InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Or coming and staying?"

Zero Kiryuu (notamasochist) wrote in marinanova,
@ 2013-05-01 01:05:00

Entry tags:

yuuki kuran, zero kiryuu

[Action][Closed]
[Zero is only here to support his roommates, not play. Because of that, he's sitting in the grass a distance away from even the crowd, observing everyone. Both his roommates are the captains of each respective team, so choosing a team to cheer for was impossible for him as he couldn't choose favorites between Hikaru and Yuuri. He's here in spirit but not really mind, a million thoughts running through his head as he watches everyone go through the motions of the familiar game. He tries to avoid it, but his attention is continually drawn to a specific player on the field, irritation rising within him as he watches her. Yet still he sits, quiet and observant.]

(Read comments) - (Post a new comment)

	trappedinresin 2013-05-05 03:51 pm UTC (link)
	[Her hand twitches in his. Lying to him is useless, of course he can sense it, even if he didn't know how much blood he had taken from her. Until she recovers more, she can't just up and walk home. It takes time, and more importantly-] I... I have tablets within my bag. [If he's brought it along with her. She's not so sure. It may have been left at the game.] (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notamasochist 2013-05-05 04:04 pm UTC (link)
	Your bag is not here. [Not that he doesn't have a huge stash of them himself around here.] We can pick it up later when we go retreive the rest of your belongings and bring them home. Just take what you need. It's fine. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-05 04:24 pm UTC (link)

[No no-- he can't just offer something like that up so freely. Not after everything. Bring her things home? Drink his blood?

She shifts, placing a hand beneath her to weakly hoist herself up into a sitting position. Leaning on her arm for support, she ignores the way everything spins or the way she shakes, thirsty and starved with need.]

Your tablets... I-I can just take those. If I just have those for the moment...

[She'll be fine. At least enough to go retrieve some more and swallow as many as she can stomach. I can't take his blood. I-I can't...

Even though every molecule that makes up her body, every fiber of her being wants nothing more than to sink her fangs into his delicate skin and drink her fill. It's painful just how badly she wants to.

Don't tempt me, Zero...]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-05 04:56 pm UTC (link)

[But he wants to tempt you. That's the issue. The idea that his blood is the one she wants, it's intriguing to say the least. Always it had been him desiring her, him forcing himself to resist because it was his burden--not hers.

But all along.]

No. No more tablets.

[For either of them. They weren't doing this anymore.]

Take what you need. What you want...

It's the quickest way to recover. I know you--you won't attempt to take them again. You know I'd stop it if I even suspected and you don't have the means to prevent me.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-05 07:02 pm UTC (link)

[Each breath strained, her gaze lifts, at last to find his; a violet pool, bright and clear, housing complicated emotions. There isn't any reservation in his gaze, though, meeting her own dead on. It's a look that invites, so tempting to a vampire already starved.

Who's been starved all this time.

The flush in her cheeks is clear. Lips parting, it's a losing battle, the will to taste him, and touch, too overwhelmingly strong when she can feel and hear the rush of his blood in his veins. It grows louder, senses honing in on them. Her fingers tighten in his own, and using his hand as a support, before she can think much, she scoots nearer.

Lips brush past his ear, a soft, panted breath, before her tongue glides along his throat, tasting the fine salt of his skin, anticipation pulling a shudder down her spine. Her opposite hand winds around his neck, leaning into him.]

Zero....

[A whispered murmur of his name against his skin. Mouth parting, she doesn't hesitate further. Not anymore, from taking what she desires more than anything else, what she 'wants' and 'needs' as he says. Fangs sink deep into neck, clamping upon his throat, before the first drops of blood sprinkle her tongue.

And she gives in completely.

Arms winding tight around him, she forces him down to the floor with the weight and momentum of her body, falling with him.

Ah- Delicious and intoxicating, something she desires even more than breath. The light thump as they hit the ground doesn't deter her at all. She doesn't miss a beat. Straddling his hips between her legs, she doesn't separate as a moan of pleasure emanates deep within her throat. It's his blood- so intoxicating, and overwhelming. All this time she's yearned for it.

His feelings flood her with a wave of emotion, nothing hidden for once in their lives. It's bare, and raw, and so very real. And every drop that he has to offer, every emotion that fills her as she drinks, leaves her only wanting more. It's easy to lose herself in the ocean of love- the love he feels, still so amazingly, for her. It can't be wrong to want to know and feel that.

