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author: vamphile, challenge #48: angst, epic series: hustler!j/whore in a hoody

Whore In A Hoody
Title: Hustler!Justin LXVI (Whore in a Hoody)
Author: Vamphile
Warnings: There's sex in this one
Condoms: 15 to Justin 6 to Brian


|Hustler!Justin | II | III | IV| V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII | XIX | XX | XXI | XXII | XXIII | XXIV | XXV | XXVI | XXVII | XXVIII | XXIX | XXX | XXXI | XXXII | XXXIII | XXXIV | XXXV | XXXVI | XXXVII | XXXVIII | XXXIX | XL | XLI | XLII | XLIII | XLIV | XLV | XLVI | XLVII | XLVIII | XLIX | L | LI | LII | LIII | LIV | LV | LVI | LVII | LVIII | LIX | LX | LXI | LXII | LXIII | LXIV | LXV

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Hustler Justin LXVI
Whore In A Hoody

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When I realize what I just said to him I panic. He strokes the hair off my face and smiles, it’s a real one, the kind I haven’t seen from him a lot lately. I’m so comfortable lying here next to him but I know he’s busy. “Do you have to go to the office?”

“Trying to get rid of me?”

“No… I just…”

“Shhhh, Justin, relax.”

I realize I was tensed for his anger. I guess he realizes it too. “You’re safe with me.”

I rest my head on his chest and wonder how he can be so sure.


~~~781~~~
If I start thinking about what we just did… what I just did to him, I’ll have to consider an honorable ritual suicide so I try not to focus on how fucked up I am. I told him I loved him. I let that spin in my brain, and maybe it’s the post sex endorphins, or the way his hair feels against my chest, or the way he fits in my arms but it still feels true.

I say it again, just to hear it, and he turns his head and blinds me with a smile. Fuck, I love Justin.

~~~782~~~
I have a thousand things I want to ask but he seems content to just lie here and play with my hair, repeating that he loves me. He’s treating the words like a new pair of shoes, testing them out, seeing how they feel. I turn to him and smile, because he’s kid of cute when he’s confused. “It’s okay if you don’t. Lots of people say it and don’t mean it.”

“I don’t.”

My heart hurts a little but I nod. “I know.”

He rolls his eyes. “I don’t say it without meaning it. I do love you, Justin.”


~~~783~~~
“You don’t believe in love. You…”

“Justin” I cut him off before he replays my greatest hits. All of them, it turns out, are bullshit.

“Isaac loved me too.”

The anger I feel at his name is increased tenfold. “No. He didn’t. I thought you’d put that behind you.”

“He did love me, in his own way.”

“That’s not love. It’s hate.”

“Brian, don’t.”

I sit up. “Listen to me, are you listening?”

He nods, looking down. “Justin, what Isaac did to you is unforgivable, and whatever happens with us… a relationship like that is not acceptable.”

“Whatever happens?”

Fuck.


~~~784~~~
Whatever happens. We don’t know what happens next. I’ve only done this once before and he doesn’t want to do it like that.

“So you don’t want me to fuck other people, even for money?”

He stares at me for a long time. “Do you want to fuck other people?”

“I only really want you. I’ve only ever really wanted you… well, in a long time.”

“I think we’ve both sown our share of wild oats.”

“You’d… you’re not going to… you can if you want, you know.” I’m not naïve. I didn’t care before and I don’t care now.

~~~785~~~
So why doesn’t that make me happy? He’s willing to do what he wants and let me do what I do.

Then I think of him, turning down offers and opportunities while I go off and… yeah, his image of love is already fucked up but…

And with all of that there’s the truth that I’ve been running away from. The surgery changed me. The experience affected me. And I don’t really want anyone else.

“For right now, we’re… not fucking other people. If we want that to change, we’ll talk about it.”

“You don’t have to, you can just…”


~~~786~~~
He gets so angry sometimes. He swears he’s not angry with me, but it feels like he is.

“Justin, I wouldn’t do that. I’m making a promise. I keep my promises.”

“So do I.”

“Good, I want another one.”

“Okay, if I want to fuck someone…”

“Not about that.” I know what he’s talking about. He’s holding my wrists and staring intensely. “Don’t ever try to hurt yourself again. If you even think you want to, you find me, immediately.”

He looks sad and serious. I don’t think I realized before how much what I did hurt him. “I promise.”


~~~787~~~
I believe him and something inside me relaxes. I pull him down with me, his head on my shoulder, his fingers circling my nipple and then tracing my abs. “I really would understand Brian. I mean there’s things that you don’t think you can do with me.”

“I think you just proved how very flexible you are.” Yeah, I’m being purposely obtuse.

“You know what I mean.”

“Is that something you want?”

He shrugs. “I don’t mind.”

Doesn’t mind… he didn’t mind when he was getting the shit beat out of him. “That’s not what I asked. Answer the question.”


~~~788~~~
I feel horrible denying him something that he might want. “I guess it could be…”

“Justin, stop saying what you think I want to hear. Have you ever enjoyed it?”

“No.”

He kisses the top of my head. “We’re not doing anything you don’t want to.”

“Good. I don’t want to take the SATs.”

He laughs. “I didn’t mean like that.”

“Brian, I’m tired of studying. I just want to…” and then I stop because I realize that there are actually a lot of options open to me, and I don’t know what the fuck I want. Dammit, tears again.


~~~789~~~
It’s going to take a while. It’s a good thing we’ve got a lifetime to figure this shit out. He’s crying… the whole world is open to him. He’s got some tough decisions ahead. “Shhhh, you don’t have to figure any of it out today.”

“But I should know by now.”

“No one at eighteen knows what they want to be when they grow up.”

“Not even you?”

“I wanted to be fabulous.”

“You are." He rolls on top of me. I move my legs until his hips are between my thighs. “You’re not so bad yourself.”

That smile again.


