diana selwyn, fair & balanced (artamos) wrote in cultureic, @ 2016-12-09 19:35:00 |
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Entry tags: | ! media: wizvis, !! group: death eaters, diana selwyn |
It is the third hour of the annual WizVis Holiday Charity Telethon, this year partnering with the Wizarding Family Council to raise funds for the charity Liberty House. The telethon is airing live. Diomedes Bulstrode, the popular purist rapper DIO, has just finished a set of new and as-yet-unheard material from his upcoming album. His aunt, telethon presenter Diana Selwyn, smiles broadly to the camera with white, perfect teeth. DS: (merrily) A round of applause for DIO, ladies and gentlemen! His new record Pure As Funk hits shelves this Tuesday.There is applause. DS: Remember, all your donations tonight will go directly to Liberty House, to help wizarding children in need. Our celebrity operators are standing by waiting for your floos!The camera pulls back slightly to show a host of purist celebrities and general WizVis personalities standing by small fireplaces where they are taking pledges for the charity drive. DS: It's time for a message from our sponsors, but don't touch that dial! Coming up next is Mummy Award-winning funnygirl Judy Ollivander with a stand-up set sure to split your sides!Cut away to a wide crane shot (perhaps filmed by actual cranes, or at least owls) of the celebrity operators and their floos, pausing on each in turn as they speak with audience members appearing in the fireplaces to make donations. Diana Selwyn's microphone is still on. DS: (with cold fury) I'm going to the ladies'. Tell Jemima if the copy for the next segment isn't in my hands in three minutes, the falcon is eating her eyes.A pause, in which a bird of prey can be heard making an exultant skree of delight. On the video feed, pop star Karly Fairy is making funny faces with a little girl who's popped up in her floo. On the audio track, a door can be heard opening, shutting, and then opening again. DS: (irate) And another thing! That intern -- Maria, Miranda, whatever the fuck her name is. Next time she talks back to me, she's going to be a lovely ice sculpture in my back garden. I will raise a glass to the sunrise and savour her silent screams as she melts.The door slams shut once more. On the video feed, Fine Wizarding Actor Matt Damon waves to the camera. On the audio track, someone turns on a faucet. DS: (muttering to herself) Idiots, all of them. Honestly. I took the Dark Mark before they were born.And with that, an abrupt cut to commercial by the network. |