InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "Do you know Eric?"

Faith Lehane (secondxbest) wrote in makebelievenet,
@ 2013-03-23 00:01:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, buffy summers, clint barton, duncan (total drama), faith lehane, james rogers, nyota uhura, tony stark

Fuck.
Shit.
Damn.
Ugh...

Some days are better than others. The second time around isn't getting any easier. The process seems harder for some reason. Like it's getting dragged out. Punishing me for taking the steps back.

Is there an anti-drug for this? Anyone know if I can get some morphine for this?

Fuck.
Those Reavers.
I shouldn't have gotten so

Damn it!

I need a distraction. Someone give me a distraction. Distract me goddammit!

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	secondxbest 2013-03-25 02:31 am UTC (link)
	Right now? Just fucking talk to me, cyborg. I don't trust myself around anyone in person. I just can't stop thinking about it. It's an itch I can't legally scratch and it's eating me. My head feels like it's going to burst. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	manof_iron 2013-03-25 03:04 am UTC (link)
	Wasn't sure if you needed to talk to someone in person or what. No, can't legally scratch that itch, last time I checked. Locking yourself up alone isn't really gonna help that, though. Kind of reinforces that 'too bad to be around people' idea. Which you're not, by the way. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

secondxbest
2013-03-25 03:13 am UTC (link)

I just need something to get my mind off it. I don't care what you talk about. Anything will do.

Forgive me if I don't exactly take your word on that. You don't know me and I only know you in paper form. And from what I do know, a good guy like you doesn't usually associate with a bad guy like me.

I am horrible and I don't know why people are even giving a shit about me right now. I just wanted a distraction or an anti-drug. Everyone is giving me they're answers of meditation or telling me how I need help. Which is fucking obvious, by the way. But unless you've got a name of an anonymous killers group, I don't think there's any help out there for me short from going cold turkey again.

I don't even get why the one person who knows me, a person I tried to kill many times I might add, is the one who is on her way to my place to take care of me.

I deserve to die. I don't deserve this. Clearly I can't even break past the addiction. I get ten steps ahead, enjoy one fucking invasion, and I'm back to square one.

So explain to me again how I'm not 'too bad to be around people'?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

manof_iron
2013-03-26 02:24 am UTC (link)

What about particle physics? I can talk to you about that all day.

You know, it makes me laugh every time someone calls me a good guy. I do know 'of' you, so to speak, just like how so many people here know of me. I'm willing to bet most of the money I got at home saying that I've got a higher body count than you.

People had a name for me for years: Merchant of Death. I built weapons that were supposed to be sold to the military, but my business partner was selling them to both sides and I didn't really care to look into it until it affected me directly. So, don't know of any killers anonymous groups, but if there was one, I'd be right there in it with you.

Maybe that person sees something worth saving. If you're trying or even WANTING to break free, then you're better than most and deserve a chance. No one fixes everything the first try. It's apparently a process.

...and now I've sounded too inspirational for too long and need a drink. You want to join me for a drink?

And before you ask, I'm not known for my sane decisions.

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secondxbest
2013-03-26 12:03 pm UTC (link)

I dropped out of school...so I don't know if I'll be smart enough to keep up. But I guess, worst case scenario, it'd make me fall asleep.

If you know of me then you know what they say about me. How they portrayed me. The show is called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Not Faith the Vampire Slayer. I haven't seen it yet...but I don't know if I really want to see how I look. But, I'm not a monster. They just made me look that way. ~~I don't mean the writers. I mean B and her loyal Scoobies~~

I forgot about that. But you actually fixed it. You are the hero of the story. You're the one that saves the innocent people and all that Goody Two Shoes jazz. I, on the other hand, tried to help a man ascend to become a full demon and kill the original Slayer and her friends. And when that didn't work, I stole her body and tried to force her to be terminated by The Council in my place.

I do want to. ~~I just want people to finally see me for me. Not the villain they make me to be.~~

Yeah...that was a lot even for me.

I would love a drink. But I don't know if now is the best time. I don't trust myself around people and I get you're big and strong, but I think all the fan boys would hate me here if I accidentally killed the Iron Man. Maybe later in the week?

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manof_iron
2013-03-28 01:25 am UTC (link)

I can always tutor you if you're up for it. I'm usually good enough to keep people from falling asleep.

I'm almost positive I saw some of the show, but I wasn't a religious follower. I do remember you getting a shit deal on there, though. Who the hell is going to do well when they're coming in as the outsider?

Yeah, I fixed it, and if I can fix that colossal fuck up that was that, then I think you can handle fixing your deal. I hear shit about 'the road to hell being paved with good intentions,' but I think intentions are all you have left at the end of the day. The best thing you can do is try and want to do it.

Well, when you're ready, we're having that drink. Not really wanting to jump in line to be killed, either, so later in the week works just fine.

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	secondxbest 2013-03-28 02:36 am UTC (link)
	What good would it do me if I went back to school now? I'd probably be a waste of your time. True. I didn't exactly get a warm welcome my first day in. I think B thought I was competition or somethin'. You have a point, cyborg. I'll keep trying. Can't guarantee anythin'...but I'll try. Alright. I'll text you when I feel all sociable again. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	manof_iron 2013-03-28 01:08 pm UTC (link)
	Seems like I got nothing BUT time here. If it was a waste, way worse people to be wasting it with. I don't know. I've been told I don't play well with others, but it would seem to be a relief to know that you had someone else that could help. I know it helps with me. Don't need any guarantees. Trying can work wonders. Great. Looking forward to hearing from you. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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