~~~790~~~
I feel a chill run down my spine and am wracked with a wave of terror. I guess he sees it in my eyes. His hands are on either side of my face. His legs hooked over my calves. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“You’re okay.”

I shake my head. The enormity of what I’ve done is starting to sink in. I broke every single rule Isaac had. I’ve become the slut he was trying to keep me from being. Brian’s arms wrap around the small of my back. “You’re not doing anything wrong.”

I shrug “you don’t understand.”

“Explain it to me.”


~~~791~~~
I can’t believe what he’s telling me. His head pressed against my chest so he doesn’t have to look at me…, which is probably good, because if he sees my anger, he’ll be more upset.

“When we fooled around I liked it, a lot. Too much. Isaac used to laugh about what a slut I was. He was right. He taught me how to please him, and how to control my own impulses. He made sure I didn’t end up…”

“Enjoying yourself?”

“See, you don’t get it. Do you know what happens to people who only care about getting off?”


~~~792~~~
He gives a derisive snort and I guess it is kind of funny to be asking him that. I mean how many times have I been told, by him, and his friends, that Brian’s primary goal is to get his needs met.

“Justin, there’s nothing wrong with enjoying sex. You’re supposed to.”

“But I can’t be normal Brian. I mean when Isaac was… when we first… I mean it hurt but then… I just wanted to feel like that all the time.”

I remember telling Isaac that, and his immediate reaction. It was the first time he ever spanked me.


~~~793~~~
“Did you get off, when he spanked you?” The image of what Isaac did is becoming more clear. Justin nods. "That’s when we started practicing… you know, how to keep it in check, because if I liked it too much… I’d just…”

He stops and I’m really interested in hearing the next part. “You’d what?”

“He never really went into detail but I knew he didn’t want that for me. He lo…”

“No he didn’t.” I can’t hear him say it again. Isaac and his fucking vague threats leaving Justin’s imagination to come up with something worse than any reality.


~~~794~~
I try to remember what Isaac said would happen but it was so long ago, and I knew Isaac wouldn’t lie to me…

“Brian, what does happen if…?”

He smiles. “You have a lot of really hot sex.”

“I mean the dangerous parts.”

“Well, if you’re stupid and not safe you’ll get sick, but nothing that could have happened to you would have been as bad as what did.”

“You don’t mean that.” He can’t mean that… that would mean…

“Justin, being raped, beaten, damaged, emotionally scarred, which of these did Isaac prevent you from experiencing?”

“He didn’t love me.”


~~~795~~~
It’s like a brand new revelation every time he says it. I wonder how long until it sinks in permanently.

“You really love me?”

“Yeah.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ve tried to avoid this my whole life.”

“What if you hadn’t picked me up?”

“You’d have died and I’d still be a free man.”

“Is that what…?”

“Shut the fuck up.”

“But now you’re not free.”

“I guess not.”

“I’m sorry…”

“Shut the fuck up.”

He looks like he wants to say something. I kiss him instead. I’m oddly content and I don’t feel like questioning it right now.


~~~796~~~
I could lose myself in this kiss. I think he’s trying to make that happen. I hold on, struggling for the control that I’ve been trained to use. Clients have tried before, hoping to break me, but it rarely happened, the consequences were too severe. Brian’s hands are on my ass, his tongue is in my mouth and here in his bed, I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold on.

“Let go.” He whispers it to me between kisses.

I shake my head, but he slides a wet finger into my ass, fucking me quickly. “Let go, Justin.”


~~~797~~~
When he finally lets go his entire body seems to spasm around my finger. He pushes back onto my hand and comes within seconds. I kiss him again before he can apologize and roll us over. He’s on his back, staring up at me with dilated eyes and a peaceful smile. “Good boy.”

I run my hands over his body. His skin is soft and pale against the dark blue sheets. He’s so fucking beautiful. When he’s hard again I straddle his lap, rolling on a condom. His eyes widen as I lower myself onto his cock. “Brian, No. Stop.”


~~~798~~~
He stops all movement. I squeeze my eyes closed.

“Justin…” I open them. “What’s wrong?”

“This is, I shouldn’t… you shouldn’t… I mean, you don’t have to…”

He moves, and I’ve never felt anything like it. “Feel good?”

I nod. He weaves his fingers through mine and bites his lip as he rides me. It’s so wrong, and it feels so good. He wants this and I want this and he’d tell me that’s the perfect combination. I press up into him, and he smiles, reaching for his own cock. My hand meets his and together, we get him off.


~~~799~~~
I feel empty and sore. It’s been a while since I’ve done that. I forgot how much it could hurts and how good it feels. His smile is gone again. He’s worried.

I kiss the side of his mouth and tap his temple. “What fresh hell are you considering now?”

“Is that what… do you usually like…”

I laugh. “Justin, you’re a bottom if I ever met one, and no, I’m not usually, but today’s a special occasion.”

He pouts. “I only get to fuck you on special occasions?”

“The days you get to fuck me will be special occasions.”


~~~800~~~
Three days later he’s tossing a packet onto the coffee table. “Fill those out.”

“What are they?”

“Your employment forms, so you can get paid.”

“But… I thought…”

“You’re taking the SATs next week.”

“Lindsay says my portfolio won’t be ready for fall admissions.”

“So you’ll start in the spring.”

“If I get in.”

“You’ll get in.”

“Why? Did you bribe someone?”

He kisses the side of my face. “I believe in you.”

I look away. It’s pathetic how much I cry.

“Allergies?”

I nod and keep typing.

“Pizza?”

“Chinese.”

He makes the call while I finish the last chapter.

Cont...