Changed RPG

FRONT PAGE
Headmaster Abandons Hogwarts, New Headmaster Named
Rose Faust

In a time marked by turmoil, it has been brought to the attention of the Ministry of Magic that Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, who just months ago shut the school off from the rest of magical society and, in effect, locked our own children away from contact with their families, has left his post as Headmaster unattended with no word as to his location.

After being made aware of comments made in the widespread magical journal system of the Headmaster’s absence, repeated attempts were made by the Board of Governors and the Minister of Magic himself to contact Dumbledore, to no avail. This is unsurprising, as in the recent months the mental state of the Headmaster has been called repeatedly into question. After closing the school off and disallowing Ministry visitations, most recently Dumbledore has flaunted new regulations and allowed known criminals accused of theft of magic to continue to be educated and housed with our own children.

"A tragic continuation of a pattern," said Wizengamot elder Dolores Umbridge. "From my time at Hogwarts, it was clear that Albus Dumbledore was losing his tenuous grasp on reality, and doubtlessly this is a continuation of that, and proof that he simply is not responsible enough to be in charge of so many young minds. No one denies that Dumbledore did some good work, in his younger years, but this is a welcome opportunity to reclaim Hogwarts', and set it back on the right path.

Immediately following the realization of Dumbledore’s departure, the Hogwarts Board of Governors met with the Minister of Magic to discuss possible replacements for the ailing former Headmaster, who was stripped of his post in absentia. Severus Snape, most recently the Head of Slytherin House and the professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts, was contacted in the early evening hours to a special meeting with Minister Thicknesse, where he accepted the position.

In a public statement Snape stated, “Students, parents and the wizarding community at large can look forward to new transparency and stability that has been sorely lacking during Albus Dumbledore's tragic decline.” We here at The Daily Prophet sincerely hope to see changes for the better at Hogwarts under the leadership of Headmaster Snape.


Society Pages
Announcements

Arthur and Juniper Capper along with Peter and Imogen Crabbe are pleased to announce the engagement of their children, Sariah Capper and Vincent Crabbe, both currently attending Hogwarts. The nuptials are planned for the eighth of July in the summer following Miss Capper’s completion of school.

FRONT PAGE
Registration a Success
Rose Faust

Only ten days from the first hearings of the Muggleborn Registration Committee, the Ministry is reporting vast progress in their location efforts and due punishment of those pseudo witches and wizards who have obtained magical power by theft or force.

While the numbers of those who are voluntarily reporting for registration remains small, location teams sanctioned by the Ministry of Magic have had much more success in locating fugitives and bringing them to justice. To date, the Committee has convened in hearings on sixty-six possible cases of magical theft. Of those, only seventeen have been found guilty and sentenced to Azkaban.

In better news, a resounding twenty two of the cases have had all fears allayed by genealogical discovers of magical blood in their ancestry, a trend which the Muggleborn Registration Committee believes will continue as more witches and wizards make themselves available to the Committee for their hearings.

FRONT PAGE
Policies for Public Peace Met With Praise
Rose Faust

Beginning tomorrow the Minstry of Magic will be enacting what Senior Wizengamot official Delores Umbridge has called a “long overdue police of attention to popular media regarding traitorous sentiments.” This attention accompanies new laws passed by the Wizengamot and Minister Thicknesse which make any public statements against the Minstry of Magic or its policies illegal, and the author or speaker of such statements guilty of crimes against the Wizarding community.

“While there has been far more support for current Ministry policies than there has been derision,” Umbridge stated this morning in a private press conference, “there have been some who have spoken out against the new stance taken by the Minister. Obviously, change is always difficult, and we are giving those who have been writing against current policies the benefit of the doubt. They have simply not yet had explained to them the benefits of this new course of action. Of course, the majority of them are children, and being hidden away from things at Hogwarts with Albus Dumbledore polluting their minds with anti-Ministry sentiments. One can hardly blame them.”

Still, as these new laws are enacted tomorrow morning in conjuction with the first interviews of the Muggleborn Registration Committee, those who are found to be speaking out in a public way - either through the written word or through public gatherings - will be met with, as Umbridge put it, “swift punishment”.

FRONT PAGE
Survey of Magical Ancestry Undertaken by Ministry
Rose Faust

The Ministry of Magic is undertaking a survey of so-called "Muggleborns," the better to understand how they came to possess magical secrets.

Recent research undertaken by the Department of Mysteries reveals that magic can only be passed from person to person when Wizards reproduce. Where no proven Wizarding ancestry exists, therefore, the so-called Muggleborn is likely to have obtained magical power by theft or force. The Ministry is determined to root out such usurpers of magical power, and to this end has issued an invitation to every so-called Muggleborn to present themselves for interview by the newly appointed Muggleborn Registration Commission as soon as possible.

Failure of a supposed Muggleborn to present for this interview will be grounds for retributive action. However, the Ministry of Magic is convinced that, in the majority of legitimate cases, Wizarding ancestry will be found to alleviate all concerns.

Interviews will begin Monday morning, and can be undertaken by appointment with the Muggleborn Registration Committee.

FRONT PAGE
Changes in Store for New Year
Rose Faust

As the majority of the Ministry returns to work from the winter holiday and students return to school, Ministry spokeswoman and chief of the Wizengamot issued a release this morning promising widespread changes throughout the Ministry and wizarding Britian in the coming week.

“These are dangerous times,” Umbridge stated to the press this morning, “Undesirables are running amok in the streets, supported by the Headmaster of Hogwarts himself. There are even legitimate rumous of a vigilante group making plans to overrun the Ministry of Magic and put control into the hands of those who would destroy our very way of life. The veil of secrecy, the superiority of magical blood and magical traditions, these things must be protected and the Wizengamot, fully supported by Minister Thicknesse and his cabinet, are poised to see this done.”

