#cultureic

WHO: Diana Selwyn and Bellatrix Lestrange.
WHAT: Evil Kathie Lee & Hoda.
WHEN: This morning, on a special edition of The Selwyn Dispatch.
WHERE: WizVis HQ.
WARNINGS: Purism, lots of alcohol, generally gross taunting of enemies.

( As a special treat this morning, I'm so thrilled to welcome my niece Bellatrix Lestrange to the programme. )

( The WizVis Holiday Charity Telethon will return after these messages! )

Tonight's episode of The Selwyn Dispatch -- primarily devoted to the ongoing manhunt for Alastor Gumboil and, now, the (wo)manhunt beginning for Emmeline Vance -- was interrupted entirely about twenty minutes into the programme by the following video:

( A Message from the Order of the Phoenix )

Unlike Sunday's Special Report, tonight's episode is live, and Diana is furious. She cuts quickly to commercial, and after the break apologises to the viewers and promises the DMLE has been informed of this repeated assault on the free press.

( THIS MORNING, on WITCHES’ BREW )

Tonight's Sunday Special Report edition of The Selwyn Dispatch -- an exposé on various scandals in the Wizengamot -- proceeded as normal until the news ticker at the bottom of the screen began to display an odd scrolling message:

( WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM THE NEW VP OF PROGRAMMING? )

As Special Reports are pre-recorded, with the ticker added live in post-production, Diana just chirped along with her story and did not react in real time. The show quickly went to commercial, and when it returned a producer appeared on-camera to apologise for the disruption.

( SUBJECT: RE: Stuck in Ministry )

WHAT: THE WORLD PREMIERE BROADCAST OF A WIZVIS ORIGINAL PICTURE: TWINS OF TERROR, BODIES OF LIES: THE UNAUTHORIZED ALECTO AND AMYCUS CARROW STORY
WHERE: On your tv, mobile device, or at the secretish location of the premiere that has been kept under wraps for Reasons.
WARNINGS: Some swearing, mentions of violence

( Hoot along with us at #ToTBoLTUAaACS. Join the conversation! )

( A SELWYN DISPATCH SPECIAL REPORT )

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Selwyn Dispatch To Be Preempted Tonight

To loyal viewers of The Selwyn Dispatch, and its detractors as well,

Tonight our programme will be preempted by a repeat showing of the Derwent Shimpling retrospective we aired after he was attacked during the Christmas Day atrocities in Tinworth.

Derwent was a brilliant man, a stellar comedian, and an utterly principled liberal. We disagreed on just about everything, but when the cameras were off we were great friends. There was no one else among the opposition with whom I could simply sit and discuss politics over a beer, have a great time without raising my voice once, and leave with some food for thought.

I will miss him terribly.

His death is a loss for Wizarding Britain, for broadcast television, and for the world. I pray his killers will be brought to justice with all haste.

The Selwyn Dispatch will return Sunday evening with a Special Report.

Yours,

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 10th March. )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 2nd March. )

( Official owl delivered to Reagan Shimpling. )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 24th February. )

( & afterwards. )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 16th February, Valentine's Day episode. )

[OOC: I had most of this written last week but was laid low by fever, so it's going up both late & backdated :( HANDWAVES HANDWAVES]

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 8th February. )

WHO: NPC!Emily Alexander, Barty Crouch Sr., and Alastor Moody.
WHAT: WizVis Interview.
WHEN: February 9, 7pm.

( Special Edition of Emily Alexander Live, Tuesday Night. )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 3rd January, one-off filler broadcast. )

( A Very Special Episode of THE SELWYN DISPATCH )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 21st December. )

WHO: All Media personnel, their +1s, and random gatecrashers.
WHAT: WWN/DP/WV + all independents Media Party!
WHERE: ~Water & Flame~, Magical London.
WHEN: Friday, December 18th. 7:30 PM - Merlin knows when.
WARNINGS: Excessive drinking. Excessive venue.

( MEDIA PARTY! )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 14th December. )

The Selwyn Dispatch tonight, as promised, is an extended recap of the bonfire in Tinworth last night that gave way to an all-out brawl.

Special attention is paid to video footage of a young woman named Lennox Madley, one of the violent counter-protestors, who cries out for the destruction of the Statute of Secrecy. Diana Selwyn is firm in calling this treason and demanding that the proper authorities investigate the matter thoroughly.

Belinda Yaxley appears as a special guest to tell her inspiring story of strength under duress.

WHO: Diana Selwyn, with interviewed guests.
WHAT: A special report on the bonfire in Tinworth.
WARNINGS: Diana Selwyn.

( THE SELWYN DISPATCH )

( O-mails from the archive: 17th November. )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 24th November. )

A Selwyn Dispatch Special Report
MUGGLES: THREAT OR MENACE?

This was a two-hour special hosted by Diana Selwyn (naturally) but primarily consisting of reportage by one Cassiopeia Mountebank, a regular investigative reporter for the Dispatch.

It was basically a Muggle version of When Animals Attack, featuring dramatizations (and reenactments) of Muggle-on-Wizard violence over the last few years. The production is incredibly slanted, and while many of the cases are clear-cut Muggle-on-Wizard crime the reporting sometimes suggests a Muggle aggressor in cases where the instigator of the conflict is unclear.

Overall, the thesis of the programme is that the Statute of Secrecy must be maintained at all costs to protect Wizards and Witches from the violent hatred Muggles experience whenever inadvertently exposed to magic. Muggles cannot help themselves, and will always react with abjection and revulsion when faced with magic -- examples from throughout history are briefly summarized. There is fierce criticism of "anti-Wizard radicals" like Carlotta Pinkstone, who are endangering the entire Wizarding World from within out of misplaced empathy for creatures who instinctively hate and fear magical Beings.

The centrepiece of the segment, at the one-hour mark, is an interview with Katherine McKinnon-Smith, who details her savage assault by a Muggle woman with a blowtorch at a yoga studio earlier this week.

The program closes with a severe Diana Selwyn excoriating Minister Bagnold for her failure to "identify and condemn Muggle terrorism by name".

WHO: Candidates Millicent Bagnold and Wadsworth Platt; presenters Hestia Jones, Isobel Abercrombie, and Jack Chambers; and the viewing public. So uh, I think that makes the whole kit and caboodle.
WHEN: Primetime evening hours of Saturday, 12 September, 2015.
WHERE: WizVis Studios, London and viewing parties across the country.
SUMMARY: The first televised Ministry of Magic debate is on the air! Whether gathered in big watching parties like the one at The Three Broomsticks or within the comfort of one's living room, eyes (or ears; the WWN has a separate feed for you old school kids) are all on the candidates as they deliver their reasoning for why they should be the next Minister of wizarding Britain.
RATING: This is an IC/OOC and as such, is not yet complete – see below for details. That said, y'all shouldn't be getting too salty or gory at the pub, right?

NOTE: Because it is the weekend and Things Happen, a lot of the actual debate content will probably be spread over the next few days. But you can (tentatively) guess what's going to happen, based off of what the pcal is describing for the rest of our week, in case you want to be more timely with your HOT HOT TAKES. Thanks in advance for understanding! ♥