InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "If you make a grab for freedom"

Faith Lehane (secondxbest) wrote in makebelievenet,
@ 2013-03-23 00:01:00

Entry tags:

anakin skywalker, buffy summers, clint barton, duncan (total drama), faith lehane, james rogers, nyota uhura, tony stark

Fuck.
Shit.
Damn.
Ugh...

Some days are better than others. The second time around isn't getting any easier. The process seems harder for some reason. Like it's getting dragged out. Punishing me for taking the steps back.

Is there an anti-drug for this? Anyone know if I can get some morphine for this?

Fuck.
Those Reavers.
I shouldn't have gotten so

Damn it!

I need a distraction. Someone give me a distraction. Distract me goddammit!

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	jupiterdrops 2013-03-23 04:49 am UTC (link)
	Faith. Calm down, for one thing. Next, talk to me. You're in more control than you think, that's a good thing. Okay? You can do this. (Reply to this) (Thread)

secondxbest
2013-03-23 04:55 am UTC (link)

Easier said than done, B. I'm sweating buckets over here and I have a fucking migraine. My brain feels like it's clawing at my skull to get out.

It hurts. I liked it to much. I thought I could just jump right back into the slaying gig. A cannonball in the deep end again. But I'm not a leader like you. I got someone killed. And I apparently wasn't as far along as I thought. I enjoyed it too much. God, I loved it. It felt good. I wanted it. I thrived in it. I got off on it.

I don't trust myself right now.

Some days have been easier. But I just have this itch. Since the Reavers left I just. I think these things that...God, B. Today's a bad day.

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jupiterdrops
2013-03-23 05:05 am UTC (link)

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you--~~Don't second guess yourself now. She doesn't need that.~~ You didn't get anyone killed, Faith. I've gotten people killed. A lot of people. Young girls that shouldn't have been out there fighting, but they had no choice. Neither did we. We were the choice.

I get to live with that, but you don't. Nobody's dead here on your watch.

It's gonna be okay. I'll come over, alright? I'll help you ride it out. I know you can do this.

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secondxbest
2013-03-23 05:14 am UTC (link)

You wouldn't have been able to stop me from fighting. I just need to learn to not fight the way I used to. Not...to not love it the way I did. How can you just do it because you have to? How can you not enjoy it like this? How do you not get high of it?

Young girls? This part of the future stuff you've mentioned?

No. Don't come over. You of all people should know how I get when I'm like this. It's not safe.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jupiterdrops 2013-03-23 12:52 pm UTC (link)
	Sure, I coulda drugged ya, knocked ya out, but... I don't think you can just work through it cold turkey. You fought for the right reasons, sometimes I get caught up in that idea. That's the positive side of it. Yeah. Not fun. And you of all people should know I'm the only one who can handle you at your worst. This is the safest option. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

secondxbest
2013-03-23 06:38 pm UTC (link)

I'd like to see you try.

I thought cold turkey would just kick it out of me. This is worst than when I got here. I managed to dull the urges with smoking, drinking, and stealing. The Reavers was like I was being offered a gift.

Fight for the right reasons. I need to do that. I need to not enjoy it. It's too fun for me. I can't think like that in a fight. I can't enjoy the sound of my knife cutting into another's flesh. The sound of the last breath. The blood that's still warm, pouring out. Experimenting with different objects.

Fuck.

I don't want to accidentally hurt you, B. Plus. My place is full of stale cig smoke and alcohol. I tried to dull it, but I'm out of my other, more legal, vices right now. I don't think you'd enjoy it.

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jupiterdrops
2013-03-24 11:21 am UTC (link)

You really wanna go down that road again?

You need to enjoy it for different reasons. It's not fun, think of why you have to do it, and what difference it makes that you fight for the greater good, Faith.

I don't exactly enjoy the idea of you festering in that either, not when you need somebody around. If you hurt me, I'll get over it. I've had worse, Faith. You're not doing this alone and you're not gonna let anyone else near you in the meanwhile while you're a loose canon. Okay?

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	secondxbest 2013-03-25 02:26 am UTC (link)
	...no? It's not fun. Fight for the greater good. It's like a personal, warped mantra. Look at us go, B. We're developing the 12-step for murder/torture addicts. Fine. I can see there's no arguing this anyway. Just bring more smokes. ~~I don't understand why you care so much.~~ (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	jupiterdrops 2013-03-25 01:52 pm UTC (link)
	Smart answer. Yep, rinse, wash, repeat. I am kinda just learning as I go. ~~I'm not Angel.~~ But, I really think you can do this. ~~Mostly because I know you have before.~~ More smokes, got it. You're gonna get through this, Faith. (Reply to this) (Parent)

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