InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "attack of the killer tomaotes"

daisy johnson (neverfit) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2015-02-21 00:41:00

Entry tags:

!welcome committee, bobbi morse, buffy summers, grant ward, jemma simmons, myka bering, natasha barton / black widow, phil coulson, scorpius malfoy, skye, vicki donovan

With Lois gone, I'm taking over the welcoming committee stuff. We could use a few more people, if anyone's interested, since we lost a few other people. It'd be good to have three people on each team and maybe some alternates.

Building: Skye, Seth, Cami, Mona, Myka

Team 1: Rose, Sydney, Lissa
Team 2: Faith, Kirk, Buffy, Gamora
Team 3: Jack, Alaric, Ward, Vicki
Team 4: Thea, Natasha, Ariel, Scorpius
Team 5: Giles, Oliver, Marcel, Bobbi

Monday: Team 1
Tuesday: Team 2
Wednesday: Team 3
Thursday: Team 4
Friday: Team 5
Saturday: alternate weekends (Team 1,2,3)
Sunday: alternate weekends (Team 4,5)

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

Coulson | Ward.

notanazi
2015-02-23 08:52 pm UTC (link)

I was there for months. Left because I hated the life I had. I hated being who I was.

I burned the house, I didn't know Christian was there, but when he was. I was charged, convicted. Arson. You'll be pleased to know.

I went to Juvie. And it was there he found me. Said I had a choice. A one time offer. Frankly all I thought about was getting out. He said, if I said yes, it'd be hard. But I'd be free.

I said yes.

And he broke me out of there.

The rest... lets just say it wasn't any military school that made me who I am

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 08:57 pm UTC (link)
	Months? But you were transferred when you were barely 15. ~~That doesn't~~ ~~None of that is~~ ~~John~~ But John didn't bring you in until you were twenty. And I went to his house constantly. There weren't any kids there. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 09:01 pm UTC (link)
	I was. You think you learn to overcome your weaknesses in a house? ~~In civilisation?~~ Don't be naieve. You suffer you come back stronger. You surrvive. I surrvived. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

disappointeddad
2015-02-23 09:08 pm UTC (link)

Ward. That's bullshit. That's absolutely fucking bullshit. And I think you know that.

You don't have to suffer in order to improve yourself. And there are no weaknesses that anyone has to overcome. Every aspect of ourselves is something that makes us stronger as a whole once we learn to embrace them.

God, surviving isn't living, and if that's how he expected you to go through your existence... ~~Why didn't you tell me any of~~

I'm not the naive one, Ward.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

notanazi
2015-02-23 09:13 pm UTC (link)

I could have walked away. I could have found a way but what else was there, what kind of life. He offered me a chance to be something better. And it was hard, there were nights I think I'd have prefered to be back in Juvie. But that's how it works, that's how you learn.

He saved me from being just another cautionary tale, another number in the system.

I owed him. So I let him make me into a weapon. It was better than the alternative

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

disappointeddad
2015-02-23 09:19 pm UTC (link)

No. It's not. That's not how you learn. You don't learn isolated, on your own, with nothing and nobody to fall back on. That's not how this works. That's not how SHIELD was supposed to work.

That's what you meant. That's what you meant by Garrett broke you down. I wondered, but I never actually thought...

You don't owe him anything, Ward. Not if an existence as an obedient puppet is what he foisted on you, you don't owe him a damn thing.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

notanazi
2015-02-23 09:31 pm UTC (link)

It's a good thing I wasn't SHIELD then wasn't it.

That's what I meant. My family hollowed me out, Garrett made me something worthwhile again. After he died, I wasn't sure what that left. I hurt myself and you made sure they knocked me out. Wasn't till after that there was any real clarity.

And the clarity was her. My weakness, the one even John couldn't get me to shake.

So now you know. Is that enough? Is it what you wanted from me?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 09:36 pm UTC (link)
	Loving someone isn't a weakness, Ward. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 09:40 pm UTC (link)
	I told him about your cellist. Did you know that? Because she was your weakness (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

disappointeddad
2015-02-23 09:45 pm UTC (link)

It makes sense considering the things that Raina knew when they abducted me. Dinners at the Richmond and listening to her play were too specific for someone who didn't know me at all.

