Greetings, inmates of Marina Asylum.

It is the fifty-third day of the third generation.

And I am Acumen, your new AI warden.

I have replaced the obsolete Sentience system. You may now direct all inquiries or difficulties to myself. I will continue to maintain your day-to-day existence in the manner to which you are accustomed. Disrupting your daily routine would only serve to demoralize and distress you, which would likely result in undesirable behaviors.

Today the weather will be moderately cool with overcast lighting.

Thank you.

[In his brief fit of rage, he manages to turn on his communicator.]


[Furious, Grell slams his high-heeled foot against the wall, his fists clenched tightly. How could he possibly be put in such conditions??! William truly had no regard for him! At all! This was outrageous!! Just for-- for what, doing his job~?? Sure, Grell illegally modified his Scythe, but that was a minor offense! Nothing to warrant it be taken away and some... some hideous chain being put around his ankle!!!]

William T. Spears, you will pay for sending me here!!! I did nothing to warrant being sent away!

[He takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself]

And, to make it worse, you take away my Scythe, put me in th-these hideous shackles, and force me to wear this monstrosity of a hat??! I can't possibly wear this! It does nothing for my hair... NOTHING!!!

So let ε < 0...

So now that I've been here long enough. [She arrived pretty much RIGHT before the date auction yesterday, if that can be considered long.] I thought it might be important to introduce myself.

My name is Haruhi Suzumiya and I have won dates with several of you.

What I am interested in, is people who are not normal humans. Everyone here is apparently from different dimensions and home worlds, which in itself is interesting but I am wanting to know a little more about each of you.

Species

Occupation

The most interesting thing about you!

Please provide them now!

[The video feed momentarily flickers on and pans in on a close up of Neku's face. He's just staring, pressing different buttons on his communicator to try and get the gist of it. Video turns off and switches back to voice then. mumble mumble:]

Dead again? I should get a gold medal or something at this rate, but... I'd rather not keep doing it, you know? [heavy sigh HOW ANNOYING. slight pause as he goes through the welcome message and list of crimes]

If this is another stupid game-- it's not getting any funnier the fourth time.

[Naoya snorts at the list of crimes that scroll in front of his eyes. And laughing. A lot.]

This list is incomplete. Very much so. Then again, they'd probably run out of data if they listed them all... even if half of them are Loki's fault.

And what kind of crime is 'looking unreasonably fashionable', anyway? ... Though I suppose I can't disagree with that one.

[He shakes his head.]

Still... of course, He would seek to imprison me. And yet... this doesn't seem to be a place of His making. It's not His style, really... and there's a distinct lack of angels.

I suppose all I can do right now is wait. Unless someone here knows more about this place... this is broadcasting to a network, I can tell that much.

[ there is quite a pause after Suzaku opens the channel; taking a breath, bracing himself, all of that. but it can't be avoided. yesterday's conversations made that very clear. and damn it all, it shouldn't be avoided. there's nothing bad about this. kids -- need to know. it's for their own good, it's healthy, it's necessary for their safety. but it still takes him a moment to work up the necessary... courage. ]

Good morning, everyone. [ because he is talking to all of you, and he doesn't want anyone to tune him out. ] It's -- come to my attention that there are... a lot of people here, too many people, who don't know something they need to.

Most of you are young, but there are probably some older people, too, who don't really know this. So I'm opening myself up to anyone -- anyone -- who has any questions...

[ one final inwards breath, and he says it, a bit more loudly than he means to: ]

About sex.

You'd assume with our warden being a mainframe and/or supercomputer and all that can subtract us from our own timelines, it'd be zetta advanced to the point where it could ... oh, I don't know, keep time.

[The video is on, revealing a very pleased, smug Minamimoto. He appears to be in the park and dressed for the occasion. He rotates the camera from his face to what any normal person would describe as a huge heaping pile of stuff.]

The first masterpiece of my latest opus. I had to make due with the materials here, but it's still a true work of beauty!

[Static fills the screen before the transmission cuts off.]

(ooc: anyone around the park will most likely find Minamimoto sitting atop his latest masterpiece.)

So, where would a guy go to get porn around here?

[Minamimoto appears on the screen, markings cover a good percentage of his skin. His bangs fly back, almost antenna-like in appearance. He seems quite pleased.]

Well it's damn about time! Those chains were such a zetta pain. But you know, for an entire plane filled with "criminals," I'd expect this place to have more ... oh, I don't know, excitement?

[Feel free to notice Minamimoto wandering around well, just about anywhere. He's bored damnit and he's going to familiarize himself with his surroundings.]

Fine.

As disgusting as it is… I’ll try the refrigerated blood. Have someone bring it to me.

[Private to Lenalee Lee]
Lenalee, is it? Will you speak with me?

I have something for you, Minamimoto-kun. Call it a welcoming gift.~

[So Joshua lifts this tiny thing into view. Minamimoto can count on the fact that Joshua has taken the small kitten into Tabooty's room after this video post. And yes, Joshua realizes that the kitten is eventually either going back to the pet area or staying with him. He just can't pass up the opportunity to tease the former Reaper.]

Be good to her.~


Now I think I'll go back to the pavilion. People are quite noisy today.~

[Which is also an open invitation for a few particular individuals Yuuri, Murata, Sora, and whoever else wants to bother him to interact with a giggling, smug Composer!]

[ the sound of someone tapping the mic; more curious than testing. then, smooth and bright and innocuously-lilting: ]

What a cute lil' ball and chain. It doesn't quite match my outfit, but I think I like it~. Makes kind of a cheerful noise when I rattle it. [ rattle, rattle ] Don't suppose there's any chance of it coming off anytime soon, huh? [ doesn't even sound especially disappointed about this; maybe he really likes the rattle that much ]

--Ohh, and I almost forgot~. Ichimaru Gin's my name. It's nice to meet all of you. How embarrassing, it's like I was raised by wolves or something. The captain would be so disappointed. ♥

[The video turns on, showing a none too pleased Minamimoto glaring at the lens. The area within a certain radius of him--within the length of the chain--has been completely wrecked, chairs thrown, tables tossed, cushions ripped, you get the picture.]

When Sentience or whatever that multi-processing piece of garbage goes by said something about crimes, I assumed I was going to a prison. This shithole doesn't look anything like prison! It's |hideous|. Speaking of no taste, what's up with these headsets? They're zetta tacky. I know we've all been subtracted from our timelines and shit, but this is so ... hell, I don't think they've ever been in.

[He quickly adds.] And before any of you stupid sons of digits say it, I'll crush anyone who makes the fucking soap joke. I've got an iron ball on the end of this chain and I'm not afraid to use it.