in the Senate, thanks. |
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[Dec. 8th, 2008|06:38 pm] |
There is something inherently flawed about the idea that I, Lucifer, am making an honest woman of the Virgin Mother. |
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[Dec. 7th, 2008|11:16 pm] |
So, I'm back. Awesome, right? 'Least that means no more politics.
Oh, wait. Thank you, Ma. The subtlty of your points knows no bounds.
What'd I miss? |
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[Dec. 5th, 2008|10:52 am] |
I want to thank everybody who's already come to see Really Rosie, starring yours truly, Rosie.
Thanks to you they've extended the run through Christmas weekend, which means that we'll be running concurrently with their production of Christmas Carol, sometimes both in the same night!
If you haven't come to see it yet, you've still got a chance, the show runs Thursday through Sunday at 6pm each night, with early matinees (2pm) on Saturday & Sunday. If you haven't come to see it yet, you should! |
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[Dec. 2nd, 2008|08:15 pm] |
Duuuuuuuuuuuudes and dudettes!
I'm...I'm...I'm a human! I don't have a shell anymore! Or flippers!
DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE! |
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[Nov. 19th, 2008|09:37 pm] |
I can say, with reasonable certainty, 'I didn't do it'.
Unless there are Secrets hidden in text messages, now? That would be new.
...Daddy? How do you say 'give me my pants back' in Japanese? I'm tempted to just get another pair, but the guy looks unbalanced as it is.
And that's totally not as bad as it sounds, I swear. At least I don't think. |
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[Nov. 7th, 2008|02:31 pm] |
He asked me to marry him and I said yes!
Lilith, I know you hate him, but will you come to the wedding? |
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[Oct. 19th, 2008|11:10 pm] |
Oh, you crazy Liberals. You're not content merely to suck world-class journalists out of their element using top-secret metereological phenomena explainable only in terms a basement-dwelling Trekkie would understand. You guys? You take it that little extra step further. You pay cracked-out Oompa Loompahs to code garish websites to explain your Agenda, with the full intent of traumatizing the viewer into incoherency, probably with the goal of making them want to pick up their nearest, shiny, glorious Emmy award and poke out their eyeballs. It's like the Sixties all over again.
But I digress.
Oh no. You aren't done yet. But this is where you guys' little plan falls apart. I bet you thought putting my photo on Bill O'Reilly's ID was the coup de grace. The final element, designed to make me lose what's left of my rapier wit, sending me gibbering into the arms of your compatriots. YOU'RE WRONG. Bill, you're like unto a God to me. I live to emulate you, I always wanted to be you. But I gotta break it to you, Bill-O: I have, and will always have, more hair than you.
And a better tie selection.
Also, less wrinkles.
And way more Emmys.
Since I ended up here, I've encouraged two underage kids to marry, got ordained on the Internet, talked to some guy who seems to believe he's a car, a groupie for some weird Death Metal band who probably looks at morgue contents like a fat guy looks at a McDonalds Value Menu, and been propositioned by God.
You read that right, folks. God wants to fuck with me.
I'm not one to turn down the Almighty, but I know what happens to people who fuck with God. Just ask Sodom and Gomorrah.
Oh, wait. You can't, because God wiped them off the face of the earth.
Even Mary got the short end of the stick. All of you people waiting on Christ's second coming? That's why it's taking so long. Nobody wants to sleep with a guy whose track record involves knocking up someone else's fiancée and kipping in a barn full of animals (but they'll pay $10 a month to watch the full video online).
I'm a serial monogamist, Ma'am, just like You told me to be. And right now, my bed only has room for one Holy Trinity: Me, Lady Liberty and Lady Justice. (Justice is big on the blindfold kink, but those scales can give a guy a hell of a concussion.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to find some old guy sitting guard over an old boot while picking his nose by the Thames so I can get the hell away from here and get my portrait to the Smithsonian. |
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[Oct. 16th, 2008|03:20 pm] |
I never thought I'd be excited to not be pregnant, but I am. It's just not a good time.
... I know, I know, things you never thought you'd hear me say. |
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[Oct. 9th, 2008|10:53 am] |
Lucifer? |
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[Sep. 23rd, 2008|07:31 am] |
Wheeee! That was fun! Let's do it again! Now I feel like Dorothy, only, taller. And this isn't Oz, it's... London, definitely London. Been a while since I've been to London. I like it.
Now, if someone wouldn't mind explaining what's going on? I don't usually travel by whirlwind, in fact, I can't recall a time before now that I have. |
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[Aug. 29th, 2008|01:51 am] |
I've arranged a babysitter. I've made reservations at a very nice restaurant and at an even nicer hotel. I'm going to take the woman I love out of the house for the night, wine her, dine her, and then fuck her until I pass out from exhaustion. Since I don't have a body, as such, this may take some time.
Anyone who is under the mistaken impression that they need either of us is invited to introduce themselves bodily to the business end of a deep chasm. |
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[Aug. 9th, 2008|10:46 pm] |
I'm looking for someone to fill in for one of my employees who's taking an extended vacation. If you've got experience with kids, and would like to try daycare work, let me know and we'll work out an interview!
I'm Mary, by the way - I don't know if everyone here knows me yet. I'm going to be organizing a big beach day for all of us really soon, so keep your eyes peeled. (I'm trying to see if we could actually rent a beach, but I'm not sure if that's possible.)
