#cultureic

TO: Jonah Yaxley

[1] i lied
[2] about aidan
[3] i lied!!! none of it was true
[x] also u lost ha ha FUCK

TO: Aidan, Tav

[1] i still hate u both jsyk
[2] but don't believe anything carlotta says abt teddy roowkood
[3] it was an ACCIDENT

TO: Juana

[1] heeeeey

( MINISTRY RE-ACQUISITION PART 1 )

TO: Tav

[1] o'shea and i are in a fight
[2] jsyk

TO: Jonah Yaxley

[1] i know something u don't know
[2] 😇 😇 😇

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie & Aidan O'Shea.
WHEN: The evening of 29 December. Before that 9PM curfew.
WHERE: A muggle pub.
SUMMARY: Donnie goes digging for vigilante dirt and gets more than he bargained for.
WARNINGS: Language. Donnie dramatics.

( If you love the Order sooooo much why don't you join them?! )

WHO: Natalya Dolohov and Donnie Abercrombie
WHAT: Negotiating a deal
WHEN: This morning
WHERE: Wizengamot Administration Services
WARNINGS: None

( I'm still willing to die in protest against this completely fucked totalitarian hell hole, by the way. But maybe just. Not YET. )

[TO] "Demi"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] Are you on duty for the Gala tonight?
[2] I'd rather stay at home but I have a paid photography gig so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[TO] "Ellis"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] So I might be seeing you there tonight.
[2] Also thanks. For what you said on Effie's entry.

[TO] "Donnie"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] LOL guess who has a paid photography gig for a party I don't really want to go to :x
[2] But I'll save the best photos for you to laugh at afterwards

TO: Donnie 🦁

[1] Donnie
[2] What was that about?
[3] What happened?
[4] Where are you?
[5] Donnie answer me.
[6] Are you hurt? Are you in trouble?
[7] Please tell me what is happening.
[8] NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO GET DRAMATIC DONNIE. FOR SERIOUSLY.
[9] What's happening please tell me.
[10] Can I come pick you up somewhere?
[11] Tell me if you need me to do something.
[12] Do you need money for something/someone?
[13] I'll give you the money no problem.
[14] Fuck.
[15] Donnie come on just say something.
[16] I'm officially worrying and freaking out.
[17] THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO GO RADIO SILENT DONNIE.
[18] Just tell me what you need and I will do it.
[19] You are my best friend and I love you and I'm here to help you.
[20] I will do anything to help you. Please just tell me what I can do.
[21] I'm going to be so fucking mad if you're dead.
[22] Just say something.
[23] Donnie.
[24] Fuck.

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie, Johna Dawlish & Mikey Alderton.
WHAT: Donnie follows up on his convo with Carlotta and it goes REALLY well!
WHEN: Monday, 24 October, night.
WHERE: A quiet residential street...
WARNINGS: None!

( HEY, hold up! I wanna hear more about your art project! )

@jdawlish I'm Johna Dawlish, Deputy Head Auror!
@jdawlish But you might also know me by my other names: 1) Death Eater apologist (say hi to my BFF Jonah Yaxley!) or 2) murderer of heroines
@jdawlish Death Eaters killed my brother, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@jdawlish ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@jdawlish I look forward to serving and protecting Purebloods and only Purebloods from now on! #WatchOutVigilantes #YoureNext

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie, with mentions of others.
WHAT: A history of civil disobedience.
WHEN: 2003 - 15 October 2016.
WHERE: Hogwarts, Edinburgh, Knockturn Alley...
WARNINGS: Language! Donnie being Donnie! So many references to communism!

( STEVE JOBS NEVER FINISHED SCHOOL, YOU KNOW! )

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie & Jonah Yaxley.
WHAT: A "casual" chat between "friends"
WHEN: BACKDATED to Thursday, 13 October, evening.
WHERE: One of those almost-Knockturn-but-not-quite bars.
WARNINGS: Language??

