InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Web of your own machinations."

Castiel is a better weapon (ofthursdays) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2013-01-28 16:45:00

Entry tags:

bobby singer, castiel, claudia donovan, daenerys targaryen, dean winchester, elena gilbert, harry lockhart, jefferson/mad hatter, john watson, katherine pierce, lois lane, maedhros, maria hill, marian locksley, meg masters, much, peter parker/spider-man, peter vincent, robin hood, rose tyler, sam winchester, spike

Filtered from evil
I don't think people appreciate the gravity of the situation here.

We're facing the end of days and there is more talk about weddings that battle plans. Movies seem more important than patrolling.

I was encouraged to find more than the battle but if we don't make it a priority thee won't be any weddings, or movies, or popcorn. None of it matters.

I can't afford to waste my time any more. None of us can.

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	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 12:51 am UTC (link)
	What else is there? I had friends, this place has made them distant. I have no desire to "fall in love". Why are learning to be human again? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Katherine | Castiel

psychobitchvamp
2013-01-29 01:06 am UTC (link)

Friends are presumably a good place to start. This place changes everyone to some degree, I think. Why not?

Because I need to. Because without finding my humanity again, I'll just cut myself off from it all and go back to being the psychotic, self-serving bitch everyone around here will gladly tell you that I am. I'm trying to...sort of...repent? I know I can't change the past, but...I can stop from making the same choices in the future.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 01:12 am UTC (link)
	I don't know them now. They have other... priorities. But you trying to get back to where you were... would take you to where they want you to be. Isn't it like going home? If I try and cut myself off from it then I'm wrong. I was never human, I'm not human now. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

Katherine | Castiel

psychobitchvamp
2013-01-29 01:26 am UTC (link)

Then you'll have to get to know them again, as they are now, here, with whatever things have changed them.

It's not about them. It's about me. It kind of started simple. I wanted to remember what happiness felt like. But, see, my brand of vampire? We have a switch, if you will, on our emotions. You can have them on, or turn them off. But you can't have the good without the bad. I wanted to remember the good. So now I'm facing the bad. What are you, then? And...do you want to be human?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 01:30 am UTC (link)
	There lives are full. I can't turn my emotions off. I don't want to be human. Why would I want that? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 01:34 am UTC (link)
	Busy, maybe. Doesn't mean they don't have time for you, though. I don't know. You seem like you're trying so hard to understand them, it was just where my thought process went, I guess. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 01:37 am UTC (link)
	I'm of their past. I need to... move on. I am trying to understand them. I can't become one. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 01:48 am UTC (link)
	I should probably do the same with my....friend. He was more than that in the past, but...I did a lot to ruin that. But he's part of what keeps me thinking about doing the right thing, so I kind of refuse to let go. I can't either. I am what I am forever. But maybe we can work together on the whole...trying to understand them thing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 01:53 am UTC (link)
	They are the reason I took up the fight. I don't know if I need that now. How would we do that? What do you know? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 02:06 am UTC (link)
	Why would you not need it now? By talking to them, learning from them. I know that humanity is different than the way I've been for centuries. I know that it's also got a great range within itself. Some people are completely selfless, some are entirely selfish, some are inbetween. And that's barely the tip of the iceburg. Humans are...actually very complex. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 02:11 am UTC (link)
	I have my own reasons. And what if it's an angel that's called for? I'm not like my brother. I have no disgust towards humans. I don't think I need to become one to be effective, however. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 02:16 am UTC (link)
	You want to sacrifice yourself for them? What if it didn't work? Then you've lost everything for nothing. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 02:19 am UTC (link)
	I've already done it. The first time it was for nothing, the second... It rarely works but, then, we rare have another option. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 02:22 am UTC (link)
	Why do it do if it's for nothing? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 02:27 am UTC (link)
	To give them a chance. It needs to be done. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 02:29 am UTC (link)
	So, basically you're doing it on the hope that it does work? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 02:30 am UTC (link)
	Yes. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 02:43 am UTC (link)
	That's...I don't know. That's amazing. Selfless. I don't understand, but...I guess we're just very different... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 02:47 am UTC (link)
	I don't know if we are different. I only know it's what I have done, will do again. It's... not the hardest thing to do. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel psychobitchvamp 2013-01-29 03:12 am UTC (link)
	But...you die. Maybe in vain. Maybe I worked on nothing but self-preservation for too long, but...how is that just...okay with you? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Katherine \| Castiel ofthursdays 2013-01-29 03:17 am UTC (link)
	It's worth it for the chance of progress. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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