War Is Coming Communications.

Is this supposed to be some kind of really un-fun game? Because if it is, I'm not playing. Unless there's a level dedicated to me bashing the face of whoever brought me here into a million little pieces. That, I could get behind.

How are you doing during all of this? I haven't seen you for a while.

Will somebody please tell me that I took way too much adderall last night and now I'm hallucinating. Or in a coma. Or possibly both. At the same time. Please.

Oh my god. I think I'm having a panic attack of epic proportions. Oh my god I really want to eat this chick who's sitting two chairs down from me. Fucking shit I'm so fucking hungry and lost right now

Hey Charley? YOU KILLED ME YOU FUCKING BASTARD THAT'S NOT NICE WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT I PROBABLY WASN'T EVEN GOING TO KILL AND EAT YOU WHY

Jerry? You should come pick me up. Hey Jerry? Jerry

Jerry.

I lost my arm and I can't find it anywhere.

Peter here again, with more vampire related warnings. We got a new player in town tonight, a young vampire from my world. Goes by Ed or "Evil" and he is a nasty piece of work. He will kill you without a second thought, don't mistake him for one of the nice vampires you lot all seem so accustomed to here. Thankfully, he's still freshly turned, and without his sire here, he's going to be a bit lost and directionless, but still lethally dangerous.

Here's a brief rundown so you know what to look out for: Enhanced speed, strength, agility, and wallcrawling, requires an invitation to enter a home. This particular breed nests underground during daylight, and instinctively wants to live in family groups, which means he'll be looking to turn others. They turn you by an exchange of blood, they drink yours, you drink theirs. You don't have to drink much, just a small taste is enough to get it started and with older, stronger vampires, can put you in their thrall.

For weaknesses, you can kill them with sunlight, stake through the heart, decapitation, fire, or with a few other, rarer weapons, of which I have a couple. Holy water can injure them, and crosses will as well, but only if you have strong faith.

Again, the vampires from my world are extremely highly dangerous and should not be approached by anyone who is not a skilled and experienced Hunter equipped with the proper tools. They are more like vicious animals than people. There is no redeeming or saving them, so don't even try.

>>Do you see who just arrived?
>>I am so glad I'm out of town.
>>Are you safe?

I'm getting really sick of this whole back and forth thing.

But, glad to be out of there. Again.

Hey. How long was I out this time?

>> So did you know you can't just use body wash and get rid of Katherine?
>> I really hate that bitch.
>> So this new vamp from Peter's world?
>> Don't go there, Elena. Just don't. I know you. Don't.

If this is some kind of witch trick I am not amused in any way, alright? I need to get back to Mystic Falls NOW.

You would never want me to be Batman would you? You did in those 'comics' but
please say no
I won't
I can't

>>DUDE
>>WHEN YOU GET BACK YOU ARE COMING TO MY PLACE IMMEDIATELY.

Someone wanna tell me what the fuck is going on? Where the fuck am I and how the fuck did I get here?

So it seems the Bat family keeps growing.

[Tim and Stephanie]
Just to give you both a heads up if you weren't told already but there are two other men here who have my face. One can be called an evil twin. His name is GM Dark and he's setting up a local carnival to open by the end of the month. Be careful around him. He sold his soul for power and seems to be able to manipulate or use fear in some way.

The other gentleman who looks like me is none other than Abraham Lincoln. But he has the beard going for him so it should be easy to tell him and I apart.

I know you probably think I am no better than Moriarty himself right now, and for that you have every right to think so. Apologies for drugging you, but I really needed to get out of here before Moriarty saw fit to take matters into his own hands. I know you would have protected me from him in such a circumstance, but it was my debt to be paid and I wished no harm to come to you in such a way.

I never once hurt anyone directly. Truly, you have my deepest apologies for this, and with my debt to him repaid, I am free and have no further involvement in what it is he is doing now.

Somebody should take the internet away from me.

Because of things like this.

And this too.

It's far too quiet.

Sneaking on to check in on everyone because hey, that should be allowed. Kon told me there's been bombs and kidnappings. Anyone hurt? Anymore hearts I should know Not like you guys need me to I'm sure everyone has it covered

This dry heat thing? It's a lie. It may be dry but it's still hot as hell. But the food is incredible.

( And this is the guy we came to see )

Oh how sad for him. Poor Peter, all that horrible trauma he had to deal with...surrounded by people that loved and cared for him. His uncle died? Boo-fucking-hoo. My father tried to fucking kill me minutes out of the vat. I was a fucking baby mentally, huge chunks of my body and brain had just spasmed and fucking died and the rest of me was permanently on fire and my "father", my fucking wonderful Victor Frankenstein in a stupid green costume, pulled out a gun and tried to fucking shoot me dead. You know who I had to hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay? NOBODY. Know who I had to teach me how to talk or walk or do any of the shit that people do? NOBODY. I had to figure all this shit out on my own. AND I DID. There was no pretty blonde girl to patch me up when I got cut. There was no loving aunt to hug me when I was curled up in the fetal position as more of my body broke the fuck down and died. There was just a cold alley, endless pain, and rage. That was all I had to keep me warm at night, when the wind blew away the newspapers or the garbage bags or the cardboard. It was all I had. So why did he get all the love and affection and I get all the scorn and hate? Because I killed people? Please. The first time I ever raised a hand to another person, it was because he was trying to take the first piece of food I'd had in two weeks. I was barely alive. If I'd let him take that food I'd have died. I never even meant to kill him. I just meant to hit him, to make him run away. How was I supposed to know that the guy I was cloned from had spider-strength? But nobody cares about that, right? Nobody cares about Kaine the psychopath. The murderer. The monster. It's always just Peter fucking Parker, right? He's the hero. He's the good guy. He's the real one. I'm just the fucked up Xerox that didn't quite come out right, right?

And he's still better than me. That's the fucking bitch of it. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do in my life I will never be able to get out of his shadow. I will never be able to escape who and what I really am. He even fucking said it, didn't he? "I know you've had a crappy life, and done bad things. I get it...but I never realized what a piece of garbage you were until this very moment." Fuck you, Peter fucking Parker, and fuck you being the moral fucking center of the Web of fucking Life. I should have just gone to fucking Mexico. I should have left that girl to fucking burn and left that sweaty city to rot and bought my fucking beach and spent my days getting drunk and watching all the pretty fucking people with their happy fucking lives. I should never have let myself care about any of those fucking people or started to feel like maybe I had found one tiny little goddamn iota of self-fucking-worth.

...Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I think I actually miss them.

I should never have watched that movie.

Wanna go patrolling with me tonight? For this new vamp.

...Uh. Yeah. I need to get out. I need to go outside and take some shots and...generally not fucking be in this building right now. Apparently that's too goddamn much to ask of Lawrence Motherfucking Kansas.

[Jason]
Hey, remember all those awesome pep talks about what an idiot Connor is you used to give me back in the day? ...I could totally use one right about now. Seeing him around the boards just makes me, like, irrationally aggravated lately

>> Patrols are done but one. Things are still quiet all around.