( Drinking - alone - is the only thing that I have left. Emphasis on the ALONE. )

[TO] "Annie" "Ellis" "Jordy"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] I don't have time to both shower and get back to my house before work
[2] Can someone bring a clean shirt?
[...]
[3] And something that will hide hickeys

[TO] "Doxia"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] I have had possibly the weirdest 24 hours or so of my fucking life

[TO] "Demi"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] So I stayed over at some bloke's place last night (you may know him)
[2] And I woke up about 20 minutes before I had to be at work
[3] Fortunately there were hair potions and combs to spare as he is incredibly vain
[4] ;)

[TO] "Donnie"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] My good childhood friend and one of the few purebloods who didn't distance themselves from me when I didn't get a Hogwarts letter
[2] got outed as a DE yesterday (yaaaaay :x)
[3] On the plus side, I thought I'd had an Unkiss situation going on elsewhere but apparently not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[TO] "Vevina"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] I didn't know either. Although in hindsight a lot of things added up that I just didn't want to believe or notice, I guess
[2] I recommend eating your way through two family-sized pizzas and then making out with. It helped me a little at least

( HOOTER HACKS, ROUND 2 )

TO: Tav, Aidan

[1] JAVIER HAS BEEN PRETENDING TO BE AN MB THIS WHOLE FUCKIN TIME
[2] he called me in a PANIC this morning
[3] can u believe that
[4] next time i see him im gonna publicly shame him I AM DISGUSTED
[5] anyway i am gonna go back to plotting ways to [REDACTED] the ministry

TO: Davey

[1] davey
[2] on a scale of 1-10 how good r u at forgery

@nicobarbary Hi, I'm Nico Barbary and I'm a Ministry puppet!
@nicobarbary My hobbies include actively supporting a terrorist government, working with murderers, and never responding to DMs.
@nicobarbary screenshot1.jpg [various suggestive DMs propositioning Head Hitwizard Nico Barbary]
@nicobarbary screenshot2.jpg [a small collection of the 35 DMs from Rita Skeeter asking for a follow-up interview]
@nicobarbary Why am I not doing more for oppressed witches and wizards? What ELSE am I hiding?
@nicobarbary #AskNico

[TO] "Ellis"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] Hey there

[TO] "Donnie"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] Do you feel like going to watch a Hobgoblins cover band?

[TO] "Demi"
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] Are you going to Prudence's funeral?

[TO] "Annie" later
[FROM] "Juana"

[1] Umm hi

TO: Gilderoy

[1] OMM
[2] don't hook up w/ greengrass
[3] cuz he WILL cry and u don't want that

TO: Asher

[1] sooooooo
[2] are u ok
[3] u should warn someone if ur about to explore ur crying fetish that's all I'm saying

TO: Tav, Aidan

[1] do either of u own a tie
[2] it's URGENT

TO: Donnie (burner phone)
FROM: Mama C

[1] I have a job for you, if you want it.
[2] I want you to be my assistant at the MDL
[3] They'll have to do a background ✔️ though
[4] Can you pass?
[5] Also did you revert my email?
[6] It's urgent!!!

TO: B. Goldstein
FROM: Carlotta

[1] I'd like Donald Abercrombie
[2] As my assistant

TO: Octavius (burner phone)
FROM: Mama C

[1] I've written my script for the radio
[2] Just tell me when

( From Camilla: given to Zee in person at work on the day )

( From Juana: owled to Octavius and Donnie )

( OWL TO DONNIE ABERCROMBIE. )

( OWL TO OCTAVIUS PEPPER. )

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie & Lavinia Borgin
WHEN: WAY FOREVER BACKDATED, to after Marcus' death/during the Knockturn turf war
WHERE: A warehouse party
SUMMARY: Sometime's a gal's got to stand up for her dead cousin and punch his nemesis. :)
WARNINGS: Language mostly! Slight violence!