There has been no word yet as to the work the Wizengamot has been doing over the holiday, but sources within the Ministry have stated that they suspect these widespread changes to begin as early as tomorrow morning.

I, for one, look forward to the news. As always, The Daily Prophet will report anything of note as it is announced.

FRONT PAGE
Undesirables Missing from School
Rita Skeeter

As if the break-out from Azkaban wasn't bad enough, Undesirables 1, 2, 3 - That is, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, respectively - have been missing from Hogwarts for only Merlin knows how long. It has been brought to my attention after a post emerged from the journals announcing that due to Hermione Granger's absence, the lovely Miss Pansy Parkinson of Slytherin was to be appointed to the Head Girl position. After a little bit of prying from yours truly, I learned that not only had Hermione Granger gone missing, but also Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.

With their whereabouts unknown, this roving reporter took to the streets to get some answers. One woman in Hogsmeade was all ready packing her things and getting ready to leave on holiday. With panic in her eyes, and her forehead wrought with worry, I was able to speak with Mrs Marie Rutherford before she left, "It's unsettling, that's what it is." Her voice shaky with nerves and her hands wringing around a kerchief, "To think, I moved to Hogsmeade to be safe, but now I learn that three, not one, not two but THREE of the Ministry's top Undesirables are running rampant. I -- I can't stand to stay here. I don't know who I might run into next! Harry Potter needs to be placed in Azkaban, he does. All three of them do, they are terrorizing the streets and sending us all into a panic. My neighbor, the other night swore she saw dementors in her backyard! Dementors. To think! That boy is a menace."

Mrs Rutherford refused to disclose the location of her holiday destination for fear she might become Harry Potter's next victim. Many other people are following suit, and the wanted posters through the Wizarding World do not lie. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley are wanted criminals and should be presumed armed and dangerous. It is with grave seriousness, my dear readers, that I must warn you; if you see Undesirables 1 through 3 anywhere in your neighborhood, it would behoove you to seek safety and contact the proper authorities. They are not to be approached under any circumstances, and you should not take it upon yourselves to detain them. Anyone caught harboring fugitives will be persecuted accordingly. Do not underestimate these three Undesirables, they have orchestrated one of the biggest outbreaks in Azkaban history, releasing numerous criminals into the public and also managing to control the dementors as well.

With that being said, I would like to end on a good note. A congratulation is being extended to Miss Pansy Parkinson in her promotion to Head Girl at Hogwarts. Let's hope this is the change that Hogwarts needs to start moving in the right direction. Congratulations!

FRONT PAGE
Werewolves Attack Kent and Derbyshire
Rose Faust

Four Ministry officials and a Muggle family were found dead after apparent werewolf attacks last night.

Eyewitness reports of a number of werewolves in Tunbridge Wells last night foretold the tragedy that would transpire. Beginning just after nine, messages started to filter into the Ministry of Magic regarding an unnaturally large gathering of werewolves outside and around the forests of southern Kent.

In the interest of protecting wizards in the area, DRCMC officials were sent by the Ministry to investigate. All four were considered missing until the remains recovered from the River Medway were identified this morning.

Simultaneously, in High Peak, Derbyshire, a wizard, his muggle wife and infant child were the victims of an alleged attack beginning at their cottage and ending on the moors behind. Their bodies were discovered this morning amidst enough pawprints to suggest the attack was made by not a single werewolf--but a pack.

“Bet if that child’s mother was a wizard, they might still be alive.” Says grieving neighbour. “One wizard--not a chance, didn’t stand a chance.”

The Ministry is on the hunt for any information pertaining to a series of werewolf attacks that occurred during last night’s full moon. Two separate instances in such distant locations--with this many fatalities--is something that has not been seen since the late 1970s. Citizens in the local community, and the wizarding world at large, have expressed concern over the lack of safety measures.

FRONT PAGE
Undesirable Number One Frees Dangerous Prisoners
Rose Faust

At dusk on Friday evening, Unspeakables and Aurors were called to the scene at Azkaban Prison to a mass breakout, including such inhabitants as Rabastan Lestrange, Pamelina Suggs, Daniel Walcheck, Markus Kana, Zeiler Jarvela and others, say employees at the scene.

Though it is a not a surprise, we inform you that this mass breakout from Azkaban was orchestrated by none other than Harry Potter, Undesirable Number One. He was seen fleeing the scene through memories scanned in a pensive from multiple guards who were present at the incident.

The current whereabouts of the inmates are unknown as well as numerous Dementors who fled the prison. The Department of Magical Law Enforcement reports that while the penseive memories have not been able to recover any motivation behind Potter’s scheme, all should be vigilant. Auror Augustus Clervall noted, “We assumed the boy was at Hogwarts, closed off. It seems he has left the school, however, to cause havoc. All attempts must be made to stop him.”


PAGE TWO
Minstry to Increase Security Measures
Elias Friedrichsen

Recent procedures at the Ministry of Magic are proving to be effective and rejuvenating for the government in the way they effectively screen applicants for positions and promotions.The Wizengamot is set to begin an in depth analysis of the previous employment policies of the Ministry of Magic, after new security measures being tested at the Ministry have revealed the employment of some questionable elements have been brought forth to the Ministry over the past few weeks.

A reorganization of the Ministry and its hiring policies will give the chance for officials to have a more in-depth look at who they are hiring, chances to double check their references and access to crucial information before they make employment offers.

Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Dolores Umbridge reports that questionable hiring policies under previous administration have limited the effectiveness of the wizarding governing body. “With the screening process in full swing, we are more than excited to see the changes here at the Ministry and at St. Mungos.”

