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Tweak says, "my face can do tricks!"

vamphile (vamphile) wrote in qaf_drabbles,
@ 2008-01-13 20:38:00

Entry tags:

author: vamphile, epic series: hustler!j/whore in a hoody, outside of challenge

Whore In A Hoody
Title: Hustler!Justin LIX (Whore in a Hoody)
Author: Vamphile
Condoms: None

|Hustler!Justin | II | III | IV| V | VI | VII | VIII | IX | X | XI | XII | XIII | XIV | XV | XVI | XVII | XVIII | XIX | XX | XXI | XXII | XXIII | XXIV | XXV | XXVI | XXVII | XXVIII | XXIX | XXX | XXXI | XXXII | XXXIII | XXXIV | XXXV | XXXVI | XXXVII | XXXVIII | XXXIX | XL | XLI | XLII | XLIII | XLIV | XLV | XLVI | XLVII | XLVIII | XLIX | L | LI | LII | LIII | LIV | LV | LVI | LVII | LVIII |

AN I know, short entry, more tomorrow but i'm wiped.

Hustler Justin LIX
Whore In A Hoody

I cross my arms and lean in the doorframe. I want to touch him but it’s too important that he do this himself. I want to touch myself but that would be crossing a line I’ve already jumped over once too often. He arches into his own hand, his thumb swiping across the head. His mouth is open and his toes curl when he comes. His body relaxes for a moment and then tenses in fear. I move towards him, offering a damp towel. He flinches from my touch but when I kiss him gently and pull away, he’s smiling.

~~~702~~~
He doesn’t seem angry, but then I’ve had clients who enjoyed watching me get off. It usually took longer with them. They didn’t turn me on. He’s staring at me.

“Did you like that?”

He shakes his head. “It’s not about what I like or don’t.”

He sits back, pulling away. “Was that just a show for me?”

Instinct tells me to say that it was, but when he looks at me like that I can’t lie. “No. I wanted… and then… I’m…”

“If you apologize I’m tossing you out on your ass.”

I laugh. “Then I’m definitely not sorry.”

~~~703~~~
How the fuck did I end up teaching a fucked up kid how to jerk off. Okay, so I’m not teaching him how that part is self-explanatory, but that it’s okay. Then I think about it… I guess everyone at some point has to figure that out. Then again, most people aren’t ritually abused for the smallest indiscretions. My anger towards Isaac builds again and as he reaches under my robe and between my legs I jump backwards. I wasn’t paying attention. I need to with him. He’s trouble. I turn away. Clothes, this will be easier if I’m dressed.

~~~704~~~
I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. He offers his hand but when I take it, instead of standing up, I pull him towards me. He looks surprised. I wrap my arms around his hips and rest my cheek against the fly of his jeans. I feel his cock stir. I smile, using my teeth to lower the zipper. He grabs my arms and twists out of my grasp. “Cut it out.”

He’s angry and I can see the outline of his erection through his jeans. I lower my eyes and brace myself for what I know comes next.

~~~705~~~
His expression, his posture, it’s all too familiar. Fuck. “Justin.” No response. I lift his chin but he won’t meet my eyes. “Justin, I’m not going to hurt you.”

His hands are folded in his lap, eyes down. How the fuck did we end up back here? “Look at me.”

He looks up, focusing on a point just above my eyes. This can’t keep happening. Not while he’s still afraid I might hurt him. Is that what happened last night? Did he even want me, or is he just conditioned to give in to whoever falls on top of him.

~~~706~~~
He tosses my coat to me. “C’mon, we’ve got a meeting to get to.”

Not for a few hours but I don’t argue with him. When we’re in the jeep he smokes four cigarettes before he says anything. “Why didn’t you stop me last night?”

“I didn’t want to.”

“And what happens when someone you don’t want wants you?”

I can’t answer that. I don’t know what he wants me to say. “Do you want to see me with someone else?”

He lights another cigarette. Wrong answer. I think about everything Peter and Brian have said. “I’d tell them no.”

