Lechance

Patrick was wandering along the beach in a rare moment off between odd jobs. It was too cold for paddling, but he had his shoes and stockings off and dangling from one hand and was enjoying the feel of the sand between his toes and the warmth of the weak autumn sun on his skin.

When he saw someone approaching, he waved and called out, "Good day to ye! I don't suppose ye know anything about fishing, do ye?"

Well, pretty much not working. He'd just thought of another way to earn money.

I wake up early just to watch you sleep. Isn't that funny? The way your mouth tilts when you dream, the curl of your hair over your forehead, the fall of your eyelashes on your cheek. These are the things that mean morning to me. Safety and contentment and home. I hadn't thought I'd like those things much. I never have before.

I've not been one for traditions or protocols or ritual. But it's different with you. I waited for you. I probably always will. Just a little further up the path, tugging at you to hurry, but you get to me eventually. I hope.

I wake up early in the morning to watch you sleep because I want to watch you frown in your sleep, move to try to touch me again when I move out of your arms. You reach for me in your sleep, Jon, and I'm not entirely positive I know how to respond to that. You reach for me in your sleep because I'm part of you now and you're part of me. You know when we're not touching, bodies pressed together under my grandfather's quilt. I'm colder for not touching you, but I take it. I want to feel the loss to know I miss it. That I miss being entwined with you, so close we're damned near joined, even when our bodies aren't.

I didn't expect to want to be married. I didn't expect to want you. To need you. Expectations are funny things. Because I think I do. It's both so wrong and the rightest thing I've ever felt in my life. We're very different, but we blend together like the interlocking parts of a puzzle. My stomach's full though I haven't even and it's full of warmth and my back itches, high up, just under my hair. I don't know what that means, really, but I suspect it means I love you. That as much as the law says I'm yours, I am. but more than that, you're mine, because I can't not have you. I'd be incomplete. It almost hurts to feel this way, but in the best possible manner. My skin's too tight because I feel too much to keep it all inside.

I didn't expect you, Jon. But I'm so glad to have you.

All my love,
Always yours,
Ben