Most Ministry employees have been compliant with the checks, say officials, and have expressed deep excitement for the new procedures. “If the new screening system is as effective toward our goals as we anticipate,” Umbridge said,”the Wizengamot plans to expand them.”

FRONT PAGE
Death Eater Apprehended
Rose Faust

Convicted Death Eater Rabastan Lestrange is back in prison today after being captured last night in Knockturn Alley.

Lestrange, 38, has been missing since 1995 when he broke out of Azkaban along with a group of fellow Death Eaters. Recently, the Ministry of Magic began receiving reports that he’d been sighted in Diagon Alley.

Auror Caradoc Dearborn spotted Lestrange leaving the Troll’s Head pub and attempted to arrest him. Dearborn was injured in the ensuing fight, but managed to knock out Lestrange and summon assistance.

“That murderer has been out and about for too long!” concerned citizen Hesper Van Hoorn tells the Prophet. “It’s nice to see this new Ministry taking action. Change from how things were, if you ask me. Change for the better.”

Dearborn was unavailable for comment, but a Ministry spokesperson said that he’s recovering quickly and they expect him to be back on the job shortly.

FRONT PAGE
New Ministry Reforms Begin
Rose Faust

The awaited report from the much newly appointed Wizengamot disclosed this evening the results of their first week of deliberation on Minister Thicknesse’s approved and wide-reaching social reforms meant to revitalize Wizarding Britain.

A full list of the new reforms has been made available through the Department of Records, but The Daily Prophet has the highlights.

Thicknesse has stated that these reforms establish a clear restructuring and conceptualizing of many Ministry departments, and as such are being carried out systematically at all levels of the Ministry. The first wave of reforms affects the Department of International Magical Cooperation and the Department of Magical Law Enforcement in majority, and deals more harshly with underage magic and illegitimately used magic.

“As you know, there are those among us who do not have the skill or the right to practice magic, as doing so may cause harm to themselves or to others, and the new regulations see to harsher punishments in those cases,” Wizengamot leader Dolores Umbridge said.

The Wizengamot began another closed door session this afternoon, with the aim of reforms in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

One question that has been raised is the fate of Hogwarts and the student witches and wizards therein.

“It’s ridiculous,” Minister Thicknesse said, “That anyone thinks the Ministry does not have the same level of control it has always had at Hogwarts. Things are running there as they always have done, and I intend to make it my personal mission that the eccentricities of Hogwarts’ Headmaster do not interfere with the education of our children.”

In other news, plans to establish a new identification system at the Ministry are underway, and will be in place by the end of the week.

FRONT PAGE
Dumbledore Incompetent
Rose Faust

Albus Dumbledore, onetime Wizengamot member and current Headmaster of Hogwarts, has issued a disturbing and subversive response to the retirement of Rufus Scrimegeour and Ministry reforms, declaring that Hogwarts is independent of Ministry control and that representatives of the Ministry will no longer be allowed within the school’s wards.

Dumbledore, a once respected wizard, recently came under public and professional fire after a scathingly honest account of his tumultuous and controversial past was published by Prophet reporter Rita Skeeter. Dumbledore, facing accusations of past murder and corroboration with infamous Dark Wizard Grindelwald, has been increasingly erratic in past years. Those close to the famed wizard have reported that his failing health and increasingly feeble mind have led to his falling under the sway of undesirable elements, a dangerous situation which has left Hogwarts and the students within it vulnerable to the machinations of those pulling the ailing wizard's strings.

"There is no doubt, Albus Dumbledore will aid in the fall of the Ministry, and is in no state to see reason. It's not Dumbledore calling the shots in Hogwarts, it's a key group of skilled and power-hungry students whom he failed to control," an insider at Hogwarts confided under promise of anonymity to protect their safety.

New Minister for Magic Pius Thickness has issued a brief statement wherein he talks about his sorrow at the state of Hogwarts and its Headmaster, and his hopes for a peaceful resolution wherein the education and safety of wizarding children can be put back in the hands of those who have their best interest in heart.

Dumbledore has, at this time, offered no response to the Minister's words. Our sources claim that the Headmaster, seen recently overseeing an equally inflammatory and false speech to the students at Hogwarts, was "greatly diminished" and obviously in poor health. While our source couldn't name names, they did express concerns that Dumbledore's state could have left him open to Imperio.

Use of the Unforgiveables has long been outlawed, but according to many who have known Harry Potter and those close to him for some time, the use and study of them are not unfamiliar to the students.

New Department Head Cale Jugson has told us that Harry Potter and his associates will be considered Undesirable, and dangerous, and hopes that their apprehension may lead to Albus Dumbledore receiving the help he is in clear need of.

The Wizengamot, recently staffed with new appointees, is due to begin deliberations tomorrow on widespread reforms. They are also expected to address what action should be taken to resecure Hogwarts.

FRONT PAGE
Ministry Changes
Rose Faust

Monday will mark the first day of term for new Minister of Magic Pius Thicknesse, following the surprise resignation from former Minister Rufus Scrimgeour on Saturday afternoon. In addition, many other changes will be taking place at the Ministry on Monday morning. Late Sunday evening, Minister Thicknesse released this preliminary list.

Ambrose Pucey was named as the new Head of the Department of Magical Transportation. Rupert Brodagan retained his position of Head of the Department of Magical Games and Sports. Arnold Peasegood remains as Head of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes. Victor Bexley remains as Head of the Department of International Magic Cooperation. Walden Macnair was named new Head of the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Marcus Montague was appointed Head of the International Magical Office of Law.Cale Jugson has been named the new Director of The Department of Magical Law Enforcement. Finally, Arthur Capper has been named as the new head of the Department of Mysteries, and Alexander Greengrass III has been named First Assistant to the Department Head in that Department.

