Keys to Wonderland

Tick Tock Tick Tock Goes the nervous clock. Round and round its whiskers go, but when shall it stop?

For the 'fun' of the games all of my Terrific, Extraordinary, Astonishing, Specialty teas are half off or best offer.

It makes me want to say something about odds and favours, but I don't need any so thanks!

So, I'm 'the most peculiar kitty', now? Peculiar... I like that word.

Words are such funny, fickle things, are they not? I bet, if I wrote a word right now, no two people would look at it the same. That's the lovely thing about words, is it not? They can be everything and nothing all at once, and all because you -- the person reading this, that is -- has already made up their mind about what it is or isn't.

Reasons like that are why I don't like when people try to define me, since who are you to decide what I am, even if it's just what I am to you. You're nothing, that's what. Not from where I'm standing... but none of that matters, right, as you've already made your judgments. Maddening, that, but then again what isn't? Not that any of you lot seem to care.

Oi, Hatter, there's something I've been wanting to tell you. It's about your hat. I.. I've always admired that hat... Give it to me, would you? Bah, I know you won't, but I still had to ask. Honestly though, I really do love that hat. I would wear it to all the finest occasions...

[People of the Rebellion]

As I inadvertently kicked off this whole farce of a competition do let me know if there are any Oysters out there you feel are in need of an Invisibility Token-Charms. These will be given on a case by case basis and not for free, so be willing to offer me something in return.

[Billy (aka Caradoc)/Darius] (separate filters to each)

I've set aside some Invisibility Token-Charms, if you feel a need for one or two.

Good people, gentle creatures, and tender flowers, the end of our beautiful two-week celebration is almost, but not quite at hand.

Your Queen loves more than anything else to entertain her people, and up until several days ago, I'd completely forgotten about the concept of a nice game. But thanks to the most peculiar kitty reminding me, I do think that there would be no better way than to end the festivities with a game!

Games are so lovely, and while I do love croquet, I've been thinking that it was about time we had a game for everyone to participate in. Participation is not required, by any means, because you cannot force fun, as it were. But anyone caught trying to r u i n my game will face penalties of the highest order.

What is this game, you may ask?

Why, it's a Scavenger Hunt!

Though in this particular case, I do think Oyster Hunt is more appropriate of a term. You see, I think there is some real fun to be gained from trying to rid my beautiful land of the Oyster infestation that seems to have come upon it so very rapidly.

So. You kind, gentle folk, are going to be plucking those little Oysters up, and bringing them straight to me. But not for naught.

There's many a wonderful prize to be had for delivering a live Oyster. Money, status, slaves, whatever your little hearts could possibly desire. If you bring me an Oyster, it shall be yours.

Anyone trying to ruin, cheat, or lie during the course of this game will be eliminated, and I needn't say more.

Now, who wants to play?

You know what these festivities need?

More games. I think there should be a tournament, one to honour the Queen. Perhaps croquet? Or even a special running of the Caucus Races. Does anyone else agree it would be nice to see such a display?

Ah well, I have things to do, but if something does happen I would so desire an invitation... That was a hint.

[Billy from London, aka Caradoc]

Have you found a place to stay yet?

[Rebellion People]

It is high time someone takes care of the mess that's been made of the Chessboard Ruins. I'll be there for the foreseeable future if anyone cares to join me.

I found my hat! At least, I hope it was my hat. It was just there. It looked kinda sad, so I figured it was mine as my hats get sad when I'm not wearing them. (I have three hats.)

Well, I just want to say I found my hat, so everyone can stop looking.

And my stomach just growled. When did I last eat...

I'm writing on a tree and seeing words coming out of other trees, so I guess this is going to be seen by other people? I mean, it's crazy but I guess that's about right when you consider this is a totally realistic (in a way) hallucination, product of me falling into some stupid hole and probably breaking my neck or something. So now my brain is stretching my last seconds of life by giving me some chance to make peace with the world or something via ridiculous hallucinations.

I've seen it, there's at least two TV shows of that. With the cops and stuff. Sure, one guy gets run by a car and ends up in the forties, and I fall down through a hole and get...Lost meets Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, with Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds as the setting. Way to go, brain.

What's up with the roses, anyway?

[Private AWAY FROM the Queen]

AtTeNtIoN EvErYoNe --
I... am in a mood. All this red is bothering my delicate psyche and making want to do... things. Therefore, it would be wise to stay out of my way unless you're confident in your ability to deal with a me. Now then, I would like to find my new friend Caradoc, and then I... want to get what the TaRtS refer to as drunk. Who, not you Hatter, wants to help me with this?

'His eyes are wild, psychotic slits that bat-dance in your soul looking for good things to crush or bad elements to identify with.'

Sand. Sea. Sand.
Sea.
Sand.

I've never felt like a lobster before. Trapped in a net, caught in a cage. I've never had someone try convincin' me I'm dead, neither.
At least, not until today.
But. I'm all for new experiences. Like cake, with extra herbal ingredients.
I'm wet and the sand's dry. It's uh... yeah, confused. I'm dreaming. It's alright. I'm dreaming.

(OOC intro tomorrow)

I'd like to file a complaint with whoever felt it was a smart idea to tie a red ribbon about my tail while I napped in a tree. I do realize there is an expression having to do with letting sleeping dogs lie, however I feel it's high time to campaign for one about not bedecking sleeping cats in ribbons. This is highly annoying -- not only can my paws not get a good enough grip on it to untie it, but I feel a compulsive need to attempt to catch it when I see it swishing arrogantly from my tail.

...and since I don't have any clothing nearby I can't shift to my furless form, as the locals don't seem to like a naked Cheshire lounging about. Their loss, really.

Now then, who wants to do this cat a favour? Or... should I keep my tail beribboned, to give it that more festive look?

It is terribly rude to disguise one's self as a saucer and remain as such, even when asked to return to a form that includes a mouth.

They are trying to tell me that the saucer is just a saucer, but I know better. The saucer is yellow you see. That is very suspicious. Very suspicious indeed.

I want to smash it, but I already broke three plates last week. Yesterday is last week.

So. I am adding that saucer to my list of people I DO NOT LIKE. I am on to you, saucer.

People I DO NOT LIKE
- All cats.
- All birds that eat rodents.
- Anything that eats rodents, for that matter. Savages. Terrible savages. May your teeth fall out of your head and be replaced by jelly.
- The man that was wearing green striped trousers on the eighteenth Tuesday of four years ago.
- Whoever ate my aphid and honey scone three months ago (it was not me, I have it on very good authority).
- The man who dumped a pitcher of water on my head just because I fell asleep in his bed. IT WAS THERE and also, that water had lemons in it. The seeds got stuck in my hair.
- Barbers.
- The old lady who hits people with her cane.
- That saucer.

I'm not sure how they can never decide how long these celebrations are to last. As much as I enjoy the company of my customers giving them deals on drinks that last as long as the celebration can hurt the pocket.