#deadwent shrimpling, mocker of sacred robes (derwents) wrote in cultureic, @ 2015-12-14 23:17:00 |
|
|||
“Good evening, and welcome to Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show, with Derwent Shimpling for a Monday Special Report.” [His expression is uncommonly sombre, and his opening lines are cribbed almost precisely from The Selwyn Dispatch. The ominous musical cues in the background are even reminiscent of the other show.] “Did you know that your humble host lives in Tinworth? And last night, my very own community was rocked by a bout of dramatics from the Wizarding Family Council protesting the Ministry’s “technology initiative”, destroying and all Muggle artefacts they could in a remarkably noxious bonfire. Then, lamentably, the event was beset by chaos and violence as two factions came to ignoble fisticuffs. Since I missed the fun last night—I was slumbering the sweet sleep of babes, winging away to dream of candyfloss and licorice snaps—I thought it was about time to stage my own demonstration and see what all the fuss is about. Except I’m going to set my sights higher. Go big or go home, isn’t that what they always say? [The assistants roll in an old car, positioning it squarely in the middle of the studio space. With an explosion of confetti above it and a few flicks of the wand, a fire starts in the vehicle. The flames build, start licking at the windows. Derwent casts a lazy bubblehead spell over himself (again, much like Bellatrix and Diana did).] “Quite a cozy fire, isn’t it?” [Then: the car’s headlights start flashing. Cue another ominous piano-jangle from the music. Its engine roars, and the assistants scurry away, leaving Derwent alone.] “I—what’s this? Excuse me? You know, folks, I don’t think the car appreciates our antiquated notions regarding technology and progress. It’s… oh! No! No, it’s alive! It poses a threat to our very existence!” [Papers flutter as a theatrically panicked Derwent leaps over his desk and the burning car rolls towards him.] “EVERYONE, THE MUGGLE CAR IS, STOP, I REPEAT, ALIVE.” [Exit, pursued by a car.] |