Several more positions are left vacant, and will be filled by the end of business on Monday.

In addition, the following people have been named to recently vacated Wizengamot seats: Dolores Umbridge as Chief Warlock, Eisenhower Montague, Garrett Goyle and Osric Bulstrode. Two more Wizengamot seats remain to be filled, but Chief Warlock Umbridge promises wide reforms in judicial policy.

FRONT PAGE
Scrimgeour Steps Down
Rose Faust

Yesterday at the Ministry of Magic, a very sudden and peaceful resignation from Minister Rufus Scrimgeour led to the appointment of Mr Pius Thicknesse to the position of Minister of Magic.

Sources within the Ministry also confirm that due to several other Bonfire Night resignations, several other key positions within the Ministry will be reassigned. Minister Thicknesse is currently choosing his department heads and cabinet officials, and will release names later today as to the replacements of the now vacant positions and Wizengamot seats.

Thicknesse has previously served as the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and most recently as one of the Senior Undersecretaries to the Minister of Magic. We have no doubt that Minister Thicknesse will excel as the Minister of Magic, and we extend our hand and support to him here at the Daily Prophet.

1997-98 Quidditch League Preview
Barnaby Snell

The British and Irish Quidditch League starts action tomorrow, and
your intrepid Daily Prophet pundits have put their heads
together to predict how the league table will look at the end of the
season. Here are our predictions, from the bottom to the top:

13 - Chudley Cannons
Cannons fans are used to a quiet summer followed by a dreary season,
and this year is no different. Manager Ragmar Dorkins made no signings
of note, and has continued to go with captain Joey Jenkins and seeker
Galvin Gudgeon, who in last season’s match against Wimbourne was seen
to be asleep on his broom. Bookmakers are currently giving rather
tasty odds of 3/1 on Chudley finishing the season without a win.

12 - Wigtown Wanderers
Wigtown added disgraced former Montrose Chaser Alasdair Maddock to
their squad and immediately made him their captain. Maddock’s penchant
for attempting Muggle sport moves means Wanderers supporters can look
forward to more rugby-style drop goal attempts from Maddock rather
than properly throwing the Quaffle at goal.

11 - Wimbourne Wasps
No big signings and no big losses this offseason for Wasps. Some
people would be forgiven for forgetting that Wimbourne are even
members of the Quidditch League. More optimistic fans would take this
enigmatic approach as a sign that their team is a sleeping giant. More
rational fans expect the usual bottom-third finish, and are biting
their nails hoping they don’t lose to Chudley.

10 - Caerphilly Catapults
Captain Angus Campbell is the only bright spot in a patched-up lineup
for the Welsh side. The Catapults have been in need of reinforcements
after an injury-ravaged season last year. They used 27 different
players in their squad last season, the most by a League side since
Ballycastle used 34 in 1845. The team continues to play in the spirit
of the legendary “Dangerous” Dai Llewellyn, which means a continually
crowded treatment room for Caerphilly’s team Healers.

9 - Appleby Arrows
The Arrows have always seemed to be ready to break out as a top team,
but this year will not be that year. Captain Gregory Cotton will
muster his squad to play well above their skill level, but for all
their fighting spirit, they’ll toil in mid-table obscurity again this
year. At least they have a win in the derby against Wimbourne to look
forward to.

8 - Tutshill Tornados
The Tornados look like a spare-parts team this year. Keeper Merwyn
Fenwick, Chaser Benjamin Montgomery and Beater and captain Brevis
Birch managed to hold the line last year, but their injury list
rivaled the triage register at Caerphilly. If Birch can cause more
damage than his team suffers, Tutshill may finish in the top half, but
it looks unlikely.

7 - Holyhead Harpies
The loss of Wilda Griffiths dealt a big blow to Holyhead’s title
hopes. Harpies captain Gwenog Jones will of course whip her team into
a fighting frenzy, but the Harpies’ attack now rests on Valmai Morgan
and new girl Angelina Johnson. With Jones in charge on the pitch,
anything is possible, so expect the Harpies to sneak a few upset wins
and prove to be the villains of the season, if they cannot be
champions.

6 - Pride of Portree
The Prides have one of the best Keepers in the League in Meghan
McCormack. She’ll need to be in her usual prime form alongside a
Chaser team in need of a guided Quaffle to score goals. Injuries dealt
the team a rough blow last season, so captain Dougal McBride will need
to marshal their fighting spirit to earn the scrappy wins Portree are
noted for.

5 - Kenmare Kestrels
Always on the verge of greatness, the Kestrels are primarily lacking a
solid pair of Beaters to make a serious run at the Cup. The Irish core
of the team, with the famous Chaser line of Troy, Mullet and Moran and
Seeker Aidan Lynch, will prop the team up in the top half of the
table, but their defense is suspect. Of the Chaser trio, Bridie Mullet
in particular looks on form to have a breakout year, but she’ll have
to score a ton of goals to offset a leaky Keeper and off-target
Beaters.

4 - Ballycastle Bats
It’s going to be a tough year for Bats fans. Without a significant
signing in the offseason, Ballycastle’s continued presence in the top
three is in danger, and unless captain Finbar Quigley can take out
each opposing Chaser on his own, the Bats could very well slip down
into the rest of the pack.

3 - Falmouth Falcons
The Falcons are the “new money” team this season. Falmouth’s two big
signings, Keeper Eric Bastien and Seeker Viktor Krum, will pull
Falmouth out of the bottom third of the table and into the rarified
air of the title contenders. The Falcons may want to build up their
corps of Chasers if they want to bypass Montrose and Puddlemere.

