Now, I have always considered myself to be quite the generous man, and because of that, I have taken some of my very own time to compile this list for everyone in here. You see, I'm worried about all of you. The state of your mental health, in particular.
I have taken the liberty of contacting several psychologists and psychiatrists in the city and have explained to them the very unique situation all of you seem to be experiencing. After explaining to them how concerned I was about all of you, they have agreed to stop by later this week to check on everyone.
So. If you hear a knock at your door and someone claiming to be a psychiatrist or psychologist answers, do not fear. They are just there to help you!
No need to thank me. All of you getting better and finding your sanity once more is thanks enough.
I've called and canceled the visits I've arranged. I'm sorry that that people here see an offer of help as something to be angry about.
Go on about your lives.