Ridgeway Resort - Network Comm

Let me put this right here right now. If you have any thoughts about hurting anyone -that's including 'ifs' and 'buts'-over a stupid question, or a simple request instead of saying 'No'. You had better pray that you don't need any repairs done, that you can't fix yourself, because I'm going to remember those 'ifs' and 'buts' the next time I climb on a roof in the rain.

And I'll be damned if I'm handing my maintenance key over to anyone else. It may be immature, but I don't work for jerks.

Edit: Okay I would totally fix your stuff, this was a big fat lie. It was said at a bad point last night, I was pissed off. Sorry Bitchy happened under the full moon.

Wow. To think my life actually gets more messed up. Didn't even think that was possible.

How could I not have known that Ru
God, it's a wonder that Dean hadn't...

Damn my curious nature. I should have known when everyone said not to watch those videos not to watch those videos.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

The manager guy is a sadist. He has to know that curiosity will get the better of us.

Dean was way, way too close to saying yes when were all brought here...

Yeah, it's a little unnerving to ask someone what they want to drink and have them reply with PBR because it was your dead best friend's favorite. God I miss him.

Okay, to all of you guests out there, a word of warning. If you already know who I am, you can probably ignore this since you'd have to be some kind of idiot not to know it was coming. But here it is, just so my ass is covered.

No, I will not have a vision on command. It doesn't work like that. And even if I do have a vision? You aren't the one I'm going to tell. Period.

No, I won't explain to any of you why I've made the choices I've made in my life. Or what it felt like to have a vision, get body-jacked, or fall into a mystical coma. So don't bother asking because odds are, you aren't going to like what I have to say.

Yes, I died. I'm not supposed to be here. No, I won't tell you what dying was like. Frankly, it's a pretty freaking personal experience and none of your business.

And for the record? I am so not still in love with Xander, we're never going to be together again, and the next person that suggests it... well, let's just say I really wouldn't recommend doing that.

Now with all of that being said, I'll take pictures and I'll sign autographs and archery lessons are every four hours, starting at ten because I'm not getting up at the break of freaking dawn for anyone. I worked for a vampire for years. Trust me when I say that my body clock is nowhere even close to normal anymore. I'm also not going to kiss your asses just because you spent your cash to come here to meet me. Like I said. If you have the first idea about who I am, you'll know I don't cower to anyone and you are not going to be the first.

So now you know. If you don't like it? Find an elsewhere to be.

(ooc-this is set around 3:30 thurs afternoon)

Well now, that was quite a trip. My room is lovely-and the flowers in the vase were such a sweet personal touch! And I can't believe Claire Bennett was at the front des So it was all tru The money was worth it!

What time are some of these lessons and activities the brochure mentioned?

A couple guests kept asking me if I really can make a Hummer fly over a cliff. Or what I have against Harry Potter. Or did I really sneak into the girls rooms at late at night, or why I snapped a towel at Tyler Had no idea how they knew, but whatever. Maybe I should look for some videos.

Oh! And if anyone wants to go for a swim on the beach? You have two lifeguards looking out for your safety. Myself.. Reid Garwin, for those new ones I haven't met yet.. and Adam Vasic. I like this job. I was great on my swim team back home. So this job is actually perfect for my skill. :)

No, I'm not actually some super-slayer, no, Xander and I are not hooking up. And neither am I hooking up with Willow, Kennedy, Giles, Robin, any past boyfriends, especially not Riley, quit asking. And if I was with someone, it's none of your business. No, I can't fly, no, I can't run faster than a bullet. Yes, Anya is dead, she's not hidden somewhere super-special and alive, thanks for bringing that up. Same goes for Tara, and anyone else. No, I can not make you a slayer just because you're a girl. Yes, I do like cookies that much. Frankly I don't really care that I started the original love traingle with humans and vampires. I don't know who Elena, Stephan and Damion are, Twilight has a werewolf, and congrats for finding something the same in True Blood. It's about vampires. Shocker. Get over it. Most of those books never happened, I'm not the Queen of anything. Yes Dracula is a pain in the ass. And no, I had nothing to do with "And then Buffy staked Edward."

Please forward any more questions to my mail box to be filed under "I don't care."

So, hey. I know I don't look like Luke Perry. I'm proud of the fact that my hairline doesn't look like an eroded coastline. You can probably stop pointing that out every time you see me. Also? I don't like people sneaking up on me. Probably shouldn't keep doing it. Somebody might get hurt.

EDIT: Questions about Benny. Not good for your health. Stop that now or I will rip your throat out through your mouth or I will be grouchy and you won't get your autograph.

I had not realized that this job could be so uncomfortable.

To those guests at this establishment, I would like to address a few points so as to avoid awkward situations in the future.

I do not have minions and I am confused as to why you keep bringing up minions, ponies and the queen of England. No, you cannot be my minion. I do not want minions.