2 - Montrose Magpies
Seeker and captain Lennox Campbell must be relishing his chances of
lifting the Quidditch Cup. The Magpies signed Bulgarian international
Antigone Ivanova on loan to give their goal-scoring attack a dose of
Pepperup. Campbell is a nimble flyer with a keen eye, and a safe bet
to catch the Golden Snitch each time out. Any weak point in the
Magpies’ lineup would be seen between the rings. As long as the Keeper
doesn’t let in goals faster than Ivanova and co. score them, Montrose
will remain competitive all season.

1 - Puddlemere United
United bolstered their attack with the addition of Wilda Griffiths
from Holyhead Harpies for a British record fee of 1,000 Galleons.
She’ll have to prove she’s worth every Knut of that fee to lead United
to another Cup. Keeper Oliver Wood will continue to fortify the United
defense with his deft flying and blocking ability. Seeker Benjy
Williams has plenty of new competition for the Golden Snitch; the
United captain will have to step up his game to continue to compete
against the likes of Campbell, Lynch and Krum.

PAGE FOUR
Quidditch Player Profile - Wilda Griffiths
Barnaby Snell

Puddlemere United set a domestic transfer record this year by paying 1,000 Galleons to Holyhead Harpies for Chaser Wilda Griffiths. A fair share of Ms. Griffiths' fanbase is built from her photoshoots and her tradition of granting one lucky fan a kiss before each match, but so
many more love her for her deft scoring touch, her aerial abilities, and her fiery and unrelenting manner on the pitch. This interview is captured as close to verbatim as allowed, to give the reader the full experience of a real conversation with the boisterous and gregarious Ms. Griffiths.

What drove you to play Quidditch professionally?

It's in my blood, don't you know? Honestly, though? Two people have inspired me most to play quidditch professionally. My father, for one. Henry Griffiths. Haven't heard of him? Well, you should've. A bloody brilliant Quidditch player. Retired from the Montrose Magpies well before his time to raise me and my brother. Shocked the Quidditch world by retiring early, especially with a last name as Griffiths. The other one? Why, the infamous and notorious Glynnis Griffiths! One of the all-time greatest Seekers for the Harpies. Don't you deny it, either! Ever since I was little, I dreamed of playing for the Harpies just like Aunt Glynnis, and then my dream came true. Mainly thanks to my father telling me to pick up where he left off. And... yeah, that's where I am now. Thanks in part to my father and my aunt.

Does it ever feel like a burden to carry on the family tradition of Quidditch excellence?

What?! No. Never. Never ever. The Griffiths are a hardcore quidditch family. My father played it professionally, my aunt, my brother played when he was at Hogwarts and my mother... well, my mother enjoys watching. It's never a burden. I don't think I could ever picture myself doing anything else. I mean, be honest, Barnaby, can you picture me working for the Ministry? Maybe running my own Apothecary? No. It's because I am doing what I love. Quidditch is my life - it's also a family tradition, but it's all I know, and it's all I am. It's not a burden. Not at all.

What's the hardest part of being a pro Quidditch player?

This is going to sound really ridiculous, but the hardest part of being a professional quidditch player is the rigorous schedule. I'm lucky if I can fit in sleeping to my schedule. Between practice, work-outs, training, and public appearances, my social life pays big time. Ever wonder why most quidditch players are single? Well, aside from the obvious? It's because we're too bloody busy to actually have a meaningful relationship.

What is the best part of it?

The best part? Oh Merlin, the best part is doing something you love and being brilliant at it! You don't become a quidditch player because there's nothing left for you to do in your life, you do it because it's in your blood. It's a part of you, and you can't live without the feel of the game. The rush that you get when you score your first points, and you hear the crowd screaming for you. There is no greater feeling and once you get that, you're hooked. I have to say out of everything, though, the fans are the best. And I'm not just saying that. I mean it. I love my fans. They are the greatest thing in the entire world, and they motivate me to get out there and kick some major arse.

You're well-known for your flashy public image, and especially for some rather memorable covers of Quidditch Monthly. Do you worry that people focus less on your ability and more on your looks?

You know, every once in a while I get this question, and it always makes me smile. I don't worry about that, not at all. Do you want to know why? Well, I'm going to tell you whether you want to know, or not. All those covers on Quidditch Monthly, all the flashy appearances and publicity, they build an image of me. Take for instance, my recent cover of Quidditch Monthly, no one would expect a girl looking like that to shove you off your broom and beat you at a game that's essentially a "boys game", yeah? I mean, I'm in my bloody knickers for [expletive]sake... Oops, I can't write that, can I? I'm in my knickers. That image is going permeate through the stands when I take the skies, and people are going to underestimate my abilities. Which essentially will leave them vulnerable, and in the end distracted. Nothing good comes from a distracted player. Besides, if they want to focus on my looks and less on my ability, then I say let them. I still get paid whether you think I'm a pretty face on a broom, or a brilliant Chaser with a bruise on her arse.

What is your training regimen like?

Bloody hell. Let's see if I can figure this out. 6am - 9am, I work-out. Mostly jogging around my neighborhood. I do a lot of situps, and pushups, weightlifting and stretching. But I mostly run to get my heart pumping. I have breakfast some time in there, too. 10am - 1pm is Quidditch practice, we do drills most of the time, and run plays. We break for lunch and come back later in the afternoon, around 3pm to train until the sun goes down. Rinse and repeat five to six times a week.

What do you think of your team's chances for the coming season?