And she loves him. She loves him too, and for once, they both know that.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-06 05:57 am UTC (link)

[Her fingers grasp his, surprisingly pulling herself closer to him. Zero doesn't take his eye off her crimson tinged gaze until the moment he's unable to see them anymore. Yuuki gives little resistance to the desires that obviously weigh her down, heated breath on his neck just moments later.

Zero's chin lifts, allowing the tiny pureblood greater access to the vein that waited for her attention. Lids of his eyes close in pleasure the moment her tongue reaches out to taste his skin, there isn't much he can do but wait in anticipation for what is coming next.

It isn't what he's expecting, instead of the pleasure of her fangs pressing into his neck, it's his name that dances across his skin. The sensation of her arm pulling her closer to him as she calls out for him in the quietest of voices sends an eruption of butterflies to life within his stomach.

When the fangs finally do touch his skin, he thinks he's more than ready, but he's not. There's no way he could prepare for what happens next. It doesn't hurt much, the feeling of his flesh being pierced something more of a light sting that quickly fades, instead the sensation is one of feeling complete for the first time.

A moan echoes in his head, stirring his own emotions to life. Her arms are wrapping around him, while Zero is feeling restless as he reaches for her to hold her close. Suddenly they are falling back against the floor and he doesn't care in the least. If she wants to take him in the middle of the floor, he wouldn't stop her. Hands sliding tightly across her hips, he tugged her closer to him as she straddled him. Heart beating wildly in response to her actions, Zero groans as their bodies collide.

Gripping the back of her shirt to tightly hold her against him, Zero's other hand slid gently up her back to bury itself into her hair--holding her against himself as she pulled his very life from the vein she'd chosen. He wanted to give her it all without a second thought. Take it all from him. Everything...it all belonged to her.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-08 03:52 am UTC (link)

[She can't be sure how much time has passed. It's so dangerously easy to loose oneself in the blood. It wraps around her, immersing her into the very farthest recesses of his being. Pleasure is at the forefront of her mind as his hands curl upon her body, tightening upon her hips, crawling up her back before winding into her hair.

It's only with great reluctance that she finally pulls back. Head resting against his shoulder, she stays that way for just a moment, enough to catch her breath. His own blood still decorates her lips. Fingers curl into his shoulders, and after a moment more, she pushes up to stare down at him. Tongue flicking out to clean her lips, she wipes her mouth with one of her free hands.

What a daze. All of his blood sits pleasantly within her, and she feels strong, and for once, after all of this time, no longer thirsty. Lips swollen, she stares into his eyes.]

I don't understand.

[Shaking her head, brows draw down, as her opposite hand gently moves to cup one of his cheeks. Leaning down she meets his gaze dead on. This stubborn, frustrating, and precious person.]

After everything, how is it that Zero's heart can be so big.

[That he can still love her after all this time.]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-08 04:23 am UTC (link)

[When she finally pulls away, Zero surprisingly feels the loss. He doesn't feel self-conscious or nervous about any of this--until fingers warm his cheek and he is under her perusal. He thought he was ready to face it, but under her steady gaze, his falters.

He isn't comfortable speaking of his own heart. Not yet at least. It was still sore. Damaged. Full of anguish and pain. This isn't something new, but some of the wounds were fresh and with her eyes determined to find some answer, Zero found it difficult to face her.

Gaze shifting away, he just shrugs. How is he supposed to answer that? He can't.]

It's not as if I'm not angry over what you did...I am. Yuuki--wouldn't be Yuuki if she hadn't decided to do that.

[He frowns, still unable to meet her eyes as his own eyebrows furrow in frustration as he tries to put things into words.]

Why I had to be removed too, I still don't understand completely--but the rest of it. Honestly, I'm a little angry at myself for not seeing it coming. I should have seen it all.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-08 04:32 am UTC (link)

[Her short hair sways form side to side as she shakes her head. That isn't right. There's no way he could have seen what was coming, or her plans.]

That isn't Zero's fault.

[It's hers, and he shouldn't feel guilt or frustration with himself at her own actions. This time it's her gaze that shifts to the side.]

I know you're angry... and hurt. [She realizes that. She does. Closing her she covers her face with her opposite hand.]

But I-- at the time it's the only future I could see.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-08 03:24 pm UTC (link)

[The only future she could see... Complete agony rips through him at the very thought. Hands reach for her frantically, grasping her shirt, her waist, whatever he could grasp to tug her down against him. Arms enveloping her warmth, Zero buries a hand within her hair and presses her head against his chest.]

That's not a future. It's a death sentence.