Yes I have wings, but they do not exist as a physical presence within this vessel. No, you cannot see them, as seeing even a part of my true form would burn out your eyes. Similarly, you cannot touch them because they are not tangible in this form...and I really don't want you too.

No, I do not need to be comforted over the loss of my brother or my sister, God's choice to abandon humanity, being cast from heaven, dying or Dean's...um...tendency to be a dick to me. Though I'm sure you have only good intentions, I do not need to be educated on certain more carnal aspects of humanity and I do not care if you wish to be touched by an angel. Please stop with the suggestions. And the groping.

I do not care if you think I'm coming between Dean and Sam, yelling at me will not solve anything. I can assure you that their relationship is not like that and any pejorative statements you decide apply to me will not deter me from aiding them.

Similarly, I have no desire to do anything like what you have suggested with Dean. Or with Sam. Or with Anna or Gabriel or Lucifer. And especially not with Meg. The human preoccupation with sex verges on disturbing.

Thank you.

Sure, why not. It's Gaia. Guy-uh. Not Gay-uh. I will not play chess with you because chances are if you're the kind of person who is here and yelling at me for breaking Ed's heart then you probably are really, really, really bad and I don't want to waste my time. Martial arts are actually kind of serious business and stop yelling at me while I'm trying to teach you. Yes, my Uncle killed my Mom, no I am not over it and no I don't want to talk to about it, would you? I have no idea who Rachel Leigh Cook is and why she was cast as me in the failed tv show if she isn't even blonde, up till the other day I wasn't even aware there were books about my life let alone a tv show that never got picked up. Sure, Ian Somerhalder is probably hot but no I would not "do him". I don't even know him. Apparently I'm Yuri and have connections, good for me. I can not get you tickets to that thing you like because of it.

The fearless thing? Yeah, you don't want it. Trust me. It's not cool and it's not awesome or amazing or whatever you were trying to say around that jangled mess of high pitched squeeing noise. It sucks.

And Heather Gannis will never be my bff or whatever you called it. It's not happening. In any life time.

Looks like I'm jumping on the bandwagon here. Hopefully this works before I actually lose it and convince Sylar to start handling you idiots for me.

Hi. My name is Claire Bennet. There is one person that calls me Clairebear and he is not you. Yes, I can really heal from most any injury and no, you can't see it for yourself. No, I don't know how many times I've died and, again, you can't see it for yourself. I also don't feel pain and, once more just so we're clear, you can't see if that's true either.

Nathan and Meredith are both actually dead. Thanks for reminding me. My parents aren't getting back together. Thanks for bringing that up, too.

I'm not going to apologize for jumping off that Ferris Wheel and I don't have to explain to you why I did it. Just like I'm not going to dye my hair brown and start hunting down people with abilities.

Now, let's see if I can explain a few things to you sickos out there. Peter? Is my uncle. We're related. We aren't secretly in love. I am also not going to get involved with: my dad, my bio-dad, my brother, either of my grandparents, Elle, Claude, René, Hiro, Ando, Mohinder, Matt, any members of the Sullivan Brothers Carnival, Eric Doyle, someone named Adam, or Sylar. Or anyone else that I might know from back home that you think I'd be perfect with. I'm not explaining my friendship with Gretchen to you and I'm not going to hook back up with West, Alex, or any of the above in any sort of combination.

And if one more person asks me if Sylar can cut off the top of my head so you can poke around inside my brain too, I'm going to let him try it out on you first and see how you like it.

I have to say I'm surprised that I have any fans. Let alone persistent ones. Okay so questions that don't have to be answered one hundred times....

Yes I could fix your car if it were here, but I can't leave and it's not here, is it? I can't describe to you how a combustion engine works it would take way to long and I do have work to do. Yes it hurts that Jake chose Emily over me, thanks for poking a rather fresh wound. Am I mad at her? Yeah, unfortunately I'd have to say the whole thing has pretty much damaged our friendship to the point of being irreparable. Uh...I don't know who Major Beck is so I don't know if I could replace his possibly dead wife, but that would be just sick I have no intentions of doing that. Yeah Jake was... You know what I don't want to answer anymore questions about Jake okay? The Friend tattoo hurts please quit poking it. And before THAT question gets asked, no I don't really have a tattoo. I didn't know Bonnie died, and I'm pretty sad to know that she did, Stanley is one of my best friends so it kinda hurts that I wasn't there for him. No I didn't sleep with Ted to get away, I mean I don't know for sure but I know me enough to know I wouldn't sleep with someone to get something. Johnston Green died, wow thanks I didn't need to hear that in a form of a question... Yes I feel horrible, no I don't feel like I wasted any time trying to save him when he was sick. He was a really good man he shouldn't have died because Constantino was a dick.


Please please no more Jake and Emily. I don't care that you thought he and I were a cuter couple. It's done and over with, so not going to happen again.

