Project Papillon [Network]

Doctor? Please tell me the reason I woke up in some random flat is because you've been mucking about with the Rubik's cube/octopus-thing and that we haven't been kidnapped again. Because this is getting a bit ridiculous, even for us.

(post-4.13 Journey's End)

So apparently if someone won't shut up in the library, you're not allowed to wrap duct tape around their mouth and tie them to a chair in order to go over the institution's code of conduct. It's "against policy" for some reason.

Bloody well effective, though.

Hello? Does anybody know who is in charge here?

I'll be in the TARDIS if anyone needs me. In fact, I'm not planning to leave it. That's right. I'm staying inside. I'm not even going to go to work. They can fire me if they like, though really, I don't see any reason the students can't teach themselves until I e-mail them the final.

So guys. I know this communal arrangement has started to wear on everyone's nerves, but I think we should take advantage of the opportunities that it offers. So, I say we should take this Friday to indulge and get to know each other. Indoor grilling and camp fire stories after the curfew kicks in? Who's with me?

So... what was that, some sort of transmat? Well, bravo, glad you managed to make it work.

Fair warning, though. My 'greatest wish' isn't possible and my 'fondest desire' isn't here, so send me back to my proper time/reality/whatever before I find my own way. And I will find a way.

Really, I don't need this much sleep.

Sleeping! Can't say I do that particularly often. Especially only to wake in a room that's shifted into something else entirely.

Shot to death. Shot to death on my way to get a pint of milk. I believe that out strips 'twenty foot fall from a radio tower' as my most embarrassing death yet.

At least shot in gang fight crossfire as a bit of flare to it.

Well...that's a relief. I was really starting to think there was going to be no end to those Angels. I mean...they're much harder to deal with when you don't have a convenient crack in space and time that will absorb them and remove them from existence.

Is everyone all right? Anyone need help with anything?

I haven't the faintest idea how a tree got into the flat, but I'm quite impressed by whoever left it. It must have been quite difficult to get the lights into a double helical structure. It certainly had to have taken a lot of work.

Doctor, it appears they had a fondness for you as well. While I can't speak to the significance of every ornament, one resembles your ship.

I really do enjoy the winter weather, but I do wish the holidays would come sooner. My students are getting more and more restless and getting them to focus is not unlike herding cats. I'll be relieved when winter break comes. I haven't the patience for teaching. I belong in a lab, not a classroom. Oh, if James could see me now.

I've seen a lot of things in my time but mistletoe that attacks? Definitely a new one.

( Filtered to (his)Dean )

( Filtered to Amy )

JENNY!

Why is there an army of snowdaleks outside?

And don't say it wasn't you, because it was you. You and your bloke. I know you. And...well...I don't really know him all that well, but he hangs around you, so he's likely a bit mental.

Now, don't get me wrong. Snowmen are fine. I like snowmen. Very fun. But snowdaleks? Really? And where did you even find that many plungers? Not to mention all the whisks! Did you rob a kitchen supply shop? A bathroom supply shop? A kitchen and bathroom supply shop? That would be an oddly specific shop...

Question. Will there be Christmas? If so, I propose, Doctors, that we start preparing now for the disaster followed by running.

What an utter load of rubbish.

So. That's how the prophecy was supposed to work. Well. That was ... interesting. Also notably lacking in Rose.

If I'd stayed ... would she have to watch that?

Wish I knew where she was. My Rose, that is. I've no idea. Did she go back to that other timeline, or has this place just not caught up with her yet?

I must say, if what I've just witnessed is to be believed, I much prefer my own version of events in my life thus far. I also fail to see how a far more positive outcome such as my own is proper or at all appropriate grounds for which to imprison me upon this planet.

Oh, wow. Look at this! A fully self-contained city. I can't imagine how much energy it would take to power this place, but I wouldn't mind if someone wanted to volunteer the information. Please and thank you?

Right. So, River is here. Except she's not River. She's Melody. And that's bad. It's very bad.

Melody was raised to be a weapon. Specifically a weapon to kill me. Us. Really it's us, because there's three of us and she won't care that we're not all the same. She is very, very clever and very very dangerous. Oh, and she's an utter psychopath. And she's killed me twice. Sort of. It's all very complicated. The point is that you really shouldn't underestimate her.

Really. I mean it. She is dangerous and she will kill you. A lot. She knows how to kill a Time Lord...mostly because she's a bit Time Lady herself. She is a brilliant shot. Just believe me when I say she is very, very scary. And she can kill you. I cannot stress that enough.

Jenny, Ianto, you met River. But this isn't River. So don't think she's anything like her. She will have no qualms about killing you to hurt us.

What are your names Lily? Remus? Severus? I'm sure you're rather confused as to why you're included in this. Well, Lily and Remus...you look rather exactly like Amy and Rory. And they're her parents. So she will notice you. And probably not in a good way. And better safe than sorry. So...be careful.

I think that's it.

Anomaly is it, then? That's certainly a different way of putting it. I'll give you that much.

Now. Who do I need to shoot in order to get off this bloody rock already? Places to be, you see. Really can't stay.