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I'd throw myself down on my knees - Catalina, Ciaran [backdated]
[Set a monthish after this scene, and backdated to a couple months ago. I'll work it out properly later.]
Catalina thought a lot of sin of late: women were the gateway through which sin had entered the world, and Catalina was the conduit for Father Ciaran's own sin. What was she meant to do with that knowledge? She spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection and she had officially left the Sisterhood. Guilt. Guilt was a lot of her focus, but there were other things she couldn't help but return to as well.
Like Ciaran. Like the fact that Ciaran had said he wanted to marry her. At the time she'd pushed it away, pushed him away, and since he'd come to her on that occasion she'd not seen him.
But Catalina knew she wanted only two things in her life: The love of God and the love of Ciaran. Could she be allowed to have them both?
She found Ciaran's home outside of the Church by asking her ex-sisters and her ex-priest. (Ex, because she could no longer attend that Church, not without facing all those she'd come to know there and feeling she had to explain her failings. No one had ever asked - either they knew her sin and said nothing, or simply assumed that the religious order had not been for her. It was unusual for young people to leave the order in the first year and a half after taking their vows. That time was given to the newly initiated for that very purpose. One had to be sure, and Catalina had thought she was at the time.)
She focused her thoughts and rubbed her thumb and forefinger over the medal of Saint Mary around her throat. (Mary, for penitent women, for strength against sexual temptation. Catalina needed a little of Miss Magdalene on her side.) Then, when she felt she was almost ready, she knocked on the door and waited.
Catalina thought a lot of sin of late: women were the gateway through which sin had entered the world, and Catalina was the conduit for Father Ciaran's own sin. What was she meant to do with that knowledge? She spent a lot of time in prayer and reflection and she had officially left the Sisterhood. Guilt. Guilt was a lot of her focus, but there were other things she couldn't help but return to as well.
Like Ciaran. Like the fact that Ciaran had said he wanted to marry her. At the time she'd pushed it away, pushed him away, and since he'd come to her on that occasion she'd not seen him.
But Catalina knew she wanted only two things in her life: The love of God and the love of Ciaran. Could she be allowed to have them both?
She found Ciaran's home outside of the Church by asking her ex-sisters and her ex-priest. (Ex, because she could no longer attend that Church, not without facing all those she'd come to know there and feeling she had to explain her failings. No one had ever asked - either they knew her sin and said nothing, or simply assumed that the religious order had not been for her. It was unusual for young people to leave the order in the first year and a half after taking their vows. That time was given to the newly initiated for that very purpose. One had to be sure, and Catalina had thought she was at the time.)
She focused her thoughts and rubbed her thumb and forefinger over the medal of Saint Mary around her throat. (Mary, for penitent women, for strength against sexual temptation. Catalina needed a little of Miss Magdalene on her side.) Then, when she felt she was almost ready, she knocked on the door and waited.