Rufayette Morgenschoss (![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} zeiss_manifold) wrote in ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} spork_squad,@ 2010-06-01 19:58:00 |
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| Entry tags: | bad album cover roundup, christian crap, hairogical horrors, ink_weaver, the incomporable steve warren, worksafe for once, zeiss manifold |
THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 3
Zeiss Manifold: INKY
Zeiss Manifold: ARE YOU READY
Zeiss Manifold: FOR ANOTHER BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP
InkWeaver: ...well... after Gong
InkWeaver: I had some pretty disturbing nightmares.
InkWeaver: I dreamed i woke up and had morning sickness, and I was pregnant, with huge nipples.
InkWeaver: And then I looked in the mirror, and my face was this crazy old woman.
InkWeaver: ...I woke up screaming D:
Zeiss Manifold: But...did you have enormous, ungainly hair?
InkWeaver: No, thank god.
Zeiss Manifold: NOW YOU WILL :D
Zeiss Manifold: So, what do you see in that beehive? I see a blobfish or a skull, depending on how I look at it.
Zeiss Manifold: I think it's a prosthetic, don't tell.
InkWeaver: So here's my theory.
InkWeaver: All the Christian Gospel albums with the beehive hairdos - I think the bigger their hair, the holier they are.
InkWeaver: You know what they say: hairiness is close to Godliness!
Zeiss Manifold: Then this is a saint we're dealing with. Her hair is taller than her face, for god's sakes. If Christ had hair like that, they'd have to use four nails for the crucifixion.
InkWeaver: If Christ had hair like that, I think people would've been a little more afraid.
Zeiss Manifold: If Christ wore a garter belt around his neck, I think people would've been a little more afraid.
Zeiss Manifold: Speaking of Christ...
InkWeaver: FIGHTING CRIME
InkWeaver: LIKE PATCHY AND BLACKGROUND DUDE
Zeiss Manifold: ONLY WITHOUT THE PATCHIES AND BLACKGROUND DUDES AND WITH JESUS WOOD SCULPTURES AVAILABLE FROM ETSY
Zeiss Manifold: Muhammed Ali IS Superman!
InkWeaver: This looks like Guitar Hero: Jesus Edition
Zeiss Manifold: Well, that kinda exists. This looks more like a weird vintage DC/New Testament pen and paper RPG.
Zeiss Manifold: And apparently it takes place in Guernica, what is that
InkWeaver: I dunno, man, I dunno, I just can't look away from these freaky faces in the bottom
InkWeaver: They're crying somewhere inside my head :D
Zeiss Manifold: Either that's Princess Leia on the bottom left or you were right about there being a Blackground Dude after all.
InkWeaver: UM
InkWeaver: THAT HAIR COMING OUT OF HER HEAD IS ACTUALLY A FACE
Zeiss Manifold: EXACTLY
InkWeaver: ...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE PLEASE NEXT COVER NEXT COVER
InkWeaver: w...whaaaa?
Zeiss Manifold: Lord of the Rings: A Sid & Marty Lynch production.
InkWeaver: Lord of the Rings: by Salvador Dali
Zeiss Manifold: I'm guessing that this one is, I dunno, Estonian or something, and the artist was working off a weird Estonian translation of LotR that got the basic backbone of the plot down, but changed all the details into something from a Dreamcast launch title.
Zeiss Manifold: Upper right: USE THE SCHWARTZ
InkWeaver: That is a pudgy hand, man
InkWeaver: look at that fleshy lump
InkWeaver: is that cancerous?
Zeiss Manifold: That or it's a beanbag hand.
Zeiss Manifold: Being the seventies and all.
Zeiss Manifold: I *think* it's the seventies, I'm ruling out the sixties because I don't think acid trips became this bad until after '72.
InkWeaver: I'd tend to agree -- my dad has some stories, man, some REAL stories.
InkWeaver: ...now I want a beanbag hand
Zeiss Manifold: Maybe you'll get one!
Zeiss Manifold: ...And maybe this guy will STEAL IT OFF YOUR ARM
InkWeaver: This looks like a photo that a heroine finds in a horror movie.
InkWeaver: And it turns out the clown is the child molester who killed her little sister when she was five.
InkWeaver: And this picture proves it because her sister is the girl on the left.
Zeiss Manifold: This looks like the last known photograph of everyone involved.
Zeiss Manifold: That, or the clown only showed up after this was developed.
InkWeaver: WARNING: SUSPECT IS CLOWNED AND DANGEROUS
Zeiss Manifold: Girl in the blue: a young Henry Winkler in drag!
Zeiss Manifold: "So, did you notice that there was a clown in your midst?" "Ayyyyyyyy."
InkWeaver: Oh god would that not be the freakiest shit you ever saw? You develop a picture of some happy girls playing and suddenly MOTEHRFUCKIN CLOWN
Zeiss Manifold: Man, I feel horrible for using the "fucking _____, how do they work" joke several times already, it would have been perfect for this.
InkWeaver: Girl on the right wants to eat your fucking soul, Zeiss.
Zeiss Manifold: Mine's kinda gamy, I think she's after yours.
InkWeaver: I don't HAVE a soul, Zeiss.
InkWeaver: I traded it for my dying Rope Fish.
InkWeaver: Fucking Petco.
Zeiss Manifold: How does it work.