~~~707~~~
I can practically hear his mind clicking through the possible responses before he answers. Of course he didn’t stop me last night. I cringe and try to figure out how to make sure he gets the help he needs without my coming near him again. I’m no better than Isaac. He puts a hand on my arm. “It didn’t occur to me to say no to you.”

“Does it ever occur to you to say no?”

He grips my arm tighter. “If I didn’t enjoy myself, would you have kept going?”

I don’t answer. “I wanted you to fuck me.”

Cont...

(Post a new comment)

	vl_redreign 2008-01-14 01:59 am UTC (link)
	Hmmm, perhaps Brian isn't the best person to be teaching Masturbation 101. Although, he is a really good focal point. :D (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 02:02 am UTC (link)
	he's not but who the hell else is going to do it? who is brian going to let do it? see the conundrum... (Reply to this) (Parent)

	secretsolitaire 2008-01-14 02:05 am UTC (link)
	Arggh, this is why they shouldn't be having sex yet. sighs Although of course Brian is overreacting by saying he's no better than Isaac. Drama queen. ;-) But the jerking off! That was good! (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 02:09 am UTC (link)
	Brian queens out with the best of them. the jerking off is good, brian's guilt is not. Also, justin's not completely cured yet either, he still assumes that at some point brian will physically hurt him. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	notreallyme10 2008-01-14 02:26 am UTC (link)
	Brian can be such a big baby. Brian seems to be able to read Justin so well at times, I wish he could see that Justin's attraction to him is real. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 02:42 am UTC (link)
	Brian believes his attraction to him is real enough, he doesn't believe that it's healthy. He's fucked up, yo, they both are. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notreallyme10 2008-01-14 02:50 am UTC (link)
	It seemed like he was questioning if Justin really wanted him or just didn't know how to say no. They are indeed very fucked up. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

vamphile
2008-01-14 03:11 am UTC (link)

brian was kind of questioning if justin wanted HIM... but if he took like a split second to think about it he'd realize that that's ALL justin's been saying he wants.

brian's concern is that Justin really can't say no, in general, and he thinks justin's attraction to him is partially about feeling that he owes brian something... so brian's going to beat himself up. he does that well.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notreallyme10 2008-01-14 03:12 am UTC (link)
	Yes he does. I can't tell you enough how much I love this story. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 03:16 am UTC (link)
	you're right, you can't :P seriously, i'm actually zeroing in on an ending and i don't know what i'll do when i'm not writing this stupid thing anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notreallyme10 2008-01-14 03:20 am UTC (link)
	Lol! I don't know what I'll do either. It is pretty great having a WIP to read that I know will be updated everyday. You'll just have to start something new ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

	starbaby 2008-01-14 01:44 pm UTC (link)
	er, uh, as much as I adore this one (not stupid, thank you very much), Keeping Time and Blue Monday are waiting patiently, hee hee. Also as a lurker (read stalker)didn't I read that you are actually trying to have a social life, like even a date now and then? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:43 pm UTC (link)
	well, yes, i'm trying to do lots of things including finding gainful employment. and i have NOT abandoned blue monday or keeping time... i swear. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	not_yet_defined 2008-01-16 01:37 am UTC (link)
	NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO goes off to whimper that's it, i'm not reading anymore...what if i click and it's the last one?!!??!? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	not_yet_defined 2008-01-16 01:38 am UTC (link)
	ps...this set made me so sad. and i was all happy like 10 minutes ago from the last one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-16 01:42 am UTC (link)
	um... do you need emotional support for the next set, you're welcome to call me. i swear. i knew this set was going to upset you. It's better in today's set... MUCH better, i swear. Swear you only have two sets to read til it's all happy but NOT over. i would have told you if it were the last one... I PROMISE! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	not_yet_defined 2008-01-16 01:51 am UTC (link)
	I'd call you if midwest airlines hadn't lost my fucking cell phone. and payday had been today. But alas, payday is the 16th, so i have to wait till tomorrow to get my new phone. maybe i should wait till then to read on... deep breath ok, i'm going to bravely read on. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	sidhe 2008-01-14 03:03 am UTC (link)
	I hope that eventually Justin will get to the point where he doesn't expect to be hurt for things - even something as basic as masturbation. My hatred of Isaac, at this point, knows no bounds. I don't think I've ever really felt that way about a character in a fic before. (Reply to this) (Thread)

