InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Who said I was double-jointed?"

Larissa Duan, brah (lardo) wrote in valloic,
@ 2021-09-13 11:13:00

Entry tags:

!: network post, assassin's creed: jacob frye, ₴ inactive: derek nurse, ₴ inactive: jack zimmerman, ₴ inactive: jake pentacost, ₴ inactive: larissa dunn, ₴ inactive: shitty knight

BROS. Bitty gave a shoutout not all that long ago, but this is a reminder that you haven't signed up for hockey and are interested in playing, to let him know. It's wicked fun, no one gives a shit if you haven't played before, just show up ready to work and have a boss ass time.

(But if you're fast as hell, all the better, because ISTG the Elvish Eagles are actual blurs on skates)

As Manager all of the organizational 'stuff' concerning the team falls to me. It's fun because hockey bros are seriously the best bros, and armed with a label maker and a clipboard, I can run the world. Recently, Eric Bittle-Zimmermann, in all of his genius, suggested that the team may need an Assistant Equipment Manager.

(Please note: one can replace our Assistant Manager/Murderer Murderbot, officially the Assistant Manager/Murderer of the team and of our hearts)

After a long brainstorming session over chocolate chip cookies that I think sent me back to the magic of my first Christmas they were that good, we came up with a series of competitions that seem pointless but serve a much deeper meaning and also have an elaborate scoring system.

During the first team conditioning led by the world's favorite NHL player and all around hunk Jack Bittle-Zimmermann, candidates will compete in the following games:

Find the Knife (hint, it's on a Stabbington Bro)
Who is Lying (someone didn't put their equipment away correctly, but who?)
Clipboard Obstacle Couse (self-explanatory)
Sort the Skates (samesies)
What's Missing (30 seconds to look at the locker room equipment and figure out what is missing and who has it)
Hockey Name Hoedown (match each player's hockey name to their picture, in their equipment)
Puck Yeah (an estimation of how many pucks will be needed for practice, along with carrying them out)

The person with the highest score ultimately gets the position and the glory that comes with being Assistant Equipment Manager (including your own personal hockey nickname and a one time beer pong tournament bye to the second round) but we all win because Bitty promised baked goods to all competitors.

Questions, comments, concerns, and compliments may be directed to me.

(Post a new comment)

	brassknuckles 2021-09-13 04:59 pm UTC (link)
	Oi. Technically, we all have knives! (If anyone reaches into my pockets, they'll wish they'd lost the hand. Cheers.) (Reply to this) (Thread)

	lardo 2021-09-13 05:00 pm UTC (link)
	But not everyone is a Stabbington Bro, and a Stabbington Bro is a Stabbington Bro for a reason, bro. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	brassknuckles 2021-09-13 05:56 pm UTC (link)
	Well no, that's true. Is this lot going to be watching us practice a few timws then to figure out the answers to a lot of these questions? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lardo 2021-09-13 05:58 pm UTC (link)
	I'm torn. On the one hand I think, no, gotta go with your instincts. On the other hand, you probably think watching a few times to learn habits is the way to go, yeah? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	brassknuckles 2021-09-13 06:04 pm UTC (link)
	If you want them to get some of these right and not just pull guesses out of their arse, then yeah. At the very least, they'd need to put our names to our faces. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	zimmboni 2021-09-15 02:26 am UTC (link)
	Alright, I've got you. You'll at least get a headstart before you hit the ice. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	pacificdrift 2021-09-13 05:38 pm UTC (link)
	Have I played before? No. Not at all. I'm pretty sure this is the game played on ice with sticks, right? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	lardo 2021-09-13 05:40 pm UTC (link)
	You got it. Black circle gets hit into the goal with the stick, alarms go off, we celebrate. You'll be just fine! (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	yochill 2021-09-13 08:47 pm UTC (link)
	Boot camp or ice? The answer is yes to both but watching people prove their mini-Lardo skills are on point is more of a spectator sport. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)