Dexy's Demented Diversions

Title: Stargazing
Author: dead_sexydexy
Recipient: duck_or_rabbit (For a silly drabble meme.)
Rating: PG-13 or supersoft R
Word Count: 300
Characters: Sirius/OFC (Heather McKenzie), Dumbledore
Summary:Sirius comes up with a new use for graph parchment
Prompt: Sirius, graph parchment
Beta: plynn78
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.
( Stargazing )

Title: A New Man
Prompt: rebirth, cross dressing. Written for April Fic Challenge on Immeritus.
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating:R
Word Count: 500
Characters:Sirius/Remus, MWPP
Warnings: cross dressing, wanking
Notes: Continuation of the sadly wankless: It's May! and Sirius' Frilly Little Problem. I think it stands well enough on it's own, but bits and pieces may make more sense if you've read the other ficlets first.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


(  A New Man )

Title:Sirius' Frilly Little Problem
Prompt:rebirth. Written for April Fic Challenge on Immeritus.
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG
Word Count: 487
Characters: MWPP, Sirius/Remus implied
Warnings: cross dressing
Notes:Pre-wank. I was to write a ficlet of 500 words or less for an R+ challenge and wound up with 500 words worth of pre-smut. It's also a continuation of It's May! , a ficlet I wrote last year, but this one stands on its own.
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.


Sirius' Frilly Little Problem

"Anyone have Transfiguration homework I can copy?" asked Peter in a timid, squeaky voice.

"You needed help with that assignment, Wormtail?" James asked, incredulous. James called over his shoulder to Sirius' corner of their dormitory, "Padfoot, hear that? He's an Animagus and he still can't do Transfiguration homework."

Peter's cheeks flushed crimson and he mumbled something about wanting to check his answers not really copy, but Sirius remained oblivious.

Sirius' long frame bent over his trunk, hair hanging carelessly about his handsome face and eyebrows knitted together in concentration.

"Oi, Padfoot!" James called louder, causing Sirius to straighten up so suddenly he knocked his head on the lid of his trunk with a sharp cracking sound.

"Ouch!" Sirius exclaimed as he stood up, rubbing the spot that was already rising into a goose egg. "Can't a guy have a minute to himself anymore?"

James backed away. "Down boy," he said while giving the sign with his hands, "no need to get your knickers in a twist."

Sirius moved forward menacingly growling, "And just what's that supposed to mean."

"It means what it means," James retorted, getting a bit irritated himself now. "I ask you a simple question and you bite my head off." Nodding toward Remus and Peter he said, "Come on guys, if Padfoot needs some alone time to get his knickers straightened out, that's just what we'll give him."

Remus and Peter turned to follow James out the door and down to breakfast, but Remus paused and gave Sirius a searching look.

"I'll be fine, Moony," Sirius muttered, not making eye contact. "Just-- just -- I just need a minute. Okay?"

"Okay mate," Moony said with an uncertain waver in his voice, but he shut the heavy oak door and left.

His roommates gone, Sirius turned back to his trunk, opened it, and removed the item he'd been contemplating so intently earlier.

It was a rather small, drab brown box.

Sirius grimaced as he began to open it, then suddenly looked toward the door.

"There's no way they could really know. There's know way they could really know. There's…" he muttered to himself over and over as he used his wand to lock the door and place a charm on it to warn him if anyone did try to enter.

Sirius closed his eyes, took a deep, determined breath, flung open the box and pulled on its contents before he lost his nerve. All the tension in his body relaxed as he gave in to the sensations against his skin. He felt like a man reborn. No one ever had to know.

The contents?

A pair of silky, lacy, petal pink knickers he'd worn for a lark a couple of weeks earlier when he dressed in drag and sang "The Lusty Month of May" in the Great Hall with Dumbledore. At the time he had no idea they were to become his frilly little problem.

... Almost!

Fair warning I wrote this last year and it's been posted a few places on LJ before, but never on IJ.

Title: It's May
Prompt: none
Author: dead_sexydexy
Rating: PG
Word Count:434
Characters: MWPP, Sirius, Dumbledore
Warnings: cross dressing and excessive silliness
Notes: I hope this is funny or at least slightly amusing no matter what, but for the unfamiliar, the song Sirius sings is from the musical Camelot . Listen and watch: "The Lusty Month of May"!
Disclaimer: The Potterverse is not mine, I make no money from it, I don’t intend to harm it or anyone else.
Comments and Concrit: Are always welcome.



It’s May!


Spring had been nothing short of wretched at Hogwarts this year. Anxieties over Lord Voldemort’s growing power cast a glum shadow over everyone and everything. Sirius was tired of it and had no intentions of letting the Dark Lord steal his sunshine. He blotted his cotton candy lips, checked out his arse in the floor length mirror and left his dorm room in full flounce as he headed down to breakfast.


“Tra la! It’s May!
The lusty month of May!”

Sirius sang at the top of his voice as he burst into the Great Hall, tossing posies from a basket people as he skipped along. He wasn’t the least bit bothered by the odd glances. He looked damned good in his gauzy white dress; a daisy crown on his head was the perfect finishing touch.

“It’s time to do a wretched thing or two!”

Sirius plopped a daisy crown on Wormtail, who looked like he might wet himself he was laughing so hard. He pinched Moony’s tight arse, watching the boy’s cheeks turn that adorable shade of pink only Sirius could evoke. Finally, he pressed his lips against Prongs’ cheek as he flounced past his best mate.

“Slobbery cur,” James muttered good naturedly as he wiped his cheek. Grinning, he leaned over to Remus, “No wonder he was so late coming down. It must’ve taken forever to get his feet in those heels.”

“Hey, who wants to be me a galleon Padfoot breaks his ankle!” Peter piped up. Remus rolled his eyes and James thumped his head.

“It’s May! It’s May!
The month of ‘Yes you may!’ ”

Sirius belted out just before sweeping Lily Evens into his arms and planting a deep kiss on her surprised lips; waggling his eyebrows at Prongs for good measure and slipping Remus a reassuring wink. Lily was so stunned she forgot to sneer, hex, or even slap Sirius. She just sat there, mouth gaped, open until Prunella Peabody shook her, asking breathlessly, “What was it like, Lily? Was it heaven on earth?”

At the main table, Minerva McGonagall was beside herself. “Albus!”, she exclaimed turning to Dumbledore, “What on earth do you intend to do about this?”

Dumbledore’s blue eyes twinkled as he stood up and said, “Join him.”

With a snap of his fingers, Dumbledore’s robes transformed into a lovely flowered frock and a clap of his hands produced a rain of fragrant flowers floating through the air. He skipped over to join Sirius in singing,

“It’s time to do a wretched thing or two.
And try to make each precious day
One you’ll always rue!”