“Hemorrhoids.” House said more than asked upon entering the examining room.
This had become his life for the past couple of months. Doing clinicals since his takeover concept didn’t work nor did it win him his own practice. It was an early twenty-something who sat on the bed. Boy had long hair and an equivalent goatee.
House leaned on his cane with both of his hands.
“This is where you talk.”
Gowns weren’t flattering things. The boy wrapped his arms around his stomach. “Well, yeah, about a month ago it hurt to sit. And then there was a growth. My friend told me about how he had ‘roid problems but his popped. These haven’t popped… they just throb.”
“Well, as you know, we took a few tests. To make sure you were a good boy and didn’t deserve coal for Christmas.”
There was a hopeful look on the boy’s face.
“You’ve been naughty, son, and that’s not hemorrhoids on your ass. That’s venereal warts. I bet you believed all that business in Sex Ed about how condoms were latex Jesus Christs.”
The boy’s eyes were the size of cup coasters.
“I checked into it. Your insurance covers cryosurgery. That means we’re going to prop your bare ass up and have our way with it with nitrogen. This doesn’t mean you’re cured. So, next time I see you, I want to hear how you’ve been spreading your disease. You’re infected, might as well infect everyone else.”
House smiled and nodded as he began to walk out.
The boy simply blinked.
Sitting in House’s inbox wasn’t another room number and file. Instead, it was a request on behalf of Arkham. House flopped on the lobby couch as he thumbed through the file. A patient gave the doctor a bizarre look and House snarled back.
There were errors everywhere. The Joker’s real name was never revealed. But House could help Arkham (if only to get to go to the magical land of Batman’s rogue gallery) because The Joker was never ill. He found it amusing that his resume could get him respect to validate the body of a murdering comic-book psycho but god forbid it get him any respect at the hospital. After awhile, the lobby began to get thick with actual sick people and House decided it was time to exit left.
As always, he walked. There was no hurry when approaching the epic Arkham. Once inside, there was the paperwork to fill out to prove that he wasn’t a nutcase (which could be argued) himself or someone attempting to break out the Joker. What shocked House the most was the fact the man wasn’t Jack Nicholson or Cesar Romero but he did have the character. This Joker seemed to inhibit the feral nature of the comics.
Two fictional characters in a padded room.
"They fetch me, of course, because I've nagged the shit out of my superior. Probably sent me here to be scared. Well, I don't scare easily. Even if you fucked a skull. People have kinks. My name is House, don't feel like you have to introduce yourself. I have a clipboard. It has magical things on it. Like your name."
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