#deadwent shrimpling, mocker of sacred robes (derwents) wrote in cultureic, @ 2015-12-21 23:47:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! media: wizvis, derwent shimpling, florence abercrombie |
DS: Welcome back from the commercial break, folks! I believe that one was brought to you by… [rustling, checking his papers] Milton & Hayworth, purveyors of fine adventuring goods for your commonplace cartographers and cursebreakers. Anyhow, I have a very special guest with me tonight to discuss the return of witch-burning. Introducing: Florence Abercrombie, dominatrix and activist. [The camera pans to the side, revealing the person seated beside him at the panel: Florence with her hair glamoured blonde and wearing a well-tailored pair of trousers, shirtsleeves, and a vest and suit jacket. In other words -- unmistakably Diana Selwyn. She smiles graciously, with the practiced air of one who has seen The Selwyn Dispatch many times.] FA: [She affects a delicate Received Pronunciation accent.] Good evening, Mr. Shimpling. DS: Good evening, Ms. Abercrombie! You’re looking very sharp tonight. Why do you think witch-burning has made a resurgence in this day and age? [Disclaimer flashes at the bottom of the screen: NO WITCHES HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFULLY BURNED IN 322 YEARS] FA: It’s the logical conclusion to years of mounting violent rhetoric within the Wizarding community. Good witches and wizards who are only striving to cultivate our living history and follow in our ancestors’ hallowed footsteps are being trampled by upstart Muggleborns and halfbloods, even pureblood blood traitors. [Florence stands and removes her jacket, gently laying it across her chair and continues speaking. Derwent is unfazed.] Unfortunately none of them seem to realise that their empathy is entirely misplaced and is, in fact, part of the problem. DS: Indeed? Wouldn’t you say, though, that peace and cooperation is a necessary element of the relationship between the two worlds, considering our Ministry cooperates with their Muggle Ministry and Muggleborns assimilate into our society each year? And have never proven to be anything but harmless—magically indistinguishable, in fact—additions to our world? [One of the grips wheels out a large platform, upon which rests a stake and a massive pile of wood. Florence steps back and upwards onto the platform while still facing Derwent. Their conversation continues.] FA: [Florence slowly begins to drop her refined Diana-like exterior, slowly growing more shrill and hysterical.] All of that is merely evidence of the Ministry administration’s collusion with the non-magical world to dilute our values and hand over everything we hold dear to the very Muggle lovers who would destroy us! They want to keep up cowering in fear, those of us who would stand and fight for tradition. [A beat, and a sweet smile.] Would you mind helping us with those ropes there, love? [The camera cuts to the heaps of thick rope that have appeared with a pop onto Florence’s vacated seat.] DS: Yes, yes, of course. [approaches the stake and starts methodically winding the rope around her, tying her arms behind her back] What sort of traditions are you protecting? FA: Well, just the usual I suppose. Calling people slurs based on their blood status while expecting — and typically receiving! — the utmost impunity. Marrying your cousins is a big one! Plus you can’t forget knifeplay, knifeplay seems to be popular with a select few, if you catch my drift. [A generous wink to the audience, before Florence stiffens again with a stern look.] Like I said, it’s a culture of values and they’re trying to take it away! DS: Ah, yes. Hallowed practices all. I can truly see why you’d want to safeguard them. [A couple assistants in the background check on the kindling, flash each other big thumbs up, then retreat.] FA: And they are the ones attacking us, need I remind you. They’re invading our schools, our shops, our communities, and just — demanding we just accept them as they are! Almost like they’re people! [Florence wiggles a little, testing her bonds.] It’s ludicrous and frankly, I’m tired of being attacked for just doing what’s right! [Suddenly sweet again.] Can you tighten me up just a tiny bit? That’s the ticket. DS: Naturally, naturally. [affably readjusts the rope, cinches it tighter: Florence is now unmistakably and inescapably tied to the stake in the middle of the newsroom] Hang on, I think you’ve forgotten something— [after rummaging in his pockets, he finds an oversized match and gently places it in the corner of Flroence’s mouth, like a debonair cigarillo] FA: Ta, love. [With a little maneuvering, Florence tries once, twice to light the match against the rough ropes. The third time is a success and she opens her mouth to drop the flame down into the kindling below. As if nothing has happened, she returns to her tirade.] They’ll kill us all, if they have their way! There’ll be nothing left, you mark my words! WE are the victims here, not these filthy fucking— [Fortunately for the network censors, the wood flares up and starts burning with a vengeance. Florence’s paroxysms of anti-Muggle sentiment are all but drowned out by the flames.] DS: [solemnly, but louder, to be heard over the crackling fire] Very interesting food for thought, Miss Abercrombie. I think no one can deny that you are, indeed, on the receiving end of some terrible treatment. [Florence is wheeled off-stage, still burning merrily as she spouts purist vitriol.] DS: That was Florence Abercrombie, ladies and gents, with some of her thoughts on a blight to our wizarding nation. And now, back to our other sponsors for tonight! Medusa’s Mystics: the nourishing salon product for even the unruliest of hair. [Fade out.] |