[One in which he knew he'd have to face again back home, without the assistance of time and exposure that Marina had forced. He could lose her--completely lose her--without even knowing what he'd been missing. To go through life with this emptiness he'd felt for the last few days since returning to Marina.

Honestly, he's not even sure where to start with this whole thing. What she'd done to him or what she'd planned on doing to Kaname Kuran. There was so much to say on both issues and they were so mixed up in her head...]

Do you honestly think we won't be able to stop him? That your life is so disposable? That you need to take on this burden all yourself?

[But he knows all these answers. Her blood may not provide all the answers but it gave him the blueprint. The girl in his arms was overwhelmed with so many emotions, lost in despair. Like the light had been completely snuffed out.

Tightening his hold, he presses her against his chest even more, chin resting on top of her head.

What had happened to her?]

It's like you just gave up...

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-08 04:25 pm UTC (link)

N-No, I--

[That's not right. It wasn't giving up. She had to do it- what other way was there? Held fast within his arms, she shakes her head against him, swallowing thickly. For once she has to be honest and tell him the truth. But the confession is so very painful.

Closing her eyes, hot tears begin to roll down her cheeks.]

Everything is my fault.

[The death of her parents. The death of his. The death of his brother. The reason he was changed into being a vampire. All of it. When the sobs begin to wrack her body, she openly cries, clinging to him tight.]

The reason Zero's life was destroyed is because my life had been valued as greater.

[As though she, the pitiful, selfish, disgusting person that she is, was somehow greater than the lives of all those people. In what world is that fair?]

Aidou-dono as well. And the other pureblood families.

[Her throat tightens, choking as she tries, unsuccessfully to swallow another sob.]

He warned me. He told me he wondered if I would be strong enough to stop that person from turning to an unhappy future. That if he did something wrong, that I should correct him.

[Nails pierce through that fabric of his shirt to dig into her own palm. Her entire body trembles from head to toe.]

But I wasn't. No matter what I did or how hard I tried, I couldn't make him happy. My feelings couldn't reach him, and in the end he left.

[But it's so much worse. Pulling back she stares down at him with a waterfall of tears in her eyes.]

He murdered Aidou-dono, and so many of the others. But in the end that was for my sake too, wasn't it? I never wanted that! I never asked for any of these things to happen!

[Furiously scrubbing at her eyes, the tears continue to flow, no end in sight as she draws a shaky breath. Everything unloads, the horror, the frustration and the devastating, overwhelming sorrow. She can't hold any of it back any longer.]

I've never felt so alone in my life.

[It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It's worse than the attack by Touma, or anything else someone could do to her. How can that person expect her to live on into eternity alone and ever be happy after losing all of the people most important to her in such a way?]

Then suddenly you were there again. And I knew. I knew and understood your feelings, after the masquerade. And it broke my heart. How could I drag you back down, when it was already because of me that you had lost everything?

[Could't he understand? Burying her face into her hands, truth continues to flow in thick, wet drops.]

I don't want that person to die. And I don't want you to be hurt because of me any longer. [In the end, is it too much to ask?] All I've ever wanted is for everyone to be happy, and to find my own happiness too.

[But nothing is okay anymore.]

I can't put my life ahead of anyone else's, not anymore, if it means I can save even just one more life.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-08 05:28 pm UTC (link)

[Her words come in scattered admissions, but none of them connect in his head. He doesn't follow her thought process at all-other than the whole thread of self-blame which he'd tasted within her blood. For him, for Kuran...for everything.

Taking her hands, he gently draws them away from her face as the tears stream down her cheeks without sign of stopping. Sitting up, he reaches out to comfort her again, hands framing her face as he takes a moment to process all her words.]

Yuuki isn't the type who would put her life first. You never have been, so where is this 'anymore' coming from?

[Thumb stroking beneath one of her eyes, he wipes some of the moisture away for it to be immediately damp with tears again. This self-blame of hers...he couldn't understand it.]

You aren't the one causing these problems. The very fact that you don't want these things and are trying to stop them--means you have no guilt in any of this. If someone does something 'for' your sake that you don't wish, but they go against your wishes and do it anyway--that doesn't make it your fault. At that point, they aren't doing it for you...they are doing it for themselves. You're just the excuse they use to take the blame off themselves.

[He'd purposely stayed away from the questioning phase of everything back then because he hadn't wanted to expose himself to her world with Kuran. As far as he knew, Kuran just decided one day to abandon her for this mission. He'd never heard anything else until now. He hesitates now, still wary about exposing himself to this path of conversation but finally asks the question.]