Um, that's a given! United is going all the way, baby! Quidditch Cup Champions! I can't believe you would even ask that one. All players are going to want to win, unless they're some sort of pushover, then, well... we know who will be falling out of the running faster than others.

Which matches are you most looking forward to?

Well, there are a few matches I am looking forward to. October 9th's match of United against the Falcons. I'm really just looking forward to that because it's the first game of the season. I love the first game of the season. It's like opening the first present on Christmas. I'm also looking forward to January 22nd's match against the Cannons, for my own person reasons. There is also the December 4th match of the Harpies versus the Cannons for other reasons - Don't you forget it, Val! Oh and finally, the first Gryffindor match of the season. I still have pride for my old house. Go Gryffindor!

Who is your favourite player, not counting yourself?

Merlin, you're really going to make my pick, eh? How about all of my former teammates on the Harpies. They're a brilliant team, and I can't say one bad thing about them. After all, they were the first time I ever played for professionally, and I will always have a soft spot for them.

Who is your biggest rival on the pitch?

Valmai Morgan, I'm coming for you! Just because you're part of a team that I will always love, and you are one of my close mates, I have full intentions of kicking your arse on the pitch! She took my place on the Harpies, you know? Not that I blame her, she's a brilliant Chaser, but it's just the way things have to go. She is my rival.

How hard was it for you to leave the Harpies?

Damn bloody hard. My life dream was to play for the Harpies. When I made Starting Team, I cried... Yes, Wilda Griffiths cried. My aunt played for the Harpies and was beyond thrilled I made the team. My father was just glad I was playing Quidditch. I thought I would be on that team for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, this summer I was bought out by another team and I took the offer. Leaving the Harpies was one of the hardest things to do. I consider those girls the sisters I never had and always wanted. I live firmly by never regretting anything, and I will stand firmly in my decision, but that doesn't change the fact that leaving the Harpies was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I mean, they're like family, and I don't want them to think I betrayed them in any way. Besides, they have a fantastic replacement in Valmai.

The World Cup is coming up next year--Are you looking forward to it?

Do you even have to ask?! Of course I'm looking forward to it. Anyone who even remotely considers themselves a Quidditch fan is looking forward to it!

If you could give one piece of advice to an aspiring pro Quidditch player, what would it be?

Stay focused on your goal. If you're focused and determined, that gets noticed. I didn't get where I am today just on sheer luck. I got here because of I was focused on my path and where I wanted to be. It takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get here and you have to be ready to fight every bleeding for your spot and your goal and your dream. That's all. Also... eat three square meals a day, and lots of vegetables. It's all really good for you.

Who: Lucius Malfoy and George Weasley
When: Monday afternoon
Where: Diagon Alley
What: Lucius is walking along, minding his business... somebody should really do something about that.
Rating: Low, I think?

( At times, notoriety had its uses. )

PAGE FOUR
Quidditch Player Profile - Viktor Krum
Barnaby Snell

Not many people can say they caught the Golden Snitch in the World Cup final for the losing side. Despite this disappointment, Viktor Krum is still seen as arguably the best Seeker in the world, which is why his transfer to Falmouth Falcons has sent shockwaves throughout the Quidditch world. Mr. Krum graciously agreed to this interview, speaking without a translator, as he works to improve his English and make a proper home for himself in Britain. His fans will surely hope his career with the Falcons will be as thrill-packed and glorious as his time in the Bulgarian league.

What drove you to play Quidditch professionally?
At Durmstrang I was pushed in the areas where I was best suited, and Quidditch always came naturally to me.

What most attracted you into moving to England?
What most attracted me to England is that I have good friends here, and also I believe that I can be more useful here in many ways than I could be at home.

What's the hardest part of being a pro Quidditch player?
For now, it is being away from home, but I am being very welcome here.

What is the best part of it?
I feel better in the air than I do on my feet. I am a bit clumsy off of a broom.

What is your training regimen like?
I run, and spend many hours on the equipment in my home. Also I spent usually four hours practicing maneuvers, outside of my regular practices with the team.

What do you think of your team's chances for the coming season?
I have only been with Falmouth a short time, but I believe that we have a very good chance.

Which match(es) are you most looking forward to?
The match with the Magpies, as one of my former National teammates is flying for them and it will be fun.

Who is your favourite player, not counting yourself?
Ladislaw Zamojski of the Polish national team, and the Grodzisk Goblins. He is a friend, but is also an amazing Chaser.

Who is your biggest rival on the pitch?
I do not know particulars of the other Seekers in the English league yet, but I anticipate that it will be Aidan Lynch based on the records I have been reading.

The World Cup is coming up next year--Are you looking forward to it?
I am, but I do not know if I will be competing to be a part of the Bulgarian team again.

Is anything in particular keeping you from rejoining the Bulgarian squad?
No, other than that I wish to continue living in England.

Do you have any words you'd like to say to Antigone Ivanova, as you both start the season in a new league?
I wish her luck. I hope that we do not come to a rivalry.

If you could give one piece of advice to an aspiring pro Quidditch player, what would it be?
Do not make your whole life about playing Quidditch. It will make you a better player to have other things that you care about.

FRONT PAGE
Witch Doctor Finds Love in London
B. Skeeter

Is that wedding bells we hear of our dear Witch Doctor friend, Tagoga? Well, my dear readers, I have pulled up some juicy little news about our dear ambassador from Papua New Guinea. Khakhua Tagoga Yauwii Dobunaba seems to have taken a keen liking to a certain assistant to the assistant to the Minister of Magic. Yes, one of our very own Ministry workers has stolen the heart of our dear old Witch Doctor. From what I can gather, it's bound to be a rather fascinating marriage. A very reliable source told me about a bride price that was delivered to Mr. Weasley in the form of an office filled with golden-edge clams, which left quite the mess and stink within the part of the Ministry offices.

