| A video message from Captain Hammer |
[Dec. 3rd, 2010|12:04 am] |
[The video starts with a black screen, but audio can be heard. There is the sound of rustling and movement, the creaking of a chair.]
"Hello, my name is Captain Hammer," [An extremely confident and manly voice announces with pride, until..]
"Wait, how do I turn this... damn thing..." [The sound of typing, and then the picture comes in clearly, Captain Hammer leaning in very close to the webcam mounted on the top of his laptop screen. He is staring at the screen and looking in far too closely at the keys as he types with his two pointer fingers in uncoordinated movements.]
[He realizes the video is on, and he leans back, clears his throat, and flashes the camera a cheesy and in his mind, an oh-so-charmingly-handsome smile.]
"Hello. My name is Captain Hammer." [He puts on a look of fake concern.] "It has come to my attention that many of you have been locked out of your homes." [He pouts his lips a little in what he thinks is an alluring way before continuing.] "I am here to tell you, do not fear. You may feel alone, unwashed, sleepless and all-around pretty awful. When you look in the mirror at your tangled and greasy hair, your days-old clothing, you might feel a little bit... Depressed."
"Every time I look in the mirror," [Captain Hammer shifts in his chair to lean forward a little, a happy and nostalgic look on his face.] "All I see is sheer perfection. While I don't understand your problem, I can offer all of you poor people some advice."
"You see, I was a spokesperson for the homeless before I arrived here in this... Place. Opened up a homeless shelter all on my own." [Hammer makes an alarmingly serious face.] "I want to tell you that there is hope. That, even though these circumstances may finally make it clear to you how unloved and unappreciated you really are in society... There are jobs for people that society looks down on. After all, we do need people to take out our trash, wash our clothes, wax our cars and pick up cans and cigarette butts on the side of the road. You are important."
[He sits up straight and gives what he thinks is a kind smile.]
"You may be homeless, but you're really not, if you think about it. To quote myself, Home is where the heart is." [He clenches a fist to his chest and sighs.] "And, your real home's in your chest."
[He presses a key on the keyboard with confidence, but nothing happens. A slightly confused look falls over his chiseled and perfect face, and once he finally figures out to end the video, transmission ends.] |
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[Nov. 22nd, 2010|09:42 pm] |
The video starts with the frame focused uncomfortably close on an eye, its iris dark blue. The eye blinks with full lashes batting once. The camera pans out slowly, revealing a masculine brow and a perfectly chiseled nose, jaw, and a pair of strong, yet kissable lips. The picture stays still for a moment, and only this ridiculously handsome and rugged face is in view. He speaks in a sassy monotone, beginning his song.
( I'm too sexy for my love. Too sexy for my love, love's going to leave me... ) |
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[Nov. 16th, 2010|09:56 pm] |
ATTENTION INTERNETS!
I have something incredibly important to say, so please stop touching yourself so that I may deliver this very important message that may or may not pertain to your very existence.
Poop.
That is all. |
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[Nov. 16th, 2010|12:31 pm] |
I've got a shiny trinket for whoever will bring back the Shakespeare.
Unless you don't bring it back. I'll find it anyway.
Bring it back nicely and all's well in the library. Bring it back hurt and I won't be happy. No. No trinket for you. |
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