You say you couldn't make him happy so he left you--why?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-09 01:25 am UTC (link)

[Her eyes search his, leaning into the brush of his thumb. Those are words he believes. But how? After everything, it was still done for her sake. A hand lifts to curl over one of his and she swallows thickly. Her eyes drift shut as she shakes her head.]

If I knew that, maybe things would be different.

[She literally did all that she could. Licking her lips, she stares at the ground]

I tried to live up to his expectations. Always he's lived in a pit of despair, and has been so very lonely. [Inhaling, she chooses her words carefully. She doesn't want to hurt Zero, talking about Kaname. But she wants to be honest.]

Several times he tried to show me how hopeless it was to try so hard, but I could never understand how he could be so forlorn. Why, even though we were together, he was still unreachable. [A tear rolls down her cheek] Even so, he told me we could be together, even with me, as an imperfect fiancee.

But he still left.

[Why...? When did he give up on wanting to be with her? What had she done wrong? In the end, even though she had been so tempted and close, she had even refrained from drinking Zero's own blood. Even when she desperately had wanted that one thing.]

No one... can be a replacement for another.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-09 02:09 am UTC (link)

[That...doesn't help at all. He frowns. ]

He's depressed.
You weren't perfect so it means you're a bad fiancee.
Someone was trying to replace someone else.

So he left you and went on a murderous pureblood killing spree. Makes total sense.

[Oh yes, there is sarcasm there. Dripping. There's obviously a lot of information missing.]

Stop censoring yourself. You had no problem spilling your heart out about him to me in the past. If I wasn't willing to listen or hear it, I wouldn't ask.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-09 02:23 am UTC (link)

[Her fingers curl, frustration bubbling up. Not at him, but she just isn't sure how to address everything. Or that it's even important. In the end, the result is the same. He's still gone, and she's here in the prison, regardless of the state of things at home.

After a lengthy pause, she draws a breath. There are some things, up until now, she's kept to herself about Kaname. Even now, she's not sure that it's important, or needs to be shared.

It's so personal, after all. But as things are, it makes little difference now. At least this... might help, even just a little bit, to clear things up.]

Kaname... is not really my brother. Not my real one.

[But that isn't the replacement she's talking about, not at all. Although it's tragic, what happened to her true brother, Kaname is still the only brother she has ever known. For that reason he's still an important person in her life, and the dear person she was raised with.]

Kaname-senpai, in actuality, is the progenitor.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-09 02:57 am UTC (link)

[It isn't as surprising as she probably thinks he'd find it. He'd had signs of it all but hadn't put everything together completely.]

So he was an associate of the woman who threw her heart into the furnace. While attempting--successfully--to take control of Bloody Rose as we battled, he mentioned that Bloody Rose was one of the first weapons he created. I know it was one of the first hunters weapons.

So, he's not your brother...he's your...10,000 year old great grandfather?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	trappedinresin 2013-05-09 03:01 am UTC (link)
	[... Even in a moment like this, the term sets her a little off.] Although I... don't really like calling it something like that. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	notamasochist 2013-05-09 03:20 am UTC (link)
	[At least the tears are gone now. Part of his mission accomplished.] I said I'd listen. At least allow me some small joy in the process. [He squeezes the hand that she's still holding while giving her a slight smile.] Go on. I'll be good. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-09 03:43 am UTC (link)

[It gives her a small pause, a bit at a loss. It was a joke? Zero's taste in jokes...]

I'm not really sure what else to say... [Staring at the floor once more, she shakes her head. The short glance and smile she spares is bitter, an emotion directed, clearly, toward herself.] We already know how big of a screw up I can be.

[She covers her face with a hand once more, tired, and stressed.]

Reiterating how badly wont change anything though. [Nothing important.] I always struggle, and make mistakes. I can't ever learn or move on.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-09 04:04 am UTC (link)

[And there is all that self-blame again. Back and strong as ever.]
i
Everyone makes mistakes. [Just look at him. He's a huge example of someone taking the wrong path over and over until finally getting it right. Sort of.] That guy watched you for ten years, don't tell me he instantly thought you'd be able to cook or avoid running straight into situations you felt strongly about.

[Something was still off about this whole situation. Ten years, Kaname Kuran knew enough about her to know who she was when she went to live with him. If he wanted her to be something else, well then she was stupid for wanting to stay with him. Some people actually liked that part of her.]

That's who you are. That's who most people are. That's not being a screw up, that's just life.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-11 02:15 am UTC (link)

[No. It's not so simple. And in the end it isn't that she hasn't contributed to making the relationship difficult. She isn't blameless by any means. With a breath she shakes her head.]

