Darker London

The crash from downstairs had them all looking up, attention snatched away from the board game pieces on the table. Truth be told Joss wasn't paying all that much attention the game anyway, because Hope kept distracting him with her gorgeous intensity, and he'd really rather be doing something else instead of playing with Serenity and the empty chair that Leon had left.

The wind was making a racket around the house but that didn't disguise the crash, and it did absolutely nothing to disguise the scream that ripped through the house afterwards. Joss found himself on his feet, frozen in the middle of the room, his blood sprinting through his veins as he stared at the door that lead downstairs. He hadn't noticed that he'd grabbed Hope's wrist and pulled her to her feet too, not till she spoke.

Rachel scrolled through the pictures Danny had sent her of his new home, the way he'd decorated his bedroom, the cakes in the kitchen, the backyard, the cat, Deirdre making a ridiculous face at the camera, barely dressed even though it was the dead of winter. Alex was in the background of a couple of them, and Rachel stopped scrolling for a few moments to look at her. She couldn't tell if Alex looked more relaxed than before, couldn't tell what her feelings were about living in this new place just from two pictures. But god, Rachel wanted to know.

Zoe had told Rachel all about what they'd done; going to Alex's house to strip it of her stuff, make a clean break from her awful mother. Zoe hadn't hidden how proud she was of Alex, as if there was any pride to be had in a family's final death throes.

( ... )

Leon's mulled wine was coming along beautifully. He'd been working on this new recipe all winter and wasn't too modest to admit that tonight's batch might just be his greatest yet. Half moons of orange floated in a sea of star anise. He was tempted, briefly, to add to the space vibe with a little glitter; he was sure there was some food grade gold flakes left over from their midwinter celebrations.

Leon busied himself with his dinner preparations and next time he turned around, Joss was looking into the cauldron of wine (the cauldron itself a gift from Serenity's mums). "Divining anything good?" Leon asked, and Joss looked up and gave him a half shrug, but a half smile, too. This had been a pretty good winter for Joss; he was still a moody bastard some of the time, but he grinned a whole lot easier.

( ... )

Hope was nervous as she climbed out of the Uber and stepped towards Joss' door. Of course nervous on Hope just looked like 'loud'. Joss was the first person she had liked in this way for a long time. After losing Tasha she had lost hope she might ever feel anything like it again, but those fuzzy feelings were starting.

God she had missed them.

Clutching the flowers she had brought for Leon's family in her hand, Hope rang the bell and then stared up at the most impressive house she had ever seen. Sure, Hope lived in a manor, but this place was unbelievable.

Joss woke up bleary, rotten and heavy as a corpse as he heaved himself up in bed. His blankets had twisted and mostly fallen to the floor and there was a smell from the half dozen mostly-empty coffee cups gathered at his bedside. It was his own fault, the cups, the smell, and he could easily do something about it, and yet he didn’t grab any of them as he made his way down to the kitchen for another one.

I’ll clean them all up in one go, he thought. Later. When I do laundry. Something else he hadn’t done in a while.

( ... )

Serenity's best friend was gone (Godric and Noah didn't count as friends, they were family) up North somewhere being a hero. She was both terrified for him, and she missed him terribly. What was she supposed to do around the place without him to bother about wearing his damn hat inside. Because who did that? Was he smuggling something under there? And sure she had other housemates, including her incredible partner, but none of them got quite as huffy and ridiculous as Razvan did.

Serenity took herself to the kitchen where Leon was making a cup of tea, and she flopped herself dramatically across the island. "I miss Razvannnn!" she whined. "I miss his stupid hats. All your hats are too cool to make fun of."

“Can you come get us?” Joss said, in a voice that scared Leon for its fragility. This wasn’t a call asking for a ride, this was a rescue plea.

“What’s happened?” said Leon, already starting to move. “Where are you?”

“We’re walking…” said Joss, then took a little while – Leon could hear him muttering as he must have moved the phone away from his mouth – searching for a location. “Down Crowndale Road, near King’s Cross.”

“I’ll be there,” Leon had promised. “Soon as I can. Joss, what’s happened?”

( ... )

It was always going to be a bad day, Joss hadn’t even considered putting the energy into pretending it could be otherwise. He knew all that shit about self-fulfilling prophecies and he’d done the ‘shitty anniversary coming up’ talk with his therapist and still. He wanted it to be a shitty day. It should be a shitty day. Who was supposed to have a good day on the anniversary of their sisters death? No, Joss had decided he should be suffering and so he was suffering.

He still went to his classes, because life went on. But he started drinking at lunchtime because it didn’t go on for everyone. He ran into Geordie when he was coming out of his afternoon class and Geordie frowned at him (Joss was three pints in by then) and bought him a coffee. Joss let him because he was Geordie, and they drank their coffees without talking about their dead sisters.

( ... )

When Leon looks at his little brother he still sees a boy most days. It’s as if Leon’s memory is stronger than the reality in front of his eyes. Despite the weight that Joss carries on his shoulders, and the constant tired stretched look on his face that makes him seem ancient, Leon still sees the boy underneath.

When Leon looks at himself in the mirror, he sees something in between. Not a boy, not for a while, but not an adult either. He’s thought about this for some time, and figures no one would blame him for blaming his childhood. There weren’t a great deal of adult role models for Leon. A dad who stuck around only until Nora’s next child came along and then bolted, leaving Leon with Nora, who was head over heels in love with her new son Joss and his father.