It's not just the clams that hint at a budding romance, but what yours truly witnessed Friday evening at La Bella Luna - a rather posh restaurant in London. Miss Edgecombe and Khakhua Tagoga Yauwii Dobunaba were seen enjoying a lovely meal within the restaurant, until a young server could not meet the demands of the Witch Doctor. According to Lydia Nettleworth, the feathered Witch Doctor followed her into kitchen "screaming something in his barbaric language, and at one point waved around a knife he found on the counter and pointed to a ham. I thought he was going to kill me right then and there." Her large doe-like eyes, glassy with fear and tears threatening to spill as she relives that night over and over. "I didn't know what to do, so I just started crying. Eventually he left, but not after pointing to the pig a few more times and leaving the knife in my face."

I can only imagine exactly what he wanted.

As for what he might see in Miss Edgecombe? I think that much would be obvious. After doing some research about these Witch Doctors from Papua New Guinea, I've learned that within their culture scarification is a rather important part of their body art, and Tagoga certainly seems keen on his body art - if you couldn't tell from him rather horrifying appearance. If some of you are not familiar with Miss Edgecombe's appearance, it is true, this young woman has one defining feature that masks what beauty she might possess. An almost constellation of scars riddle her complexion drawing a mask of what would be a beautiful face. From what I could gather, Miss Edgecombe must have endured something horrific to have earned scars such as hers. Unfortunately, through my sleuthing, I was unable to find information about what sort of accident could cause such scarring. Even my friends at St. Mungo's seem baffled by her prominent scars.

According to one expert on the topic of scarification, he states, "Scars communicate elements of the cultural system and religious beliefs of the community. Scarification may also exhibit the enduring emotional states of the wearer, such as sorrow or well-being. I am not surprised Tagoga has chosen a young woman with scars as his bride. He seems very enriched in his culture."

As enriched as that may be, I certainly hope Miss Edgecombe will some sort of ceremony for friends and family to attend and give her a proper send off before returning to Papua New Guinea with her new groom.


PAGE FOUR
Quidditch Player Profile - Bridie Mullet
Barnaby Snell

Much has been said about Bridie Mullet off the pitch, but it's important to remember why she belongs in the spotlight. She's part of the dynamic trio of chasers that captured the World Cup for Ireland. She's been the cornerstone of the Kenmare Kestrels' attack for the past few years. She's one of the most exciting players to watch in the League, and one of the toughest competitors. In this interview, Ms. Mullet's love of the game shone through; her fans can look forward to more of the same passionate play that has made her a star.

What drove you to play Quidditch professionally?

I felt at home on the quidditch pitch. I kind of believed it was the only thing I was good at when I left Hogwarts. Wanting to be something really pushed me for it.

What's the hardest part of being a pro Quidditch player?

The schedule. Sometimes I am just too tired or sore to go work out, or hit a practice session.

What is the best part of it?

Being able to play quidditch for money. I am doing something I love. Not to mention having some of the best teammates ever.

Being a Quidditch star and being so closely associated to the Weird Sisters brings you more than the usual bit of attention. How do you deal with paparazzi and rumour writers?

I will admit I do not deal with it well. I rise up to the bad things said about me, or my friends and family. I have them all telling me not to notice it or ignore it, and I know I should. It is a work in progress I suppose.

What is your training regimen like?

Pretty strict. As much of a party animal as I am made out to be, I am pretty focused on my training. I work out almost every day, whether it be running or personal drills on my broom.

What do you think of your team's chances for the coming season?

Of course I think the team has a great chance this coming season.

Which match(es) are you most looking forward to?

I will admit I am very interested playing against Krum again, so I suppose you could say the Falcons. Of course looking forward to playing against the Pride.

Who is your favourite player, not counting yourself?

Gwenog Jones.

Who is your biggest rival on the pitch?

Wilda Griffiths if I had to choose. She is a brilliant chaser.

The World Cup is coming up next year--Are you looking forward to it?

Of course. I am hoping to represent the Irish Team again.

Now that you've won a World Cup, how much would it mean for you to bring the League Cup to Kenmare?

It would mean a great deal to win the league cup. I would feel so proud of our team. I think it is a big deal having won the World Cup or not. I suppose it just goes to prove that we can do it though.

If you could give one piece of advice to an aspiring pro Quidditch player, what would it be?

Never give up. Keep pushing for it and believing in yourself. Not everyone makes first string within their first few years, and being a reserve is one of the best learning experience. Never give up hope and just keep trying if it is really what you want to do.

PAGE TWO
Quidditch Player Profile - Eric Bastien
Barnaby Snell

The best Keeper in France has come to Britain--and in fact, he's coming home. Eric Bastien grew up in France, but was born in Cornwall. After a fantastic few years guarding the rings for Quiberon Quafflepunchers, Mr. Bastien has crossed the Channel to join up with Falmouth Falcons--one of two big-name signings pulled off by the Falcons this summer. Normally press-shy, Mr. Bastien was quite gracious to grant this interview; he's sure to let his play speak volumes for him this season.

What drove you to play Quidditch professionally?

It was the only thing I was both good at, and enjoyed doing. It was never a real choice for me, simply what I was going to do. Had I not been picked up by a team, I would likely have pursued a career outside of the Wizarding World.

What's the hardest part of being a pro Quidditch player?

It is not hard. Demanding, oui, but not hard. We have to keep in top physical condition and play through aches and pains, but we still work only part of the year, are well paid, and enjoy a great deal of freedom, so it is a fortunate position, not a hard one. Though there are days when five a.m. practices are difficult to get out of bed for.