( I could call him much worse, and I'd do it again and again if I could! )

TO: Tav

[1] HAPPY BIRTHDAY
[2] hope it's not as shit as mine was
[3] u going to that bonfire

TO: Aidan

[1] can't remember if u answered me about THE THING on saturday
[2] i was so drunk l o l

TO: Venus

[1] in case u were wondering ur bday is gonna suck

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie & Davey Gudgeon.
WHAT: It's (almost) Donnie's birthday! Let's get wasted!
WHEN: BACKDATED to Wednesday, 24 August, late night
WHERE: The Prefect's Bath!
WARNINGS: NADA.

( I work here, so we get to drink for free. )

@FellowshipOfTheOccamy http://www.isevanrosieradeatheater.mag
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy I'll save you the trouble of clicking the link: HE IS.
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy [screenshot from this video: Evan Rosier with his sleeve rolled up to reveal his Dark Mark]
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy That's actual footage from the actual Minister's Office. And we've got more where that came from. #TrustNoOne
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy @UK_MoM @DMLE

TO: D. Abercrombie

[1] I was waffling on whether I should say anything yesterday but it felt weird not to.
[2] So -- happy birthday.
[x] I'm sorry about Flor

TO: Pip 😸

[1] Did you know these?
[2] An audience of squids
[3] A prickle of porcupines
[4] A conspiracy of lemurs

( Owl to Donnie Abercrombie )

TO: Donnie 🦁

[1] 🎂
[2] You still coming over for dinner?

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie & Aidan O'Shea.
WHEN: 2005, 2013, today, 23 August.
SUMMARY: Donnie and Aidan through the ages.
WARNINGS: Language?

( And if you say no I'll have to Obliviate you. You understand, right? )

TO: Robin

[1]I know I should have called you the second I found about about Dolohov, but I knew what you were going to say.
[2] I just didn't want you to worry.
[3] But you should maybe worry because I've been baking...a lot
[4] And calling him a murderer
[5] Which is tame considering!

TO: Donnie, Tav, Aidan (group hext)

[1] You probably thought I was kidding
[2] Pot brownies are happening, okay?
[3] Okay.

( Owl to Donnie Abercrombie )

TO: Aidan, Beth, & Donnie [group hext]

[1] Question.
[2] Would it be bad form to show up to my SIL's funeral a bit high?
[3] Keep in mind purists and perhaps a Death Eater or two will be there.

TO: Aidan

[1] sorry about ur mum
[2] one of the few politicians i didn't hate
[3] ive got an army of "my beloved family member was killed by DEs" coping mechanisms if u need

TO: Tav

[1] U ALIVE?????
[2] this was NOT the coup i was hoping for

TO: Gilderoy

[1] 4 DEs and a hag ???
[2] so impressive

TO: Tav

[1] ok i'm sober now, so
[2] how's sextus???

TO: Juana

[1] juana my lil pink haired princess
[2] i'm cancelling on u
[3] but now i owe u one favour...USE IT WISELY

TO: Davey

[1] just letting u kno i survived the werewolf game
[2] 😁

TO: Tav

[1] WHAT IS O'SHEA UP TO
[2] i know hes up to something
[3] he wants me to feed his dog
[4] TELL ME thats not suspicious

TO: Venus

[1] its donnie
[2] i went thru a lot of shit to get ur # so dont block me
[x} i STM if ur a fucking death eater i will
[3] so i was thinking about ur protest

TO: Donnie

[x]Hey
[x]So
[1] Hey. Scale of 1-10, 10 being "fuck off to the North Pole", how do you feel about talking to me right now?