( ... )

Leon knew it was Daria at the door, because half an hour ago he’d received a message on his phone that said “I’M COMING TO SEE YOU. THIS IS YOUR TEN MINUTE PANTS WARNING.”

Months ago, he’d run into Daria in the hall. Under the (very false) assumption that no one else was home, he’d been writing songs naked in the blasphemy font, and now he’d stopped writing songs but was still very naked. Daria, who was definitely on the very high end of the ‘comfortable with nudity’ spectrum, had put on a dramatic performance of someone at the opposite end and pretended to faint into his naked wet arms.

( ... )

“We’re a few months past September,” Joss said. “Mean’s you’ve taken more than a semester off.”

“Mm,” said Merry, watching his ceiling. She’d been lying on his bed listening to his music while he fiddled with the bibliography for the assignment due on Monday. Now that he was done – a whole day before it was due, he joined her on the bed. She'd come over to his house after having brunch at Daria's. She's arrived in a mood, she was still in a mood.

( ... )

Joss did not know what had happened to the last several months. Or, he did know, but he couldn’t believe how they’d slipped away. The days crumbled into each other like towers of a dry sandcastle.

He still went to university, but he dropped down to two papers instead of four.

Strangest of all; he'd been sleeping a lot lately, as if he had all those years of insomnia to catch up on (or almost as if the sleeping pills he had agreed to take were starting to work...) When he was awake, it was hard to get going. He’d made it so far, but finally it seemed like his mother’s depression had caught up with him, grabbed him by the ankles and dragged him out to sea.

( ... )

Backstory with warnings: Shitty parents. Abuse, neglect, drowning.

-( ... )

Joss never admitted to anyone just how often he wished he was still on the road.

He'd been getting sick, he knew that. He hadn't been eating right or sleeping well and that way of life was... unsustainable. But was life now really any better? The food was, but he didn't give a shit about food really.

In the back of Kenzie's van he'd found something few people ever found: a love that crossed all boundaries, even death. And he'd discovered Teagan, and fallen half in love with her too. Those girls were forever entwined in his mind. Did he love Teagan, or was it Kenzie he was seeing? Joss lay away in his nest on the couch and contemplated this question, but he never got any closer to answering it than he had on the road.

( ... )

Joss was still awake when Leon came home, in the early hours of the morning as a flurry of raindrops were starting to fall. He’d heard the car come back and had drifted from the lounge toward the kitchen to pick at the remains of dinner and wait for Leon while pretending he wasn’t waiting for Leon.

“What’s up with Carly?” Joss asked, casually, as Leon joined him in the devouring of the cold chicken while the kettle boiled.

( ... )

After work, Carly got changed in the backroom, shimmying out of her unflattering polo shirt uniform and into the dress she'd recently bought but couldn't justify, even though it had been on sale. Although, as soon as she saw her reflection in the full length window of a shop as she made her way down the street, she decided that the dress had already paid for itself.

( Read more... )

Teagan lay on the ground, her cheek pressed against the concrete, arm outstretched like she was reaching for Kenzie to come back. Kenzie was supposed to stay with her. Kenzie was supposed to protect her. There were too many ghosts in this city, too many had followed them here and she could feel them watching her or watching Kenzie.

Had Kenzie really killed Leon?

Had Kenzie really slashed open Merry’s arm?

Had Kenzie really shattered every window in the motel?

Had Kenzie really left her?

Was she, Teagan, dying?

( ... )

Joss had been almost asleep, his eyes closed, leaning against Leon as the sounds from the TV wound themselves into his half-dreams. Leon too had started to drift off, and Ellie and Geordie had gone to bed over an hour ago. Merry was the only one still properly awake, still feeling like she had to watch over them all, still too worried to relax, and she was curled on an armchair sipping peppermint tea, when all the lights went out.

Joss heard Teagan’s scream through his half asleep state, and jolted himself awake. Disorientation spun him for a moment till he saw Leon, recognised him even in the dark. Leon was there. Leon he thought, looking at his brother in the glow from the streetlights outside. Leon is here.

“JOSS!” Kenzie screamed from outside, her voice hoarse. “JOSS I NEED YOU!”

( Too much, too close )

Merry hadn’t explained the full situation to Leon when she rang him – she tried but he’d stopped her. “Look,” he said. “Just tell me where you are, and I’ll be there.”

It took Merry by surprise how reassured she was by this; Leon’s voice, promising to come and help her with Joss. Or it might have just been that he was the most adult person she’d spoken to in a long time. (Matt didn’t count as an adult, Merry had worked that out a long time ago. He was older, sure, and he had an important skill, but he wasn’t adult. She could rely on him to get the job done but she couldn't rely on him. Merry missed her dad horribly.)

Leon didn’t feel much like an adult as he was driving across the UK to find his missing brother. It had been eleven weeks since he’d last seen him. Eleven weeks was a long time. They hadn’t been apart for this long since Leon came back from Europe, that spring seven years ago.

( ... )

Merry was alone in their living room at Lillian Cottage when she called Joss. Geordie and Ellie had walked down the road to get Thai takeaway for dinner. It was late for dinner, almost nine, but they'd gone to see an evening film and had only arrived back at half past eight.

She'd been a bit off today. It had been Geordie's idea to sit her in front of a screen for two hours and distract her - or rather, stop her snapping at them for a while. She didn't mean to snap, but they were getting nowhere.

( ... )