vamphile
2008-01-14 03:09 am UTC (link)

Because i've made him the worst thing ever. A sadistic pedophile who preyed on Justin, thus getting in the way of the love.

if there's something worse, well, i can think of it but i will NOT make Justin Positive as well.

yeah, Justin expects to be hurt/disciplined whenever he takes initiative. the learned helplessness is part of the whole conditioning process that makes what Isaac did so heinous.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	rosy5000 2008-01-14 03:35 am UTC (link)
	I just keep hoping that Justin can reach a 'normal' personality, and not always be submissive. I just makes me hate Isaac so much more when Justin takes that step back. :( (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 03:39 am UTC (link)
	i know. isaac really fucked with justin's head and even though he's shown a little progress in the last few chapters, he's not out of the woods yet. (Reply to this) (Parent)

pgcwmt
2008-01-14 03:55 am UTC (link)

As far as I'm concerned, you don't have to be in a hurry to zero in on an ending. You have to realize that this is an addiction, and when it ends, I don't know what kind of 'frenzy' and 'paranoia' that might develope in me.......I'm worried!! Again, this last entry is Great!! I do hope Brian realizes that Justin's feelings for him are the 'real' deal, and then hopefully Brian will admit to himself his feelings are just as strong, if not more for Justin!!! I love, love this story. I still wish we could cut Isaac's balls off!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:45 pm UTC (link)
	maybe i'll wrap everything up in a nice bow including isaccs testicles... but probably not. i'm not hurrying to end this, it will take as long as it takes, but i do have to end it eventually, and we're far more than halfway done. don't worry, someone else will start writing something crackalicious and tada, you'll have a new addiction in no time. (Reply to this) (Parent)

herefordroad
2008-01-14 04:31 am UTC (link)

at first i feel justin's improvement:

He flinches from my touch but when I kiss him gently and pull away, he’s smiling.

and then a mini setback:

“Justin, I’m not going to hurt you.”

His hands are folded in his lap, eyes down. How the fuck did we end up back here? “Look at me.”

but justin's not running so it seems like brian is getting closer to helping him with his mental/emotional well being.

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:46 pm UTC (link)
	Neither of them are running, so YAY. Justin is still not used to being loved without it meaning also being hurt... so he's sort of trained like that. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	witchdragon 2008-01-14 04:44 am UTC (link)
	I'm enjouying watching Justin figure things ut and speak his mind- to bad Brain thinks everthing he says is just programming. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:47 pm UTC (link)
	Brian is going to have to learn to decipher what is and isn't programming, you're right. Justin is speaking his mind but he's also being a bit manipulative and then he just falls back into scared... he's a bit of a mess, but he's getting better. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	noteverything 2008-01-14 05:18 am UTC (link)
	“I wanted you to fuck me.” So, now the question is, did Justin just say what he thought Brian wanted to hear? I mean, it's obvious he does want Brian, but does he understand that's what he should be wanting? Or wait...should he?!?! shakes pom poms anyway, 'cause it's still a kick-butt story (Reply to this) (Thread)

vamphile
2008-01-14 08:48 pm UTC (link)

yeah, it's a bit confusing.

he did want brian to fuck him. last night, nothing that happened was against justin's will. it was not justin capitulating... however, WOULD he have said no, even if he didn't want it? probably not after all brian's done for him... so no matter how many times he says he wants brian, it will take a while for brian to understand that it's not out of gratitude or obligation or puppy love or misguided transferred attachment.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

zaipixie
2008-01-14 07:28 am UTC (link)

I'm so proud of Justin! And sad too of course. But he did it. Now if he can just believe in not being afraid to really enjoy it too.

