Oh how sad for him. Poor Peter, all that horrible trauma he had to deal with...surrounded by people that loved and cared for him. His uncle died? Boo-fucking-hoo. My father tried to fucking kill me minutes out of the vat. I was a fucking baby mentally, huge chunks of my body and brain had just spasmed and fucking died and the rest of me was permanently on fire and my "father", my fucking wonderful Victor Frankenstein in a stupid green costume, pulled out a gun and tried to fucking shoot me dead. You know who I had to hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay? NOBODY. Know who I had to teach me how to talk or walk or do any of the shit that people do? NOBODY. I had to figure all this shit out on my own. AND I DID. There was no pretty blonde girl to patch me up when I got cut. There was no loving aunt to hug me when I was curled up in the fetal position as more of my body broke the fuck down and died. There was just a cold alley, endless pain, and rage. That was all I had to keep me warm at night, when the wind blew away the newspapers or the garbage bags or the cardboard. It was all I had. So why did he get all the love and affection and I get all the scorn and hate? Because I killed people? Please. The first time I ever raised a hand to another person, it was because he was trying to take the first piece of food I'd had in two weeks. I was barely alive. If I'd let him take that food I'd have died. I never even meant to kill him. I just meant to hit him, to make him run away. How was I supposed to know that the guy I was cloned from had spider-strength? But nobody cares about that, right? Nobody cares about Kaine the psychopath. The murderer. The monster. It's always just Peter fucking Parker, right? He's the hero. He's the good guy. He's the real one. I'm just the fucked up Xerox that didn't quite come out right, right?
And he's still better than me. That's the fucking bitch of it. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do in my life I will never be able to get out of his shadow. I will never be able to escape who and what I really am. He even fucking said it, didn't he? "I know you've had a crappy life, and done bad things. I get it...but I never realized what a piece of garbage you were until this very moment." Fuck you, Peter fucking Parker, and fuck you being the moral fucking center of the Web of fucking Life. I should have just gone to fucking Mexico. I should have left that girl to fucking burn and left that sweaty city to rot and bought my fucking beach and spent my days getting drunk and watching all the pretty fucking people with their happy fucking lives. I should never have let myself care about any of those fucking people or started to feel like maybe I had found one tiny little goddamn iota of self-fucking-worth.
...Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I think I actually miss them.
I should never have watched that movie.
![[info]](https://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}