That's all I think.

Dear Guests.

Piss me off, and I kill you.

Okay, I literally have no idea what half these questions mean and I don't think I really care to find out. I have a son? But to set a few ground rules, my personal relationship with anyone is...personal. And they will remain personal. I would never take over Wolfram & Hart, unless it's to burn it down to the grounds, and I do not need anyone telling me what a bad idea it would be to do that. I also do not need to be told that I would be better off dusted for the safety of the world. I already tried. Didn't work, and I believe that it didn't for a reason. Don't feel entitled to a justification of my existence. No, I will not turn into a puppet (??) and trust me when I tell you that you do not ever want to 'meet' Angelus. Siring anyone is out of the questions and I don't even know why anyone would ask this I will not drink human blood, even if you're offering. As for the hair gel, I use [redacted]. I will not discuss my opinions on the Shanshu Prophecy. You're probably better off asking Wesley, but he's not here so I guess you're out of luck.

But most importantly: personal space. Martial arts is a contact sport, but if there's any more excessive groping, class is going to get cancelled a lot earlier than scheduled.

Oh, and I don't sing, date or dance.

P.S. I am here as an instructor. To instruct. Not to share two hundred odd years' worth of my life's story. But I don't mind filling instructional hours with a philosophical symposium if Petersen doesn't.

P.P.S. You can carry crosses, garlic, stakes or whatever you need to make yourself feel safe, but it's nice to be asked ahead of class.

Hey. Oz here.

I don't bite even if asked, Willow's happy in her new life, and the Dingoes broke up a while ago. Life goes on, things happen, new hobbies are fun. Look into some.

That's all I've got.

You know, I've never been so annoyed with people that come into my place of work, and considering my disability, that's really saying something.

Dear guests,

I'm with Bill. Yes, Vampire Bill. Not Eric (though I have considered it), not Sam, and definitely not Pam. I don't even know who Quinn and Alcide are, so stop asking me about them. Seriously, no clue. And no, I will not tell you what vampire sex is like and no, I will not sell you any V. I don't have any. And stop asking me dumb questions about what you're thinking. Sorry for being rude.

( Filtered to the manager )

To the whackjobs fans:

NO I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH MY BROTHER.

Nor am I in love with Lucifer. Or Cas. Or really anyone. No, I will not drink demon blood for you and no I will not 'call forth Lucifer.' You don't really want me to do that and I don't want to do it.

Yes, I am straight, yes, I miss Jess, no I will not 'bite your jaw' and no, I will not go on a date with you. Because I don't know you.

I'm pretty sure that doesn't cover even half of the strange questions I got today, but it's a start.

Oh, and don't. call. me. Sammy.

See, when you're four years old in the series about you or less, there's not a whole lot you know about me. No, I won't tell you what happens to me, I won't tell you what happens to my parents, and I for crap sake, I don't want to hear how hot my father is and who you think would play him if there was a movie. Also, seconding, no I won't bite you. Are you insane?

Excuse me while I go bleach my brain.

You people are insane if you think for one second there's chemistry between me and a sociopathic vampire.

Also I'm not blonde. Or white. Or a Druid, for that matter.

Right, so, guess we're on a bandwagon here. First, it's Jo, just Jo. There's about four people in this world that can call me Joanna and only one who is actually breathing right now. Second, yes, I kissed Dean. Did you miss the part where I was dying at the time? Because really stopping with the I'm so jealous of you crap would be awesome right about now. Third, the next person to call that incident hot is getting a hell lot more than the right hook the girl who just left got.

And last but not least... the last time I saw John Winchester, I was ten. We have never, ever, ever been secretly in love with each other and he at no point in my life came back so we could do it you sick and disturbed individuals. He was like family. And I was ten.

No, my brother isn't here. No, I don't know where he is, or if he's alive.

Why would anyone ask me that?

No, I didn't know that Wesker was still alive or that he tried to release his 'weapon' on the world.

Couple of things.

The name's Eliot, not Lindsey. Never been and never will be a lawyer. The law and I don't see eye to eye anyway. That happens when you're a thief. And yes, I can kill someone with a toothpick. Start asking the personal questions and I'll be happy to provide a demonstration.

Little respect and I'll be civil. That's all I'm askin'.

So can someone cover for me? I'm gonna hide from the not feeling so good. I think it's best that I just stay in my cabin.

Why did I do that to myself again? I knew that no good could come from it...but I did it again. Sophomore year...

My best f Can I even trust anyone? I can't believe this. Have I ever had any actual

If anyone even sees me approaching anymore of those videos, I would appreciate it if they'd lock me in a panic room or something. Don't worry. I'm used to it.

If one more person tries to kill me to see if I'll come back to life, they're the one who's going to die.

Evening class tonight for martial arts is cancelled. You can dock it off my pay, Petersen.

[ooc: Occurs after this. Angel will not be replying.]