What an odd way to make one's presence known. You begin, I suppose, with the basics. My name is Alexander Dahlin. You may have read some of my work already. Inane novels, mostly, of no use to anyone. People are just throwing money around these days; write a book, make a million. Own a pretty face, you're a movie star. Strange world. And this? Well, I've certainly never lived in a building like this, and with such a
grand, useful form of communication. No doubt it will prove to be a
pain in my ass
wonderful way to get to know each and every one of you. Given my profession, I've quite an extensive personal library. Do feel free to contact me at any point if you're interested in perusing it. I only ask that you return whatever you borrow in the pristine condition it was left to you. It's only polite, after all, and friendships are based on mutual trust. Or so I've heard.
Having only moved in this weekend, I'm still getting used to the lay of the land. Does anyone know of a good tailor? Highly underutilized commodity in this day and age. Gentleman really should pay more attention to the little details in life.
Due to my nocturnal habits, please avoid knocking on my door during what would be considered normal hours. I enjoy the night and sleep through the mornings. An interruption to my sleep can be overlooked, however, if you bear gifts of alcohol
or delectable thighs
. Lastly, please, for the love of all that is holy, only refer to be as Alexander (or Mr. Dahlin, if you're the formal sort). I simply cannot stomach responding to Alex or any version of an obnoxious nickname.
Happy holidays, though they have passed us by already.