| A FEARLESS SPORK SQUAD HALLOWEEN SHINDIG SPECTACULAR: JACK CHICK'S "STINKY" |
[Oct. 30th, 2010|10:32 pm] |
Delcat: Zeiss, the trick-or-treaters are almost here. Are we good on candy? I picked up an extra bag of Clit-o-Honeys, but I don't know if it'll be enough.
Zeiss Manifold: What, you want these kids to break their teeth? That stuff's like biting into granite Kix. Gummi dongs, on the other hand...kids love the taste and moms love the lack of opaqueness when they get to checking the candy for razors and shit.
Zeiss Manifold: And SPEAKING of something completely opaque, we've got a Chick tract to finish up!
Delcat: They were all sold out of most of the good shit, man. I nearly got trampled getting the last box of Pop Cocks.
Delcat: I think they're defective, too, they go off way before you put them in your mouth.
Delcat: Must we really? God, I think watching Saw VI again would be less painful, and I do not say that lightly.
Zeiss Manifold: It's for the children.
Delcat: Stupid children.
Zeiss Manifold: Stinky children.
( Part Two ) |
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| A FEARLESS SPORK SQUAD HALLOWEEN SHINDIG SPECTACULAR: JACK CHICK PRESENTS "STINKY" |
[Oct. 26th, 2010|10:53 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Ahoy, sporkers and sporquettes! It's getting near Halloween in our time zone - and coincidentally, in Jack Chick's as well.
Delcat: Again? Hasn't he done like five Halloween tracts already?
Zeiss Manifold: Even despite Chick's best-laid plans, there just keep on being more Halloweens.
Delcat: Look, I'm not gonna lie to anyone, here, Halloween is all about teaching kids about the joys of unfettered, high-fructose-corn-syrup-laden hedonism. BUT IT IS OUR GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO DO SO!
Delcat: P.S. gentle viewers, one of us was born on Halloween and grew up in a fundie church with all the baggage that entails. This is gonna be a fun one.
Zeiss Manifold: Today's tract is "Stinky", about how even YOU can find eternal life with the help of Jesus, and more importantly, Jack Chick publications. Buy stock in tracts today!
Delcat: "Stinky"?
( Part One ) |
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| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 5 |
[Aug. 16th, 2010|10:06 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Hello all! We've invited our Special Guest Narwhal for another hard-rockin' bad album cover roundup.
Narwhal: Enough pillowtalk. Let's do this.
Zeiss Manifold: Yes, let's.
( a funny thing happened on the way to hell ) |
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| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 4 |
[Jul. 9th, 2010|10:44 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: Hello folks, and welcome back to the Bad Album Cover Roundup!
InkWeaver: Crying yet?
InkWeaver: No?
InkWeaver: You will!
InkWeaver: Wait, this isn't femboy school. Nah, you'll just be mildly baffled.
Zeiss Manifold: Sshh, don't ruin it!
( Cannibals in the Easy Listening section! ) |
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| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP, EPISODE 3 |
[Jun. 1st, 2010|07:58 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: INKY
Zeiss Manifold: ARE YOU READY
Zeiss Manifold: FOR ANOTHER BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP
InkWeaver: ...well... after Gong
InkWeaver: I had some pretty disturbing nightmares.
InkWeaver: I dreamed i woke up and had morning sickness, and I was pregnant, with huge nipples.
InkWeaver: And then I looked in the mirror, and my face was this crazy old woman.
InkWeaver: ...I woke up screaming D:
Zeiss Manifold: But...did you have enormous, ungainly hair?
InkWeaver: No, thank god.
( The Re-Beehivening ) |
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| THE ADVENTURES OF KOOL-AID MAN - "WACKY WAREHOUSE" |
[May. 29th, 2010|09:25 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | an_mutt, archie-affiliated, bad trips, deathtraps, delcat, i have no idea how to categorize this, image-heavy, ink_weaver, the adventures of kool-aid man, worksafe for once, zeiss manifold | ] |
In which we invite special guest ![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) an_mutt to come and drink something or another.
( The straws, the straws, just take three, take a little trip into wackiness with me! ) |
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| DARREN SHAN, PART 1-4 |
[May. 19th, 2010|07:34 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | cirque du freak, delcat, fetish overtones, oh exploitable, pedobear approved, review-style snark, science fail, solo snark, someone got paid for this shit, text snark, the darren shan snark saga, the idiot ball, worksafe for once | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | silly | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Hush Sound--Sweet Tangerine | ] |
ORIGINAL ENTRY BY DELCAT, 9/16/2009.
When we left off, Steve had just been chomped on by Madam Octa, because she is our only friend in this hot tranny mess. Like in the show, the first bite only paralyzes her victim, so Steve has a fighting chance. Will she deliver the finishing blow?
( The Spiderbite Song )
Next time: Pedobear and Shotacat rock the house and Darren gets mostly dead (we can only wish for all dead). |
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| ARCHIE'S PARABLES, PART II |
[May. 19th, 2010|10:05 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | al hartley, christian crap, delcat, hypnobetty, image-heavy, kaisers, pelicans, similar to existing characters, unfortunate implications, worksafe for once, zeiss manifold | ] |
Delcat: Okay, when we left off, things were getting progressively crazier by the page. Will this trend continue, do you think?
Zeiss Manifold: Let me put my special fundie visor in place
Delcat: It's no use, Zeiss, the goggles do nothing.
