This is strange. I feel like I'm on Talos again.

Current Mood: confused

*chokes on beer* This is unsettling. And I don't understand the reference.

This is not my room in the Jedi Temple. And this device is not my comlink.

...Now I'm curious as to what it was Anakin put in the tea he served me last night.

Current Mood: curious

This looks about right

Also, my puppy is now a dog. A very large dog, that enjoys putting its wet, cold nose right between the shoulder blades of anyone sleeping in my bed, including, but sadly not limited to, myself.

I need to find girls with cold dog nose fetishes now. This does not bode well for my sex life.

To Captain Kirk, for that last video he posted

This is not how it would happen, Anakin.

Apparently my life wasn't busy enough. I've been adopted by a dog. I think it's my Mom, reincarnated to make sure I get married and have kids some day.

It chased a twi'lek out of my room. What kind of a sick creature would do that?

Hello, ladies. Look at your man. Now back to me. Now back at your man. Now back to me. Sadly, he isn't me. But if he stopped using badly scented cologne and switched to Tiberius he could smell like he's me.

Look down. Back up. Where are you? You're on a boat with the man your man could smell like. What's in your hand? Back at me. I have it. It's an oyster with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again. The tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your man smells like Tiberius and not a lady.

I'm on a ship.

Alright, I need a list of people that want to shower my medical officer in beer and loose women.

I also need all of the loose women who might find any of the volunteers remotely attractive to comment.

And if anybody wants to audition for leadership of Starfleet, I need you too. This job is killing my self-respect and social life in one fell swoop.

Any non-loose women, please report to the post above mine for cosmopolitans and talking about how hot both I and the groom to be are. In your underwear, if possible.

Honestly. Is nothing private on that ship of yours?

I think I might actually be celebrating Valentine's Day this year.

...Weird.

Current Mood: cheerful

SHIT!

Who the hell convinced him to put me in charge?

Alright. It's almost Halloween. I've decided that, in the spirit of the time, we will be having a Halloween party on the Kelvin. I'm going to open the party to non-crew, but any hot women need to pay a cover charge of one kiss.

Other than that, bring alcohol, wear a costume, and the first person who gets Spock to crack a smile who isn't actively sleeping with him will have my undying respect.

This is truly a strange place.

People seem to take a great deal of pleasure in posting compromising pictures of me on the internet.

this one is me.

this one is airbrushed, or I'm a teenage girl.

Just to be clear.

Anonymously Posted (It's too good to resist.)

Last call for the trip to Coruscant.

We're shipping out in a couple weeks, once the Kelvin passes her last inspection.

I couldn't be more excited in a vat of Viagra.

Thank you to all of those who are giving us the opportunity to explore their homes. I promise to not disrupt things too much.

Alright. So we need a few good beings to go into space with us. Natives of the planet Coruscant are especially needed, though anyone familiar with the planet would be of immense help.

If you don't want to travel with us, any information your provide will be paid for, and we'd be grateful to have it.

SO. I have seen challenges between that other set of people who travel space for supreme rulership.

I would like to note that All Skywalkers, Solos, Humperdincks, etc. are not nearly as good as one, singular Kirk.

Being me.

The most awesome Captain ever.

Tops coming off in pools full of people while you're sober.

So not cool.