OH JOY OH RAPTURE

Mouse?

There is a new Acme Catalog. COPPER BOTTOMED FRYING PANS. And the Munitions section is especially ... TASTY this time around.

Good things about this place. CATALOGS. The list is growing. Still doesn't make up for no tail.

DEAR GOD A TAIL JUST FOR A DAY?

Wait. Yes. CIGARS.

Little box, with a link -

- blink -

new message from the outside world.

Searching for a man with a Universe? He could explain.

Yet he is a she and he is not here. No one is here. Am all alone in the world.

Little lost puppet, wishing on a star. How I wonder where you are?

Will continue my search.

What are these jobs people talk about? Can I get one?

MOUSE.

You are never around! I sit here and ignore you and ignore you and you don't even notice! IT WORKS BOTH WAYS, MOUSE! Cuz I don't even miss your cute furry grey ears anymore! Or that pink button nose! I DON'T!

Fuck it. I'm getting Marlboros. Anyone need a smoke?

TO THOSE WHO MISS YOUR TAILS AND FUR:

You know what's fun? Fuzzy socks. Heating pads. Smelly candles. MASTURBATION. Never could do that as a cat.

It's hitting me more that I miss Daemon so much.

EVERYONE.

I AM IGNORING THE MOUSE.

Smiley Cat! See how I'm ignoring him? Maybe everyone else should ignore him, too, and then he'd only have me to NOT IGNORE him.

But see how good I'm ignoring him? I've smoked three packs while I've ignored him, waiting him for him to notice.

EVERYONE IGNORE THE MOUSE.

Excuse me... uh, excuse me, just a question for you all...

*sniffs*

What is a mouse-turned-human supposed to do? I mean, I lose my tail, and cute button nose, and fuzzy ears and for compensation I get... long legs? My ego has flushed down the toilet, there are only so many bubble baths a mouse can take, you know...

In essence - I feel a part of me is GONE *sobs*

What is a mouse to DO? *uncontrollable sobs*

PUURRRpurrrPURRR

*Stretch*

PUUURRRRRRRpurrrrr

Aaaahh Hah!

Behold what I have found!

( Take that KAT! )

Oh, lookit what I found. OH. Marvelous.

( Oooooooh SHINY! )

I have taken THREE baths. They're not too bad. Clean cat is better than smelly cat, AMIRITE?

Mouse. What treasure have you found. Others, too. Smiley Cat? Tesla? Wanna know your treasures.

Okay. Other cat -- smiley cat? Tesla? Mouse? Anyone else who can help?

I smell. Not like a barn. Smell bad. REEK.

Bathtub's full of... water. And soap. Smells like sweet pea and jasmine.

What now?

I have no tail.

What happened to my tail?

WHERE'S MY FUCKING TAIL?!?

JERRY!

This is your fault. Stupid Mouse.

Forget it. You know who you are.

I'm Tom Katze. Hello, ladies. So, where am I now? Stupid Mouse. I know this is your fault. I have cheese.

Welll hel-hel-helloooo there! What have I stumbled upon?

Let us skip right to the introductions. Allow me to go first, I am the wonderful, the gorgeous, the brilliant, the majestic, the splendiferous, the virtuous, the humble Jerry die Maus!

Applause please – go ahead, everyone does.