| A FEARLESS SPORK SQUAD HALLOWEEN SHINDIG SPECTACULAR: JACK CHICK'S "STINKY" |
[Oct. 30th, 2010|10:32 pm] |
Delcat: Zeiss, the trick-or-treaters are almost here. Are we good on candy? I picked up an extra bag of Clit-o-Honeys, but I don't know if it'll be enough.
Zeiss Manifold: What, you want these kids to break their teeth? That stuff's like biting into granite Kix. Gummi dongs, on the other hand...kids love the taste and moms love the lack of opaqueness when they get to checking the candy for razors and shit.
Zeiss Manifold: And SPEAKING of something completely opaque, we've got a Chick tract to finish up!
Delcat: They were all sold out of most of the good shit, man. I nearly got trampled getting the last box of Pop Cocks.
Delcat: I think they're defective, too, they go off way before you put them in your mouth.
Delcat: Must we really? God, I think watching Saw VI again would be less painful, and I do not say that lightly.
Zeiss Manifold: It's for the children.
Delcat: Stupid children.
Zeiss Manifold: Stinky children.
( Part Two ) |
|
|
| A FEARLESS SPORK SQUAD HALLOWEEN SHINDIG SPECTACULAR: JACK CHICK PRESENTS "STINKY" |
[Oct. 26th, 2010|10:53 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Ahoy, sporkers and sporquettes! It's getting near Halloween in our time zone - and coincidentally, in Jack Chick's as well.
Delcat: Again? Hasn't he done like five Halloween tracts already?
Zeiss Manifold: Even despite Chick's best-laid plans, there just keep on being more Halloweens.
Delcat: Look, I'm not gonna lie to anyone, here, Halloween is all about teaching kids about the joys of unfettered, high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden hedonism. BUT IT IS OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO DO SO!
Delcat: P.S. gentle viewers, one of us was born on Halloween and grew up in a fundie church with all the baggage that entails. This is gonna be a fun one.
Zeiss Manifold: Today's tract is "Stinky", about how even YOU can find eternal life with the help of Jesus, and more importantly, Jack Chick publications. Buy stock in tracts today!
Delcat: "Stinky"?
( Part One ) |
|
|
| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 5 |
[Aug. 16th, 2010|10:06 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Hello all! We've invited our Special Guest Narwhal for another hard-rockin' bad album cover roundup.
Narwhal: Enough pillowtalk. Let's do this.
Zeiss Manifold: Yes, let's.
( a funny thing happened on the way to hell ) |
|
|
| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 4 |
[Jul. 9th, 2010|10:44 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Hello folks, and welcome back to the Bad Album Cover Roundup!
InkWeaver: Crying yet?
InkWeaver: No?
InkWeaver: You will!
InkWeaver: Wait, this isn't femboy school. Nah, you'll just be mildly baffled.
Zeiss Manifold: Sshh, don't ruin it!
( Cannibals in the Easy Listening section! ) |
|
|
| ARCHIE'S SOMETHING ELSE, PART II |
[Jun. 20th, 2010|01:14 pm] |
The continuing adventures of Al Hartley, fighting the degeneracies of the sixties five years after the sixties had finished. Where were the hippies in 1975, anyway? Trucking?
( Jesus Children of Riverdale ) |
|
|
| ARCHIE'S SOMETHING ELSE, PART I |
[Jun. 16th, 2010|10:59 pm] |
You know, sometimes I think we’re a little too hard on these things. I mean, sure, they’re kinda weird, but not so much so as the Chick stuff or some of the porn we’ve snar-
…Oh. Never mind, then.
( Homemade Bombs in the Afternoon ) |
|
|
| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 3 |
[Jun. 1st, 2010|07:58 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: INKY
Zeiss Manifold: ARE YOU READY
Zeiss Manifold: FOR ANOTHER BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP
InkWeaver: ...well... after Gong
InkWeaver: I had some pretty disturbing nightmares.
InkWeaver: I dreamed i woke up and had morning sickness, and I was pregnant, with huge nipples.
InkWeaver: And then I looked in the mirror, and my face was this crazy old woman.
InkWeaver: ...I woke up screaming D:
Zeiss Manifold: But...did you have enormous, ungainly hair?
InkWeaver: No, thank god.
( The Re-Beehivening ) |
|
|
| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 2 |
[May. 20th, 2010|09:06 pm] |
InkWeaver: I have to do a ritual
InkWeaver: I CALL UPON THE GREAT GODS OF ALBUM COVAHS
InkWeaver: CALLLLL
InkWeaver: CALLLLLLLLL
InkWeaver: HEINO
InkWeaver: KEN
InkWeaver: LEND US YOUR STRENGTH GREAT WARRIORS OF RAWK
InkWeaver: WELL NOT REALLY RAWK MORE LIKE UM STARING SCARILY AT THE CAMERA
InkWeaver: LEND US YOUR WISDOM
InkWeaver: AND YOUR SENSE OF FLAIR
InkWeaver: FOR TONIGHT'S BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP
Zeiss Manifold: INKY ARE YOU ALL RITUAL'D UP
InkWeaver: shit i'm shedding feathers all over the keyboard
InkWeaver: I think I'm good man I think I'm good.
