Vas Captio Journals

Did we get a bunch of new people this week?

I swear, I keep hearing voices, but when I turn around, no one is there. Or maybe I'm losing it.

Hey, Bellamy, I'm still alive you little bitch.

[Derek]

Stiles is here but I want to stay living with you and Cora. I know you don't want him here, so I'll just go visit him sometimes and not bring him back here.

[Stiles]

You okay?

[/UNFILTERED]

Anyone want some rabbit? I went hunting and found a nest of little ones. There's not much meat to them but they're really tender.

You guys are hilarious, you know? Confessing your deepest, darkest secrets all over the journals?

I'm just eating popcorn and being totally entertained.

[ooc: I almost have activity for Jess, but I'm short a journal entry. Damn her antisocial behavior! ]

[Her handwriting is messy because she's been drinking to try and shut herself up. Alas, it hasn't worked.]

I hate telling the truth because it means talking about Kilgrave and how bad he fucked with my head. He controlled my mind. Literally. I did everything he told me to do including kill a woman. I've killed people. I killed Kilgrave. I'm sure I'm not alone. Some of you have probably killed people. I have good radar for this kind of thing. Back home I'm a private investigator and I know people aren't always as innocent as they seem.

Right now all I want to do is shut up. I can't tell any lies and that really bothers me because lying is a great defense mechanism.

My name is Jake.

You might think my friends and I are a couple of stupid teenagers with shitty attitudes. You have no idea how much I wish that was true. Man, I'd love to go back to that. My biggest problems in life, back then, were how to tell my brother I didn't make the basketball team and how to ask Cassie on a date.

That was three years ago.

We were 13. A group of five 13 year olds walking through a stupid abandoned construction site when an alien dropped out of the sky and told us about an invasion on earth. Parasitic head slugs that take control of their hosts, turning them into living, breathing meat sacks. They could be anyone. Your brother, your mother, your school principal, the police. If they find out you know about them, you get turned into one of them. You become a slave. You die. Your family dies.

We were the only ones that knew. Five stupid kids whose biggest problems in those days were wondering if that stupid boy or girl liked us enough. We were humanity's only chance.

That's what we've been fighting. I've died on the Delaware, I've seen all my friends holding their guts inside their bodies as we stumbled away broken. I've seen Marco's heart stop beating.

So excuse me if I, and Marco since he's a lot better at this than I am, don't have the patience to be happy or to be polite. This dome isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to us. It's actually been a nice break. If I didn't have a war to win it'd be a nice place to stay.

Do you ever feel like you're being taken advantage of?

Because I do, all the time. Everybody comes to you to for answers to solve their problems but when you're going through a hard time they never give a damn, because you're the one with all the answers. Why would you need help? Why would you need support? It's not like the people who you love are dead or anything, it's not like you've been through anything serious and need a shoulder to cry on. Why can't you just deal while everybody else runs head on into the firestorm with their super powers while you sit back and watch until they can use you for your brain? And people wonder why I acted like an idiot for so long.

You do everything you can to help and all people do is either die or abandon you. I hate that this place doesn't feel any different from home. I hate that I can't look forward to going back because there's nothing to look forward to. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of all of this.

I had sex with someone that's not my boyfriend and I don't feel guilty about. I feel like I should feel guilty, but I don't. Lincoln's not here and I may never see him again. And being here sucks, so why shouldn't I have a little bit of fun when I can?

The first year after I was arrested I cried myself to sleep every night.

What the fuck
That's not what I meant to say
Fuck me

You know, whatever's going on around here right here, it's awesome.

It's about time people actually say what's on their minds.

I hate everything. Fuck this place.

You hear me, Management? Fuck. You. I mean, do you guys even fucking exist? We've never seen you. We see your experiments, people get hurt, people get "released." But you've never come forward about any of your shit. ARE YOU EVEN REAL?!

Fuck all of you. Fuck all of you so hard.

Fuck this place.

Dutch and Sirius:
She's gone. Bobo is gone.

Sirius (scribbled out, so never sent):
Where are you? I don't want t I can'

I miss home. ( cut for length )

Are all the women here lesbians?

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Lesbians are hot.

Do we have anybody who went missing tonight at the black out? Everyone that I live with seems to be where they're supposed to.

I'm tired of making the lists of people that are here. I would like somebody else to actually do that for a couple of weeks because my wrist hurts. My mother told me that I was going to get carpal tunnel from typing and working on computers, but if anything the amount that I write in this damn journal is going to give it to me first.

That's the reason that I haven't been doing it, that plus the fact that sometimes other things are pretty distracting and amp up my anxiety levels higher than I, or other people it would seem, like. I need to relax, I even want to, but in a hell like this it isn't exactly easy, you know. Derek sometimes helps.

I appreciate you Derek.

BEACON HILLS.

Stilinski, are you sober now so we can discuss a few things or are you part of the experiment and you weren't just being an idiot drinking for the sake of getting drunk?

Lydia, still doing all right?

SIRIUS.

When's a good time to get back together and finish this safe house? Do you think you can work between drunken spells or should we just wait until this passes?

[messy but not illegible handwriting]

Will someone please explain why I'm fucking drunk even though I haven't overdone it on the whiskey? It just seems wrong.
-Jesssica

OH MY GOD you guys cannot hold your liquor.

Being drunk is AWESOME if you know how to do it.

[Animorphs]

How do you guys do this all the time? I mostly mean Marco, Rachel.

My head is going to explode. Not unlike both times I got shot in the head--that wasn't very fun, by the way. Bullets in your brain = bad experience. Not that it was the worst one. Not even close.

Jeez.


I'm just going to drink myself back to sleep. That part's nice.

Dear Diary,

This place is awesome!

I wanna stay here forever!

[Handwriting is a bit skewed because of inebriation]

Guys...

Guys guys gusy...

I love youuuuuu