@FellowshipOfTheOccamy has joined Hooter
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy test
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy #DownWithDeathEaters
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy #DownWithPurism
@FellowshipOfTheOccamy 😈

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie & some dude named Kirke.
WHAT: Donnie moves on.
WHEN: Friday, July 1st, afternoon.
WHERE: Outside of Florence's flat in London.
WARNINGS: SELF-INDULGENT NARRATIVE AHEAD

( His mind healer had told him that this was the one thing holding him back. )

WHO: Juana Gamp, Donnie Abercrombie, and Peggy Who Is Always Helpful
WHEN: May 30th, backdated to the Burke's classy shindig.
WHERE: Spider Room, Knockturn Alley
SUMMARY: Um I think everything else pretty much covers it.
WARNINGS: Spiders and hags, oh my! I couldn't think of a third thing to complete my Wizard of Oz reference. Some off-page drug usage.

( And then, a spider dropped down from the ceiling and landed with a *plop* in his glass of wine )

TO: Tav

[1] OMG HAVE U SEEN HOOTER
[2] im like feeling so many emotions rite now
[3] 5 of them positive

TO: Gilderoy

[1] hey
[2] my arch nemesis is dead and i kinda want to celebrate but is that BAD KARMA???

WHO: Carlotta Pinkstone & Donnie Abercrombie.
WHAT: A superfan meets his hero...and she has a proposition for him.
WHEN: Thursday, 16 June, afternoon.
WHERE: The Kenmare Kestrals home stadium.
WARNINGS: None!

( I'm sure if you know anything about me you'll know that I don't let anything stop me. You know, anything like... laws. Or the DMLE. )

Who: Ulysses Burke & Knockturnians + Guests + Party Crashers (Srsly, if you can come up with an excuse to be here, throw yourself in! No-one will be turned away regardless of blood/affiliation/whether or not you eat people - we are fine, upstanding citizens who don’t discriminate, ok)
What: Knockturn Alley Neighbourhood Bash IC/OOC
When: Monday, May 30th, 8PM (because who works normal hours in Knockturn anyway? Ulysses certainly doesn’t)
Where: Dodderidge Hall, Knockturn Alley
Warnings: [redacted]

( Be Our Guest )

TO: Donnie 👯🦁
FROM: Tav

[1] Donnie.
[2] Did you leak the crime scene photos?
[3] And do you remember doing it?

A pleasantly blank-faced Donnie sits in his darkened room, face lit by the glow of a laptop screen. His fingers tap at the keys, pausing only when he reaches for his next bottle of 5 Hour Energy potion. He stares at his completed work, and smiles - once again, a job well done. After a brief pause, he sets about to methodically destroy any trace of his work from the Winternet.

( #MinistryLeaks: Part Four )

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie and his memories. Or are they?
WHAT: After another night on the town, Donnie says something he shouldn't have.
WHEN: 28 March, night.
WHERE: The late Florence Abercrombie's loft in London.
WARNINGS: Oh god ALL THE WARNINGS!! Mentions of death, murder, violence, grief, mild substance abuse, and did I mention extreme sadness?

( LOL, he thought. I would be such a fashionable Death Eater. )

WHO: Donnie Abercrombie and Reginald Avery.
WHEN: Monday March 21st, 2016. Evening.
WHERE: Cornhill-upon-Tweed, Northumberland.
SUMMARY: Reginald makes good on his promise to meet with Donnie.
WARNINGS: Implied memory hi-jinx/mind control.

( Donnie usually didn't travel so far out of London to find a rundown building to perch in, but today was different. )

( #STANDWITHTINWORTH PART 2 )

TO: Glenna, Dung

[1] first of all, i am writing a post for wizfeed called "how to be an ally to your werewolf friends"
[2] wtf are we going to do about roguebuilt
[3] i have investors BREAKING DOWN MY DOOR
[4] not rly but u kno ~drama~

( Owls to Benjamin Fenwick, Remus Lupin, Glenna Goyle, Mundungus Fletcher, Walden Macnair, Jordana Vane, Garland Mulciber, Zipporah Goldstein, Asher Greengrass, Donald Abercrombie, Heracles Crabbe, Prudence and Louise Wilkes (comment if you want added to the list) )

( Derwent Shimpling’s The Derwent Shimpling Show with Derwent Shimpling: 3rd January, one-off filler broadcast. )