Zeiss Manifold: ALRIGHT THEN
( Seventy-six trombones lead the big parade, with a hundred and ten photoshops at hand ) |
|
|
| ARCHIE'S PARABLES, PART II |
[May. 19th, 2010|10:05 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | al hartley, christian crap, delcat, hypnobetty, image-heavy, kaisers, pelicans, similar to existing characters, unfortunate implications, worksafe for once, zeiss manifold | ] |
Delcat: Okay, when we left off, things were getting progressively crazier by the page. Will this trend continue, do you think?
Zeiss Manifold: Let me put my special fundie visor in place
Delcat: It's no use, Zeiss, the goggles do nothing.
( Free Fanaticals (A Hallucination of the Hartley Archie Gloating at a Suicidal Waterfowl) ) |
|
|
| THE TRUTH FOR YOUTH - "PASSES AND PLAYS" |
[May. 14th, 2010|08:50 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | antidotes, cap-o-rama, christian crap, delcat, fundies, how condoms work, ink_weaver, mustard, outright lies, research!?, the truth for youth, zeiss manifold | ] |
( In which condoms are described as being riddled with holes, but sponges are oddly not elaborated on )
This is probably the angriest we've ever got at a Christian tract, as it's this kind of crap being spouted at teens in the name of "responsibility" that leads to a whole lot of very real problems - compare to That Crazy Guy for effect. I feel like I have to post a good sex-ed comic to offset the effect of this. |
|
|
| ARCHIE'S PARABLES, PART I |
[Apr. 22nd, 2010|02:54 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | al hartley, bad trips, christian crap, delcat, evilution, excessive punctuation, fucking hippies, hypnobetty, image-heavy, popcorn, similar to existing characters, time travel, unfortunate implications, worksafe for once, zeiss manifold | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | good | ] |
Delcat: Okay, kids, the short version is this: A crazy fundie that also happened to be an Archie artist got permission to do crazy fundie Archie comics that were published alongside regular Archie comics, much to the consternation of readers. The long version is here and is a lengthy but fascinating read. Don't go wandering off there yet, though, we've got a short but stupid and dong-laden read for you right here!
Zeiss: Now I've always thought that Archie was goddamned surreal even when secular, so I'm taking the time to mentally prepare myself right now.
Delcat: It is truly a trippy experience. Believe me, I had one of these things as a kid and I never quite got it.
( When conversion fics become syndicated )
NEXT TIME: SHIT GETS EVEN CRAZIER
Special thanks to the folks at Carp's Place, for providing the .pdf files from which these images were converted. |
|
|
| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP |
[Apr. 10th, 2010|12:22 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: And now, we turn our sights to something closer to our hearts and thrift stores than porn and wacky fundamentalists. Album cover art has formed a distinct part of our culture and our middle-school science binders over the years, but what happens when this force is used irresponsibly, without regards to design, taste, or any sense of direction at all? Tonight, we'll find out.
( By Request Only )
Special thanks to The Museum of Bad Album Covers, LPCover Lover, and The Progressive Rock Hall of Infamy for pointing the way to our selections. |
|
|
| THE TRUTH FOR YOUTH - "SOMEONE'S MAKING A MONKEY OUT OF YOU!" |
[Apr. 4th, 2010|09:35 am] |
IT'S AN EASTER FUNDIE-SNARK BLOWOUT
This one stars special guest snarker Narwhal, who once poured soda over a group of creepy rich kids at an anime con and is awesome.
|
|
|
| JACK CHICK CASE FILES - "CRAZY WOLF" |
[Apr. 4th, 2010|09:26 am] |
|
|
|
| JACK CHICK CASE FILES - "EVIL EYES" |
[Apr. 4th, 2010|08:59 am] |
|
|
|
| THE BAD PORN ROUNDUP - EPISODE 1 |
[Apr. 2nd, 2010|11:06 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | absolutely off the deep end, anatomical abominations, bad yaoi, christian crap, delcat, dickgirls, fetish clusterfucks, furries, hentai is fucking weird, not worksafe, pokemon out of fucking nowhere, similar to existing characters, talking engish goodly, the bad porn roundup, zeiss manifold | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cavigated | ] |
We’ve taken on our fair share of bad comics, but the truth is that there are just as many standalone works which are just as incomprehensible, and why ignore them? In this first installment of what we hope will be a long-running series, we take on Engrish, erotic gigantism, Lion King porn, and more!
|
|
|
| THE TRUTH FOR YOUTH: WASTED WORDS |
[Mar. 30th, 2010|11:31 am] |
|
|
|