( Free Fanaticals (A Hallucination of the Hartley Archie Gloating at a Suicidal Waterfowl) ) |
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| THE DARREN SHAN SNARK SAGA: PART 1-3 |
[May. 3rd, 2010|05:04 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | cirque du freak, delcat, fetish overtones, pedobear approved, review-style snark, science fail, solo snark, someone got paid for this shit, text snark, the darren shan snark saga, the idiot ball, worksafe for once | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | venomous | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | They Might Be Giants--Spider | ] |
NOTE: Special thanks to yorokobi for pointing out that the images in the last two editions were broken. This was due to me being a dumbass, and they are now fixed. Thanks, yorokobi! It's awesome, observant fans like you that keep me from drowning the site in DERP DERP DERP.
ORIGINAL POST BY DELCAT (on her personal journal), 9/5/2009.
When we last saw our heroes, they vampires and spiders blah blah BLAAAAH I got gastroenteritis and stopped caring for a while, okay? But thanks to Zeiss' gentle prodding, I'm back to the job at hand, albeit mildly puzzled on the brew. Let's do this thing.
( SPIDER (She is our hero!) )
Next time: Now that Steve's got that spider bite on his hand, I think we might have to break up the band. To lose his arm would surely upset his brain (like this fucking book is doing to the reader), and the poison then could reach his heart from a vein. Mutilation, mayhem, and memeage! |
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| THE DARREN SHAN SNARK SAGA: PART 1-2 |
[Apr. 22nd, 2010|03:59 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | cirque du freak, delcat, fetish overtones, pedobear approved, review-style snark, solo snark, someone got paid for this shit, text snark, the darren shan snark saga, the idiot ball, worksafe for once | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Barenaked Ladies--Spider in My Room | ] |
EDIT 4/23/2010: Images should now be working--thanks to yorokobi for pointing out my dumbassery!
ORIGINAL POST BY DELCAT (on her personal journal), 8/20/2009.
Hey, this song is like a theme for our hero or something.
A whisper drizzled down from the ice in its eyes
It said: "Try pickin' on your own damn size"
But the Hoover was quick, termination complete
In its bedroom home, not a chance to eat
Anyway.
( The Freakshow ) |
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| ARCHIE'S PARABLES, PART I |
[Apr. 22nd, 2010|02:54 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | al hartley, bad trips, christian crap, delcat, evilution, excessive punctuation, fucking hippies, hypnobetty, image-heavy, popcorn, similar to existing characters, time travel, unfortunate implications, worksafe for once, zeiss manifold | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | good | ] |
Delcat: Okay, kids, the short version is this: A crazy fundie that also happened to be an Archie artist got permission to do crazy fundie Archie comics that were published alongside regular Archie comics, much to the consternation of readers. The long version is here and is a lengthy but fascinating read. Don't go wandering off there yet, though, we've got a short but stupid and dong-laden read for you right here!
Zeiss: Now I've always thought that Archie was goddamned surreal even when secular, so I'm taking the time to mentally prepare myself right now.
Delcat: It is truly a trippy experience. Believe me, I had one of these things as a kid and I never quite got it.
( When conversion fics become syndicated )
NEXT TIME: SHIT GETS EVEN CRAZIER
Special thanks to the folks at Carp's Place, for providing the .pdf files from which these images were converted. |
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| THE DARREN SHAN SNARK SAGA: PART 1-1 |
[Apr. 17th, 2010|12:16 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | cirque du freak, delcat, excessive punctuation, fetish overtones, pedobear approved, review-style snark, solo snark, someone got paid for this shit, text snark, the darren shan snark saga, the idiot ball, worksafe for once | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | insomnia | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Wicked--Defying Gravity | ] |
EDIT 4/23/2010: Images should now be working--thanks to yorokobi for pointing out my dumbassery!
Zeiss goaded me to start posting these, which are part of an ongoing snark project that I've been working on intermittently since last August. I'll be releasing them as I feel like it until I'm caught up, at which point I'll release them as I feel like working on it. Yeah, I'm motivated like that. Enjoy, kids.
ORIGINAL POST BY DELCAT (on her personal journal), 8/18/2009.
I was in a nice, big-sized Borders today, which is a novelty because there aren't any bookstores for a good ninety miles in any direction around me. I was walking around, admiring how it had grown since I'd last been in, happily noticing that they were selling hardcore yaoi straight off the shelf now, and was suddenly hit in the kidneys by a blast from the past. It had been years since I picked up a young adult novel from the series Cirque du Freak from the library and laughed myself sick for all the wrong reasons, so I was surprised to see the name again--and not on the YA shelves, either, but on the manga rack, freshly adapted. I leafed through it briefly, and everything came flooding back, including the thought I first had about ten pages into the original novel: I need to snark this.
( Why? (Intro) )
( By the blood of a Vampanese! It's time for Twilight Junior with Cirque du Freak: The Darren Shan Saga ) |
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| THE BAD ALBUM COVER ROUNDUP |
[Apr. 10th, 2010|12:22 pm] |
Zeiss Manifold: And now, we turn our sights to something closer to our hearts and thrift stores than porn and wacky fundamentalists. Album cover art has formed a distinct part of our culture and our middle-school science binders over the years, but what happens when this force is used irresponsibly, without regards to design, taste, or any sense of direction at all? Tonight, we'll find out.
( By Request Only )
Special thanks to The Museum of Bad Album Covers, LPCover Lover, and The Progressive Rock Hall of Infamy for pointing the way to our selections. |
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