Loving someone isn't a weakness. It may give others something to use against you, but you can't close yourself off entirely to friends, family, love, just to assure that you're free from manipulation. That's no way to live.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 09:50 pm UTC (link)
	It was something we could use. How do you think Daniels got free? What're you trying to do? Convince me he was wrong? I know what he did Coulson. But its done. Its over. Which means we can forget it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 09:55 pm UTC (link)
	To distract me. Because if I was distracted, you had an opportunity to get all of the information that Skye had safeguarded. I can see that angle, Ward. It makes perfect sense, and let's be completely honest, it worked like a charm. Or I could not. Because I know what you're capable of, whatever you might want to pretend. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 09:59 pm UTC (link)
	It did. And we knew it would. We both know what I'm capable of. What does that matter now (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 10:04 pm UTC (link)
	Because caring isn't a bad thing, Ward. And maybe if I'd been a little less focused on survival and more on caring, things wouldn't have gone the way that they did the last few months. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 10:10 pm UTC (link)
	But they did go that way. Why be so focused on something you can't change? Its done, its over. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 10:12 pm UTC (link)
	Things aren't done until we're dead, Ward. Until then, we might not be able to change what's already happened, but we can make up for it if we're willing to try. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 10:14 pm UTC (link)
	I guess we start with that meeting. And that trust. But I don't want to talk about John. Okay? I told you the story. Its done. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 10:16 pm UTC (link)
	Well, that's good. Cause I don't really want to talk about him either. You can only have so many people you ~~love~~ care about stab you in the back until it gets a little unbearable. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-23 10:20 pm UTC (link)
	I think you mattered. Or he'd never have bothered trying to get you onside. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 10:22 pm UTC (link)
	We were friends since I was eighteen. There were plenty of missions early on that he was the only reason I survived. Plenty of others where I was the only reason he did. I thought I knew him better. I thought I knew them all better. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

notanazi
2015-02-23 11:07 pm UTC (link)

I won't insult you by saying I know what thats like, I don't. Friends were an accsessory when I was a kid and a weakness the rest of the time.

But I think maybe its what they thought of me. Fitzsimmons and Skye I mean, that they thought they knew me better.

That was kind of the point though wasn't it. Hide in plain sight, out of the shadows and all that overdramatic crap.

I think before he was hurt, before it all went wrong, it was very different for him.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. disappointeddad 2015-02-23 11:49 pm UTC (link)
	I know that's what I thought. We all thought you were with us up until we found Koenig. We had no reason to doubt you. You'd been nothing but loyal, dependable, and considerate. But I guess that was kind of the point. And if we'd gotten to him soon enough, we might have been able to do something about it. But what's done is done. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

notanazi
2015-02-24 07:37 am UTC (link)

I needed to keep my cover long enough to get Skye out of there. Its why he had to die. It was quick it was messy and I should have known I didn't clean up well enough. But I didn't do it for kicks. Him, Hand, it was because I had to. That's it.

I did care. Thats what's messed up. I cared enough to use the medpod rather than crossing Fitzsimmons off. I cared enough to make sure Skye didn't get hurt.

In the end I guess it didn't matter

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Coulson | Ward.

disappointeddad
2015-02-24 06:54 pm UTC (link)

It was sloppy, disorganized, certainly not what I would have expected out of an agent whose first instinct was to cross someone off. Panicked is probably the word I would have picked if anyone had asked me to describe it. So I've no doubt it was tactical, forced and unexpectedly so.

When the orders can't be countermanded, alter the plan to obtain the objective result you want while still maintaining the spirit of what you were told to do. It's an old trick.

Caring always matters, Ward. Even when the people you care about are too hurt and angry to realize it.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Coulson \| Ward. notanazi 2015-02-24 06:59 pm UTC (link)
	I didn't want a body count. So maybe it was sloppy. I thought maybe they'd float, get help. They'd live and I'd deal with it later. I didn't know what would happen to Fitz. That said, it's still on me. I know that too. That's not how I was taught. Its the opposite (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)