It's not just stupid little things like that.

[The inability to use her fangs after so long. And more importantly, the other person, right here before her, who, always, has resided within her heart.]

I don't... I don't know what, ultimately, made him change his mind. I just know that it happened.

[And it devastated her]

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-11 04:06 am UTC (link)

You blame yourself.

[It's a statement of fact, but she obviously doesn't care to express the reasons why.]

Which means there is something you believe you've done to cause this sudden bloodbath he's causing.

[Gently he removes her from his lap, getting irritated with her as he gets to his feet.]

It isn't your relationship with him I care anything about. If it was up to me, I wouldn't want to hear anything about it you weren't wanting to share.

[Hands clenching tightly into fists, he levels his gaze at her, annoyed.]

It's the fact that whatever you think you did--resulted in you choosing to screw with my life. I don't deserve half truths right now.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-11 02:18 pm UTC (link)

[Jaw tightening, she swallows thickly, frustration growing to mirror his own. She's done lots of things recently that she's not proud of. But Kaname's departure- it's something she struggles to even understand herself.

Lifting to her own feet she meets the glare dead on.]

What do you want me to say, Zero? I can't say sorry enough! I already realize that what I did was wrong and I'm sorry for it!

[Fingers clench tightly into her skirt once more]

I don't know what I did. Isn't it Zero, that understands that person even more than I do?

[It's what Kaname himself said. She ferciely bites back the tears that want to rise at the pain and hurt all over again.]

I wasn't a good fiancee! I couldn't even use my fangs for a year. Instead, I- I had to stay locked up until I could even remotely begin to function like a proper vampire.

[Memories of Zero- and of the look on his face as he realized what she truly was, had plagued her for months. A pained laugh escapes her lips, covering her eyes again.]

And then when I finally, finally could, I realized that I couldn't just stay locked up in the place. I needed to do something. And of course, the one person I came across was the one I anguished about for all those months.

[With a breath her hands drop and she stares at the ground]

Maybe it was then? That was the breaking point...

[She shakes her head]

I admitted, once... out of guilt, that... even though I loved Kaname that even while I drank his blood I couldn't ever be fully sated by him.

[She scrubs the warm tear that trickles down her cheek]

Because my heart was torn in two. But that even despite that I still wanted to remain by his side. And he said that, even despite being a terrible fiancee, I could still stay there. Hah- with the exception of course, that I wasn't allowed to have tablets or drink anyone's blood but his own.

[It's not amusing in the least, but somehow she can't help but to laugh again.]

That time when Touma-san knocked me out... Over and over again he told me how pointless those actions had been. But you know what he said? The fact that I hadn't drank Zero's blood was the one good thing I had managed to do.

[And look at her by now. She's drank his blood on a number of occasions.]

Up until that point- I obeyed that promise I made him. I did everything I could think of to make him happy. To make things work. I didn't want to lose anything more, not again.

[Reaching out, she clutches the fabric above his chest, clinging ]

So if you ask me 'why', I can't tell you. I tried. I tried really hard. But in the end, my all wasn't enough to make him happy.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

notamasochist
2013-05-12 03:27 am UTC (link)

[This is exactly what he'd been waiting for. No generic admissions of wrongdoings, but actual contents of what she believed she'd done wrong. Not a word is spoken as she slowly breaks down in front of him. Moments before she was glaring and suddenly she's clinging to the front of his shirt. Zero lifts his hand to her face, thumb brushing the tear from her face as it slides down her cheek.]

Part of me wondered if that had something to do with it, but it seemed conceited and unlikely that it had anything to do with me. The timing was too close to everything.

[But it had, in the end. At least her version of it. Zero was written all over it for her reasoning. He could surprisingly see everything clearly from each side, mistakes they've both made before in their friendship before.]

It sounds like it was a no win situation all around.

[The inability to use her fangs sticks out in his mind as curious, that's something he hadn't heard before. She had sort of related that to him too though. He has a pretty good picture, but there are a few questions that remain before he wishes to actually comment on any of this.]

Why weren't you able to use your fangs?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

trappedinresin
2013-05-12 03:40 am UTC (link)

[Shame and embarrassment are the first emotions to rise at the question. She doesn't even look up, merely nodding. Her fingers twitch while confessing]

Because I couldn't accept myself for what I really was, I...couldn't bring myself to use them. Anxiety, panic, and so many other emotions would rise up...

[She licks her lips]

So I just refused. Even though that person tried to force me on many occasions to feed properly. Like... like a spoiled child, I refused and could only drink once the vein was already pierced.