bastion

This isn't funny.

Someone let me down. Now.

[Filter: Xander]

Rhea is in the infirmary. I don't expect she'll be awake anytime soon for visits but I thought you ought to know. When you do see her, and if she is awake, please tell her she's an absolute fucking idiot.

[Filter: Zeke]

Will you come home early tonight? I'm safe, but Rhea isn't well. I need you here. Please.

[Filter: Staff]

Has anyone seen Siôn?

[All Staff except Zeke]

Does anyone here know how to cook? I'd like to make breakfast for Zeke tomorrow without poisoning him, as I feel like that might ruin the effect. My initial plan was to make him a full English, but I think that may be too difficult, so I've narrowed it down to eggs and toast.

How does one go about that? Do you put the bread in the oven before or after you've buttered it? And how do you get all the shell out of the egg?

[Xander]

I need your help wrangling my sister into a bed and away from whatever horrific magical project she's taken up. Possibly also force-feeding her. Possibly also hog-tying her.

[Staff]

As you may have noticed, it seems my sister has got herself captured. The horrible corpse thing she enchanted seems to be headed towards England.

I intend to charm it to fly and then attach a coach or something similar. Hopefully that way it can lead us in the right direction a bit faster than in its current one-armed state.

Unfortunately, she chose to make the majority of her distress call about how clever and strong she is instead of useful information like who's captured her or how many of them there are, so we're going in a bit blind. Hopefully it's not the Ministry she's locked in. Merlin knows they're going to be sick of us metaphorically breaking down the door every few months.

In any case, I'm leaving in an hour. Meet me on the lawn if you'd like to come. No students.

[Xander]

Please apologize to my sister. She's now blaming me for you not coming out to her first and if I have to hear any more snide remarks about it I'm going to, as the kids put it, "go apeshit".

[Left for Rhea:

a very fluffy flannel jacket,

a mug with "World's Okayest Twin" printed on it,

a tin of fancy hot chocolate,

two replica lightsabers—one for her, one for Jack,

and a note that reads, "I am not responsible for the outcome of any jedi duels. Happy Birthday, Ree."]

Thanks for the birthday gifts, everyone. Don't forget my unfashionably late twin's is tomorrow. She's going to be so old.

Though, quick question: Mari, why did you get me a headband?

[Rhea]

You'll never guess what Zeke got me! And you can't steal them. You can only look on in agonized envy as I glide by.

[Zeke]

You're the best. I've only crashed into two walls so far and one of them screamed, so that's another cursed object identified and taken care of. (It was the wallpaper.)

Would you like to have a romantic smoothie dinner with me?

[ morgan ]

i hear someone's mouth is free to open wide again. i'm making smoothies. you want? or are you happy with just apple sauce and mashed potatoes?

[Zebediah]

Where are you, darling? Are you safe?

[Rhea]

Where are you, baby sister? Are you safe?

[ his writing is messy and cramped ]

In Paris with Xander

Wand not working

Is everyone safe??

[Rhea]

I left a bag for you outside the tent. It's got medical supplies and muggle money in it. Try not to be an idiot if and when the Death Eaters show up, yeah? As in, run away.

[Zeke]

Fuck, I hate dementors. Have we got any chocolate left?

[Staff]

The first floor of the tertiary location is clear. In the event we're forced to evacuate there—which is looking more likely by the hour—please prevent the students from accessing any other floors until we've properly swept them for curses. I've instructed Daisy to go there now to prepare food to store up. She is also in possession of a number of keys. If you're feeling particularly ballsy, you can ask her for one and clear out the room it's linked to. Just try to do it in pairs, yeah? My ancestors were horribly creative when it comes to ways to kill intruders, thieves, or anyone else they didn't like and I'd rather not add to their body count.

Oh, and has anyone seen Leyla? She's not in her office.

> Know you don't read the journals much but
> Please come home ASAP
> Rhea got some information about Beauxbatons
> Sounds like they're gearing up to do whatever it is they did to Hogwarts
> To BB

[Zeke]

I'm leaving for a bit, shouldn't be gone long. Keeping Aidan company on an errand. Would you like anything from Spain?

[Gerri]

I've got a favour to ask you.

[Rhea]

I know you're probably still cross with me for something or other but I need to talk to you. It's important.

[Zeke]

[several scratched out starts]

When you get home tonight we need to talk.

[Xander]

I'm coming to the estate. Try not to curse me until after all the guardians have been dealt with. I'd hate to have to explain to Rhea why there are bits of you all over the ceiling.

[Zeke]

Did you see what they wrote? NALINE at number three? They're directly targeting me at this point. I don't have to be number one but Merlin's balls, Andrew at six? Jason?? The man looks like Rhea in drag with worse teeth. And Aidan isn't even ON the li

It's clearly some sort of spiteful message. I expect one of the adults put them up to it, too.

[Rhea]

Did you know Xander is at Caer Ddawnswraig?

[Antony]

Do you think I'm a bad person?