We could use some cheer around here, I think. |
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[Aug. 9th, 2008|11:30 pm] |
This is some new magic, to lift a man and bear him through the air to some other world.
What is happening here? |
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[Aug. 6th, 2008|04:38 pm] |
Can you guys please just knock it off? It's not Bruce's fault. It's not Faith's fault. Actually, it's nobody's fault except for the guys who stole my purse. So stop yelling at each other. Please? It took me a REALLY long time to type this. Do me a favor, and just stop.
Oh. And Julia is helping me type this up and reading things to me so no more swearing! She's only nine. |
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[Jul. 29th, 2008|06:09 pm] |
I'm thinking about organizing a Beach Day for all of us! It's summer, so we should go swimming and have a cookout and eat sandwiches and watermelon.
Any ideas where we should have it? |
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| Dorothy? Toto? Auntie Em? |
[Jul. 29th, 2008|07:04 pm] |
So, I’m walking along, minding my own business when some big tornado sucks me up and I wake up in the middle of some boring awards ceremony for what appears to be me. Only I don’t really remember being in any wars to get this whole silver star thing they were trying to give me. Now I don’t remember drinking last night, so blacking out? Definitely not an option. And since I don’t do drugs or remember summoning any demons or anything…
I mean, okay, tornado, strange place….
I’ve got a feeling I’m not in Kansas anymore. Not that I was in Kansas before per se, but you get my point. If I’m in Oz, I don’t suppose someone could maybe, I don’t know, take me to see the wizard? |
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[Jul. 25th, 2008|12:06 pm] |
I want to fucking drop a motherfucker.
That shit was not funny. |
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[Jul. 25th, 2008|11:25 am] |
I need a friend.
EDIT: I need a friend who's first response to a crisis isn't to get drunk and violent. |
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[Jul. 20th, 2008|03:39 pm] |
Here, again?
By the All-Spark, this is intolerable! |
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[Jul. 13th, 2008|04:25 pm] |
Is anyone else here yet? I'm tired of breaking out of foster homes all the time! They keep catching me when I fall asleep. Nico? Chase? Hurry up! |
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[Jul. 13th, 2008|02:46 pm] |
Is everyone okay? Crowley? Aziraphale? Lucifer? Who'd better not be upset with me, I can't tell sometimes.
Just to let people know, I run a daycare center in New York City, so if you've got children in the area, or don't mind portkeying them in, please stop by.
Also, if you're a new arrival, post here so I can get you some cookies! I like to make all the new people cookies - just my way of letting you know that people here can be nice. |
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[Jul. 8th, 2008|08:29 pm] |
The rate of sudden impulse marriages brought on by unexplained affection for strangers has ebbed, but the rate of marriage in general continues to flow. Those of you concerned about the prospect of a newly married Lucifer defiling the so-called sanctity of marriage can breathe easy, for the odds of (as Lilith might put it) this bitch being united with another in the bonds of holy anything are low.
But then, I've been wrong before. |
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[Jul. 4th, 2008|04:47 pm] |
explosions. |
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[Jul. 4th, 2008|01:36 pm] |
Anybody else going to see the fireworks in New York tonight? I'm taking the little ones, we can have a picnic!
Lucifer, this may or may not mean you.
It'll be fun! |
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[Jul. 1st, 2008|09:25 pm] |
What in the H- world is this?
I..
ohGod.
Angel, I... think we have a problem.
( Mary ) |
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[Jul. 1st, 2008|12:15 pm] |
There's so many long faces.
I'm going to bake anyone who wants them some cookies. Just let me know what you want here, and I'll make them and come bring them by.
(I know I do this a lot, but honestly, it's my first instinct in times of crisis. And yes, despite what you might think, a lot of people being sad is a crisis.) |
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[Jun. 27th, 2008|01:31 am] |
Life is beautiful!
♥
How are you all? |
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[Jun. 25th, 2008|10:56 pm] |
I dare say, I believe I'm going to like it here, after all.
It seems I've found myself a business. Or at least, an enterprise. |
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[Jun. 16th, 2008|11:46 pm] |
Toby and Esther and I are all safe and accounted for!
I shouldn't be so happy but I don't caaaaaaaaare!~ |
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[Jun. 16th, 2008|11:26 pm] |
For the record, I didn't do it.
Whatever... it is.
Is this fucking Disneyland? Snoogans, yo! |
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[Jun. 16th, 2008|11:11 pm] |
Bless me. |
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[Jun. 6th, 2008|09:49 pm] |
My house is completely trashed and Bree has locked herself in her room.
I shouldn't have left her alone. I'm such a bad father. I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be responsible for a child. I'm not supposed to be a father. |
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[Jun. 6th, 2008|02:22 pm] |
Eve, Mary, you ladies busy on Tuesday? |
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[May. 16th, 2008|11:45 am] |
I need a job that does not entail catering to The Man. Which is a lot harder to find than I thought it'd be. I was giving thought to writing books. Something about the story of my life. Or a tell all about God being the asshole he is. But I don't have the patience for that right now. And I want something fun.
Anybody hiring? I don't know what I want to do so I'm open to suggestions. I'll even take suggestions on what line of work I should go into.
Maybe I should join the Church of Satan as a preacher. Wonder what that kind of thing pays. |
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