InkWeaver: Now...
Zeiss Manifold: Now THAT, that thing wants my soul.
InkWeaver: Don't get me wrong here... but
InkWeaver: is the guy on the right trying to sodomize the guy in the middle?
InkWeaver: I mean, that's a reasonable question, right?
Zeiss Manifold: Not only that, but the guy on the left is his accomplice. "I don't wanna grab the gun!" "GRAB IT OR YOU'RE NEXT" *wibble*
InkWeaver: And the guy in the middle, he's like, "Haha, oh, you kids."
InkWeaver: Seriously, I CANNOT decipher the look on his face at all.
Zeiss Manifold: From left to right: A young Chris Farley/Glenn Beck, Stephen Fry, and a combination of Paul McCartney, Tony Danza and a gremlin.
InkWeaver: Guy on the right's like, "Aayyyyyyyyy"
Zeiss Manifold: That Fonzie, he gets around.
InkWeaver: First Smacula, now this.
Zeiss Manifold: Mormon Tag Football is a strange game indeed.
Zeiss Manifold: Bill Bruford and the Brufordettes!
InkWeaver: The kid in the back is about to yak ALLLLLL over the guy in front of him.
InkWeaver: Guy on the right - girl dressed up to get into this secret Hawaiian Shirt Men's Society.
Zeiss Manifold: This is like, every A/V Club ever.
InkWeaver: Seriously? My school didn't have an A/V club, so I have no comparison.
InkWeaver: Oh my god. Zeiss. The guy on the left is touching himself.
InkWeaver: Where is his other hand, why does his face look like that? THERE IS PENIS-TOUCHERY AFOOT
Zeiss Manifold: ...Did you have a Hawaiian carrot-stew-shirt club?
Zeiss Manifold: OH GOD
Zeiss Manifold: MEAT LOAF NO
Zeiss Manifold: And that's the 1975 Beekmantown High Chiquita Brass Club, wishing you "10-4, good buddy!"
Zeiss Manifold: brb, comparing him to something
InkWeaver: I think we just found a new Album Cover God, Zeiss.
Zeiss Manifold: Sometimes you will look into a mirror and feel the eyes of Steve upon you, feel his Jeri Curl catch and snag on your heart.
Zeiss Manifold: mirrors don't work like that, steve
InkWeaver: So if I go into the bathroom at midnight and say *INCOMPARABE* STEVE WARREN five times into the mirror...
Zeiss Manifold: INKY DON'T
InkWeaver: ...will I grow a double chin and sprout a leather jacket from my very skin?
Zeiss Manifold: YOU KNOW NOT WHAT YOU DO
InkWeaver: HEH HEH I'M GONNA DO IT ZEISS
InkWeaver: I'M GONNA DO IT
Zeiss Manifold: YOU SAY THE WORDS TOO EASILY TO KNOW JUST WHAT YOU MEAN
Zeiss Manifold: I'M SERIOUS, DON'T
InkWeaver: YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO
InkWeaver: YOU'RE NOT MY *REAL* DAD
Zeiss Manifold: YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAUGHTER
Zeiss Manifold: YOU'RE NOT EVEN MY REAL STEVE
InkWeaver: I HATE YOU AND I WISH I WASN'T BORN
InkWeaver: ...you know, I think Steve doesn't realize that demon in the mirror is looking at him, about to devour him.
Zeiss Manifold: IT'S A STEVESHIFTER
InkWeaver: I wonder if the other Steve only showed up after the picture was taken.
Zeiss Manifold: Steve looks like the cousin Devastatin' Dave pretends not to notice at parties.
InkWeaver: "Oh him? Hellll no I'm not his friend, that guy's a TOTAL buzzkill, and definitely don't get him around a mirror, that shit's freaky -- LADIESSSS"
InkWeaver: "Get away from me, Dave, I told you already I'll get a restraining order"
Zeiss Manifold: Steve Warren appears courtesy of the Masters. The Masters of Butchness.
InkWeaver: That's... that's not butch
InkWeaver: That's grease.
Zeiss Manifold: Brease.
Zeiss Manifold: Or grutch, whichever one you like.
InkWeaver: GRUTCH
Zeiss Manifold: GRUTCH IT IS
Zeiss Manifold: Just slather some grutch on the mirror and you should be fine.
InkWeaver: That sounds... disgusting!
Zeiss Manifold: *shoop I will make of an uncomfortable close-up of Steve's face*
InkWeaver: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S SUCKING ME IN
InkWeaver: HELP
InkWeaver: HEEEEEEEEEEEELP
Zeiss Manifold: Looks like your beehive won't save you now!
Zeiss Manifold: And yes, you do have beehive. GRUTCH HAS SIDE EFFECTS
InkWeaver: TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE...
InkWeaver: WILL INKY ESCAPE THE BEEHIVE?
InkWeaver: WILL ZEISS DISPOSE OF THE CLOWN IN THE HOLY WAY?
InkWeaver: WILL STEVE EVER RELINQUISH HIS GREASY HOLD UPON OUR HEROES?
Zeiss Manifold: AND WHAT'S KEN UP TO IN RIO DE JAINERO?
Zeiss Manifold: ALL THIS AND SPECIAL GUEST STAR BUCK OWENS
InkWeaver: ON THE NEXT
Zeiss Manifold: BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP
