#cultureic

@critters: The Ministry of Magic does NOT employ hags!
@critters: The hag known as Peggy O'Nell is not an official employee.
@critters: If you've recently been in contact with Ms. O'Nell
@critters: Or any other Hags claiming to be Ministry workers
@critters: Please notify the Critters office! Thank you!

@critters: ATNN: the MIeNSIRY DOSE NOT EMPOY HAGS
@critters: STAY AWY FAORN PEGY ONELL
@critters: THIS IS M MESSAGE FR OM BAE G-P!

@critters: ATTN: THE MINISTRY DOES NOT EMPLOY HAGS
@critters: STAY AWAY FROM PEGGY O'NELL
@critters: SHE'S CREEPING ON DAYCARES
@critters: HIDE YOUR KIDS HIDE YOUR WIFE
@critters: THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM CRITTERS

@critters: creature advisory: rogue Cupids still flying free in Diagon Alley, Knockturn Alley, Hogsmeade
@critters: DRMC working on it. please phone the hotline if you spot more outside of those three locations, or if they get indoors

---

TO: Vevina & Septima
FROM: Philip Avery

[1] broom up, ladies, we're being sent in for final cupid mop-up duty. speak now if you have any preferences about which location you want: Diagon, Knockturn, or Hogsmeade
[2] (better than werewolves at least, aye?)

@critters: One of the most important things to remember in the event of a werewolf attack is to keep your wits about you, a werewolf's senses are much
@critters: One of the most important things to remember in the event of a werewolf attack is to keep your wits about you, a werewolf's senses are much
@critters: Oneofthemostimportantthingstorememberintheeventofawerewolfattackistokeepyourwitsaboutyou,awerewolf'ssensesaremuchkeenerthanyours,soyouneedt
@critters: -ear to God, Greengrass, you try reaching for the phone again and I will murder you. Why
@critters: it fucking working? 'Character limit'? They're letters! That is the stupidest thing I have ever fuc

@critters: PROTIP: Don't help a strange blooddrunk vampire home on your own. Accidents WILL happen.
@critters: You can call the Critters 24/7 if you meet a vampire who needs help.
@critters: RIP in peace Melanie White

@critters: IF IT'S TALKING ABOUT EATING PEOPLE, DON'T MAKE YOURSELF THAT PERSON.
@critters: AGAIN, don't talk to rogue dark creatures on the journals who are talking about eating people. Don't be a target!
@critters: Also, trying to honeypot a dark creature is NEVER a good idea. Contact your friendly neighborhood Critters instead!

@critters: WARNING! Rogue werewolf baiting people on the journals with Christmas Carols. Don't engage unless you want to be bit!
@critters: Protip: You don't want to be bit. Even if being a werewolf sounds fun for some reason, it's NOT.
@critters: And not all werewolves are bad, but all BAD werewolves are bad! DON'T BE A DUMBARSE.
@critters: HIDE YO KIDS. Don't be a shitty parent: keep an eye on your children's social media usage!
@critters: Bad Creatures like to find kids on Hooter & Wiztagram.
@critters: And always: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING

@critters: welcome to the official Critters hooter
@critters: that's the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures if you're thick
@critters: but that's long af
@critters: anyway
@critters: PARTY OF POLTERGEISTS SPOTTED IN PORTREE. Proceed prudently!