the harbor (ic comm)

I had a young gentleman tell me a Halloween joke today when he was in for his check up, and I don't have a choice but to share it.

Why can't a ghost reproduce? ( answer under cut/cut, not filtered )

Learning to live with a poltergeist is not the strangest thing I've had to deal with, but it definitely keeps this world interesting.

I definitely need a drink.

Couldn't confirm whether the book was made out of human skin. If someone thinks it needs to be in a locked box I'm not going to argue with them. That thing makes my skin crawl.

How do you tell the difference between human skin and animal skin, anyway? I'm afraid I'm not terribly up on the specifics of identifying things made of people.

It's funny how quickly a place becomes familiar.

An old lady tried to feel me up today at the market. Is that normal here? Is that somehow customary? Is it still illegal to punch old women if they touch you first?

I didn't punch the elderly, I'm asking for a friend.


CULLEN:

Date night, while I still have you to myself. Where would you like to go? (Also, I may hit the next person who makes that weird squealing noise and cares far, far too much what private parts our kid is supposed to have.)

In case anyone was wondering, faerie blood is harder to get out of your clothes than human blood. If I never see another creepy old man faerie again, it'll be too soon. Fuck redcaps.


ARCHIVISTS:

We need you guys to pick something up in Blue Hill. The Department was vague about it, but it's old as hell and unnerves everyone who comes near it, so it's got our kind of mojo on it.

A friendly farmer we met at the market earlier this month gave me his dimmest goat. I think he's gotten lost wandering the front yard.

His name is Craig.


VARRIC:

I feel bad leaving Craig outside overnight. He seems like he makes bad decisions.

Happy Back to the Future day.

It doesn't really feel the same in another dimension.

Broke a small side table trying to see if I could do a back handspring in my living room (yes, now that the side table's gone), couldn't find any Greek yoghurt at the store. I'm just getting my bad luck out before the new week starts, clearly.

I'm still not fond of witches, but at least that's one less who'll be killing her ex-boyfriends for fun.

Unless the coven's full of shit and someone else goes rogue, in which case I'm calling dibs.

Did I mention that Crocker's is opening this weekend?

Crocker's is opening this weekend. We'll open at 11 a.m. and stay open until 2 a.m. and those will be our hours forever and ever. Saturday night's the Grand Opening, and for that night only a $20 cover will get you access to the buffet, plus two drinks of your choice. All other drinks are on you. My bartenders reserve the right to cut anyone off, if they feel they've had enough, and any arguing will get you kicked out. And we're going to playing with weekday and weekend specials once we have the kinks worked out.

I'm also hiring wait and bar staff, if anyone's interested.

I also think that since I have a business within the confines of the school district, I am contractually obligated to say go Fairharbor Whatever-you-ares!

I can't say that I've ever been to a shindig that offered a pile of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but they were what high-falutin people call a palate cleanser, I reckon.

Now, on Shadow, when a woman was expectin a baby, the only thing to do was to get together and help her get everything she needed. I don't know if that's done elsewhere, but I'd like to see it done for Thayet and Cullen. They're a big part of the operation here at Meadowbrook Farm, and I'd like to see them and that baby taken care of. If Inara were here, I think she and Zoe'd be leadin the charge in doin that, but I guess it's up to me. Help.

News story about a "mysterious death" in Salem.


That usually means it's our problem. From the story, my best guess is a witch — which is bad. We have an arrangement with the coven in Salem.

Everyone from an Earth-like (and America-like?) world knows that Columbus Day is just a mess of a holiday, right? So I thought it would be nice to distract from it by asking everyone what your favorite holiday is! Especially if you're not from Earth, you should tell us about your holidays so we can pick a day on our calendar and celebrate with you.

So, my date for tonight didn't pan out. I guess her high school sweetheart is back in town for Homecoming and wanted to meet up with her. I guess it's a good thing we didn't make plans to Netflix and chill because how embarrassing would THAT be? It's all good, though. She was starting to remind me of Marci and that's probably not a good thing for any of us.

Dean is having a cookout on Monday. Everyone is invited.

The fact that it's Columbus Day is only related because some people have a day off. The holiday should probably be abolished. Dean is making hamburgers anyway.

Hello.

I'm John Winchester. I'm Dean's father.

I got in yesterday, and now I've got to find a place to stay around here. Guess I'll be getting to know you all soon.

Is that good enough, Dean? You know I don't like this stuff.

Well, Pooch had her pups this mornin, so before long we'll have a pack of young'uns running around, gettin the farm ready for the other young'un we're waitin on. They won't be ready to be adopted out for some weeks yet, but if any of you are wantin a dog, now's the time to speak up. There's five, and I'm keepin one, so if Cullen and Thayet want another one there's two spoken for, leavin three for the rest of you.

Been told that Wilsons're startin their haunted corn maze this comin weekend, so there's that to do if you fancy gettin scared, and we've got a good crop of pumpkins for those of you who go that way. Been thinkin about having a harvest sort of shindig out here, with a bonfire and a hayride.

I had more words than I thought I did. Never know what to say on here for the world to see. Hi, world.

I grew up on this side of the country, so you'd think I'd be used to life out here. The weather, the people. New England's a whole different world from Philadelphia, though it's similar enough to feel like what I grew up with. Hell of a lot more similar than Wyoming, that's for sure. But it's not Wyoming. I guess I never realized that the big skies out there got under my skin the way they did until I wasn't there anymore, and I still haven't shaken it.

At least Fairharbor has the same sort of small town vibe where everyone knows who you are, and not just because you're a cop. That's something.

I think I'm going to do this in a list:

1. Chupacabras are terrifying and horrible and I hate them.
2. WHO IN ANDRASTE'S NAME INVENTED THE CHUPACABRA?
3. Cows bleed a lot.
4. Are any of you good at getting blood out of car seats? Asking for a friend.
5. That friend is Buffy.
6. Varric, I need a shower, I'm sorry about the floors ahead of time.

I would like to state for the record that no, there are no Halloween decorations at the Pie Hole.

There will be no Halloween decorations at the Pie Hole, not even on and especially not on Halloween. We will not be having a special discount for kids in costumes. We will not be playing "Monster Mash" on loop and decorating everything with cute-but-scary garlands.

The Lit Lantern will not have any jack-o-lanterns, and we won't have a candy bowl of fun-size treats for new arrivals.


This is so I don't have to say it a hundred times. Thank you.