It is less of an issue here, but the most wearying part is usually the press, when it is all pushed together in a bundle. No offense intended.

What is the best part of it?

The game. There is nothing else like the feeling of playing, or being part of a team who are all as invested in the idea of winning and playing their best as you are.

What is your training regimen like?

It is not so very special. I run, do weight training, and a great deal of stretching and flexibility work. I try to vary my routine enough that it is not dull, but that doesn't always work.

What do you think of your team's chances for the coming season?

I think that it will be an excellent season. The line up has gone through many changes, and having Viktor Krum seeking for us is only going to make us more formidable. We are already a very strong team and as the season progresses and we become more cohesive as a team, I think you will only see us grow stronger.

What are the biggest differences you've seen between the French and
British leagues?

It is much bigger, of course. There is a great deal more focus on the League games and the local cup than on International play, which is strange to adjust to.

Which matches are you most looking forward to?

It is always exciting when you go up against the favorites, so I am looking forward to Puddlemere for several reasons. I am also excited to play the Harpies, as I followed them when I was younger.

Who is your favourite player, not counting yourself?

Difficult to say. It is hard to not respect players like Gwenog Jones and veterans like Lacroix, who helped me when I was new and was a great source of advice not only on the Pitch, but in navigating the press and fans as well. But my own idol growing up was Darren O'Hare, who I read everything ever written about, regardless of factual content or no. Yes, including that awful novel loosely based on his life. I promise, the translation into French did not help improve it.

Who is your biggest rival on the pitch?

That remains to be seen? It is a new League for me, and many of those I will play against I have not come up against before.

The World Cup is coming up next year--Are you looking forward to it?

I am. Should I fly for Britain, it will be strange to go up against my former teammates, but it is a challenge I hope to rise to.

Despite your Cornish roots, some detractors are against your representing England on an international level, given that you've already flown for France. What is your opinion on this, and what would you do to convince them you're fit to wear English robes?

I was born here, and am living here. I was recruited and am legally qualified for the British league. I'd think that would be enough. Hopefully those who doubt will be won over when we begin to win this season.

If you aren't selected for the English squad, would you consider playing for France again?

I would not be eligible to play for France until after the next cup, and then only if I returned to live there. I have no plans to do so at this time. If for some reason in the future I did move home, then I might consider playing for the French team again, but I expect to stay where I am.

If you could give one piece of advice to an aspiring pro Quidditch player, what would it be?

Do not sign contracts without reading them? But no, I would simply say to focus on the game, practice as often as you can, and never assume that you can't improve. No matter how talented or successful, there is always ways you can be better, and complacency is never a good thing in professional Quidditch, as there are many people waiting in line to prove that to you by knocking you down a few rungs.


CLASSIFIEDS
To let. Tatting-Upon-Nevis Wizarding quarter shopfront with living space above. 2BR/1BA. Balcony. Separate living and dining. Great view of Ben Nevis and good customer traffic. Interested parties should contact Tattingsgate Realty, Tatting-Upon-Nevis.

Quidditch Player Profile - Antigone Ivanova
Barnaby Snell

It's been an eventful summer in British Quidditch, thanks in good part to the arrival of the celebrated Bulgarian Chaser, Antigone Ivanova. Her move on loan from Vratsa Vultures to Montrose Magpies sparked a hot summer of transfers around the Quidditch League. I spoke to Ms Ivanova to discuss her life as a star Chaser and get her insight on the changing face of the Quidditch League.

What drove you to play Quidditch professionally?
I enjoyed it during school and had few other career options, to be honest!

What's the hardest part of being a pro Quidditch player?
You really do see the hospital wings a lot, depending on your position, no matter how good you are.

What is the best part of it?
Flying! And playing against some of the best players. And seeing new cities and places all the time.

What is your training regimen like?
I do conditioning five days a week of some variety, run, practice, as well as strength and flexibility training.

What's the secret of your longevity as a top-flight player?
If I told you it wouldn't be a secret, now would it? However I attribute part of it to being always willing to learn and grow as a player. You stop learning, you stop being able to be better than the newcomers.

What do you think of your team's chances for the coming season?
I'm thinking we're pretty golden for the year - it's a great team.

Which matches are you most looking forward to?
All of them - it'll be my first time competing against the teams over here!

What are the biggest differences you've seen between the Bulgarian and British leagues?
Out here, it's very much about the fun of the game, that's not to say the British leagues take the game less seriously because they don't, but home was so much more you lived, breathed and died Quidditch daily. Here, I can relax a bit.

Your signing with Montrose sparked a migration of foreign players to the Quidditch League. What would you say to critics who believe the league should have only British and Irish players?
I noticed that, it was like an avalanche of outside talent. I think the most important thing to say here, is that, if you want to keep the National teams citizens of British and Irish and so forth, then that's fine, but don't limit yourselves on the local club level. There's a whole world of players out there, it's smart to bring some in and learn from them. As long as you don't make up the entire club from outside talent, then one main player and a reserve from another country isn't bad to do.

Who is your favourite player, not counting yourself?
I'm biased, we've been teammates before, but I do like Krum, but the trio of Mullet, Troy and Moran are certainly up there too.

Who is your biggest rival on the pitch?
I look forward to finding out, actually. Back home I have a few but here, not yet!

The World Cup is coming up next year--Are you looking forward to it?
Depends. I'm hoping to pull a repeat performance, but be it on a team from here or home, I'm not sure.

If you could give one piece of advice to an aspiring pro Quidditch player, what would it be?
Keep at it - it's hard to get into but once you're here, don't ever stop learning and striving to be better, always learn from your teammates. The more you learn, the more valuable you are, the more you can keep up with the new guys