In an ideal world for me, Brian will talk to Peter about what happened. With Justin in the room. I think Justin needs to hear how Brian feels in a setting where he might trust that Brian is actually telling the truth. I'm not telling you how to write! I'm just rambling as usual.

Thank you!

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:50 pm UTC (link)
	meh, even if you were telling me how to write... i'd still love you. i wish i could just have peter sit between them and translate for them both so that they heard each other, but i won't do that, so we're going to have to do this the hard way... the vamph!way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zaipixie 2008-01-14 08:56 pm UTC (link)
	snickers Tweak just told me: "Call me Dr Spin"... Yeah, having Peter do that would be to take the easy way - or at least the short cut. Justin would go: "Oh, really? I didn't realize!" And then... The End. Meh... Well, not really. But I'd rather see what you'll come up with. ;) (Reply to this) (Parent)

minuet9
2008-01-14 10:37 am UTC (link)

“If you apologize I'm tossing you out on your ass.”

I laugh. “Then I'm definitely not sorry.”

This is like a little glimpse of the real Justin.

I still love this story, even if I haven't been able to comment recently.
I loved that Brian isn't perfect and let his body overrule his mind and crawl into bed with Justin. (ok so he had to be drunk, but that's Brian too.)

Justin is still trying so hard to please, it's hard to see how he will ever be able to say no. :(
Please don't rush to finish this story. I fear the withdrawal among the readers could be catastrophic.
~~unless you are going straight into writing more Keeping, in which case you will be forgiven~~

(Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:51 pm UTC (link)
	when i finish this i WILL go straight to writing more keeping, but first i need to finish this, and i don't want to kill anyone from withdrawls, but i'm not slowing down til it's done. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	lost2mercy 2008-01-14 02:20 pm UTC (link)
	Seeing Justin so submissive hurts so much because we know that canon!Justin was anything but. He stood up to people at all costs and (almost) always got his way. And he was unrepentant. (Reply to this) (Thread)

	vamphile 2008-01-14 08:52 pm UTC (link)
	Exactly, and occasionally we see glimmers of that but it's usually at the wrong time and about something that would be dangerous. i think he will find himself though, i really do. (Reply to this) (Parent)

ex_4cupcakes771
2008-01-14 10:32 pm UTC (link)

okay...so i've been reading all along and have yet to comment because, well, i don't know why...but just, well...this kills me (in a good way) everyday. it's gorgeous and painful and beautiful and everything it should be. you are one of the first writers i ever read when i found this fandom and I love what you are doing with this...the first thing i do when i see your post each day is count the chapters so that i know how many words i'm going to get to read....keep up the amazing work....i wanted to ask you if know ben harper's version of john lennon's beautiful boy ? it reminds me of this fic every time I hear it....not to be weird...maybe it's just me. do you know it? if not, i can send it to you....if you want...sorry i'm rambling...can't wait to read more...

(Reply to this) (Thread)

vamphile
2008-01-14 11:28 pm UTC (link)

you're welcome to send me the song. I'm not an audiophile, at all, i barely listen to music in my car, but some songs do inspired me.

i'm so glad that you're enjoying the story. i know my chapters vary in length but sometimes i'm exhausted, or RL gets in the way, or you know, i'm just working to get somewhere and my muses have dug their heels in a little, but hey, the next chapter is a nice big fat one with you know, stuff happening.

thanks for the feedback and feel free to send the song to me at

vamphile at gmail dot com.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

InsaneJournal

Hustler Justin LIXWhore In A Hoody

Hustler Justin LIX
Whore In A Hoody