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gideon nav (wedobones) wrote in valloic,
@ 2020-08-26 08:07:00

Entry tags:

!: network post, critical role: vax'ildan, the raven cycle: richard campbell gansey, the umbrella academy: diego hargreeves, ₴ inactive: alexis rose, ₴ inactive: bucky barnes, ₴ inactive: dean winchester, ₴ inactive: dwight hendrickson, ₴ inactive: eric bittle, ₴ inactive: ezio auditore, ₴ inactive: gideon nav, ₴ inactive: jack zimmerman, ₴ inactive: jester lavorre, ₴ inactive: leondardo da vinci, ₴ inactive: meetra surik, ₴ inactive: nikolai lantsov, ₴ inactive: torunn thorsdóttir

Taking a break from killing Gumby to review all the food I have had so far in your world (priorities, priorities). Please know that these are entirely my own opinions, and that it's not my fault if yours suck, so feel free to take everything personally. Without further ado:

GIDEON'S COMPREHENSIVE AND ACCURATE LIST OF FOODSTUFFS - VALLO EDITION

Apple: My first real apple I have ever had! I've tasted lab-grown apple of course, and once I had a dehydrated apple slice so old it looked like a Great-Aunt, but the real thing is great - lush, good texture, nice sweet/sour bite. 9/10
Ahi Tuna: I was skeptical and I still am. It's squishy and cold as a tomb. The sesame seeds imparted a delicious nutty (hahaha) taste and texture, and I could see the appeal on a hot day, but honestly texture-wise it reminded me too much of cannibalism, so nah. 5/10.
Avocado: Metaphor for my life. You get this big round thing that you squeeze with the soft touch of an uncertain and chaste lover, but when you split it open, it's mostly seed. I have been informed that this is the luck of the draw, and my luck sucks, so there's that to take into account. The part of the avocado fruit I ate was delicious, but there was so little of it. Avocado, you're ON NOTICE.
Banana: Looks like a dick 10/10
Coffee: Smells so good, tastes like heartbreak. Coffee is a LIE. An 'acquired taste' they say. Acquire my dismissal. 0/10.
Cupcake(s): I ate four in as many minutes and I thought my heart was going to come out of my nose. I threw up and then I ate a fifth. 10/10 Cupcakes are great.
Gelato: Someone from the land of Italy recommended this, and I got to say, good job. I ate it way too quickly and I thought I was going to die again, but then the pain went away and there was only sweetness. It reminded me a lot of every romantic crush I've ever had.
Gnocchi: Texture-wise, not great; it's like eating tiny little turds with tomato sauce. But then I enjoyed myself? I don't know; I think I need to look further within to figure this one out. 6/10.
Huevos Rancheros: Eggs + spicy things! Amazing. Apparently this is a breakfast food but I think we all know that this is a drunk food. 8/10
Kale: You kale people are fucked up, 0/10.
Meatball: Inclined to give this a 10/10 because of the 'ball' part but I found myself dreaming of its simple meaty qualities a few hours after I had one for the first time. If you'd only had lab-grown meat your whole life, the real deal is insanely good. I can 100% see the appeal of murdering cute animals. 10/10
Pizza: Bury my ass in a field of pizza or however you make it IDC. 11/10 I would die for pizza
Waffles Overrated. The syrup is gross and gets everywhere and soggy bread reminds me of grandmothers. 2/10, fight me.

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	celebutante 2020-08-26 01:49 pm UTC (link)
	The island is pretty Americanized since there are a lot of America-based fast food chains and stores here, so, you'd be able to find Chinese food easily. Or wait, back up, do I need to explain what America is? Yeah, it's a super tasty breakfast beverage. Or any time of day beverage. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wedobones 2020-08-26 02:12 pm UTC (link)
	Yeah! What's America. Is it gelatinous? Why would you make fruit into a beverage if you could just eat fruit?? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

celebutante
2020-08-26 02:16 pm UTC (link)

Sometimes gelatinous. But it's a country, also difficult to explain in words. I feel this gif sums it up best.

As for the smoothies, sometimes you want a bunch of different fruit and it's easier to just put it all together - or say you want pineapple, are you going to eat a whole pineapple right there? Then you won't have room for peaches or oranges. It's like the best of everything and easy to put in your body, which sounded less bad in my head before I typed it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wedobones 2020-08-26 03:07 pm UTC (link)
	Oh my god I love America (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	celebutante 2020-08-26 03:09 pm UTC (link)
	It's definitely an experience. But there are lots of restaurants, all different cuisines, because there's no like typical 'American' food so we just borrow from other countries and then change things, usually to involve more butter and deep frying. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wedobones 2020-08-26 03:44 pm UTC (link)
	So take something unique and make it fattening? I'm here for this. Let's Americanize everything. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	celebutante 2020-08-26 03:53 pm UTC (link)
	Exactly! I'm Alexis, by the way. Welcome to Vallo. I'd be happy to properly introduce you to smoothies too, if you want - you can put other things besides fruit in them, like chocolate or peanut butter or yogurt, so it depends how healthy you want it to be. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	wedobones 2020-08-27 12:25 am UTC (link)
	Alexis! Gideon Nav. I'm still uncertain why mashing everything together and putting it into a cup Is supposed to be palatable, but you know, if you want to be my Smoothie Guide, I'm sure I can suffer through it in a fun way. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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