#deadwent shrimpling, mocker of sacred robes (derwents) wrote in cultureic, @ 2016-02-11 13:18:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! media: wizvis, derwent shimpling |
wizvis.
[OOC: I had most of this written last week but was laid low by fever, so it's going up both late & backdated :( HANDWAVES HANDWAVES]
[At the end of his first month back on-air, Derwent is looking better—although it's uncertain how much of that is simply the makeup team's efforts. (And he still keeps one hand in his coat pocket or below the table, self-conscious.) In tonight's broadcast, a person wearing a pig's head mask sits stoically across from him.] DS: Orwell, you're here campaigning on behalf of were-pig rights, as I understand? O: Indeed I am, Mr. Shimpling. We're an oft-overlooked minority in the wizarding world, with all of the media attention going to werewolves instead. We've even been specially trained in a few spells that you don't often see. DS: They're the Mildly Rude Spells, from what I hear. O: Yes. Usually they require an apology to cast, but those rules are more like guidelines, really. They're actually sort-of-forgivable if you prove that you're really, really awfully sorry about it. DS: Can you demonstrate one of them for me? O: Carrotum emptor! [There's a puff of smoke and a pile of carrots appears on the table.] O: That's the first one, the Carrot curse. It's a very touchy subject around the were-hares, but I think we should be allowed to use this spell with impunity. Or at least we should be allowed to—by which I mean were-pigs—as we're responsible, discreet members of the wizarding world, unlike those slobbering wolves. So discreet, in fact, that you've probably never even heard of us. [Grabbing a carrot each, they sit chewing, nodding at one another.]
DS: That brings tonight's programme to its conclusion. And ah, yes, I think I was supposed to— [He unfurls a scroll of dense legalese that unrolls and unrolls and unrolls, spilling off his desk and across the studio floor, feet upon feet of it. One of the production assistants trips over the parchment.] DS: The Derwent Shimpling Show, and yours truly, have no especial stance towards the use of the spells colloquially and officially known as "Unforgivable Curses", and these segments do not reflect the opinions of the network, nor those people associated with the network. [He flashes a dazzling smile at the camera, raising his studio-branded coffee cup.] But it's worth a think, isn't it? [As usual, and as decreed by his producers, he doesn't take much of a stance; the entire evening is simply a comedic riff on the contemporary issues.] |