War Is Coming Communications.

I'm bored.  Let's play a game.


You're in a dark room.  It's pitch black, you can see nothing but darkness.  You hear a faint scritching in the dark.  Like some animals scuffling around.

On you, you have a box of matches, a length of rope and a copy of the Winchester Gospels volumes 1-5.

What do you do?  Go.

I have no idea what is even happening right now, but I am...definitely liking it. Is this what the 60s felt like?

Right. I am going to put aside work for the rest of the week. There are no contracts due, no thinking about alphas or purgatory, none of it. And we are going to take some time for just us. Fuck what anyone else is doing. I am going to be selfish.

Okay...I'm not fighting. I'm not arguing. Personally, I think it'd be pretty stupid on your part not to be discussing the what if's, actually. But whoever, and I really don't care who it is, I don't want to know, I don't need to know, but whoever is talking about contingencies and plans against me and mine in the event they're needed, need to keep it away from the kids, all right? Leave it to teens and up, at the very least. A child should not feel the need to warn me and my brothers about you lot. I think we all know the child in question. And I think we can all agree that at five years old, Bo does not need these things on her head. She is very smart, very perceptive and mature for her age...but she's still five. And she still doesn't need to see you lot talking about people this way. And if you're already not, it'd serve you well to start filtering plans like this against my baby brother. He more than anyone does not need to see you speaking about his family this way.

[Friends]
And actually...I'm just curious...does anyone ever really think about exactly how much was really lost when that bitch did me in I died? Not just the literal lives lost, of course there's that and that has been beaten into the ground, but...how much of me was lost? I didn't know all of them, of course I didn't, I couldn't, it'd be impossible. But when you think about it, it's also a part of me that I can never get back. I'm alive, I'm fine, here. But my being alive in another dimension doesn't make the rest of them that way.

It's just something Rebekah said, made me think about it. I mean, we can't have children and really, even if we could, I'm like...the last fucking person on the planet that wants or more importantly needs a tiny dependent thing but we can't and the only thing that we can do, as far as descendants go, as far as leaving behind a piece of our legacy, is this. And every single one of mine is gone. Every. Single. One. Not a single piece of me or who I was is left. It's as if I never existed.

So now that everyone's done talking about my impending doom I should probably know more about this place. Were we brought here for a reason or is it all just random? Or, option 3; nobody knows?


[Filtered to Rose]

I'd like to go for that coffee sometime, if you're still up for it.


[Filtered to Lexi]

I need clothes. As in, I'm actually starting to look (and smell) like a hobo.

Is shopping still on?

Is it silly to give lots of people presents for fathers day if they aren't really your Dad?

[Crowley]

Can I tell you a secret?

Well that was more fun than it should have been. We've stopped for coffee but should make it home in the next couple hours.

[Crowley] 

We brought a friend. His names Alec and he'll sing like a bird. Dunno if he knows the Alpha but he'll get you close if you apply the right pressure. I applied a fair amount though so, y'know, we could good cop bad cop it.

...do you know how to good cop?

[Sam]

Make fries for me. And ensure Emily is awake and huggable.

I missed you two way too much

So. People who have to face their killers day in and day out here. Other than having highly better morals than I do in the first place... how do you deal with that? How the fuck do not just kill them while they sleep? Because advice. It'd be great right about now. Because basically every instinct I have is telling me to go find the bitch and kill her where she stands.

[Crowley & Anna]
So. Talk to me. Give me something to kill. Distractions. Something.

So. There's a thing. It's a big thing. It's not just one civil war, it's two. There are two civil wars. One in Hell and one in Heaven. Why should you all care, I hear you ask? Well, I'm glad you did, because if the wrong people win, then we get to have Apocalypse: The Sequel. There are still a lot of demon loyalists who want to kill murder death me. And over in the Heaven side of things, we have the fourth of the archangels, Raphael. He's like a mini Michael and wants to free Michael and make that a thing again.

I have a plan. It is a flawless plan, and one I am willing to share with an angel of your choice. Who wants to help?

igtt out heeeeere bonus aiiiirreeees stand baack cause youwana know what you're gonnna get in me

DRUNK

Crowleyyyyyyyyyyyy i wannnna beeee a part of BA  buenos aires big apple

makehappen

Hey Lawrence!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother, is getting married in a few weeks, and I'm his Best Man!  He is the best brother a vampire could ask for.  And I managed to get him drunk enough to sit through a lap dance from a male stripper, courtesy of Kol.

Oi, Mikaelson!  Best idea ever!  That was hilarious!

Also!  We need a teleporter!  Any volunteers?

Met with Katherine yesterday. It was kind of fun. Not the talking part, no like I believe her or anything, but the threat I gave at the end. That was fun.

[Crowley]
Threats are fun. I almost forgot. I feel that's wrong. The forgetting part, not the fun part.

[Bobby]
Got anything I could kill a state or two over?

[Damon]
So, this party for your brother. We should, I dunno, actually plan things or something, shouldn't we? Or are we gonna wing it the night of?

Anything local in need of being dead lately? I sort of promised Damon I'd take him on a hunt sometime and he's in a "let's kill a thing" mood and I figured I should be constructive about it considering if I leave him to his own devices, it could get messy and full of drama. Trying to keep it local-ish, though. Not going to face the eternal shame and wrath of Caroline for missing this ball.

So, Anna, darling. I'm assuming you want to go to the ball with two devastatingly handsome men?

Well that was an interesting few days. Some lovely rebels thinking they could make a play for my shiny throne. I can admit it, they were good. But I'm Crowley.

What have I missed?

[Filtered to Kol and Anna]

Sorry that took longer than I thought.

Sam's had his soul restored. No clue what he's going to be like now, but I have things I need to do. So I don't know how contactable I'll be for a bit, lot I have to sort out in Hell.

Try to stay out of trouble?

[Filtered To Ruby]
So he's back and you're calm?
We still need to talk
I've got stuff to deal with
Fuck this shit.

[FILTERED TO KOL MIKAELSON, CAROLINE FORBES, REBEKAH SALVATORE, STEFAN SALVATORE, KATHERINE PIERCE]

Okay. A heads up. Ruby's out of the trap she's been in for the past month. She says she's going after Sam, which is possibly a mistake of giant proportions and could get her killed, but watch your backs anyway.

And no, I haven't filtered in the other Mikaelson brothers. Because the tiny one is way too tiny to understand this and the other two are prone to overreactions. And I don't want anyone overreacting, or trying to attack her or doing anything stupid. Just wanted people to be aware of what was happening.

[FILTERED TO ANNA MILTON]

How's those Grace powers settling in, Princess?