Vas Captio Journals

Do you ever feel like you're being taken advantage of?

Because I do, all the time. Everybody comes to you to for answers to solve their problems but when you're going through a hard time they never give a damn, because you're the one with all the answers. Why would you need help? Why would you need support? It's not like the people who you love are dead or anything, it's not like you've been through anything serious and need a shoulder to cry on. Why can't you just deal while everybody else runs head on into the firestorm with their super powers while you sit back and watch until they can use you for your brain? And people wonder why I acted like an idiot for so long.

You do everything you can to help and all people do is either die or abandon you. I hate that this place doesn't feel any different from home. I hate that I can't look forward to going back because there's nothing to look forward to. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of all of this.

My name is Jake.

You might think my friends and I are a couple of stupid teenagers with shitty attitudes. You have no idea how much I wish that was true. Man, I'd love to go back to that. My biggest problems in life, back then, were how to tell my brother I didn't make the basketball team and how to ask Cassie on a date.

That was three years ago.

We were 13. A group of five 13 year olds walking through a stupid abandoned construction site when an alien dropped out of the sky and told us about an invasion on earth. Parasitic head slugs that take control of their hosts, turning them into living, breathing meat sacks. They could be anyone. Your brother, your mother, your school principal, the police. If they find out you know about them, you get turned into one of them. You become a slave. You die. Your family dies.

We were the only ones that knew. Five stupid kids whose biggest problems in those days were wondering if that stupid boy or girl liked us enough. We were humanity's only chance.

That's what we've been fighting. I've died on the Delaware, I've seen all my friends holding their guts inside their bodies as we stumbled away broken. I've seen Marco's heart stop beating.

So excuse me if I, and Marco since he's a lot better at this than I am, don't have the patience to be happy or to be polite. This dome isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to us. It's actually been a nice break. If I didn't have a war to win it'd be a nice place to stay.

[ooc: I almost have activity for Jess, but I'm short a journal entry. Damn her antisocial behavior! ]

[Her handwriting is messy because she's been drinking to try and shut herself up. Alas, it hasn't worked.]

I hate telling the truth because it means talking about Kilgrave and how bad he fucked with my head. He controlled my mind. Literally. I did everything he told me to do including kill a woman. I've killed people. I killed Kilgrave. I'm sure I'm not alone. Some of you have probably killed people. I have good radar for this kind of thing. Back home I'm a private investigator and I know people aren't always as innocent as they seem.

Right now all I want to do is shut up. I can't tell any lies and that really bothers me because lying is a great defense mechanism.