InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Winter is coming."

winchester, sam. (ex_demonbloo908) wrote in wariscomingcom,
@ 2014-02-18 23:53:00

Entry tags:

andy gallagher, anna milton, bobby singer, castiel, crowley, dean winchester, hugo weasley, jacen solo, katherine pierce, kol mikaelson, loki, rebekah salvatore, robin hood, rogue, ruby winchester, sam winchester, scott mccall, spike

I've decided that I no longer want my soul.

It would probably rip me apart at this point and I'm not really seeing why anyone would want to end up a drooling, slobbering, useless mess for the rest of their days, so I'm gonna take a pass on the whole messy resolution to my situation.

I understand that may be a conflict of interest for some of you. If any of you insist on trying to find me in an attempt to force that thing down my throat, then do so at your own risk.

If this doesn't bother you or if you really don't care, then have a nice life as I won't be hanging around Lawrence anymore. Or not. I actually don't care either way.

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	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 05:50 am UTC (link)
	I know that love is a problem. It compromises a person. It creates problems. Their love for me will be the end of them. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 05:53 am UTC (link)
	It already has been, in some ways, yet they come back from it. We come back. With no regrets. Love causes a great deal of trouble but that's not all it does. You will see it again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 09:08 am UTC (link)
	That's not true. I remember having a lot of regrets. I took them with me to the Cage. In other people, maybe. But not me. Not anymore. Not with that soul. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 09:44 am UTC (link)
	Did you regret going into the Cage? We will find a way to make it safe. ~~We'd better~~ We're not killing you. You are not a machine. You are Sam. You simply lost a part of yourself. If you had it... you'd know why it was vital. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 09:49 am UTC (link)
	Yes. And no. What does it matter? It's done. Everyone else thinks that I am. How can I trust that they'll do right by me when I'm nothing to them without a soul? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 09:52 am UTC (link)
	It matters to me. They are grieving for the Sam they know. I... You aren't nothing to them. You are simply incomplete. ~~I wish they would stop. They are not helping.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 09:55 am UTC (link)
	Why should it? And they think that shoving that broken thing into me is going to complete me? No. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 09:58 am UTC (link)
	You are my friend. If they just shove it in? You're right. It won't. If done with care... I understand not wanting the pain back. I understand taking on something you don't want but Sam, you will give up a lot to avoid the pain. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:06 am UTC (link)
	No. I was your friend. Now I'm this. You want them to carefully destroy me? Nah. I'll pass. I'm perfectly okay with giving up a lot to avoid pain. Sounds good to me. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:09 am UTC (link)
	You remember being him, you can be him again with this one piece restored. You are an essential part of Sam. No. I want them to carefully restore you. What about joy? Love? Friendship? Family? Those too? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:12 am UTC (link)
	I can't be considered a friend without a soul? I can't feel those things anymore. Why should I care about them? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:14 am UTC (link)
	You are my friend in this moment and all moments. Because they are gifts. You've just forgotten what they mean to you. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:18 am UTC (link)
	Do you know what it's like to be empty? I haven't forgotten. I just don't find it appealing or important anymore. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:20 am UTC (link)
	I know what it's like to be numb. Not the same but... in a way, yes. Because the joy isn't enough to exceed the pain? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:23 am UTC (link)
	You still had the ability to feel. What joy? I barely had any when I jumped into the Cage. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:24 am UTC (link)
	Ability, yes. I was afraid when I took my Grace back I'd loose it. Not in love or family? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:26 am UTC (link)
	But you didn't. Maybe it would be better if you had. It was there. But it was clouded with fear. Why love when you're always afraid? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:29 am UTC (link)
	Every now and then I think that too but... the pain and the joy... they change places. We are all afraid. Those who have love are not alone in their fear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:33 am UTC (link)
	They make you vulnerable. Love is supposed to be about happiness. Right? Not fear. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:36 am UTC (link)
	Yes but how else will you know you're strong? No. Love isn't about any one thing. It's about all things. Joy, happiness, fear, confusion, hope, despair, peace, war. It has a part in all things. Love is a guide and a way through the dark as much as it's about the light. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:39 am UTC (link)
	By winning. Probably. Wouldn't it be easier to just buy a flashlight? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:41 am UTC (link)
	But if you run now you won't be winning. Not for the kind of darkness you're running from. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:42 am UTC (link)
	I'm not suffering. I count that as winning. Yeah, I don't really get it. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ofthursdays 2014-02-19 10:46 am UTC (link)
	There was really no peace for you here? The point of life isn't to feel nothing. It's so find the strength to take the bad so you can have the good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	ex_demonbloo908 2014-02-19 10:48 am UTC (link)
	How could I be at peace when my entire life had been planned for chaos from the very start? That sounds like a waste of time. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)